A/N: Heh. Toph in Wonderland. You thought you knew Alice in Wonderland? Well welcome to my version.

Summary: Toph goes to Wonderland. (Among other things.)

Pairings: Taang, Zutara, Smellershot, Jemai and Ty Lokka (Among others.)

Warnings: Femmslash, my perverted brain and OOC like whoa.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, but I did rewrite most of the actual Alice in Wonderland thing… with help from Frank Beddor, who wrote the very wonderful Looking Glass Wars.

L I N E B R E A K

The walk to the palace had been long, but being among friends was okay for Toph, who had turned down the ride in a caravan with Longshot, Katara, Zuko and Sokka carrying her and Aang. She preferred to walk and be amongst the talk.

They entered the palace doors that evening, and Ty Lee showed them to a selection of rooms connected by a sort of living room place where there were vanities and couches and that sort of things.

"I hope you all have fun here until the ball… and watch out for Azula… she knows you're here," Ty Lee said, coming into the living area where everyone was at that moment. She threw out seven disguises.

They all nodded and went behind Japanese style walls to change. When they came out. Toph, Katara and Smellerbee wore matching Victorian girls' outfits, though Toph's was green, Katara's was blue, and Smellerbee's was brown. Longshot, Aang, Sokka and Zuko were wearing Victorian boys' clothing, Longshot's and Sokka's in blue and white, Zuko's in red and black, and Aang's in orange and yellow.

Ty Lee smiled and clapped her hands, pointing to her own dress, which was apink version of the ones Katara, Toph and Smellerbee's.

"I told Azula and Mai that you guys were my cousins," Ty Lee said, "From the Garden."

"Won't Mai not recognize us?" Sokka asked.

"Tell her you're from deep in the Garden, she doesn't know anyone from deep in the Garden," Ty Lee replied simply, "I have to go now."

She kissed Sokka on the cheek, "Ball planning meeting."

She handed them all masks and took up the stick of her own. Hers was a pink pansy. Zuko looked at his, a white rabbit. Smellerbee's was a brown rabbit, Katara's was a mouse, Sokka's was a caterpillar's face, Longshot's was, astonishingly, a stag's, Aang's was a dodo, and Toph had the most lovely, a dove's.

"Thanks, Ty Lee," Sokka replied, kissing her again.

Ty Lee smiled and waved as she left the room.

Toph yawned and stood from her position on the couch, "I think I'll take a walk…" she said.

Aang stood up, "Do you want me to come with you, Princess?"

"No… I think I deserve some alone time while I'm here," she said, smiling sincerely.

Aang nodded and sat back down as Toph walked out the door and to the palace garden.

L I N E B R E A K

"Well, isn't this a pretty sight?" Jet asked, only his smile showing.

"W-who are you?" Toph asked, turning around. She looked up into the trees and saw Jet appear slowly. He shifted into his human form.

"Jet?!" Toph asked, "you're here?"

"Yes," Jet replied.

"You are my enemy too, no?" Toph asked.

"Well… maybe… tell me… are you not Princess Toph? The rightful Queen of Hearts?" Jet meowed.

Toph shook her head, "I'm Evergreen, one of Ty Lee's cousins."

Jet smiled, going along with Toph's alibi, "Well, then Ty Lee must have told you my name… it is nice to meet you, Evergreen," Jet said, jumping down. He took her hand and kissed it.

Toph took her hand back quickly, "I would like it if you wouldn't touch me, sir."

Jet put his hands up next to his ears, "Sorry, miss."

Toph had to know, "Do you remember three people named Longshot, Smellerbee and Katara? A boy named Aang? A girl named Toph and a boy named Sokka?"

"The names ring a bell. Toph was the rightful Queen before an exile, Sokka was a fat little caterpillar that wanted to be human, Katara and Smellerbee were two annoying rodents that always had tea-parties in their yards, and that damned Longshot would never let me near the Princess. And Aang… I never liked him."

Nobody is like they were back… back there… Toph thought. Longshot had cut all connections between him and her since her confession to marry Aang.

Jet looked at her, "Why do ask all these questions, Miz Evergreen?"

Toph shook herself out of her daydream and looked at the smiling cat man.

"I'm… I'm naturally curious, ask Ty Lee," Toph stuttered.

"Hmmm… interesting. Do you, perchance, know the Princess of Hearts?" Jet asked, this time really trying to 'out' her.

Toph shook her head, "No, I really don't remember her. She never really came into the garden when she was here. But isn't it forbidden to talk about her?" Toph asked, remembering Ty Lee's warning. Man, Azula had a temper.

Wait a second… Azula won't let people talk about her, but she exiled me… she must know I'm back!

Very good… Princess… Jet's voice said in her head.

Toph's eyes widened and she turned, and ran, "Don't worry, Princess, your secret's safe with me!" Jet yelled after her, laughing.

Toph ran inside straight into Aang's arms.

"I swear, Princess, I was not following you!" Aang yelled.

Toph grabbed his hand and tore off down the hall to their living quarters. Everyone looked up at her from what they were doing, "What's wrong, Princess, it's as if you saw a ghost!" Zuko exclaimed.

"Worse," Toph croaked, sitting down.

"You saw Azula?" Aang cried, putting his hand on her shoulders from behind.

She lay back and breathed heavily, "No… I didn't see her, but she know I'm in Wonderland…"

"She's got spies all around us…" Sokka huffed, "Not that my future Queen of Clubs is one of them, but she has them."

Katara shook her head and the caterpillar man as he puffed at his pipe, blowing little vowel ringlets into the frightened air.

"Who told her then?" Longshot asked.

"Jet," Toph said.

"Your… friend from that parallel world?" Longshot asked.

"No… he's… a shape-shifting cat person here," Toph replied.

"The Cheshire Cat…" Aang said, his grey eyes widening.

"The Cheshire Cat?" Smellerbee asked, sitting down next to Toph and Aang.

"The Queen enlisted him into her service after the Princess's—"

"Aang, please, you're going to be my King… just call me Toph," Toph interrupted, blushing madly.

"All right," Aang replied, blushing as red as Toph, "After Toph's exile just in case we were right and she did return… I should've known…"

"That right! He used to be MY pet cat… Azula was always jealous of me…" Zuko said, standing up.

"Young Ursa, before her betrothal to your father, was a very good witch even at, what, seven? She turned me into a human, and also made the mistake of giving Jet shape-shifting powers," Katara said, "Poor cat, he STILL couldn't catch me, though."

Zuko looked at her, "Huh, Ursa's mouse and my cat… weird."

Katara shook her head and hugged Zuko around the hips, causing him to sit down on her lap.

"So… Azula knows you're here," Sokka said, "Then we'll have to be extra careful."

"We'll have to stay in here," Aang said, standing once more.

"We? Aang, you can come and go as you please, I must stay here until Saturday.

"I will not leave you, my dear," Aang replied, sitting down and wrapping his arms around her.

She smiled as he kissed her on her cheek, "And we will not leave you either," Longshot said, taking Smellerbee's hand.

Sokka sighed, "Well, then we will stay here too, I will have our meals delivered here."

L I N E B R E A K

"Ty Lee!" Jet shouted.

Ty Lee turned to the shape-shifting feline, "Hello, Jet…"

"Don't play innocent with me. I know Princess Toph is here," Jet hissed in her ear.

Ty Lee looked at him with astonished eyes, "Don't you dare tell Azula!"

"She already knows…" Jet said, grinning.

"No!" Ty Lee gasped.

"Oh, don't fret, little pansy. She doesn't know the exact location, and she won't know if you do me a favor…"

"What? I'll do anything!"

Jet went on one knee, "Ty Lee… will you get me closer with that lovely flower… Mai? And also… will you get Zuko to take me back? When he is King of Diamonds?"

Ty Lee smiled, "I knew you were a good guy. Of course. And how did you know Zuko was--?"

"I sort of spied on you guys… so you will?" Jet asked.

"Of course. Mai will probably be an advisor to Katara anyway… she's always dreamed of being the advisor for the Queen of Diamonds…" Ty Lee thought…

Jet's cat ears perked, "Oh, thank you, Ty Lee! I will keep your secret safe!"

A/N: Jet: I'm a good guy! Yay!

Mai: So I'm part of Azula's elite team when I wanted to be the advisor for the Queen of Diamonds?

Toph-sama: Pretty much.

Smellerbee: WRITE MORE, DAMMIT!

Toph-sama: Lunch first, then I will. Promise.