A/N: Heh. Toph in Wonderland. You thought you knew Alice in Wonderland? Well welcome to my version.

Summary: Toph goes to Wonderland. (Among other things.)

Pairings: Taang, Zutara, Smellershot, Jemai and Ty Lokka (Among others.)

Warnings: Slash, Femmslash, my perverted brain and OOC like whoa.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, but I did rewrite most of the actual Alice in Wonderland thing… with help from Frank Beddor, who wrote the very wonderful Looking Glass Wars.

L I N E B R E A K

Ty Lee returned to her guests' room with Jet in tow.

"Jet!" Toph shouted standing and readying a fairly large stone.

"Don't, Princess, he's a good guy… along with her," Ty Lee said, as Mai entered.

"Mai? Jet? You're turning on Azula?" Aang asked, standing and taking his beloved's hand.

"Yes… got a problem, dodo boy?" Jet asked, glaring at him.

"Peace! Peace! Friends, we must get along if we are to get Toph back on the throne!" Katara shouted.

Mai bowed at the door mouse's feet, "Queen of Diamonds… please, enlist me in you services, I will advise anything!"

Katara giggled with embarrassment, "I am not the Queen of Diamonds yet, Mai of the Garden, but you can be my Advisor, if you wish…"

Mai stood up and kissed her on the cheek, "Oh! Thank you! You don't know how long I've been dreaming of being an advisor for the King and Queen of Diamonds!"

"Oh, now I'm jealous, Katara," Toph joked.

"Oh, Princess… Princess Toph, we've missed you so much!" Mai said, hugging the young girl.

"Nice to see you… Mai," Toph said.

"Young Princess Toph doesn't remember much of her lands…" Longshot told the humanized Rose. He shook Jet's hand.

Jet then looked at Zuko and took his hand.

"Zuko… please take me back… I didn't mean to take her side after Toph's exile!"

"That PRINCESS Toph to you, Jet."

"I'm SORRY! Okay? Please? You were my best friend! We did everything together… I miss the old days," Jet pleaded.

"Yeah, remember, Zuzu?" Katara asked.

Jet nodded and looked at Zuko, who turned away.

Zuko sighed and smiled down at his old pet, "Okay, buddy, we can be friends again…"

Jet smiled sincerely and hugged him.

"Aww… such a friendly atmosphere," Mai said.

Jet unlatched himself from the White Rabbit and took the Rose's hand, "And you, my sweet?"

"I am very happy, m'lord," Mai replied.

"What's going on here?" Sokka asked, looking at Jet and Mai with a smile on his face.

"Ty Lee set us up…" Jet replied.

"Good for her," Sokka replied, taking her hand.

Ty Lee blushed slightly as Toph looked around at all her friends.

"So… what about Azula?" Jet finally asked.

Toph thought for a moment, "It's time she was brought down…"

"I agree, but how?" Jet asked.

"Well… you guys can take down her… other minions," Toph said to her friends, "But I think I deserve to kill Azula Heart once and for all."

Jet nodded, "The mechanical card guards? Great… any one got impenetrable armor and explosives?"

"Aww… we can do it," Longshot said, smiling.

Toph nodded, "You guys have awesome powers, if I remember…" Toph looked around the room at the faces of her friends.

"Aang and his airbending, Katara and her waterbending, Zuko and his firebending, Jet and his hook swords, Longshot and his arrows, Smellerbee and her daggers, Mai and her throwing knives, Ty Lee and chi-blocking, and Sokka and his boomerang!" Toph continued.

"And you and your amazing Earthbending powers," Longshot said.

Toph nodded, "So… Saturday night, the thrown becomes mine."

They put there hands in the middle, as if this was a pep talk (which it was) and then broke away, yelling "Long Live Princess Toph!"

And then it was time to get ready for bed.

L I N E B R E A K

"Your Majesty?"

"Yes, General Zhou?"

"Are you worried about Toph?"

"To tell you the truth… I am."

A/N: Jet: What was with the 'Oh, Zuko, please take me back,' thing?

Toph-sama: (trying not to totally spaz out on the floor.) 'Oh, Zuko, please molest me!'

Jet: SHUT UP! YOU WROTE THIS!

Toph-sama: Actually, the exchange between Jet and Zuko was written for Yazu-kins…

Jet: (picks up hook swords) All right… where is that mother fucker? (starts hunting for Yazu)

Toph-sama: Meep!

Smellerbee: Wait… you said yourself you can't rape the willing…

Toph-sama: (thinks and her brain explodes.)

Smellerbee: Dammit, Taang!

Taang: Meep! (starts running.)

Longshot: (sighs) And next time… the ball. (But not necessarily the battle.)