A/N: Heh. Toph in Wonderland. You thought you knew Alice in Wonderland? Well welcome to my version. And now the ball! (The battle will be a different chapter entirely.)

Summary: Toph goes to Wonderland. (Among other things.)

Pairings: Taang, Zutara, Smellershot, Jemai and Ty Lokka (Among others.)

Warnings: Slash, Femmslash, my perverted brain and OOC like whoa.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, but I did rewrite most of the actual Alice in Wonderland thing… with help from Frank Beddor, who wrote the very wonderful Looking Glass Wars.

L I N E B R E A K

Saturday night was finally there. As Toph got ready, she thought of everything she was to fight for. Wonderland, her throne, Katara and Zuko (and their future generations as Queen and King of Diamonds), Smellerbee and Longshot (and their future generations as the Queen and King of Spades), Sokka and Ty Lee (and their future generations as the Queen and King of Clubs), Mai and Jet, and finally Aang, her King of Hearts-to-be.

"Hey, what's up?" Katara asked, sitting next to her.

"Just a little nervous," Toph replied.

Katara put in one earring and looked at her, "Of course you are… battles are scary things. You should have seen Jet and Zuko when we were little!"

Toph giggled, "After Ursa gave Jet shape-shifting powers?"

"Yeah… they would go at it like dogs," Katara replied, laughing.

"But... "Toph started to say, brushing out some of the rat's nests in her hair.

"Oh, like two small puppies within the same litter, I meant," Katara replied, blushing.

"But they were frightening?" Toph asked.

"All battles are frightening, little one," Sokka said gruffly, appearing in her mirror.

She looked up at him and smiled, "And how would you know, Uncle Sokka?"

Sokka sighed, "There have been many battles since Iroh and Ursa died…"

"Hey… something's missing," Katara said, cocking one eyebrow, "You're not smoking…"

"Of course not! I never smoke at a ball or a battle!" Sokka replied, coughing.

"It really isn't good for you either," Mai said, a happy looking Jet trailing obediently behind her.

Mai was wearing a red and black floor length dress with matching black gloves that stopped past her elbows. Jet was wearing a three piece suit and a top hat. In fact, all of the guys were wearing top hats and three piece suits. It was only the girls who wore different dresses.

Ty Lee entered, wearing fancier version of her normal poofy dress. Katara had chosen the simple light blue sun-dress, and Smellerbee was going for the cream-colored floor length. Toph, on the other hand, was wearing a simple, yet stylish, olive green dress, complete with two red roses near her ears (where her puff-balls usually went).

Katara had just put in her other earring in her ear and was standing as Zuko, Aang and Longshot crashed in, landing on top of each other.

Jet giggled as his cat ear twitched, "Hmmm… Dog pile on Aang, anyone?"

Toph giggled and sighed happily.

"What is it, Toph?" Aang asked, wiggling out from under the pile.

"I just… I'm still nervous, but you guys make it hard to be…" Toph replied, looking at him.

Aang nodded, "I'm glad… now if you don't mind, we have a dance floor to scrape with Azula's face."

"Here, here!" Zuko shouted.

"Okay… chins up, arms looped with your dates'?" Ty Lee asked, looping her arms through Sokka's. The rest followed suit obediently.

L I N E B R E A K

"Mai… Ty Lee!" Azula called as she joined the group.

Toph breathed in slowly and put her fan close to her face.

"What a lovely bunch of humanized flowers… won't you introduce us?" Azula asked, looking up at Zhou and smirking.

"Oh, yes, your Majesty…" Ty Lee replied obediently.

The others looked at her, glad that Zuko had enchanted them to hide their ears, tails and other strange parts that would give them away. Except, of course, Jet.

Toph noticed that Zhou had a strange beanie on his head, and was attached to someone who looked a lot like Long Feng, "Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee," Jet whispered in her ear, "Otherwise known as Generals Zhou and Long Feng."

Ty Lee gulped and pointed to Zuko.

"I'm Tiger Lily," Zuko said.

"And I'm Mrs. Tiger Lily," Katara said, smiling as brightly as she could smile in front of the Queen of Hearts.

"I'm Carnation," said Longshot.

"And I'm Mrs. Carnation," Smellerbee put in.

"I am Green Rose," Aang said.

"And I'm Mrs. Green Rose," Toph said, smirking behind her fan.

"And I'm Bluebell," Sokka said gruffly.

"A Pansy and a Bluebell? Rebellious, don't you think?" Zhou asked.

Long Feng slapped him on the forehead, "Be nice, jerkface," he hissed.

"I sometimes wish Mom hadn't doted on you so much," Zhou replied, as Long Feng took the hand of his date, someone who reminded Toph a little of the fortune teller, Aunt Wu.

"Well… anyway," Azula replied, "You guys have fun, there might be a… surprise… tonight," she said, looking straight at Toph as she said that last part.

Toph glared as Aang squeezed her hand to stop her from starting a fight right then and there.

"Just give us the word, Princess," Longshot whispered.

"Wait until the nobles leave, then attack the guards near the door. In the confusion I will sneak up on Azula…" Toph said. The others nodded. Aang glomped her and began crying.

"It will be all right, my love, I saw my destiny in the Future Pool, all will be well," Toph said smiling and hugging him from behind her back.

"I know, but I don't know what I would do if you did die…" Aang said.

"We would avenge her death, and you would be the King of Hearts alone, I guess," Smellerbee retorted.

Aang shook his head, "That makes me feel much better… thanks, 'Bee…"

L I N E B R E A K

Most of the nobles had left early that night, mostly for beauty sleep reasons in their wives' cases. When Toph saw the last one leave, she went over to Katara, "Get your fighting clothes on and meet me outside this door with the rest of them…"

Katara nodded. Toph herself went into the nearest bathroom and changed out of her party clothes and into an olive green shirt and comfortable pants Longshot had loaned her. She walked out onto the dance floor. She saw Azula look at her, but she crossed the floor to the double doors, where Katara was gesturing to her to come.

Everyone was ready in the color they preferred of shirt, and comfortable pants that matched Toph's. The charm that hid their animalized parts (if they had any…) had either worn off or Zuko had taken them off. She smirked as Jet held out his hook swords and everyone with weapons showed them to her. Zuko even had two swords with him. Aang had a glider, like he did in the other world, and Katara had a water pouch. Toph herself just knew that her Earth bending would suffice.

"Okay… careful of the card guards, they may look a little flat at first, but Zhou and Long Feng designed them to become mechanical madmen…" Jet told them.

The others nodded and Toph opened the doors wide.

"THIS! IS! WONDERLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!" she shouted as her friends ran in all around her.

"Cards!" Zhou yelled, standing, and causing Long Feng to stand as well.

The cards were thrown in, and they immediately turned into giant monsters.

Azula stood up and smirked, "Why hello, your Highness…"

A/N: Jet: What was with the 300 rip off?

Toph-sama: What can I say? I miss Andy and Iean… and Jared and all those people.

Smellerbee: Weirdo… and will you please write more? I don't think Jia Yu will appreciate the cliff hanger…

Toph-sama: … I don't know. I think I deserve a loooooooooong break after this…

Smellerbee: Hey! You trying to kill Jia Yu is going to kill us! Do we totally pwn Azula or what?

Toph-sama: Does 'You'll see' ring any bells?

Smellerbee: Aurgh!

Toph-sama: Besides, my Spring Break ends as I go to school on Monday… I ain't shirking off no duties.

Smellerbee: Damn.