Chapter Five

Lily's Diary

They were still gaping at Harry when the two came in arguing as usual.

"You could have been killed!" Ron was saying, his face as bright as his hair.

"Honestly Ron, I disapparated just before the car got to me. Some witches and wizards do it all the time to muggles. There's even one called Resurrection Marry who hangs out at cemeteries, catches rides with strangers and then disapparates out of their cars before she arrives home. It scares the willies out of muggles and...Oh Harry! Are you alright?" Hermione saw him on the floor, the mess on the carpet, Lupin leaning over him with a hand on his shoulder and the Weasleys both fighting the curtains on the screaming Black woman.

Harry looked up at her, squinting in pain as she knelt at his side. "I'm fine Hermione but you gave everyone a scare. You just took off."

"Give me a little credit Harry. I can take care of myself," she huffed and put one arm under his while Lupin took the other and got him to his feet. With one wave of her wand she cleaned the floor and didn't look back as they moved him to the sitting room.

Harry no longer felt the pain in his forehead but felt the aftereffects of having Voldemort so near them. "That was close," he mumbled and slid down on the sofa and laid his head on a pillow. Lupin stood looking down at him with a strange expression on his face, raised an eyebrow and finally shook his head and found a chair nearby.

"I take it your scar is hurting you," he said.

Harry nodded. "We were at Godric's Hollow." He told them quickly how he and Hermione had met and gone to the house.

"I also take it you found the Horcrux there?" Lupin glanced at his hand.

Harry realized he clung to the box that carried the locket and, in fact, it was still grasped in his hand. He was so surprised at Lupin's question his mouth dropped and he twisted his head to look at Ron.

"Yeah, I told them, Harry," Ron said sheepishly. "It was time they knew. Voldemort is really strong and with what's happening right now someone had to know that attacking him would mean disaster."

Hermione frowned slightly and then, after a moments contemplation, nodded in agreement. "It's for the best, Harry. Now you can get help to destroy that thing." She was also looking at the box.

Harry swung his feet to the floor, checked to make sure his stomach was in good working order and laid the box on a table. He had been thinking about his mother's diary he had left behind and not the locket. Now he looked at them and they were all either staring back, or looking at the box.

"Who do you suppose left it there for me to find...or whoever to find?" he asked almost to himself. He reached over and opened the case once again and there was a collective holding of breaths and he glanced up and said, "It' supposed to be okay now. At least...if Ron told you everything, then the person who left the note in the other locket, said it was clean."'

Lupin looked over and nodded. "That's it. That's the one I took to Bird." He shook his head once again as if amazed. "Let's not push our luck Harry. Let's put it in a safe place for now until we have more information. Alright with you?"

Harry nodded and watched as Lupin removed his wand, waved it and the box was transfigured into piece of statuary he levitated to the fireplace mantel. He smiled briefly at Harry. "Best to hide it out in the open wouldn't you say?"

An hour later after talking to Ron and Hermione in private Harry returned to the sitting room hoping to find Lupin alone. He was in luck, the Weasleys were in the kitchen and Lupin was going over a massive array of parchments laying on a desk.

"Harry?" he looked up as he entered.

"Professor Lupin," Harry began.

Lupin laughed. "Harry, don't you think it's time you call me, Remus. I'm hardly a teacher now and it's a bit formal to call me anything else. Besides I consider myself your friend."

"Alright, Remus," Harry nodded. "Can we talk?"

"Absolutely, Harry. Have a seat."

"I have a feeling what you and the others want to do is find a way to keep me safe and away from everything that's happening." Harry said and studied the man across the mountain of papers and books. He grasped his hands together in earnest and looked Lupin directly in the eyes. "Just being in this house reminds me of what happened to Sirius. You can't lock me up and keep me safe; not like what Dumbledore tried to do to Sirius. Voldemort wants me and he'll hunt down everyone I care about and kill them or torture them until he gets to me."

Remus stare at him and leaned back in his chair. "You may be right, Harry. Learning about the Horcruxes really presented an unexpected problem. He was strong before when he rose up seventeen years ago and there were more of us then. Many of my friends, people who were there before are now being sought out and harassed if not locked up at Azkaban. The Ministry is playing a hand in it because it seems they have been taken over already. Now with this...this additional problem... I don't know how we can defeat him." He shook his head and he looked exhausted as he laid a hand on the papers in front of him and looked down at them. He tried a weak smile when he glanced up, "However, there are three Horcruxes that are destroyed, that's IF the locket holds no power any longer. I guess that is something we can be grateful for."

"Prof...Remus," Harry stuttered. "Do you know how to destroy them? If we find the other object and have a chance at finding the cup and meeting up with the snake- his snake- do you know how to destroy them?"

Lupin once again looked at the papers. "I asked someone to bring me these documents. They come from a monastery in the Carpathian mountains. They are ancient and few know about them. It's very likely some of what Voldemort learned about Horcruxes he got from these. I had to buy them Harry, with money I would have used to release our friends from Azkaban; to bribe the guards and so on. It was money I got from selling off things from this house." Lupin's eyes watched him carefully. "I am aware you own the house, Harry."

"I don't care about this house or the things in it or even the money except I promised my aunt and uncle half of everything I inherited. As far as I'm concerned you can sell everything you lay your hands on."

Lupin smiled again and nodded. "Well, we shall see. I do feel better after asking your permission and I think I will be a little more cautious now." He glanced at the statue on the mantle and smiled again. He stared at Harry for a minute and said," I'm not sure you understand just how much wealth there is; just how much you inherited. Anyway, these documents and books may help me discover the secret to destroying Horcruxes but I will need time to go over them. I know very little about that kind of dark magic."

"Could Hermione help?" Harry asked, suddenly enthusiastic.. "She reads every book she comes across. She'd even have them memorized if you let her." He was looking at the old documents and the diagrams and old pictures on some of them.

Remus nodded and sighed heavily, "Good suggestion, Harry. It would be a great help and save me a lot of valuable time. Again, we'll have to be cautious. However, I don't think this is what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

Harry took a deep breath and shook his head and said, "I want to be able to fight, to work with the Order to bring Voldemort down and to find...Snape. I don't want or need someone... to watch over me. I don't want to be a prisoner either. Voldemort's practically made me one my whole life and I just don't think I could stand it if my friends, if you tried to do that to me."

Lupin's eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. " Yes, I understand. I am not without sympathy, Harry. But I cannot...will not treat you the way Dumbledore did. I care about you Harry and I don't want to see your life endangered without good cause." He raised his hand as he saw Harry about to protest. "I'm not saying Dumbledore didn't have good cause. It's just that it was so unconscionable for him to involve you in this hunt. Anyway, I will try and respect your wishes. I am now in charge of the Order and I must insist you have protection not only from Voldemort and the Death Eaters but also from Ministry wizards. We can't be sure who is on our side." He waited once again and watched him warily, "Was there anything else?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Yes. I need someone to go back to Godric's Hollow and retrieve something for me. My aunt had something which

belonged to my mother and she gave it to me before I left. It was a diary and I hid it in the Inn."

"A diary?" Remus exclaimed in surprise. "Really!"

"I haven't looked at it yet. I hid it away and then we went looking for the house. I want to get it of course." Harry leaned forward and contemplated what he was going to say. He had thought about it for a long time and decided that if he was going to confide in anyone it would be his parent's last remaining friend. "Dumbledore told me something. No one knows about this, not Ron or Hermione; no one. It's the reason you can't keep me out of this war." He told him, then, about the prophecy and how he had learned it had been Snape who had overheard it. He told him how Trelawney had let slip it was Snape and that he had gone charging into confront Dumbledore; he had been angry with Dumbledore just before they had left to find the locket in the cave.

Suddenly the heartache hit him like a fist in the chest. He realized he had been angry with Dumbledore and they had not reconciled before the end of that horrible night when Dumbledore had saved his life and his own had been taken. He felt his chin quiver as he tried to say the words and the pain in his heart was so great he grasped the chair and had to stop before he found himself breaking into sobs.

Lupin was leaning forward in his chair and was shaking his head, also overwhelmed; but not by grief but by more bad news. "Harry...Harry," he stopped and put his hand on his arm. "What a life you have had! I'm sorry this has been put on your shoulders. I think what you need to understand is that no prophecy we know of is completely accurate and this one is...to say the least...vague."

Harry nodded and swallowed hard. "Dumbledore tried to explain that to me. The truth is I want to be the one to kill him. It's my right. He murdered my parents and...and... Dumbledore says...said... when he tried to kill me he shared some part of himself with me. That's why my scar hurts when he's near. That's why I was possessed by his snake and I can speak parseltongue like he does. There must be some advantage we can make of that."

"Yes...yes," Lupin said quietly. "Perhaps. For now we must organize and plan and think about what to do. I'll send Minerva...Professor McGonagall to fetch the diary," he smiled slightly. "You know,Harry" he stopped and rubbed his face looking slightly nervous. "There may be things in that journal which ...which are difficult to understand taken out of context, I mean. After all Harry, you are looking at your mother's memories and thoughts."

Harry nodded. "Diaries are private, I understand that and I wouldn't ever dream of reading it if she were alive. It's the last thing I have of hers Remus; her words and her thoughts. Can you understand I need to have her close to me right now?"

Lupin stared at him sympathetically and patted his knee. "Yes...yes of course. I understand completely."

"There is something else," Harry began.

Lupin looked wary as if he couldn't tolerate any more bad news.

Harry understood immediately and responded, "No, it's nothing more I've kept from you. I think you know it all now." He stopped and thought of his aunt's last words; what she had said about something being in the Gringott's vault and then decided it wasn't important for the moment. He also did not say anything about his intended visit with Slughorn coming up in a few days. He continued, " It's just that I thought maybe you could tell me more about my parents since you knew them so well. Maybe you could tell me about what happened back then when Voldemort tried to take over the first time."

Lupin was silent for a long time and then nodded briefly. "Let's get Hermione started on these dusty old books and then we can chat for a short time. I need to send word to Minerva to fetch your mum's book. I have a few other things that need to be taken care of as well. Let's plan for, say, an hour after supper."

Harry agreed and left the room feeling like his load had been lightened. Lupin watched him leave the room and sat back in his chair looking defeated.

Arthur Weasley entered the room and sat down in a chair nearby. They stared at each other for a moment and Arthur shifted uneasily and murmured, "Couldn't help but overhear some of it, Remus. Do you suppose Lily would have written anything in that diary about...well... about Snape? Do you think she would have written about what happened?"

Remus frowned. "She would have been discreet if she did. Harry would never uncover an encryption if she used one; she was too good at using charms. That's also why I think Minerva can fetch it for me and we can have a look at it before he sees it."

"If he finds out you've done that he'll be furious and he'll lose his trust in you," Arthur Weasley said. "Are you sure you want to risk it? Really Remus, the boy has so few of us to turn to. I know he's strong-headed like his father and heaven knows Albus invited disaster when he took him along." Arthur sighed and shook his head, "Don't take this wrong, but we both know he'll plunge ahead and I'm afraid he'll take Ron and Hermione with him. They are so young. They don't have the foggiest..." His voice drifted off.

Lupin looked at him and rubbed his face again in frustration. "I care about Harry. Probably more than I've cared about anything for years. It's not just because he's their son. Given a change in circumstances I could have easily been his godfather and you know it. It'll be tough if he knows what I did back then, but I can face him about it and not feel shame. I did what I had to do. Really Arthur, sometimes the past is hard to forget and it certainly is when it raises its head in the present. However we have to give Harry some credit. He has faced Voldemort more times then most of us care to count and he's lived through it. There is something about him, about that scar we don't understand. Perhaps Albus did but he's no longer able to tell us. For now let's just watch Harry and try and sort this all out."

"I'll have a word with Armando," Arthur said. He was referring to one of the Department of Law Enforcement Aurors who still remained in the Ministry and loyal to the good side. "Let's see if we can find Tonks. She's not at Azkaban and she's not reported in. I know you're concerned..."

"Arthur, I appreciate it," Lupin said quickly. "I want you to know that. I also want you to know I would not put my feelings for her ahead of the needs of the Order."

"No...no... of course not," Arthur Weasley said and stood, "I trust you...we trust you completely, Remus. We all like Tonks and if we know she is safe all for the better don't you think? For now let me take care of that. I need something to do besides look after my family."

Lupin nodded. "Yes, if you will. In the meantime, I'll send for Minerva and we'll check out Lily's diary." He shook his head.