Chapter Seven

Snape

Snape sat at the table in a dilapidated room just above Knockturn Alley. He did not feel safe there, did not feel safe anywhere, but knew the residents of Knockturn Alley would keep their noses out of his business. Death Eaters were in abundance in the Alley as well as their servants. He did not fear running into one of them as much as he feared running into a Ministry wizard and having to fight them. He didn't want to have to kill one.

He was also content that he at last had managed to escape Tonks. She had been a pest in following him although he was sure she did not know who he was. He did not want to kill her and so had gone out of his way to avoid a confrontation where his hand might be forced. Still, she had been persistent and had persevered and he had grown tired of his shadow.

She worked for the Order and not the Ministry and more than likely for Lupin. He grimaced, shut his eyes to rest them and put his black-booted feet on the dusty and lumpy bed. He did not need to continue to look at the object sitting on the table. It burned a hole in his mind and seemed to have its own life. He deeply desired to reach for it and break it in two pieces and yet dared not touch it bare-handed. It was enough to have it nearby, covered and in his hands at last. The next task would be much harder; the task of destroying the sixth Horcrux.

…...

Harry stared at Lupin. The crypt was chilly even for such a warm summer evening and it was beginning to feel close; the air musty and dead like its occupants. "What did you give him in exchange for my mother?" he finally asked.

"Will you sit?" Lupin asked politely and gestured once more at the bench.

Harry waited for a moment and then relented, finding the cold of the marble rising up his back and making him shiver slightly.

"I will tell you if you'll hear me to the end," Remus said gently and waited for Harry's assuring nod. "Very well." he paused. "He asked that I leave and not return." He raised a hand as Harry opened his mouth to speak. "No questions, if you please." Again he waited and Harry frowned and nodded once. "You see Harry I loved your mother, too. I think I felt that way long before James even noticed her and there were many reasons for it. She was a wonderful person. However, I knew I could not approach her...could never hope... well, I am who I am and I was satisfied to remain in the background." He ran his hand along the surface of the cold marble over her name and Harry watched in fascination.

Remus continued, "Snape knew it and wanted me out of the way. I think he felt he could ultimately win her affections given enough time and without competitors; even though she was married. Who knows what is in the heart and mind of a man." He stopped took a breath and turned. "So I agreed. In my estimation it was a small sacrifice to save your mother."

"And so, we made a deal. I understand she refused to be rescued," Lupin said laughing sadly. He talked as if he were alone. Tears again filled his eyes and he dropped his head. "She insisted that Snape leave Voldemort's service and join the Order. She made him take a vow obliging him to the Order and in effect saved his life." Lupin shook his head with the memory and looked up

Harry watched him and then looked down at his own hands in the semi-darkness.

"I agreed and it was done," Lupin said. "I left immediately. I did what he asked and I abandoned them. She didn't know; James didn't, Sirius...no one knew. I thought it was a simple thing, but I was later to realize just what it meant. After their deaths, I haunted the hill above the house at Godric's Hollow. It helped me to get through the dark night and then morning would come and I would live through my betrayal all over again. I left them to their fate when I had sworn as a member of the Order... as a friend... that I would be there for them. I had left them to die."

Thoughts were racing through Harry's mind. They were rivals for his mother, both loved her! Lupin would have left and his mother and father would have thought he ran out on them. They would never know what a sacrifice he made.

"Why does he hate me?" Harry mumbled, unsure of what he wanted to ask, or indeed, even what he wanted from the man.

Lupin sniffed slightly in the dark and answered, " I think when Lily got pregnant it represented his defeat. He knew he could never win her over."

Harry thought it over and then went back to something else he'd heard. "Snape became a member of the Order?" Harry asked bluntly in disbelief.

"Yes. Severus did what Lily asked of him. I think Dumbledore was absolutely right; I think Snape felt great remorse when Voldemort killed her. He had no idea that telling Voldemort the prophecy would result in her death. I imagine it was devastating to him."

"If he cared about her why would he betray her?" Harry asked feeling his own voice quiver.

Lupin shook his head. "I don't know. Perhaps he thought she could be saved. Her life was offered to her you know. I don't know if he even considered the fact she would die for you. Single-mindedness Harry, I believe he thought of nothing else but her and did not understand that she loved her husband and her child. I think he thought if everyone was gone she would turn to him." Lupin leaned against the wall and held himself almost as if his pain was physical.

Harry felt tears running down his face and he couldn't bring himself to speak.

Lupin again straightened and looked at Harry. "I'm not asking you to forgive me for running out on my friends," he began. "I came back to Hogwarts because of you, because I had to see you. Albus told me you were like them...like your mum and dad. But he was wrong. You are more than that, Harry. You're a wonderful person in yur own right. You might not trust me after this. You might think I'll leave you. I promise you, if it means my life I will not abandon you. I ask that you forgive me, or try and understand if I am overprotective of you."

Harry quickly wiped the wetness from his face and looked up. He ignored the plea and said, "I'm still going to kill him... Snape. Nothing you have said makes a difference."

Lupin frowned slightly and nodded, "I understand Harry but you need to hear me; I do not believe Snape killed Albus. He loved him. And besides that he swore an oath to the Order; just as I did. We were sworn to protect the other members of the Order or give up our lives in doing so. If Snape had killed Albus, he would have died instantly."

Harry stared up in surprise. "I was there. I saw it."

Lupin nodded, "I know what you saw and I believe you. I have no explanation for it."

They sat in silence until a golden bead of light zoomed in through the open door and hovered in front of Remus' face. It was then Harry could see the great sadness still written there.

"RECITO," Remus said softly and the small bead spread out before him and revealed a message. He read it and gave a soft huff of relief. "Good!"

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"A message, " Lupin said and walked to the door and on his way he laid the leather-bound book on the bench at Harry's side. "I imagine you want a moment. I'm going to speak to McGonagall. I'll be back."

Harry sat looking at the marble wall before him and did not glance down at the diary at his side. His thoughts were about his mother and father and how they must have felt when they had lost their friend. Remus had disappeared without a word and left them. His mother had gotten away only to give her life up for him and Snape had helped her escape but had exacted a terrible price to do it.

He swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. All of it was so hard to think about and he wasn't sure what he wanted or needed to do.

…

Snape appeared to be asleep but was wide awake and thinking. He wasn't sure if Lupin knew about the Horcruxes but thought the Potter boy probably did.

Albus you told him, I know you did, he thought. How much does he know? Does he know what the objects are and where they are? Such questions kept him occupied as he rested. He could hear the customers in the pub below his room and yet could concentrate on the many issues that he was sorting through. He was even able to hear the faint footsteps in the hall. There were two people moving and they were trying to be stealthy. One had a faint clunk for one step and a soft padding for the other.

Moody is that you? he thought and opened his eyes. Did you join, Tonks? He rose slowly and threw a green scarf over the object on the table and stepped to the door. It's about time you joined me, I left you enough clues. He stood at the door with his wand ready.