Chapter Nine

The Voice of Lily

Harry stood at the window of the little house and studied the landscape. He had arrived the day before and had waited in anticipation for someone to find him or follow him. When the day went by and no one showed up at the door he relaxed and turned to cleaning up the little house. It now looks, he thought, presentable.

The mice had taken to nest building and there was still the smell of mildew and some mild rot in some of the wood but it was repairable and he hoped someday he might be there to do the job. He roamed from room to room and looked at each piece of furniture, each object decorating the tiny cottage and seemed to not notice the time going by. He avoided the diary sitting on the table in the small kitchen and instead studied the books that lined a shelf in the sitting room; or opened drawers and pulled out parchment yellowed by age. It was almost as if he were reliving moments of his parent's lives or at least guessing about how such moments were lived.

He felt an ache deep inside when he ran across letters written by Sirius and sat those aside. He felt almost embarrassed when he opened a small vial of his mother's hair shampoo and inhaled the faint traces left behind. At the end of the second day when he knew he would be meeting Slughorn later in the evening, he almost wished he could delay the event and remain in the house.

The clock he had tinkered with, using only kitchen tools, had begun to run again and it chimed out the hour. And again, using only muggle methods and not touching his wand, he built a sandwich out of bread he had bought at a muggle store. The extra trip had taken minutes and he was sure he had not been followed. He still wore the muggle clothing McGonagall had transformed and he had glanced in a mirror to see she had changed the color of his hair from a dark black to a sandy brown. It startled him when he saw it but he was satisfied he could go unnoticed if he wore a hat.

He stood at the open window and breathed in the summer air and the smell of vegetation and saw himself, as in a daydream, clearing the garden of the overgrowth and weeds and putting up a small picket fence. He was not thinking of the meeting, McGonagall, Lupin's story or Snape; at least he shied away from such thoughts when they crept up on him unbidden.

It was only when he spied a small white object high above against a white cloud and a cobalt blue sky did he bring himself back to realty. The owl drifted in slowly, circling with her white wings stretched to catch the updrafts. She began the forward braking movement with her wings as she came in close and flew into the window to light on his arm.

"Hello, Hedwig," he said quietly. "You can always find me can't you? Who is it? Hermione...Lupin? Who's looking for me? Don't they know I just want to be left alone for awhile?"

She blinked at him and he smoothed her feathers and he let her climb on a perch nearby.

"Alright, what did you bring?" he asked and she lifted her leg to expose the small leather bag she carried her letters in. He unwrapped it and pulled the rolled parchment from it. It was a bit of a surprise to see Ron's crude handwriting rather than the tiny scrawl that was Hermione's

Dear Harry,

Lupin's just come in and you'd never guess who's become our most recent guest-Snape! That's right! Thought I should let you know in case you decide to come back early. Remus is convinced Snape is innocent. I'll let him tell you the story. I dunno mate, if you want me to kill him for you, just let me know.

Harry raised an eyebrow at this and shook his head, Kill him, Ron? No, I don't want you to kill him. He's mine. He looked up to stare out the window until he realized minutes had gone by and then continued reading,

I already know what you'll say. Shame really. There were a dozen people down there with their wands pointed at him and Lupin steps in front of him to protect him. So he's safe for now and is staying here. Just think of it!

Oh, and, I already know what happened night before last when you were on your way back. McGonagall's been taken by Malfoy. Lupin reckons that You-Know-Who wants her for something at Hogwarts, that's where HE is now. Didn't taken him long did it mate? Well anyway, the family is now joining the Order and we are preparing to fight. I'm part of it and so's Hermione.

I already know where you are and why you're there. I won't tell anyone. I'm really glad you aren't mad at me for telling Lupin about the you-know-whats and all. I know the meeting is tonight. Hermione reminded me and that's why I decided to write. She insists we show up and of course we don't know where it is. I figure if you don't want us to know then I can respect that. I also want you to know that we're going to fight anyway. I'd rather be helping you, but I'll do what I have to. By the way, in exchange for coming back into the Order, Snape brought in another one of the Six you-know-whats. Hermione is still trying to figure out how to destroy it.

Hagrid is also here. It was a good thing you didn't show up at Hogwarts when you apparated. He says he saw Voldemort enter the grounds, that's how we know he's there. The unicorns and everything have disappeared from the forest and it's being overrun by werewolves and other creatures to 'orrible to imagine', those were his exact words. I guess Grawp protected him while he escaped. He brought Buckbeak who is in his old room. So we have a very full house.

I figure you've got a couple days before they figure out where you are, at least before Hermione figures it out. Everybody's running around like mad trying to find you.

So if you want to write or if you don't, then just send Hedwig back and I'll take care of her. If you need me, then Hermione says use the gold coin she gave you for the D.A. If you still got it, then use it. We've got one here and we'll wait for you to summon us. In the meantime, I'll try and keep her quiet. Wish me luck with that.

Your friend, Ron

P.S. Tonks is here and has a device that tracks people when they apparate. She says she can't find you because you're underage and haven't gotten your license yet. So your birthday's coming soon and if I were you I would watch what I do and not use magic of any kind if you could help it. I hope to see you before then.

He reread it again and then dug into his Hogwarts trunk he had recovered from the Inn where he had left it behind the first time he'd come to Godric's Hollow. All of his possessions were there including the gold coin Hermione had given him and extra parchment and ink. He sat on the floor in a spot where the sun beat down onto the now clean oak floors and began to write a short note.

It took him only a few minutes and then he laid it aside and picked up his mother's diary. He opened the lumpy book to discover the words were written in an unknown language. Encrypted! he thought in frustration. "Mum ,I need to know what you knew. I promise, I'm not snooping." He said it so quietly it didn't bother Hedwig who had tucked her head under one wing and was sleeping. The words he spoke aloud somehow broke the spell and he looked down at the book in his lap and saw the letters crawl around on the page, rearrange themselves and begin to speak to him. It was her voice and she was talking directly to him. It was like a muggle recording device and yet quite dissimilar. It felt almost like she was present in the room.

My dearest son,

I am writing this for you. Your father has always teased me about the fact I have a touch of seer in me; that I am sensitive to future events. Perhaps, it is my imagination. We live in dark times and I fear that because of what I am doing , or what we are involved, in that he and I may be in danger.

I f you are reading this then your father and I are not alive and therefore cannot tell you how much we love you. If that is the case, I am truly and deeply sorry you are left alone in the world. Know that I love you beyond all measure. It is for this reason I risk so much to keep you safe. Riddle would not let you live, not if he knew and understood all. I have arranged for Sirius to take care of you if something should happen. I hope you are of an age now when you read this that the two of you can fight this evil together. I'm sure he would not give this to you if you weren't.

Harry realized that his aunt had lied to him. The diary had been in Sirius' hands, not Dumbledore's and had come to her when he died. He continued to read on,

So I must do what I must do. Your father will not be aware of it and for that I am also sorry, for I never wanted to keep secrets from him. This is insurance ( a muggle term your father just does not understand at all) for your future so you will know what has happened to bring about these events.

I am here, dear one. Even as I write I hold you in my arms and I look into your face and eyes and I to tell you this story. My heart aches to know you as a man, to see you strong and well.

He listened to her soft voice and heard the deep regret and sadness underlining the words. He heard the love she felt for him and for his father and something deep inside began to heal. With each word he began to feel a sense of strength and resolve.

…...

Remus stood in the sitting room of Grimmauld Place and studied the walls lined with books and the cabinets that remained in the room. He had offered Snape something he could not give him at the moment. He had lied to the man. He had not been able to read Lily's diary and worst of all, Harry was gone and it was with him.

The table of books and parchments lay where they were left. He was up early, before the dawn and Hermione was still sleeping, even though up until then, she had poured over them every waking minute of her day. He glanced at them and sighed deeply. It is all going so badly, he thought. I am here alone without all of you." He reminisced about his friends and saw their faces before him. It serves me right. I left you alone to face the worst and I can't even protect your son. What would you have thought of me?

He sipped at the cold coffee and wandered the room. What was left of the Order would arrive by noon. There were so few of them who were not in Azkaban, dead or gone, or in the back ward of St. Mungo's like the Longbottoms. He could think of only one way to proceed. They couldn't attack Hogwarts and kill Voldemort and hope to win. There weren't enough of them to stop the, now, daily attacks and raids in the tiny villages and on the streets by the Death Eaters. More and more muggle-born were dying or disappearing.

His own resources were growing thin. McGonagall was captured and probably dead. Terrible, terrible waste, he thought. He had Snape but was unsure how best to use him and the one person who needed to be kept safe, above all else, had disappeared. And he had lied to him, told him he had read the diary. When in truth he would have given anything to have read it and did not know what it contained. Ah, Remus, that's old history; you dream of things you cannot have once again, he told himself and shook his head in chastisement.

He sat down to think about all of these issues and saw before him, on the table, the object that Snape had relinquished in exchange for his protection. It was a Horcrux. Lupin stared at it and once again counted the objects; a ring, a cup, a locket, a snake-presumably- it was a Horcrux, a diary, and...this object. It was on his mind when Hermione walked into the room in her robe and slippers carrying a hot cup of coffee. Her bushy hair had not been combed and she looked as if she had just gotten out of bed. She wasn't aware of his presence.

"Good morning," he said quietly.

She glanced over and stared at him uncomprehendingly for an instant and then nodded. "Good Morning, Mr. Lupin," she said and yawned.

"Goodness, that's a bit formal isn't Hermione?" he smiled. "Come then, you can call me Remus."

She nodded sleepily. "Alright."

"Do you have good news for me, Hermione?" he asked without enthusiasm, knowing she probably had found nothing.

"Oh! Yes. I think so," she said and sat down at the table.

"Really?!" he asked in surprise and jumped to his feet.

…..

Then letter in his mother's handwriting continued:

I was abducted and held captive by Tom Riddle. He started calling himself Lord Voldemort a short time ago and people now talk about him as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Such nonsense, he is a common criminal. There is nothing regal about this man. On the contrary, he is evil. He delves deeply into the dark arts and teaches them to his followers.

During my captivity my jailor was Severus Snape a young man I had known at Hogwarts. He eventually found a way to help me escape although he wanted to release me immediately. He confessed he had taken the dark mark; it links Riddle's servants to him, the ones they call Death Eaters. I could not let Severus release me out of fear Riddle would kill him straight off. I knew Severus loved me, something that was bittersweet to me; something I hesitated to take advantage of since I had known about it for a long time and could not reciprocate his affections. But, I could not see this man ruined further, or killed on my behalf, and so devised a plan to bind him to me with a promise. Don't be angry with him, my son, when you read this. I have and always will love your father, but over the time of my imprisonment I found a soft, gentle soul lived within this wounded man. I would endure the stroke of a thousand more lashes before I would wish him harm. And he made a vow to me, that cannot be broken, to relinquish his servitude with Riddle and to join with us to fight him.

...

A soft cough at the doorway announced another person in the room. It was Snape. Hermione looked up and stiffened. Lupin twisted his head and then turned back to the books and the open parchment they were leaning over. "Go on, Hermione," he muttered.

"I have found documents that describe the rituals involved in creating the Horcrux," she said and then looked down at a page. "It is scattered through this volume and this..." she handed him another open book. "I think he had to have someone with great skill to help him make six Horcruxes since this describes making only one...an then it's very, very difficult. But I think we can assume it was Slughorn who helped him."

They heard a soft noise of derision coming from the sofa. Lupin glanced over and stood erect. "Hermione is quite a capable witch, Severus. She has accomplished a great deal that will prove very helpful to us all."

Remus glared at Snape who looked him in the eye and then looked over at Hermione, who was now blushing and piling books up in front of her as a sort of protective barrier. "I don't want to ever hear or know about anyone treating her badly. They would have me to answer to."

Snape was the first to look away. He had yet to meet the main body of the Order. There would be difficulties with them and Lupin was not looking forward to it. "Hermione, go over this with me quickly."

She handed him a fresh parchment where she had outlined the procedure and ritual and handed it too him. "I think this may help, Prof...Remus." She smiled brightly at him and handed him the detailed notes she had take.

He was astounded. What he had just said to Snape was minimal praise for the young woman who had produced this paper. He read it and then read it again, pointed to one entry and said, "Show me where you got this."

She searched several large books, one so large it covered the table and they both stretched over it to read the very small hand-printed words. The going was difficult and Lupin had even more admiration for the eyes that had studied these faint scratchings. He read the entry and then stood up and looked over at Snape who was feigning disinterest.

"Severus?" Lupin looked at the man and was still feeling astonished at the discovery he had made.

Snape looked at him, his eyes narrowing. "What is it, Lupin?" The gravelly voice was tinged with sarcasm as always.

"You were with Lily when she was taken by Voldemort..." He stopped, not sure how to proceed. Snape already looked wary. "Did he try to kill her?"

Snape sat still and remained silent.

"If he did, he failed... he tried to make a Horcrux... by killing her. It's part of the formula, you have to do an evil deed that corrupts the soul, in this case you have to murder someone. But something went wrong didn't it?" Lupin's eyes dropped to the paper. He could hear Hermione's intake of breath. "Whatever happened caused Harry to be immune to curse." He looked over at Snape again.

Snape was now frowning in concentration. He glanced at Hermione and then stood and turned his back to them to wander to a window. Lupin thought he might not answer and then heard the low voice respond, "It is a spell called verbero. He used it on her. It...has been called 'the punishment of a thousand lashes.' He used it before he learned of the Unforgivable Curses and the killing curse."

Lupin felt his stomach roll and unknowingly bent over the desk and braced himself. He did hear Hermione's sharp exhale.

"Does that mean...?" Hermione stuttered.

Snape turned back to them. "Lupin you insist on having this young woman in the room. Do you think it wise?"

Remus stared at him, at first only able to think of the spell he was referring to, and closing his eyes as the vision of Lily Potter being whipped a thousand times grinding through his brain. He then felt Hermione's close presence and opened them to look at her. She was pale but looking at him with determination.

"She is old enough to hear what you have to say. She is to become a member of the Order this evening and she will be privy to any and all information. Now..." he gathered his energy and asked the question, "He tried to kill her using the Verbero curse?"

Snape nodded and Lupin could see beads of sweat forming on the man's gaunt, white features. Lupin was well aware how the discussion was just as painful to him. Lupin ignored his discomfort and began to calculate the date in his head. He looked up finally at Snape. "She was pregnant!" It came out as a whisper. "He couldn't kill her and use her death to make a Horcrux because she was pregnant! I bet that's what happened!"

Hermione squealed and started pushing papers aside and toppling books in a frenzy. "Yes, yes, yes. The unborn child is always sacred. Evil rites can't be performed against a pregnant woman. No wonder he was repelled and his physical body was destroyed when he tried to make her a Horcrux." She pulled out a green leather-covered volume with gold lettering on the cover. "Professor!" she breathed in excitement, forgetting she had his permission to call him Remus, "If Mrs. Potter was pregnant then the child she later bore had unique and powerful protections. Not only did Harry survive his mother's torture and the attempt to make her a Horcrux it left him...well to say ….the least he should be able to do things no other wizard should be able to do."

"We know some of what those are, Hermione," Lupin said almost happily.

She was shaking her head. "You're thinking about his mental connection with Vol...Voldemort," she stopped and glanced at Snape nervously. "He knows parseltongue and there are some other shared characteristics. These are things Harry thought happened when he killed his mother. But these are two separate events, Remus.

She held up her hand as if to count the fingers."He captured her and tortured her..." she waited for his acknowledgement and continued, "tried to make a Horcrux and failed. She then escaped?" She looked at Snape who nodded. "Then, he finally killed her a year and half later when she was no longer pregnant. Well, it went something like that. It's only a guess." She was now frowning and almost talking to herself. Her finger was running along a line in one of the books she had salvaged from the pile. "Mrs. Potter's sacrifice herself to save Harry and that's when Voldemort was reduced to pure spirit depending on his Horcruxes to keep him alive. But that's also when Harry got some very special skills. They probably won't become active until he turns seventeen..." She was thinking to herself and had forgotten she was speaking aloud.

...

Harry's eyes skimmed over the writing as if he were devouring the words. As he read the voice spoke in his head, his mother's voice;

Severus taught me a spell to protect you. It is a blood charm. As long as you live you will be protected from Riddle's attempts to kill you. He cannot touch you without killing himself. I had to use dark magic to complete the spell ( something your father would abhor), and it means losing my own life if he tries to kill you. (Remember, There is a price you pay and it is always true when you use dark magic.) I do not regret my decision my dearest son. For he is evil like no other evil and he will shadow the world with his presence so that there is no love or joy left. If there had been another way I would have sought it out.

There is more you need to know. He has tried to make a Horcrux. It is an evil, awful thing. He wanted something of Gryffindor's and so he chose your father and I, since we posess that object. We refused him three times and that is when he abducted me. I do not know why his attempt to kill me to make this horrible thing failed. I only know if he succeeds he will be almost unstoppable. However, I love you more than life and if you survive then you are now the only person, if Voldemort has not yet been defeated, who can kill him. I have left you such a terrible task and yet if you are truly my son you will not shy away from it.

Do not be afraid Harry. I would not leave you this task without the weapons to fight him. The spell which protects you will also make you strong. When you turn seventeen...

...

"I gave her the spell that protected the child," Snape interrupted, He said it so quietly Lupin, who was busy reading the book, did not stop.

"The spell?" Hermione repeated. "She had been telling Lupin Harry would experience increasing powers when he came of age.

"It is dark magic," Snape said, so calmly Lupin's ears picked it up and he turned once again to the man. "She asked it of me. She wanted to protect her child. It is a blood charm."

Lupin felt a cold chill on his neck and his heart began to beat wildly. He knew very little about blood charms but the words always rang an alarm in his head. "The spell... you gave it to her?"

Snape nodded and Lupin noticed his hands shook slightly as he folded them before him.

"The spell allowed Lily to sacrifice her own life to protect, Harry? And you were the one who told Voldemort about the prophecy?" Lupin said in confusion.

"I thought when he tried to kill her he would die. I did not believe she would be harmed," Snape's voice broke and he turned back to the window. "I did not know about the Horcruxes."

"Remus..." Hermione touched his arm and drew his attention away from the man at the window. Ron stepped in the room at the same time and glanced around and then looked at her.

"What is it, Hermione?" Lupin asked, still in shock from the information.

"Harry is going to meet Slughorn tonight," she said and cringed slightly as Ron frowned at her.

"What?!" Snape spun on his heels and marched to the desk in two long strides. His dark eyes were wide with fear. "What did you just say?"

Hermione stepped back and Ron moved quickly to the desk to her side. Lupin reached for his wand.

"Slughorn told Harry he would reveal who taught Voldemort the spell for making a Horcrux. He gave him a letter before we left Hogwarts," she whispered. "It was instructions on when and where to meet him. Harry didn't know how else to go about finding the sixth Horcrux."

Snape shook his head and turned to Remus. He was growling, "Slughorn taught the Dark Lord the spell. He now serves two masters. Before I met with you I saw Slughorn and he gave me the Horcrux I brought here."

Lupin glanced at the object. "He plays a dangerous game if that's true, Severus."

"It is a Horcrux. I doubt Horace would have courage to swindle me," Snape snarled. "He is a coward. He hid out from the Dark Lord for over a year. I wouldn't doubt but his services are required once again. Slughorn knows a great deal about the dark arts."

"We have to find, Harry," Lupin said softly and urgently. "If Slughorn meets with him he can kidnap him and take him to Voldemort; or worse, kill him immediately." Lupin looked at Hermione. "Hermione if you or Ron know where he is you need to tell me. I know Harry went into hiding when Malfoy caught them. If he meets with Slughorn he could be killed or if he uses his magic then he can be found. We don't even know what new skills he will have when he turns seventeen. Which is when? Does anyone know? Anyway, this is all so very dangerous for him."

Hermione looked past him to Ron and ran her hand through her mass of bushy hair to pull it off of her face. She looked panicked and said, "Harry will be seventeen tomorrow. I can't tell you where he is, only one person can." She looked at Ron, and Snape and Lupin turned to him too.

"I can't tell you," Ron said.

"What do you mean?" Lupin asked, frowning.

"We performed the Fidelius Charm before he left," Hermione said weakly. "Ron is Harry's secret-keeper.

Lupin leaned back against the table, looking deflated and defeated. "No, no. Don't tell me that!"

Ron blushed and remained silent.

…..

I will instruct you on some of the spells and skills you will find in this book. They will help you learn control of these new powers you will possess. His mother's voice crooned as his eyes drifted down the page.

Harry stared down at the book in his lap and for the first time, did not feel helpless.