Disclaimer still stands.

When Rei and Usagi showed up at her doorstep handcuffed together, Setsuna was not surprised. Highly entertained, but not surprised. She had probably lost the ability to be surprised somewhere around the turn of the millenium. She was, however, a bit floored at their reason for coming to see her in the first place.

"We need acid."

"What?"

"Acid."

"You mean, as in, LSD?"

A pause.

"No. ACID. Like, the burn-y skin-peely off-y stuff."

"Oh. I...see. I suppose you want it to get rid of those handcuffs, correct?"

"Good God, woman, don't tease us! Yes, we want this thing OFF."

"Ah."

Setsuna turned around and went back inside the house. At her gesturing, the miko and the ditz followed. She lead them not to her bedroom, but to her study. There wasn't much difference between the two, except for the lack of a bed in the study. Actually, Rei found herself wondering if Setsuna didn't just sleep on her desk. Might explain her good posture.

Usagi found herself wanting to contribute, as Rei had done all the talking earlier. "Ami said it would take four months to make some of our own." She quieted down, pleased with herself.

"And she was right! But as I am the Senshi of Time, I can make four months go by in four minutes."

"Give or take a year," the tortured duo added.

"Right." Setsuna nodded, agreeing with herself, and selected a book twice as gigantic as the one Ami had possessed from a bookshelf that was three times as large. She opened it to a place she had bookmarked. With one finger she scrolled down the page, as if reading from a giant cookbook.

"First, you must take off all of your clothes to achieve maximum love-chi. This is the first step of the Reverse Cowgirl Mountain Garden Love Plan. Then, Usagi, you must straddle Rei's waist backwards while she-"

"What the hell are you reading?!" A very, very red Rei managed to sputter out. Usagi stared blankly at Setsuna. The mental image had stuck. It was like a train wreck; you could not look away.

Quietly puzzled, Setsuna closed the book and turned it over to look at the spine. She let out a soft laugh. "Silly me. This is my first edition Kama Sutra. Hmm, it is a little dusty. I wonder why." The Senshi of Time blew a thin layer of dust off the cover, oblivious to the dumbfounded expressions on Rei and Usagi's faces.

This couldn't be happening to them. This shouldn't be happening to them. Rei and Usagi glanced at each other wearily and suppressed the urge to start crying in frustration. What the hell had they done? Was it their constant arguing? Such a stupid reason. Everyone knew they didn't really mean it.

Setsuna looked at their twin defeated expressions, stoic as always. Suddenly, she lifted the book high above her head. Usagi and Rei gazed up at it fearfully. They edged away. Setsuna followed them. "I suppose I can still attempt to help you two. Now hold still. This thing is quite heavy, and I don't want to miss."

They bolted for the door.

Amused, Setsuna set down her Karma Sutra. She might not have felt like going through any great effort to help them out of such a comedic situation, but at least she had cured them of those mopey faces. The tall green-haired woman didn't like seeing others looking so gloomy. That was her job, dammit, when she wasn't busy being as impassive as a rock. Usagi suddenly poked her head inside the room. Setsuna said nothing. Yet.

"Um, how does that...Cowgirl Garden thing go, again?"

Setsuna smiled and opened the book once more. She sensually licked the tip of one finger, perhaps on purpose, and flipped through the innocent-looking pages until she had found the spot she was hunting for. "Well, the second step mentions something about liberal use of whipped cream around the areas of your "love tunnels"...

Usagi left. With great haste. And a dust cloud.

Smirking at how easy that was, and also that now that she was alone, Setsuna placed the book down on her desk and began to study it.

Rei and Usagi ran down the hallway, cursing the hopelessness of it all. As they ran past several doors, seeking an exit from the erotic funhouse, they couldn't help but notice that one of the doors was open. Backing up a few paces, they peered inside. Haruka and Michiru were sitting side by side. Doing nothing. Nothing at all. Feeling mildly disappointed, Usagi and Rei waved at them. In doing so they revealed the handcuffs. Rei flushed and looked away from Haruka's knowing grin.

"I see you two are having some trouble. Well, come on in. I don't bite."

Complying, Rei and Usagi looked around the room warily. It failed to meet every expectation they held it up to. No furry rugs. No nude paintings. No strange-looking implements hanging on the walls. No built-in hot tub and martini bar. No giant birdcage in the corner. No cosplay costumes hanging in the closet. No video cameras. Therefore, they refused to believe they were in the fabled bedroom of Haruka and Michiru.

The sandy blond leaned in close and nodded.

"Hmm. A doubleniner Eckard's chain. You two really got into a mess with this baby."

"Of course you know so much about chains. Now, please excuse me while I make the obvious joke about you being the kinky one of the two of us." Haruka motioned for Michiru to shut up and peered closer at the chain. After a few minutes, she straightened up and left the room. She returned holding a mallet and a metal stake. Usagi eyed it distrustfully and moved closer to Rei for protection.

Rei's first reaction was to shove her away. For some reason, she didn't.

"Don't worry. This isn't going to hurt me at all."

Rei's next reaction was to run like hell. This one she obeyed without a second thought. Haruka and Michiru watched them go, honestly unsurprised at their reaction. The track star looked at the violinist and shrugged. They shared a sigh and spoke their thoughts aloud at the same time.

"I hope Setsuna doesn't decide to use that book for Hotaru's bedtime story."