Disclaimer still stands, my spanish galleons! (and I so don't own the Teenage Girl Squad as drawn by Strong Bad reference right there). Final chapter. Thanks to Silvararivencraft for the PB idea! Confused? Don't worry. You'll get it.

Usagi dug her heels into the ground, shaking her head furiously . "No! No no no no! I'm not going in there!" Rei growled and trudged on, leaving a trench in the ground behind her as she pulled the adamant blond to the doorstep of the Senshi of Love. The chain that trapped the two of them together somehow did not break despite the great strain upon it. Rei felt her hate for the thing grow even stronger.

"She might molest me, like she did that one time last year! I know you remember it. Easter sleepover? Hyperactivity and wacky hi-jinks? If you tell me you can't remember the time we locked Ami and Makoto in you grandfather's closet, I'm going to cry."

Rei rolled her eyes and kept tugging, Usagi fighting tooth and nail every inch of the way. This could very well be their last chance. After exhausting out all the others, as Hotaru and ChibiUsa had gone AWOL as soon as they had gotten wind of the situation, Rei was determined to be free from Usagi before the day was over. Minako was the last Senshi they could go to for help. If she couldn't do anything...well...there was always her grandfather. The miko winced and vowed to never let it come to that.

"That only happened once. And she was drunk, which was partly your fault because you tripped on that damn shag rug and broke open your parents' liquor cabinet. Seriously, who owns stuff like that anymore? Are your parents some kind of closeted 60's throwbacks or something?"

"I'm going to tell you three things; hell no, shut your face, and once is enough. Also, I mean, no offense to Minako, it felt pretty nice, but.."

"And you care so much about this, WHY?" Rei shouted, trying to drown out both Usagi's voice and the mental images that it conjured. She manged, somehow. Usagi sniffed and looked away haughtily. As far as she was concerned, Rei had every right have a temper, but none whatsoever to take it out upon a girl as pretty and wonderful and fabulous as Usagi Tsukino. The Hikawa Shrine should count itself lucky that the offended princess couldn't use a lawyer to save her life.

"Because I'm supposed to be the innocent one, that's why."

Rei was about to reply scathingly when the door in front of them swung open wide. Minako poked her head out, grinning hugely and flashing the victory sign. She looked way too cheerful for someone who, by the almighty Law of Fanfic Cliches, should be suffering from a hangover and wishing for death. "Heyas, guys! Come on in, I've got tea cooling on the table." Minako turned around to go back inside, then paused. Looking over her shoulder, she giggled sheepishly at her dumbstruck friends.

"Oh, and remember to use your right hands to lift the cups. It'll save you some pain."

Usagi and Rei looked at each other at the same time, wondering how tea could possibly be more important than their predicament. Was Minako crazy? She must have been crazy. Only a crazy person would put so much perfume and other gunk on her body. Then they tried to understand how the heck Minako had known. More truthfully, they were wondering why she, like Ami and the rest of their unhelpful buddies, wasn't laughing and/or teasing the crap out of them. Then they looked down and realized with a faint jolt of surprise that she was right; their left hands were the ones handcuffed together. The duo shrugged and stepped inside. Life was funny that way.

If funny meant torturous, mortifying, stress-filled...er...torture.

The three took a seat, Rei and Usagi on the couch, and Minako across from them on her favorite loveseat. The young Hino and Tsukino lowered themselves carefully, suspicious of the couch and what might or might not have taken place upon its cushions. Minako watched as the two did their customary pushing and shoving act to whitewash their extreme embarrassment and nervousness. Minako wasn't surprised, or offended. Intimidation from schoolgirls was an everyday happenstance for the lusty young girl, although it was best not to ask why. Or when. And especially not where.

"I suppose you are wondering how I knew." Usagi and Rei simply stared in response to their friend's attempt to break the ice. Minako, however, always had something silly and a little bit nonsensical on hand to make sure that entertainment didn't fail her. The blond took out a pink cellphone and presented it to them, grinning like a loon. "Through the grapevine, my dears!" Usagi leaned forward and peered at the thing.

"It says "Cingular" on the front. Ow! Cut it out, Rei!"

The miko's face expressed indifference that she did not feel, and Usagi set about rubbing her dinged ear with a huff. Minako kept on watching them, smiling evilly. It was so similar to her usual smile that neither Rei nor Usagi questioned it. She knew what was really going on. Oh yes, the grapevine had ensured that. "Now, here's a question for you. What is the weapon I use when I've transformed?"

Deer-in-the-headlights looks from the both of them, as was to be expected by now.

Minako nodded as if her guests had replied anyway. "My weapon is, of course, a Love-Me Chain! Take away the Love-Me and what do you get? A Chain!" Rei and Usagi looked at each other, then back at the other blond, who was by now gesturing dramatically with her hands. Again, Minako's sanity had fallen into question. "As such, I know stuff about chains." Here Minako tapped her chin, drawing her eyebrows into a mask of deep concentration. Rei and Usagi fervently hoped she wasn't just imagining someone naked.

"Also as such, it's should be a small matter to pick the lock!"

It was a reasonable and totally obvious idea. As such, Usagi thought Minako's brain had gone haywire, and Rei wondered if her escape plan could avoid being involved with the young Aino's living room windows. But since the two weren't the best of debaters after being pacified with tea, they consented to try out the notion. Minako withdrew from some secret place a hairpin and bent over, poked it into the keyhole of Rei's manacle, and began to eagerly jab around with it. Rei wished her life was like a James Bond film. If it was, the dratted handcuffs would pop off, no problem.

This, of course, didn't happen. Minako cursed rather colorfully and peered one blue eye into the tiny black crevice. Shuffling around, the two captives managed to get a look-see too. There was a puzzled, dumbstruck silence. After a few minutes, they pulled away, each wearing expressions of complete bewilderment. Rei and Usagi had thought they were getting used to strange twists of Fate. Minako had thought she was desensitized to anything unexpected. The three of them were blown away nevertheless, like a small and clueless shrubbery caught in the middle of a cyclone.

They looked at the keyhole. They looked at each other. They looked at the keyhole again. Finally, Usagi ventured to ask the question that was burning in all of their skulls. "Is...is that peanut butter?" Rei was relieved that her future Queen had been the one to say it instead of her. It saved some much needed face. Minako blinked and set the world record for composing oneself.

"Well, I suppose that figures. Oh well, it's not like it matters anyway. I bet you two like being this way, hmm?"

She ducked her head, shaking it in exasperation as Rei's empty tea cup went sailing overhead and shattered against the wall. She set down her own and looked over her shoulder in the direction the missile had gone. "You have horrible aim, Rei. You completely missed me," Minako tittered as she moved to dodge another tea cup. "Again, even with Usagi's cup? Wow. I guess you never took archery when you were a kid, huh?"

There was literal fire dancing in Rei's eyes as she bit out each word of her reply, all of them raging with their own separate venomous fury. "Shut. Up. You. Blond. Trollop." Usagi looked a little offended. Minako, of course, looked as serene and smug and amused as ever. She sipped her tea again and sighed in appreciation.

"Why deny it?"

"There's nothing to deny, damn you."

Minako raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Really."

"Really really?"

"Really really."

"Really really re-"

"YES, REALLY!"

Usagi turned a pair of confused blue eyes towards Rei. "Really?"

"Really! I mean, no, er, yes, uh...," Rei backpedaled. "um...dammit, this is Minako's fault."

The third girl gave a dismissive chuckle over the rim of her cup. "Well, you're acting awfully upset for one with nothing to deny, is all I can say. Of course, your diary tells a different story. Do you think Usagi here would like to read it?" Rei felt her face grow hot and she directed her glare at the ceiling. Beside her, Usagi blinked slowly. It was weird. Rei had ranted about one thing while obviously meaning another. Then there was the diary. What diary? Rei kept something as feminine as a diary? Usagi wondered if the miko really did feel that way about her. She wondered some more. It was a nice concept. In fact, it was a very nice concept. But it didn't really answer the question of why Minako kept egging Rei on. Did she want her to do something?

Usagi suddenly stopped thinking about all those things.

You would too, if you suddenly found herself being kissed by one as passionate as Rei Hino. After a good long while they broke apart, gasping. Rei shot a glare at the contently smiling Minako. Her heart was beating way too fast, she was seeing stars, and she had just done something unspeakable, but at least the Senshi of Love's blackmail was useless now. "What...are you...gonna do now...huh?"

Amusement sparkled cheerfully in two blue eyes as Minako set down her tea again and showed her palms in a gesture of peace. "Nothing." Rei's jaw dropped.

"Nothing?"

"You catch on quick, don't you?"

Ignoring the sarcasm, Rei continued, feeling more confused and disoriented than ever. "You mean, you wouldn't have done anything even if I hadn't kissed her?"

Minako nodded. "That's right. I'm somewhat surprised that you didn't call my bluff." Rei blinked and turned sheepishly back to Usagi, who had by now recovered from the explosiveness of the kiss.

"So...I love you."

"Yes." Usagi nodded. It was like if Rei had just asked her if she did indeed like candy and sappy romance novels.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Of course."

Disbelieving silence.

"So I spent all that time denying, burying, forgetting, lying to myself, and getting my angst on like a freaking emo for nothing?! Is that what you're telling me?"

Usagi shrugged and smiled. "I suppose so." Rei pouted and was about to start sulking when a hand suddenly cupped her cheek. The blond tried to sound firm as she gently caressed the skin beneath her thumb. "Now stop wasting even more of our lives and kiss me again." Frankly, it was a wonder Usagi didn't get scalded under the heat of the young Hino's blush. Rei nodded and, shy as a schoolgirl in an erotica shop, did as she was ordered.

Somewhere, a raven cawed and did a loop-de-loop high up in the clear blue sky.

Minako grinned and dared to clap her hands together once they broke the embrace once more, extremely happy with how the situation had turned out. There was a short silence as Usagi and Rei tried not to stare at each other and yet could not help their eyes meeting. The young Aino sipped tea. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Rei spoke again. "Well, anyway, I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship." Usagi gave her brand-new girlfriend a playful shove off Minako's couch, finding it difficult to sound indignant when fighting off both embarrassment and a pleased grin.

"You wish, O Tetchy One."

"No, O Fat One, I know. Just like I know that you had better help me up or you'll never see daylight again!"

Usagi cast a mock-glare and Rei and defiantly moved off the couch and placed herself in the other girl's lap instead. Rei returned the glare and poked the young Tsukino in the side. Usagi slapped her hand away. Rei continued to pester. Usagi growled and grabbed the miko's hand. Minako calmly sipped some more tea and watched as the Senshi of Fire's other hand caught Usagi's shirt collar and pulled the moon princess down, taking every opportunity to add her own kind of commentary to the ensuing floor scuffle.

"Careful with those hands, Usagi, I can't see them. You watch what you're doing too, Rei, I think you just ripped her shirt off. Oh my. You better not charge me for that. That looks uncomfortable...I mean, you two just got together, so cut it out. Yes. Of course...seriously, can't y'all do that somewhere else? That carpet's been clean for a whole week now. Dammit, what did I just say Usagi?!"

FIN