With reviews becoming increasingly more encouraging, I couldn't help updating again. :) Keeps me on track.
And yes, some of you noticed that this is noticeably darker from a lot of my usual fare. It will become increasingly so and I just want to be sure that I'm doing it in a believable manner. If I seem to be getting off track, feel free to tell me.
I want this to be the best fic possible – so any and all input helps.
Enjoy.
Pegasus stood at the window and peered out into the darkness. The moon shone overhead with a hazy halo around it and Pegasus wondered what it was from. Pollution, maybe, or mist. Maybe it meant that it would rain the next day. He didn't know; science was never his forte. He allowed the lunar phenomenon to distract him from the boy on the bed behind him.
"Is something wrong?" A normally icy voice sweetly murmured words that he'd longed to hear. "It's late, why don't you come back to bed?" The tone was inviting. But something felt out of kilter. Pegasus drew the curtains closed with a restless motion.
He looked at the fellow corporate head, lying there naked beneath the sheets. There were visible spots of blood and damp spots everywhere. There were also a few rips which meant that he'd probably have to throw them out. He sighed. Maybe he'd just burn them to avoid awkward questions. It would add to the secrecy of the relationship as well.
It was not, however, the confidentiality of their dalliance that concerned him at the moment. More pressing was the fact that his 'paradise' was turning out to be far from perfect. The first comment about 'rape' had only been the start, though to be honest it was a big step. Pegasus looked at Kaiba as he crawled back into bed, saw his shining blue eyes and wondered what was behind them. He kissed the boy but there was no joy in it.
Rape. He hadn't wanted it after all, even after all the attention, even after the concoction… wasn't it supposed to be love? It didn't feel like it. Pegasus had felt his heart slam into a wall. Even after all his attempts it wasn't honest and the boy's faint words, as brief as they might have been, seemed to sully all other honeyed whisperings with their taint.
He'd played the part of the injured lover well. Perhaps if he entrenched the boy in the deception, denied it… perhaps he would come to accept it as truth. And that was almost love, wasn't it? He feigned innocence in the emotional trickery, acted as though Kaiba had duped him and had then taken him, knowing all the while that they true Seto Kaiba didn't want his love at all. There was no affection, just an endless plateau of ice.
But the words sounded so wonderful…
Kaiba hadn't been lying about on thing, however. He was totally new to it. His virginity and relative innocence – at least in regards to sexual activity – were obvious. Pegasus found himself being forced to take a leading role, though whether that was by virtue of age or experience or the effect of the potion he wasn't sure. All he knew was that neither he nor Kaiba was confident. The blind lead the blind.
Though he'd been married, even then Pegasus had never felt like the one in charge, much less with another man. So that night when it came time to act, he'd been timid and shy, uncomfortable in a role which didn't come naturally, and had hesitated while Kaiba had waited. His halting entry and nervous movements lead to awkward pain and dissatisfaction. Kaiba seemed equally unsure, though Pegasus didn't know what factor to attribute that to either.
All in all, it simply felt wrong. He wasn't supposed to be doing it, any of it. He wasn't the one on top. That wasn't how he'd imagined it and yet it was. He wanted to be the one nuzzling and kissing and making emotional comments. Instead, it was Kaiba doing all of that with Pegasus carrying the knowledge that Seto didn't want to at all.
A tear born of frustration and aggravation slid down his cheek.
Seto wiped it away tenderly. "What's wrong?"
Pegasus brushed his hand away and the boy nestled his face into Pegasus' chest.
"You can tell me. Tell me anything."
He sighed. "I'm just… tired. Is all."
Kaiba smiled. "Was it too much for you tonight?"
Pegasus paused. This was ridiculous. Nobody would ever find out. Nobody would ever know. The moment of clarity had passed and Kaiba would not re-emerge. By now the potion had completely permeated him, coursing through every vein. He wouldn't resist again…
And that bothered Pegasus. Logically, none of it should have. He could enjoy the boy all he wanted, do as he pleased, hear everything he wanted to hear… But it was all meaningless. It was vapor. It was an act for pleasure and nothing else, this reshaping of Kaiba into a soft, compliant lover that he would never have been and forcing himself into the role of the taker, the man who simply grabbed what he wanted, without sincere emotion involved, solely for his own satisfaction.
In a way, he'd reversed their roles. And now, Pegasus felt frightened. He was not, had never been, could not bear to be Kaiba, and yet he felt the sneaking suspicion that 'Kaiba' was precisely what he was becoming…
He pressed up against the boy's soft body again and consoled himself with the fact that it was only in the bedroom.
"It wasn't too much… it was perfect."
Rain splattered against the windows of his office and Pegasus' mind wandered to the moon he'd seen the previous night. Perhaps it had been an indication of the weather to come and he hadn't even recognized it, despite looking straight at it. Well, he didn't know. And thus he hadn't packed an umbrella. He sighed and had lunch brought to his office instead of walking about to get it himself.
As he ate the Caesar salad without much enthusiasm, he thought about the previous night. The ruse had gone off well enough – Kaiba had slipped into a guest bedroom, the sheets had been removed and stashed, the staff at large thought he'd come over to the mansion late in the evening to work and simply spent the night and nobody was any wiser. All that was left was a slight soreness, though he was willing to bet that it was worse for Kaiba.
He was stabbing his fork through another few pieces of lettuce when the telephone rang. He pressed the button on the front so that the voice came over the speaker into the office and he didn't have to bother with holding the phone.
"Industrial Illusions. Pegasus speaking."
"Sir?" The clipped voice of his secretary spilled into the room. "Sir, Seto Kaiba is calling. He says that it's imperative."
Pegasus felt apprehensive but nodded. "Put him through."
The phone crackled with static for a moment.
"Pegasus?"
"Kaiba!" He said, forcing his voice to be playful. "Tell me, to what do I owe the honor?" He put up the façade that nothing had happened and hoped that the boy would behave likewise.
"Pegasus, I need help."
"Help? What do you mean?"
A cold, clenching feeling seized his stomach.
"I'm supposed to… I have to decide on a supplier for several of my Duel Disk components and I… I just can't! I don't know what to do, it's all so confusing… there are at least three companies offering, they all sound reasonable – I'm not sure which one to pick. So…" he coughed and sounded sheepish, even over the phone. "I thought maybe you could help me. You know, give me advice, tell me who I should pick, that sort of thing."
Pegasus laughed nervously to hide his growing nausea.
"Kaiba-boy… that's… this is so… inappropriate! I can't tell you how to run your company, that would be… I mean, it would look as though… well, it just wouldn't be right. And I produce cards, not technology. I wouldn't know the first thing about picking a technological supplier!
Surely you can choose for yourself." He bit his lower lip anxiously.
There was a pause and then a response.
"You called me Kaiba-boy." He said with a voice that smacked of betrayal.
Pegasus could feel the icy, unsettling feeling spread. "What has that go to do with…"
"My name is Seto!" He interrupted in a pleading voice that sounded halfway to tears.
The older man felt like he'd received a blow to the head from no where. He slumped back in his chair, lunch forgotten, feeling the world spin around him.
"I didn't mean… I mean… I… I…" He stammered, utterly unprepared.
"Please," the boy asked more quietly. "Call me Seto. Call me Seto!" His voice grew more agitated.
"Ok, OK, calm down…" Pegasus begged, hoping that he was alone. "Calm down Seto." He swallowed. "I'll try and help you… do you know the details of the deals?"
He could hear the boy's ragged breathing on the other end of the line.
"I could have it sent over, but they want a decision soon. In a couple of days."
"A couple of days?" He clutched the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white, then jumped up and started to pace. "Well, I suppose I could give you some advice, if you sent the documents relating to the offers over right away."
Seto cleared his throat.
"You know…" He began in a lower voice, "I could deliver them personally and we could oh, say… discuss them in private. At your house.
If you wouldn't mind."
Pegasus kept his face stoic, even though Kaiba wasn't in the room. The boy had a lot to learn about subtlety. The question was not one of deciphering his intentions – that meaning was loud and clear – but whether or not he wanted to answer them with an affirmative.
Nearly every fiber in Pegasus' body warned him that the road his was traveling was risky. Red flags were raised and alarms going off as if there had been klaxons inside his office. He was beginning to doubt not simply the morality of his choice but also the desirability of its effect. The rational portion of his mind was screaming, loud and clear, that this was a mistake.
But there was another voice inside of his head, a voice no louder than a whisper.
It spoke of long, cold nights alone.
It spoke of isolation and the lack of touch.
It spoke of how much he could enjoy their night, their lives if only he let go of his qualms.
It spoke it a dark, sultry, seductive voice of passion and warmth and fulfillment if only he'd accept the boy's gift.
Nobody would blame him.
Nobody.
This was good for him, good for them both. They didn't have to be alone. So Kaiba hadn't wanted to… well, that was before they'd actually done it, wasn't it? Surely their intercourse had changed his mind. He said 'rape' because he didn't know yet, how wonderful it could be. He was, after all, a virgin – how could he understand the pleasure that sexual intimacy brought, the seeping, swelling heat, the tender joy in the darkness…?
He had certainly changed his mind. He'd just needed the potion to give him… incentive. Get him past his stubborn refusal. It wasn't rape, not now that he was willing.
It was what they both wanted.
"Pegasus?" Kaiba asked uncertainly.
Pegasus snapped out of his pensive state and stopped pacing. He crushed the internal alarms and screams beneath the heel of rationalization and responded with a voice that was likewise appropriately suggestive.
"Oh, I suppose that would work. Shall I see you at… say… seven then? For dinner? And we can talk afterwards."
"Of course!" The boy consented eagerly. "Afterwards we can discuss everything."
"Then I'll see you tonight?"
"Tonight." Seto said longingly and paused. "Good bye then…"
Hearing the reluctance in the boy's voice struck a sympathetic chord inside of Pegasus. That couldn't be faked. It just… couldn't.
"Good bye," He responded fondly before hanging up.
He stood in his office a moment, holding the feeling of the Seto's voice to his heart, pure and simple emotion without revealing eyes to taint it. Tonight. Tonight.
What a wonderful, distant yet hopeful thought.
Tonight.
And there you have it. Another chapter. Next one will be Kaiba, just like the last time.
Remember: Reviews make the world go 'round and constructive reviews make the writer improve. So… criticism, if you please.