Glad that this story continues to interest. A few notes before the story gets underway:
Toonshipper – thanks for pointing out the error. It has been duly corrected. Thus the previous chapter has some minor revision.
I will also likely be revising the previous four chapters in minor detail based on reviews and my own observations. Again, if there are errors or inconsistencies, feel more than free to point them out.
The first chapter is also going to be changed in slightly more significant ways to better suit the ending. It's minor but edits will be made.
As for Seto… well you're just going to have to keep reading, no:-) I know, I know. But there are more complications ahead. I've pretty much known from the start where this story was headed. And as for his former personality surfacing… I don't want to give away too much. He might. Wink wink. Ahem. But as for the events leading up and following…
In answer to another question, there are always consequences. I'll leave it at that.
Also, another word: Don't assume too much about the old woman.
But enough about future chapters. For now, enjoy this bit of the story.
Kaiba remember one time, when Mokuba was about ten, the boy waking up screaming from a nightmare. He'd watched a documentary earlier that evening about firefighters and had dreamt about being inside a burning building. He'd described it to his brother, all the vivid images that he'd felt – the heat of the fire on his face, the suffocating smoke, the terror of the wooden floors collapsing beneath him, the panic from the blazing chunks of walls and furniture falling around him, inciting his fear of death.
Now Kaiba could tell why he'd been so frightened. It wasn't easy to be trapped in a place you were going to die in, watching everything collapse and wondering how long it would be until the destruction claimed you as well.
The most hideous part of all of it was the trick of having been allowed to hope. Showing a glimpse of light then snatching is away was harsher than simply letting him waste away; he could have resigned himself and felt less pain if he'd never been able to hope. But his pride wouldn't allow him to give up, invented false hopes for him to go on, and drove him forward when there was no road to follow.
You don't need anything but yourself and if you lose that you have NOTHING.
That was what happened when he'd been in Pegasus' office. The man's decision had not actually been so bad. Oh, there was a better one, to be sure, but it was far from the worst. The choice was downright salvageable. This was his hope, that he wasn't in too deep just yet and that he could again seize control and the entire ugly incident could be covered up. There was no need for anyone to know what he'd done and when he did break free…
His body had shaken just a bit. The anger that rose up, the lust for revenge that grew deep within him when he thought of what had been done to him almost allowed him to be free. Almost. As if the boiling rage he felt was all that could save him.
Kaiba held that rage tightly and dared to hope for a brief moment.
Get away from him. Get away from all of it and be who you ARE. Make your own decisions. Prove them wrong as you always do, defy those who try to hold you back and rise up to take what you deserve.
Then his body moved forward and rage collapsed in the face of desire. What did it matter who had done what to him? It had given him Pegasus; in fact, the whisper told him, he probably should be grateful instead. Kaiba wanted to crush that feeling but it was like a river swollen with water, spilling over the banks and refusing to be controlled. He felt furious that he couldn't control his desire but it burnt beyond his ability to stop it.
RISE UP! TAKE IT! IGNORE HIM!
It was burning him alive.
Then, he felt his final piece of hope melt away. As he'd resisted, so had his partner hesitated. He could feel it, Pegasus' timidity. And it had given him the hope that he could break away since he was only tenuously held.
That was before the kiss.
Kaiba felt the little control he did hold torn away from him. He thought he'd seen a way out and then a strong palm had pushed him back into the fire that threatened to engulf him. It was like a movie that Mokuba had forced him to watch a long time ago, something with a bunch of stupid animals. There had been a lion, clinging to a cliff, held on by another lion before being thrown and dropping to his death, being trampled underneath…
That was him, crushed beneath the waves of harsh, grating passion. He'd bled and Pegasus had licked it up. Before, whenever Pegasus had hesitated, he heard himself comforting Pegasus and taking him in whenever the other cried. While he'd been frustrated at the bewitchment forcing him to show affection, there had been a grim satisfaction in seeing that Pegasus was still the one who needed consolation, who needed to be held.
Those moments, stupid and sappy though they were, had allowed him to hold on, since they also meant that he still had a modicum of control. Even when he relinquished apparent dominance to Pegasus, Pegasus' weaknesses were still apparent. He was still needed.
The man above him, ripping into him and biting him, digging into him and making him bleed, didn't feel needy at all. He pushed and took and burned Seto inside and out with a ferocity he'd never seen Pegasus exhibit before.
Except…
Except that he had. Years ago.
On Duelist Kingdom.
oh pegasus…
The place where he'd lost, where he'd been unable to save his brother, unable to save himself. Duelist Kingdom, a place that still haunted him because it was the place where he discovered that he could lose. Over and over, and he depended on the actions of others to save him. Yami to duel Pegasus, Pegasus to keep his promise… nothing that he'd done had been able to make a difference against the other man. He couldn't win against Pegasus; he'd only been allowed to come out all right. Even that second duel – Pegasus had hardly cared and in the end he'd been the one to swoop in with the helicopter, jesting but also rescuing.
He did what Kaiba couldn't.
Kaiba's hope tumbled away from him and shattered like a bubble of glass, falling onto a floor. His own voice grew smaller and smaller, he grew smaller, dwarfed by the presence and the control that the man now revealed. The strong hand that pushed him onto the bed, that held him and shoved him, turned an invisible key and locked Kaiba away, suffocating and about to burn. He tried to escape yet now even his own prideful voice was telling him that it wasn't possible.
Not with Pegasus standing in his way.
who are you… who am i…
And then, the man… the being who rose to the surface in his place was discovering that he didn't mind at all. It had the voice of the whisper, only louder, and reiterated the fact that he was needed since nobody else would want him. All he had to do to be free forever was allow the blaze inside of him to take its course, to eradicate the one faint voice of dissent which kept him from fully embracing the man in front of him. He didn't even have to take action.
All he had to do was let whatever was left go up in flame.
don't do this you can't, what about mokuba…
Mokuba didn't need him. He had friends, the friends that Kaiba had always been unable to make and too proud to admit that he might have needed or wanted. Friends that Mokuba would rather be with, replacing him in the boy's life. So now nobody needed him. But this was about what he needed.
don't you dare…
Pegasus.
For the third time that morning, Seto snapped a pencil in half. He was agitated to the point where he was unable to do any work at all. He canceled his appointments but was still couldn't find any peace or calm himself down. Everything that could go wrong seemed to be doing exactly that.
He'd lost the necklace. As far back as he could remember, since he'd first gotten it, he couldn't remember allowing it out of his sight or touch for more than a few moments. It was on him always; yet now he couldn't find it. It was lost, and worse, it contained the picture of Pegasus. He missed the man and he couldn't even see him; worse yet, if someone else found the necklace, the truth would be known about them.
Seto shuddered.
Who knew what would happen if a scandal broke out? He might be forced to leave. Pegasus might not want him any more. He might…
It was too much to think about.
He had tried to contact Pegasus, to ask him if he'd seen Seto's locket, to ask his advice, or, at the very least, to gain comfort from hearing the other man's voice. But when he'd called, the CEO's secretary had told him in chilly tones that Pegasus had not come in that day. He hung up, feeling numb and frightened. His mind made up illogical but fearful scenarios that involved Pegasus bleeding on the side of the road or harmed where no one could find him or callously keeping himself from him…
With a push of a button, he had his limo called around. He told his secretary to take his calls since he would be going out for a while. He gave the man Pegasus' address, forgetting for the moment of how blatantly obvious he was being.
When they reached the familiar mansion, the gate swung open without question. The guard accepted the lie that Kaiba was bringing over necessary business documents that simply couldn't wait. After all, Pegasus hadn't given any particular instructions. He'd simply told his staff to go away.
The man warned Seto that he might not be welcome and the boy's fear grew. He had to find out what was wrong with Pegasus.
Leaving the limo behind and telling the chauffeur to wait in the car, he ran upstairs. He didn't even check the man's office, but instead ran straight up to Pegasus' bedroom. Much to his surprise the door was open. He twisted the knob and stumbled into the man's private sanctum.
Pegasus was crouched at the foot of the bed. He turned towards Seto and the younger man could see that his hazel eye was bloodshot from weeping. The man who looked up at Seto was a far cry from the smirking, confident sexual partner who had so forcefully drawn them together the previous night. Now his skin was streaked, not with light cuts but rather with tears. His body shook and his lower lip trembled as he tried to speak to Seto.
His knuckles were white and the younger man realized he was holding on to something tightly. When Pegasus saw where his eyes had drifted to, he started sobbing and Seto was at a loss as to what to do. He saw the object tumble from Pegasus' hands onto the floor, falling open when it hit.
The locket.
Bending over, Seto picked it up with a rush of relief, oblivious to Pegasus' pain.
"I'm sorry, Seto, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean for this to happen, for all of this…"
Seto gave him a dazed, bewildered smile.
"Thank you for finding this, I was wondering where it went." He watched Pegasus continue to cry and started to panic as he realized that he couldn't do anything about it, and that frightened him. He sat next to him, still smiling, looking at the picture. "Are you pleased with the picture? If you wanted to give me one personally I would like that even more…"
"Kaiba, what is wrong with you?" Pegasus yelled at him. Fearful, Seto shrank back just slightly and looked at him, hurt. "What is wrong with you that you would replace Mokuba with a man you've been with less than a week?"
what is wrong with you because you know it's something know it's everything…
"I'm Seto. And I love you," he said timidly and hugged Pegasus arm. "I wanted to be able to see you always, to feel close to you…"
Pegasus sniffed audibly and coughed, his flow of tears abating at least temporarily.
"I know what's wrong. I made it wrong, everything's wrong… Kaiba hold me, please hold me…"
The boy drew back from him and brought his knees to his chest. He looked at Pegasus warily. He should be able to hold him. This man was weak and he needed somebody, he needed the spine he didn't have. If only Kaiba could provide reassurance he could show that he was in control…
And yet he couldn't. Broken and burnt… he was weaker.
Weaker.
made it wrong he said he made it wrong is it possible could it be that…
Kaiba thought for a moment that he was on to something. But then the roof above him caved in, in a flurry of sparks, and he knew that it didn't matter, not when Pegasus was crying and Seto was too lost and confused to know how to make the pain stop. He was immobilized with… something, something larger than himself that he could not understand and that shook him to his core.
Quietly, tears in his own eyes, he crawled onto Pegasus' lap and clutched at Pegasus for… for who knew what. Safety. Comfort. Anything to take away the fear and confusion. Pegasus convulsed with tears and Seto could feel the hot droplets when they hit his skin. Pegasus' hand slid up and down, rubbing his arm as Seto clutched the locket.
"I poisoned you," Pegasus wept.
Seto couldn't even remember to be angry.
The driver did not stay put. He did not remain at the mansion. Instead, he watched his employer leave and then drove off to a nearby restaurant where there was another man waiting with a pencil and a pad.
He had some glossies that revealed some interesting sights. Interesting patterns. And an awful lot of money. With the promise of anonymity.
Over a tuna on white, a nameless suit tugged at the unraveling threads of a life that was Seto Kaiba's.
There you go. Next chapter, more Pegasus. Hope you enjoyed and as always…
Constructive criticism, if you would.