Chapter 6: Employee of the Month
A few days later…
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March 24, 2008.
SpongeBob and Patrick were dancing under the morning sun. The moves they had done at the jellyfish party were combined with other moves to create fluid movements that made their shadows on the ground merge together.
The warm spring weather seemed to fuel SpongeBob. He was grinning as he fearlessly presented his style of dance before the awakened world.
Patrick's eyes were glued to the road. His heartbeat quickened whenever he thought he was seeing a pedestrian emerge from the horizon. The sunlight shining upon the urban landscape made him feel like he was in a spotlight. The small clouds in the sky looked like the eyes of onlookers. He bumped into SpongeBob.
SpongeBob perceived the hesitancy in Patrick's face. He felt like something was missing in their dances. "Hold on, Pat." He glanced at the road. "Something happened?"
Patrick's gaze lowered. The boos he had heard as a child reverberated in his mind. "I dunno if I should be dancing while everybody is watching me. What if I make a mistake?"
"That's why you have me, right?" SpongeBob pushed Patrick's chin up until he could look at Patrick's eyes directly. "We have plenty of time to practice. If you're stuck on something I'll help you out."
"But what if they laugh at me the moment I'm on stage? I already have a pretty bad reputation."
"You're not as infamous as you think you are. People will laugh behind your back all the time but you can't let that negativity get to you." SpongeBob pointed at the sunlight. "If you focus on the brighter side of things, it'll help you push forward."
"Then how do I stop thinking… wrong?" said Patrick.
"You notice how I blow bubbles and flip patties like it's nothing? That's because I did alotta practice beforehand and stayed in a certain 'zone', if you know what I mean. When you're out there in the competition, just act natural-"
Patrick scratched his head. "Like this?" He attempted to imitate the flight of a jellyfish. He tripped on a pebble and fell head-first to the ground.
SpongeBob giggled. "Nah." He pulled Patrick to his feet. "What I mean by acting natural is that once you practice something so much, when you finally do it it feels as simple as breathing or eating." He saw a pedestrian and a tumbleweed from the corner of his eye. "Pat, try and cartwheel as that guy walks by. You can do it!"
Patrick stood straight as the pedestrian got closer. "You sure?" He scrutinized the positions of his limbs.
SpongeBob nodded. Countless memories of Patrick cartwheeling across Jellyfish Fields passed through his thoughts.
Patrick gulped as the man began to walk past the pineapple's pathway. The clouds in the sky, with their 'eyes' intact, seemed to form smirking faces. He forced a tilt to his right and cartwheeled for several seconds before his quickening heartbeat snatched away his remaining instincts. He tumbled towards the tiki's wall.
THUD
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The fork dropped to the properly prepared dish of spaghetti and meatballs. Squidward jolted up and, with his now healed legs, briskly walked to the living room window. He saw a dizzy Patrick shakily standing up from the tiki wall with the help of SpongeBob. "Whaddya expect?" he muttered. His mouth moved to the side. He turned around and glimpsed at the calendar as he walked back to the kitchen. The date of April 1 began to imprint into his thoughts.
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Patrick sighed. "I bet the guy who saw me thought that I was a dumbie. I just can't perform stuff in front of others without doing something wrong."
SpongeBob put his hand on Patrick's shoulder. "It's gonna be alright, Pat. You can always try again." He stepped back and resumed dancing. "Let's keep doing the stuff we were doing before."
Patrick put his hand on his chin and looked at the ground for several seconds before resuming his dancing.
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A few minutes later…
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Squidward stopped his dancing when he saw SpongeBob and Patrick through the music room window. He was chewing bubblegum. He watched them for a few seconds before a light bulb lit up in his head. The thought of one of them being blinded by a gum wrapper made him chuckle. 'This'll be payback for making me stay up all night.' He took out a gum wrapper, opened the window, and released the wrapper.
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The wrapper flew towards the pineapple's lawn.
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"Dammit." Squidward furrowed his brows.
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SpongeBob saw the wrapper from the corner of his eye. He looked up and noticed that the wrapper was floating from the tiki's opened window. The fear of Squidward's impending anger returned. When the wrapper landed on his lawn, he ran to it and picked it up. He then jogged towards the tiki while holding up the paper. "Squid! Squidward!"
Squidward stopped dancing and noticed that he had forgotten to close the window. He leaned through the window and folded his arms. "What?!"
SpongeBob tried to wear a smile. "You dropped this little piece of paper."
"Yeah, so what?"
SpongeBob swallowed his lips at the sight of the rising irritation shown in Squidward's face. "I just figured you probably want it back."
Squidward glanced at his watch and stepped back. "What's the big deal? It's only garbage."
"Garbage?" SpongeBob gazed at the paper as it flapped to the breeze. The flaps looked faintly similar to the dances of a ballerina. A light bulb lit up. He looked up with a genuine grin. "But, Squidward, in the right hands, this paper is a gold mine of entertainment. A spectacular afternoon of underwater fun. A treasure trove of-"
Squidward poked his head through the window with half-closed eyes. "Garbage."
"So you don't want it?" SpongeBob stopped smiling.
"Right."
SpongeBob scratched his chin and glanced at his surroundings with uncertainty. "Does that mean I can have it?"
"Yes, by all means, take it."
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A few minutes later…
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RING RING RING RING RING RING
Squidward stopped in the middle of his dance routine and jogged downstairs to the shellphone. He picked it up and put a hand on his hip. "Hello?"
"You sure?" SpongeBob's electronic voice was heard.
"Yes! For the final time, I don't want that paper. It's yours forever and ever!" Squidward slammed the phone down. 'When will I ever get some peace from those two? It's like they don't want me to win the dance contest.' He sighed.
Crrreeeaaak
The window in the living room opened. SpongeBob squeezed his head through the opening. "Are you definitely, positively sure?"
"Get out!" Squidward pointed at SpongeBob.
"But are you-"
Squidward's head became covered in redness. "GET OUT!"
SpongeBob bit his lip and slipped back a few inches. "Last chance to change your mind, Squid."
Squidward glanced at his watch and marched to the yellow pest. "Take it, SpongeBob. Take it, please." He took hold of the window. "And promise me, no matter how much I may beg, and plead, and cry, don't give that paper back to me… ever!"
SpongeBob's feet were glued to the ground. "So I take that as a possible no?" he said quietly with his hand near his mouth.
SLAM
Squidward closed the window.
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"Squidward? Squidward? Squidward?" SpongeBob put his hands on the window as he watched Squidward walk up the stairs. After several seconds, he sighed. "Okay, Squid, that's a promise I'll just have to keep." He gazed at the paper until several ideas for using the paper sprouted. "Ah, Mr. Paper, I am so lucky to have a friend like Squid." He skipped away from the tiki.
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Several minutes later…
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Squidward, while in the music room, was holding a dance pose as he heard giggling that soon became laughter. When he did another pose, the laughter made him tilt and fall. He stomped to one of the windows and shoved it open. "What in the world are you dimwits giggling about?"
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Patrick had a tranquil smile between his bouts of chuckling at SpongeBob's demonstrations.
"I'm sorry, Squid, it's just…" SpongeBob giggled. "It's just that I'm thinking of all the fun we're going to have with this piece of paper!" He was holding one leg forward and his arms to both sides. The paper was on the tip of his shoe.
"How can anyone have fun with just a piece of paper?" Squidward raised his brow and laid his forearm on the windowsill. He glanced at their faces and surroundings as he searched for a way to verbally swat the two flies.
"You just gotta use your imagination." SpongeBob held up his index finger. "You can use this paper for a bajillion things. As a matter of fact, we're using this to help us practice for a dance contest. It's helping us get the creative juices flowing. That way, if we make a mistake when we're performing, it'll be easier for us to improvise."
Squidward merely frowned. The unfortunate incidents that had begun since SpongeBob's employment at the Krusty Krab had battered him so much that only gloominess remained in his mind. SpongeBob and Patrick's participation in the contest was merely one of the many predictions that had passed through his thoughts. The first idea for vengeance that passed by was one that he knew had failed before, but he did not care. The resentment that had been building up could only erupt through one crater.
SpongeBob bit his lip when he got pierced by Squidward's glare. After a pause of awkward silence, he picked up the paper and focused his gaze on Patrick. "I've still got some ideas we could do." His awkward smile slowly became a genuine one as he skipped across the pineapple's lawn and sung: "La, la, la, la, la!" He then stopped. He placed the paper on the back of his pants, thus making it look like a tiny cape. "Guess what I am?"
Patrick scratched his head and shrugged. He did not dare to blurt a wild guess. "A sponge with paper stuck in his pants?"
"Well, yeah, Pat, I am a sponge with paper stuck in his pants, but I'm also... " SpongeBob took a deep breath and puffed up his chest. He spoke in a deeper voice: "Super Sponge, soaking up crime." He then turned his head as much as he could and blew on the paper to make it look like a cape flapping in the wind.
"Oooooh…" How the paper flapped so smoothly convinced Patrick that SpongeBob was performing a magic trick.
SpongeBob grabbed the paper and stuffed it into the front of his pants. "Now I'm…" He leaped out of his pants and underwear. He landed on the ground in a hunched crouch. The paper covered his non-existent private parts like a loincloth. "SpongeBob JunglePants." He imitated the "ooks" of an ape. He then leaped from rock to rock until he landed before the pineapple's front door. His furrowed brows made his face look like that of a caveman. "Ugh. SpongeBob JunglePants summon animal friends." He then roared like a lion, chirped like a bird, oohed and aahed like a monkey, trumpeted like an elephant, croaked like a frog, hissed like a snake, honked like a foghorn, whistled like a dolphin, barked like a seal, and finally meowed like a sea snail.
Creak
Gary's eyes were poking through the ajar door. "Meow."
"You're right, Gary. I'm not a jungle boy. I'm a box of army supplies." SpongeBob winked. He strolled to his clothes and slipped them back on. He took the wrapper off his groin. He jumped to the pineapple's exterior wall and climbed it until he reached the roof. "Bringing relief to the hungry troops!" He held the paper above his head with each hand holding an opposite end of the paper. He took several steps back before sprinting and leaping towards the street. When his downward velocity became fast enough, the paper, like a parachute, made SPongeBob glide to the ground. "Landing just in time for the bullfight!" He skipped towards Gary and then waved the paper in front of the snail. "Toro, toro, Gary! Toro, toro! Toro, Gary, Toro-"
Gary slithered through the paper.
SpongeBob did a thumbs-up. "Now for some impressions. A guy with a mustache." He put the wrapper under his nose. "Look at me, I'm a guy with a mustache." He took the wrapper off his nose. "A pirate with an eye patch." He put the wrapper over his left eye. "Arrgh, I'm a pirate." He took the wrapper off his left eye. "A regular guy with an eye patch." He put the paper over his right eye. "Arrgh, I'm not a pirate." He tossed the paper towards the sky.
The paper landed in one of SpongeBob's holes.
SpongeBob then repeatedly sucked in and blew out the paper from his holes. He stopped when he felt like Gary had thoroughly absorbed the performance. "Look, Gary, origami." He folded the paper until it looked like a bird.
Gary's eyes widened.
SpongeBob folded the paper into a snowflake.
Patrick's jaw dropped.
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'If I do better tricks than SpongeBob, that'll make them think twice about participating in the contest.' Squidward smirked as he walked downstairs. He opened the front door.
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SpongeBob had folded the paper into the shape of a doll.
Squidward marched towards SpongeBob. Before he would demand for the paper, a light bulb lit up. "Guys, I wanna show you something." His smirk became wider.
"Ooh, what're you gonna show?" SpongeBob turned towards Squidward.
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Less than a minute later…
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The three neighbors entered the music room.
Squidward walked to the sheet holder and took hold of the clarinet. His upward-tilted head, combined with his smirk, make it seem like he was about to present a masterpiece. He pointed at the two chairs that were near the room's walls.
SpongeBob and Patrick each took a chair and set them down in front of Squidward. They sat down.
Squidward put the clarinet's mouthpiece to his mouth and began to play 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'.
Patrick cringed and SpongeBob fiddled his thumbs as they heard off-key notes.
Squidward soon finished playing. He folded his arms and smiled smugly. "SpongeBob, one of the things you can't do with that paper is playing music. You need certain instruments in order to make certain sounds. If you're gonna be fully prepared for a dancing performance, you need knowledge in melodies and rhythms. The silly stuff you do as practice is not dancing, it's acting. That's a sign you're still just an amateur."
SpongeBob laughed. "You can do anything with the paper as long as you're flexible enough. I've danced a lot before and doing stuff with that wrapper is only exercising my brain, not my body. Anyways," he smiled innocently, "you did great. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original."
Squidward's pessimistic thinking detected sarcasm. He raised his brow. "What? I didn't play any wrong notes." He scratched his chin as he began preparing a witty remark.
"Yeah, see, you're playing it like this…" SpongeBob gently took the clarinet and wiped the reed with his shirt. He then played the clarinet with notes that blared in disharmony. "When it ordinarily goes like this…" He attempted to play 'Mary had a Little Lamb' as harmonically as he could.
Patrick widened his eyes as he heard SpongeBob's better sounding performance. "I thought Squid was good at clarinet."
Squidward knit his brows. The same feeling that he felt when he heard SpongeBob play the campfire song arose again and boiled away his other thoughts. "Give me my paper back!" He grabbed the wrapper but SpongeBob's grip on it was firm. "Now let go of it."
SpongeBob bit his lip and silently shook his head.
"I said let go of it!"
SpongeBob shook his head again and tightened his grip.
"Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go!" Squidward's face reddened as he attempted to yank the paper out of SpongeBob's grasp.
SpongeBob had seen Squidward's face change after hearing Patrick's comment. He could not bear to watch Squidward suffer. "I can't." He looked at the floor.
"What do you mean you can't?!"
SpongeBob looked up and made eye contact with Squidward. "I can't! You made me promise no matter how much you begged, and pleaded, and cried not to give the paper back to you ever." His face was solemn. He managed to pull the wrapper out of Squidward's hands.
Squidward grabbed the paper again. "Then forget about that! It was me who made you make that promise anyway." As he pulled the paper, he began to dwell on the 'fact' that that was one of the few instances of SpongeBob keeping his word. His hope for his future artistic career and his frustration over being trapped in the Krusty Krab culminated into a deeply unsatisfying bittersweetness. He clenched the paper.
SpongeBob pulled the paper out of Squidward's grasp again. "Sorry, Squidward, I am sworn to a promise." He took a deep breath. He was struggling to fight the temptation to relieve Squidward's suffering. "Maybe I should get going." He sighed and turned around.
Squidward tugged the back of SpongeBob's shirt as SpongeBob moved towards the stairs. "Wait, wait, maybe we can trade for something." He grabbed one of his self-portraits.
SpongeBob loosened himself out of Squidward's grip and briskly walked towards the stairs.
"Wait up, Sponge! Wait!" Squidward put the self-portrait back to its original spot and grabbed a pencil.
SpongeBob, without daring to look at Squidward, ran downstairs and swiftly exited the tiki.
"Hold on!" Squidward ran downstairs.
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SpongeBob looked behind his shoulder after touching the knob of the pineapple's front door. Squidward was behind him.
Squidward did a fake chuckle. "I'm going to make you an offer." He held out the pencil.
SpongeBob noticed that the brace sticking the eraser to the pencil had a golden tint. It gave the pencil a magical quality. "Wow, a pencil!" He widened his eyes as he gazed at the pencil. "You drive a hard bargain, Squid. Paper for pencil, hmmm…" After a few seconds of thinking, he giggled and smirked. "Oh, I get it. You're just testing me. Don't worry, Squid, I won't let you down." He nodded. "A promise is a promise."
"Listen, you!" Squidward grabbed SpongeBob's shoulder. "You're not going anywhere until we strike a deal."
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Ten minutes later…
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Squidward was wheeling a wheelbarrow full of his belongings (including his TV) towards a large pile of objects near the pineapple.
SpongeBob, while watching the gathering, was still keeping a strong grip on the wrapper. He perceived that some of the objects in the pile were photos from Squidward's childhood and his self-portraits. "Squid?"
"Trade…" Squidward nearly whispered. He furrowed his brows and, with his mind filled with the imaginary glory of outdoing his yellow rival, marched back to the tiki.
"Hey, listen…" SpongeBob held out his index finger but soon lowered it when he saw the determination in Squidward's face.
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A minute later…
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SLAM
The tiki had been emptied of all of its contents.
"Well, that's the last of it." Squidward folded his arms and eyed the wrapper. "I've given you everything but the shirt off my back."
"Oh, Squid, is this still part of the test?" SpongeBob was biting his lip and had a finger on his chin. He kept switching his gaze between Squidward's pleading eyes and the wrapper. "Because it's… it's really getting harder and harder to keep my promise."
"Okay, the shirt." Squidward swiftly took off his shirt and tossed it to SpongeBob.
SpongeBob caught the shirt. "Squid's shirt." With sparkling eyes, he squeezed it on. The smell and texture of the shirt caused memories of switching clothes with Patrick during childhood sleepovers to surge forth. He felt like he had just made Squidward open up much more than his futile previous attempts. "I've always liked that shirt. Okay, okay, I'll trade!" He grinned. He did a tip-toe ballerina pose as he held out the wrapper towards Squidward. "I can break a promise for this." He felt a breeze and imagined how Squidward felt it without clothes. "You want your other stuff? 'Cause this shirt's all I need."
Squidward snatched the wrapper. He smirked as he thought of several performances that would overwhelm the yellow menace.
"Have fun with the paper, Squid." SpongeBob smiled tentatively. When he saw Gary slithering up the hill of objects, he then rummaged for the closest thing that looked like a toy.
"Hold on, Sponge, I got something else to show you." Squidward stepped back and tilted his head upward.
SpongeBob turned towards Squidward. "What're you gonna do?" He grinned in excitement.
"Impressions. A guy with a piece of paper on his nose." Squidward put the wrapper on his nose. The grandiose ideas that were flowing through his mind began to strain as he thought about how much experience SpongeBob had in dancing. He remembered how much SpongeBob practiced cooking before attempting to get hired as the Krusty Krab's fry cook. 'Stay focused. He took me out to Jellyfish Fields without…' He recalled how many times he saw SpongeBob and Patrick successfully catching jellyfish. 'Who cares. Nobody's recognized my talent yet.' His brows furrowed. "Look at me. I'm a guy with a piece of paper… on his… nose." SpongeBob's eyes seemed to be scrutinizing. 'How the hell did he pull off those tricks with that paper?'
Squidward began to crush the paper in his grip before a sudden idea rescued him. "Aha!" His arms swiftly and shakily attempted to mold the wrapper into the shape of a scallop. The wrapper ended up looking like a plain square. "Okay, okay, uhh, helicopter!" He held the wrapper above his head and held one leg out. "Gentlemen, start your engines." He flapped the wrapper and spun on tip-toe until he somewhat resembled the spinning pedals of a helicopter. "That's right, here we go now." He repeatedly jumped but could not make the paper glide.
SpongeBob's eyes did not widen. He scratched his chin and swallowed his lips.
Squidward grit his teeth and threw the paper to the ground. He felt like he was climbing a wall that kept getting higher with each of his falls. He folded his arms. "I'm a guy who traded everything he owned for a-"
"A worthless piece of paper." Patrick, without paying attention to his own words, strolled to the wrapper and picked it up. "Thanks, Squid. It's just what I needed." He tossed his gum wrapper to the ground and put his chewed gum on Squidward's wrapper.
SpongeBob was standing behind Squidward. Squidward's attempt to use the paper had reminded him of his first attempt at jellyfishing. "It's okay." He was holding out the brown shirt while smiling warmly. "You can have your stuff back."
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A few hours later…
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Squidward's chin rested on his fist as he ruminated over his failed attempt to intimidate his yellow rival. His image of the wrapper began to look more and more like the sculpture that Squilliam had soiled. The constant redos and exhales into the clarinet repeated in his mind like a broken record as he imagined the golden pedestal that always seemed to be just out of his reach.
"Order up!" SpongeBob put a plate of french fries and a Krabby patty on the windowsill.
Squidward lazily stood up from the boat and took the plate. With a deadpan face, he gave the plate to the right customer and returned to the boat. SpongeBob poked his shoulder and said: "Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward." before he was able to retreat to his thoughts.
"Alright, I'll bite. What is it, SpongeBob?" With his elbow on the boat's edge, Squidward rested his head on his hand. He took hold of his dancing magazine.
SpongeBob smirked. "You know what today is?"
"Devastate Squidward Day?" Squidward's eyes were half-closed.
"No." SpongeBob stopped smiling for a few seconds. He perceived that Squidward's eyes were looking downward. He wore a smile and leaned forward. "Today's the day when the employee of the month is picked!" He sat on the windowsill and repeatedly leaned back and forth. "This'll be the first time I get judged for my hard work!"
'How gullible.' Squidward sat up with a frown. "Don't you know that award's a scam?"
"What do you mean?"
Squidward folded his arms. "Krabs gives you that award so you'll work harder without getting a raised wage. Plus, I've been the employee of the month since our last fry cook quit his job." A light bulb abruptly lit up. 'If I beat SpongeBob at the thing that matters most to him, the Krusty Krab, he'll definitely won't dare to try to win the dance contest.' He leaned back and put his hands behind his head.
"That's only partially true." SpongeBob's hands was near his heart. "He would give it to me because I put more effort into my work. If you wanna win again, you need to try harder since you've got competition now." He smiled playfully.
To Squidward, SpongeBob's clothes looked like the colored shell of a robot. The yellow drone was speaking cues from its owner. Squidward shook his head. "What's the point of working and trying harder when your boss still makes more money than you? To get my face on the Wall of Slaves?" He chuckled.
SpongeBob took out his spatula and saw how it glistened under the lights of the dining room. He kept spinning it to see the shower of sparks. "You've got it all wrong. Having pride in your work is nothing to be ashamed of, why, it's the only thing that makes it worthwhile."
"Thattaboy, SpongeBob!" Mr. Krabs emerged from his office. He pat SpongeBob on the shoulder. "This is going to be a tough one though. There is no clear cut winner." He put his claws on his hips and smiled smugly.
Squidward opened his magazine. The pages of dance poses fueled him with a hope that had been pushing him through the workdays. With each flip of the pages, his scheme was becoming more elaborate.
Mr. Krabs pulled his yellow puppet's strings by whispering: "Watch out, lad. You might see the same face on the wall next month."
"Huh?" SpongeBob put his hand below his mouth.
Mr. Krabs' smirk became wider. "That's right, SpongeBob. He might have a few tricks up his sleeve."
SpongeBob leaned forward to look at the twelve picture frames that represented the months in a year. He imagined the blank frames being filled with Squidward's photos and Squidward's laughter reverberating throughout the dining room. The palm holding the spatula seemed to have soaked in all of the sweat he had exerted to reach his current position. 'I can't let the quality of my work slip up.' He furrowed his brows and jumped back to the kitchen.
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An hour later…
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Squidward placed the new bag of patties on the spot that the original bag of patties had formerly occupied. When he heard SpongeBob walking towards the bathroom's exit, he bolted back to the boat.
SpongeBob swiftly walked into the kitchen and swiped off an order note from the metal wheel. He took several patties from the newer bag and tossed them to the grill.
The grease under the patties built up quickly.
SpongeBob slipped the spatula under a patty but could not lift it up. The grease was beginning to attach to the grill's steaming surface. After a few more attempts to lift the patty, a sweat drop fell from his head. He glanced at the door to Mr. Krabs' office. With a tighter grip on the spatula, he heaved the patty.
The patty shot up and got stuck to the ceiling.
SpongeBob's eyes widened. He jumped to the upper windowsill and began to pry the patty off the ceiling with his spatula.
"Need some help?" Squidward was covering his smirk with his hand.
"Aah!" SpongeBob nearly fell to the floor in fright.
Squidward struggled to suppress his chuckling. "What are you doing?"
SpongeBob tried to wear a smile but it ended up wobbly. "Making… Krabby Patties?"
'Good. It's all going to plan.' Squidward furrowed his brows to hide his chuckling and bit the inside of his lower lip to hide his smirk. "That award is getting to your head. Don't you know that picture on the wall is just a load of-"
SpongeBob threw a spoon towards the patty on the ceiling. The spoon hit the patty and they both fell down. The patty fell to a turned-on fan near the grill and was grinded into many pieces of meat. The meat pieces covered Squidward's face and shirt.
"...garbage." Squidward's frown became genuine. He wiped the meat off his face and clothes.
SpongeBob threw another patty from the new bag to the grill. He then began to rapidly clean up the floor. He glanced at the door to his boss' office and abruptly remembered one moment in his first day as the fry cook. "Please don't tell Mr. Krabs about this! It'll hurt my chances of winning the award!" He put his hands together as another sweat drop fell from his head.
Squidward realized that SpongeBob was now at his mercy. 'I guess luck is finally on my side now.' He smirked for a second before wearing his serious face again. "I already told you, that award is a bunch of…" Another patty fell to the fan and got grinded to pieces. More meat pieces covered his body. "Baloney!" His palms curled to fists.
SpongeBob grabbed a towel, leaned forward, and quickly cleaned the meat off Squidward's shirt. "That is not true, Squidward. Like this hat, that award is a symbol of-"
Squidward pushed SpongeBob away and barged into the kitchen. He grabbed SpongeBob's employee hat and threw it to the floor. "It's a symbol that you're a chump!" He raised his foot. He allowed a calculated amount of exaggeration to leak into his facial expression.
"No!" SpongeBob held out his hand towards the hat.
"And this is a symbol of what I think of the employee of the month award!" Squidward stomped on the hat. He felt something metallic. A pang shot up on the sole of his foot. "Ow!" He hopped on one foot.
SpongeBob quietly picked up the hat and revealed the metal casing under it. He slipped the casing back into the hat and put the hat on. He then bit his lip and resumed his cooking of the patties.
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Forty-five minutes later…
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SpongeBob was staring at a frame of Squidward on the dining room's metal wall. The faces that Squidward had shown when talking about the award would not leave his mind. "What if Squid's right? What if the award is a phony? Does this mean my whole body of work is meaningless?"
The photo in the frame transformed into a photo of SpongeBob in an army hat. The imaginary photo of himself had a solemn face. "Stop that kind of talk, sailor! This is war now, private! That's exactly what he wants you to think! This is no time to go lily-livered on us!"
'But, sir…'
"There's no room for 'buts' in war, soldier! He wants you to crack! He's trying to trick you, get inside your mind! You will stop at nothing, and I mean nothing to defeat him! Have I made myself clear, private?"
The imaginary photo's words evoked memories of the delicious food he had previously cooked, the dance routines he had previously performed, and the applause he had received for his musical talent. 'Crystal, sir!'
"Good! Now move out!" The frame transformed back into a photo of Squidward.
Squidward had watched SpongeBob stare at the photo frame. He was not fazed by SpongeBob's determined face. He chuckled as SpongeBob marched like a soldier back to the kitchen. 'SpongeBob's becoming more crazy by the minute. That buffoon will have no clue what'll hit him.'
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A few more hours later…
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6:00 PM.
The Krusty crew exited the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs locked the double door with his key. "You two lads better come on time tomorrow." He smirked and walked towards the horizon.
Squidward looked at SpongeBob's face and raised his brow. SpongeBob's eyes had a certain intensity that could not match his fake smile. Squidward then shrugged and snickered. When he saw the tiki in the distance, he imagined an audience from below willing to watch him perform.
SpongeBob took out his spatula and saw the moon's reflection on it. He saw through the reflected moonlight the anticipating faces of Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab's frequent customers, and his family. He had much more to fulfill than trash duty or the orders written on the notes. SpongeBob stopped smiling and allowed his brows to furrow. He once again marched like a soldier. 'I'm sorry, Squidward, but I can't let you win.'
No words were exchanged.
S-S-S-S-S
A few hours later…
S-S-S-S-S
The clock on the foghorn showed 8:45 PM.
SpongeBob opened the bedroom window and took out a pair of binoculars. He watched the window of Squidward's bedroom through the binoculars. He was attempting to concoct a scheme that would allow him to seize the award without physically harming Squidward.
Squidward, in his pajamas, was preparing his bed. He then exited the bedroom and entered the bathroom.
SpongeBob saw a music sheet on the drawer. The memories of Squidward's recent demonstration of his clarinet and his poor performance with the paper repeated in his mind until they were fully decoded. 'Squid's probably been trying to compete with me for a long time. Maybe it could be about something else. But it doesn't matter now. He won't win.' He perceived an alarm clock and zoomed in on the object. He smirked. "Target sited. He can't go to work if he doesn't wake up." He tossed the binoculars to his bed, hopped through the window opening, and slid down the pineapple to the ground. He rubbed his hands together and then quietly climbed the tiki until he reached the bedroom window.
S-S-S-S-S
CRRREEEAAAK
SpongeBob opened the window and slipped into the bedroom.
S-S-S-S-S
Squidward heard the creak of the window. "Huh?" He stopped brushing his teeth and stepped out of the bathroom.
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob's heart raced as he heard Squidward's footsteps. He darted his eyes around the room until he found a green plant that was on a drawer near the door. He closed the window, dove towards the drawer, and crouched behind the drawer.
CREAK
Squidward pushed the door open and scanned the bedroom. Nothing looked out of place. He shrugged. 'I probably left this door ajar.' He returned to the bathroom.
SLAM
SpongeBob stood up and crawled across the bed. His eyes were locked on to the alarm clock. His hand shakily inched towards the clock.
S-S-S-S-S
Squidward spat out the remaining toothpaste, washed his mouth with mouthwash, turned off the lights, and exited the bathroom again. He twisted the doorknob of the bedroom door but the door would not open. He groaned. "Why at a time like this?"
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob jumped at the sound of the moving doorknob. He immediately crawled into the pillow on the bed. His body almost perfectly fitted the pillow. "Phew."
CRRREEAAAK
Squidward managed to open the door. He flicked off the lights, laid down on the bed, and put the blanket over himself. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.
A pause.
The pillow felt unusually firm. Squidward tossed his head around the pillow and tried to adjust it with his hands.
Squidward's movements was tickling SpongeBob's skin. SpongeBob tried to suppress his laughter by smiling widely. When Squidward's hand touched his stomach, the ticklishness overwhelmed him and a giggle escaped.
"Hm?" Squidward sat up and scanned the room again. It seemed like nobody else was in the room. After several more glances, he laid down on the bed again and adjusted the pillow.
SpongeBob's face turned red and scrunched up. The ticklishness was wrapping his body.
Squidward gave up with trying to adjust the stubborn pillow. He closed his eyes again and tried to count his breaths as he waited for his slumber to arrive.
SpongeBob took a deep and silent breath. He had been staring at the alarm clock for so long that the rest of the room seemed to be a blur. He slowly reached for the alarm clock.
Squidward felt movement inside the pillow and opened his eyes. He glanced at the alarm clock and saw a yellow arm emerging from the pillow. He nearly had a heart attack. "AAHHH!"
"AAAAHHH!" SpongeBob jumped at the sound of Squidward's scream.
Squidward picked up the strangely heavy pillow and threw it across the room.
SLAM
THUD
The pillow hit the wall and landed on the floor. SpongeBob crawled out of the pillow and stood up.
"SPONGEBOB?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Squidward jumped to his feet on the bed.
SpongeBob bit his lip. He dashed to the alarm clock and snatched it. Without saying a word, he hurled the alarm clock to the floor.
SMASH
The alarm clock shattered into numerous pieces.
Squidward opened the drawer the former alarm clock had been on and took out another alarm clock. "You only fooled yourself." He honked his nose in laughter as he adjusted the time of the unused clock.
SpongeBob grabbed the new alarm clock and threw it to the floor.
SMASH
That alarm clock broke into many pieces as well.
With a smirk, Squidward opened the closet. It was full of spare alarm clocks. "You're only wasting your time." He put his hands on his hips. He chuckled.
SpongeBob dove to the closet and dug through it by tossing out alarm clocks left and right.
S-S-S-SMASH
Squidward furrowed his brows. "Stop it!" He grabbed SpongeBob's shoulder. "If I really wanted that award, I could win it with my tentacles tied!" He yanked the yellow pest from the closet.
"That can be arranged." SpongeBob's eyes sparkled in a way reminiscent of fire. He folded his arms and stood upright. "I'll do anything to get that award. I've never won it before. "
"Are you trying to say that I should feel sorry for you?! I already knew you would eventually do something like this. Remember what you said a few days ago about how I treat you? How am I supposed to treat you nicely when you promise to change your ways but then keep doing your old habits? You're a lunatic, SpongeBob!"
"It doesn't matter who's crazy here. Everybody's a little crazy sometimes." SpongeBob put his hands on his hips. "When it comes to work, I'm better than you. Mr. Krabs always relies on me when he needs help and I always do my best. I have to prove my loyalty to him by becoming Employee of the Month."
'If he keeps talking and acting like this, it'll make revenge all the more sweeter. I can't wait to see his face when I win that award.' Squidward chuckled again and tilted his head upward. "Oh, that's it, square-for-brains! I'm going to show you how easy it is to win that award. I'm going to be the new employee of the month. I will prove to you that I am far more competent than you!" He pointed at SpongeBob like a parent scolding a child.
"Well, I'm going in early to wax the floors!" SpongeBob pointed back.
Squidward leaned against the wall. His face diffused to a confident smirk. "Don't bother. I'll have done it already by the time you get there."
"You'll have to get up pretty early to get there before me!" SpongeBob grabbed the employee hat from his pocket and put it on. He puffed up his chest.
"I don't need to sleep, loser."
SpongeBob's fists tightened. The stars he could see from the window looked like the watchful eye stalks of Mr. Krabs. "Well, me neither!"
S-S-S-S-S
Twenty minutes later…
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob and Squidward were watching each other intensely from the open windows of their bedrooms.
"Hey, Squid, getting sleepy, huh?" SpongeBob smiled playfully, with only faint traces of the seriousness he had shown before.
"No, how about you?" Squidward's poker face did not change.
"Nope!" SpongeBob shook his head.
Squidward felt like SpongeBob's question was the move of a piece on a chessboard. He tried to think of the many tactics his yellow rival would use to lure him into a trap. 'Time for some drastic measures.' He snatched his clarinet and tried his best to play a lullaby.
A light bulb lit up. SpongeBob allowed his head to rest on his hand. His eyelids looked like they were becoming heavier. After a few more seconds, he smiled goofily and collapsed to the floor. "Nighty night."
Squidward chuckled and slammed the window shut. He quickly exited his bedroom.
SpongeBob opened his eyes and giggled.
S-S-S-S-S
Half-a-minute later…
S-S-S-S-S
Squidward opened the door and stepped out of the tiki. He abruptly fell into a hole in the shape of a square. 'How could I fall for one of the simplest tricks?' He grit his teeth. When he hit the ground, he jumped to his feet and shook his fist. "SpongeBob!"
SpongeBob strolled until he was near an edge of the hole. He was holding a shovel that still had some dirt on it. "Hey Squid! Going somewhere?" He giggled. 'This is starting to feel fun.'
"I'm going to wring you dry when I get out of here! Now get me out!" Squidward kept trying to climb one of the walls but kept slipping and falling back to the ground. With each attempt, his face became more and more red.
"Alright, Squid." SpongeBob winked. "I'll stop by after work." He threw the shovel towards the pineapple's lawn. He skipped towards the front door of his home.
"SpongeBob! SpongeBob!" Squidward raised the volume of his yells until his vocal chords became exhausted. He dwelled on the result of his plan backfiring; the yellow pest's smug smile. He imagined SpongeBob having the same smile while dancing in the spotlight and receiving applause from the audience. The feeling that arose from his isolation in the square hole was the same one that arose when he sat alone in the high school cafeteria while hearing gossip about him from other students. He balled his fists so tightly that they nearly went numb. He dropped his facade of pompousness and released his rage in the most blunt way possible: punching through one of the square hole's walls.
S-S-S-S-S
A minute later…
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob jogged to the bedroom and wiped some sweat from his brow. "Now to get some rest." He slipped off his shoes and dove to the bed. He slipped on the purple blanket. 'Can't have baggy eyes for my employee of the month photo.' He took a few deep breaths until thoughts about the Krusty Krab faded away. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.
S-S-S-S-S
Ten minutes later…
S-S-S-S-S
"Rrrgh!" Squidward, after miraculously enduring the process of forging a path through the square hole, reached the end of the slope. He laid down on the ground to catch his breath. He gazed at the stars as if he was a prisoner who had just escaped jail and had not seen a clear sky in years. 'He may have showed off his guitar skills with that campfire song, outdone me in using that stupid gum wrapper, and tried to teach me how to play my own damn clarinet, but he will never take away my raw talent!' He leaped to his feet and galloped to the tiki with as much energy that SpongeBob would have had while jellyfishing.
After several seconds, Squidward exited his home with several wooden planks, many nails, and a hammer. He ran to the pineapple's front door and put the planks on it.
WHACK
WHACK
WHACK
WHACK
He nailed the planks to the door with the hammer. He then swiftly scaled the pineapple's exterior wall and nailed the rest of the planks to the windows. He then slid to the ground and smirked. "That oughta hold him."
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob opened his eyes wide and sat up as he heard thunderous noises from below. He perceived that the bedroom's window was covered in darkness. "Squidward!" He leaped and his feet landed into his shoes. He dove through the left door and slid down the library's slide.
S-S-S-S-S
Less than a minute later…
S-S-S-S-S
CLANK
The planks on the door shook and fell to the ground.
SLAM
SpongeBob barged the pineapple's front door open. His knuckles were red and his ankles were sore from the numerous punches and kicks his feeble limbs had to do to the door. "Nice try, Squid." He adjusted his employee hat.
Squidward quietly opened the tiki's front door and marched towards SpongeBob. His newfound energy, combined with the determination expressed in SpongeBob's face, indicated to him that he had to take things up a notch. A tumbleweed hopping across the street gave him an idea. 'That fool won't give up so easily. If I wear down his persistence, I might still be able to get the upper-hand.'
The two neighbors stood still and directly in front of each other. It looked as if they were going to pull out guns and duel like in old Wild west movies.
"I know a way we can settle this." Squidward folded his arms. "You got some rope?"
'Let's just get this over with.' SpongeBob nodded. "Wait a sec." He ran back to the pineapple and, after a minute, came back with a large loop of rope. "What now?"
"Cut it in half."
SpongeBob fetched a pair of scissors from the pineapple and cut the rope in half.
"We're going to pull one big rock each to the Krusty Krab. If you see something bigger than the rock you're pulling, you have to pull that thing instead of the rock. Whoever gets to the Krusty Krab first will have the right to impress Mr. Krabs. Is that a deal?" Squidward struggled not to reveal his smirk.
"Alright. I'll do it." SpongeBob nodded firmly with knit brows.
S-S-S-S-S
Eleven hours and forty minutes later…
S-S-S-S-S
March 25, 2008.
The sun was peeking above the horizon. The sky was shifting from dark blue to orange.
Squidward was heaving an oddly shaped rock that resembled a ship and had different colored pebbles that were in patterns reminiscent of brush strokes.
SpongeBob was hauling a yellow coral that was in the shape of a star.
Both of them were trembling under the weights of what they were carrying. Their sweat had soaked both of their shirts. Their palms were filled with blisters. Not one had surpassed the other during the entire race.
Squidward felt like he could faint at any moment. When he caught a glimpse of the Krusty Krab, he grit his teeth and pushed forward. His weariness caused him to visualize the trophy carrying him out of the hellish landscape towards a bright pedestal that stood above the heavens. When the sunlight began to bare down on his skin, his limbs stopped moving. He blurted: "SpongeBob, do you want to know why I wanted that gum wrapper?"
SpongeBob had a blank expression. He brushed the dirt that was soiling his squarepants. He felt the fibers of his shirt that his grandmother had stitched together for him on his eighteenth birthday. The delightful vocal reactions of his parents over the phone line constantly replayed in his mind. Even though his family was not there in person, he felt like they were watching him. "Cause I made it look fun?"
Squidward's eyes went from half-closed to almost fully open. "No, it's more than that. I don't want you to win that dance contest." His deadpan face began to have touches of the anger that had been boiling in him before. "If you haven't noticed by now, I hate being a cashier. I keep dreaming that one day I'll be so famous that I don't need to work in that crappy excuse of a restaurant, that I'll be able to pursue the arts without having to worry about money. Winning that dance contest is one of the only ways people can be exposed to my artistic taste." With closed fists and furrowed brows, Squidward stood up. "I'm gonna make sure you won't win."
SpongeBob sighed. He felt like he was watching a helpless animal struggling to get out of a trap. "But, Squid… aren't contests supposed to be fun? Me and Pat joined the contest just because we wanted to challenge ourselves and avoid bothering you. As long as you try your best, it doesn't matter if you win or lose. You can always try again. Going out of your way to stomp out the competition is risky 'cause you could get caught cheating." His eyes moistened slightly. He frowned. "It isn't right to focus so much on making people think you are perfect. It's kinda like how you play clarinet kinda bad yet think you sound good. Being a liar won't help you."
Squidward grabbed a pebble and threw it at SpongeBob. "That's a load of barnacles! The only reason why you got the job was because you were lucky enough that those anchovies came." He pointed at SpongeBob and put his other hand on his hip. "Why're you telling me not to focus on winning when you pulled the same tricks I was pulling?"
SpongeBob clasped his hands together. "But I want to become employee of the month to make my family-"
"Quit trying to pretend that you're better than me!"
SpongeBob swallowed his lips. 'I won't be able to reach him.' He turned towards the Krusty Krab. 'I have to make my victory as painless as possible. I'll just do a quick trick.' He sat up and returned to a blank expression. "Truce?"
Squidward narrowed his eyes. The subsequent words he said were like the movements of chess pieces. "Truce."
"If we keep arguing like this, neither of us will win the award." SpongeBob's furrowed brows seemed to be forced.
"You're right." Squidward nodded stiffly. "No matter how much we try to outsmart each other, Mr. Krabs will only judge us by what we did during work."
"Okay, let's have a good, clean fight." SpongeBob smiled awkwardly.
"And may the better man win." Squidward's smile forcedly revealed his teeth.
The two employees silently shook hands. Their eyes were locked on to each other.
'I'm sorry, Squidward, but I can't let Mr. Krabs down. I wish I could help you, but not right now.' SpongeBob's handshake began to wobble. His throat became faintly heavier and a slight frown formed on his face.
Squidward raised his brow. 'Look at that buck-toothed, corn-fed face. You can't trust him as far as you can throw him.'
'As soon as he stops shaking my hand-' SpongeBob glanced around for an opening.
'-I'm gonna make a run for it.' Squidward stared at the Krusty Krab from the corner of his eye like a sniper aiming at their target.
The two laughed nervously as they separated hands. The moment they saw Mr. Krabs several steps away from the Krusty Krab, they dashed towards the restaurant.
Mr. Krabs strolled towards the Krusty Krab while whistling and twirling the keys. "Money, money, gonna make some money!" As he unlocked the double door, he perceived the glass reflection of a running sponge and a running octopus. 'Ah, it warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early.' He smiled and turned around. "Boys, you're early!"
SpongeBob and Squidward ran even faster.
"Wait!" Mr. Krabs widened his eyestalks and held out his claws towards them.
S-S-S-S-S
S-SLAM
The two employees barged the double door open, causing Mr. Krabs to teeter to the side. They then dove into the kitchen. Within seconds, they left the kitchen while each holding a bucket of water and a soaked towel. Squidward ran to a table while SpongeBob crouched on the floor.
"Clean tables, Mr. Krabs!" Squidward wore a grin and stared at Mr. Krabs as he furiously washed the tables.
"Look, Mr. Krabs! Clean floors!" SpongeBob was cleaning the floors so quickly that water seemed to sprinkle from his blurring arms. When the floor became sparkling clean, he dashed to the kitchen.
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob barged the cabinet open, grabbed a pile of clean dishes, turned on the sink, and washed the dishes with the towel as hard as he could. "Clean dishes, Mr. Krabs!"
S-S-S-S-S
Mr. Krabs stood up and put his claws on his hips. "What's going on here?!" The sudden enthusiasm Squidward seemingly had for the Krusty Krab left him dumbfounded.
S-S-S-S-S
One of the dishes fell to the floor.
CRASH
The dish shattered.
SpongeBob's eyes widened. His smile became shaky. He blurted: "It's much more efficient to clean dishes this way, Mr. Krabs!" He grabbed a mop, shoved it into the sink's water, and mopped the remaining pieces until they were scattered throughout the kitchen floor.
Mr. Krabs kicked the kitchen door open and dropped his jaw at the sight of the remains of the shattered dish. He began to think of the expenses of buying new plates.
SpongeBob bit his lip and then dove through the ordering window.
S-S-S-S-S
SpongeBob landed on the boat and opened the cash register. "Look, I'm putting my own money in the register, Mr. Krabs!" He snatched a few dollar bills from his wallet.
S-S-S-S-S
Squidward ran into the kitchen. He grabbed a spare spatula, turned on the grill, and poured a bag of patties to the stove.
Mr. Krabs imagined the endless lines of customers the wasted patties would cause. "SSTOOOOOOOOOP!"
Squidward turned off the grill.
SpongeBob closed the cash register and walked into the kitchen with a lowered gaze.
Silence fell into the Krusty Krab.
"What's the meaning of this?" Mr. Krabs folded his arms.
Squidward glanced at SpongeBob. "I..." The words he was trying to develop in his head refused to come out correctly.
SpongeBob looked up and made eye contact with Mr. Krabs. "We want to become the employee of the month." He clasped his hands together and looked at the floor again. He sighed. 'It doesn't matter who he picks. Either one of us gets hurt. If he picks me instead of Squid, who knows how much more that contest will tear him apart.'
Mr. Krabs took a deep breath. "You lads didn't have to go this far. I've already decided that SpongeBob is going to be the employee of the month. I teased you two yesterday to make you work harder. Profits were a bit low this week."
Squidward, through the open doorframe, looked at the glass windows as if they were the bars of a jail cell. He already knew that the moment he had gotten hired in the Krusty Krab, he had sold his freedom.