I'm scared and sad… because the first chapter is scary and sad.

This has alot of Ocarina of Time refrences but if you don't know about the game it woun't really matter.

Disclaimer: This isn't even part of the rules, someone just did it and other readers saw this and wanted to do it, then it spread (dies for some 'unexplained' reason) LAWL RANTING!1

This is the SUPER GRAND FINALE OF SUPERNESS AND GRANDNESS!

Marth, Roy, and Peach where standing on top of a brick bunker thingy sticking out of the desert; all the while a huge sandstorm was over them.

"This time these three contestants will endure the sandy danger of the sandy and dangerous desert of the HAUNTED DESERT of Hyrule to get to the treasure," said some narrator with a creepy voice.

"Master Hand, you don't have to host this 'special' THIS IS SUPPOST TO BE A BACKYARD GAME THINGY AND NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO BEWATCHING!" Roy complained,

"I'm not Master Hand." The host replied,

"Crazy?" Roy asked,

"Nope,"

"Pee Wee Herman…?" Roy guessed, nervous.

"Nuh uh!" the host said, who walked out of the non-existent shadows to reveal Banjo and Kazooie.

"AH!" Roy yelped in horror. Banjo stepped on a twig sticking out of the ground and popped. Kazooie strapped her back to Roy's back with scotch tape and flew off.

"C'mon, let's go!" Peach said to Marth, the two stepped onto the sand where they began sinking and screaming, the two pulled themselves onto the top of the bunker, "NOW WHAT?" Peach, who forgot to stop screaming, screamed.

"You take these!" ZS Samus said sexily, who was next to Link, who was also trying to look sexy. Before Peach and Marth appeared two pairs of knockoff Hover boots and two Lenses of Truth.

"ZOMG." stated Peach,

"Two Lenses of Truth?" Marth asked,

"Their just rip-offs, 'Mirrors of No Lies' they call them." Link said.

"COOLZ LOL." Marth said and the two took them.

The princess and prince put the lenses to their faces and looked at each other, making funny faces, Then Marth looked at Peach's head, which was 100 made of plastic, by plastic surgeons he guessed "WTF?"

The two turned to see a ghostly ghost with a lantern floating near them "WTF?" the two said almost at once, not quite though.

"I'll be your guide on your way, but coming back, I won't play!" it said,

"What the crap does that mean?" Peach asked,

"I'll show you the only way to go, so follow me and don't be slow!" it finished, ignoring her.

So the two followed it, only seeing it with the Mirror of No Lies.

Meanwhile Roy screamed in horror/humor as the 'breegull' swooped down to the ground. Roy got on his feet and ran off, but began sinking "NUUUEEEEE!11!" he screamed, Kazooie then walked, pulling Roy on his back, but didn't sink for some reason, "YAY! I IZ'NT SINKING!"

Suddenly a chandelier fell and crushed Kazooie "NOES!" Roy said as he began sinking again. Off in the distance was a pier "NOES?" Roy wondered and ran screaming over to the pier.

Slowly walking across the rickety wood, he saw a huge whirlpool of sand and a flying carpet with some old weird guy sitting on it. "NOOOEEEES!" Roy yelled as he leapt across the space in-between.

"NOES, NOEZ? NOES!" Roy explained, to the guy,

"Well, I am selling stuff, strange and rare, from all over the world to everybody. Today's special is… MAGICAL HEALING CRUMPETS!" he yelled, taking out a bag of crumpets.

"YAY!" Roy said and clapped girlishly, he took one and shoved it down her throat,

"I ARE ALIVE!" Kazooie yelled, "OR ARE I? You never know…"

Suddenly there was a rumbling.

"NUUUEE!1" all three yelled.

Three snake tongues whipped out of the sand vortex below and wrapped around the merchant guy, pulling him down "NUUUEEEEE!1!11!" the two screamed, trying to hug each other, but were back to back and ripped their arm/wing out then reattaching them with glue.

A colossal garter snake's head peeked out of the vortex, its eye the size of Final Destination, They screamed until some nearby jars imploded, then Roy said, "ONWARD MAGIC CARPET!" it flew off, narrowly missing the snap of the snake. The garter Snake followed at breakneck speeds, which killed it. But another one the same size followed them!

Back with Marth and Peach, the sand storm began to clear and they put away the hand mirrors "WE DON'T NEED JOO ANYMORE GHOZT!" Peach said a little too noobishly.

"WHY JOO LITTLE-" the ghost said and imploded, going back to the other side… of the desert,

"Ooh a penny!" Marth said and went to pick up a penny, but it pulled away as if it was on some string, that was because Marth didn't notice the two-inch wide rope attached to it. He persistently followed the penny for fifty feet until he reached a rock wall, the penny slipped into a crack, "I WANT IT!" Marth said.

He pulled out a bomb and chucked it at the wall, it exploded, Marth looked down to see a beetle laughing and holding a penny "ST00PID BUG!" the swordsman said and stepped on it, getting the penny all yucky "EWWWZ…" Marth said prissily.

But Marth then noticed a glistening fountain in a white brick room, built into the organic wall. Suddenly a nine-foot tall woman with only vines covering her flew out of the fountain laughing madly.

"AH!" Marth yelped,

"Welcome MARTH! I am the Great Fairy of Magic!"

"O YA?" Marth asked,

"YA," She replied.

"Then I wish a huge flock of flying crumpets would come here!" Marth with big watery anime eyes,

"Wish granted!" she then started laughing hysterically and flew back into the fountain, hitting her head on the side of the fountain and getting the water bloody.

"EWWWWZ…" Marth said, "But thanks magical stripper!" he walked out of the cave to see a cloud of flying crumpets swarm over to him.

They tried jumping him.

He ran off screaming.

Peach found herself in front of the spirit temple, a building chiseled out of the rock with a statue of a woman above the entrance "ZOMG…" Peach said slowly, looking up at it.

As she walked up, Sheik jumped down "The Master Sword is a ship with which you can sail upstream and downstream through time's river…"

"I'm not Link." Peach spoke,

"Oh, well, is Link here, maybe Marth?" he… she… asked,

"I'm here," Link said, his arm on ZS Samus's shoulder.

"JOO CHEATER!" Sheik said, turning into Zelda,

"NO!" Link said, "She's just with me to look sexy for this game crap!"

"O YA?" Zelda asked,

"YA!" ZS Samus replied,

They then got in a furious catfight. As in putting two cats down and making them fight "Come on Fluffers!" Zelda urged,

"You can beat him!" ZS Samus shouted,

Peach shrugged and watched, eating some popcorn. You think this may be cruel to the cats right? Well they were playing SSB: M as Jigglypuff and Pichu.

Roy and Kazooie were holding on to the carpet as the snake repeatedly lunged at them, missing.

A rock spire, jutting out of the sand, was right in front of them, Roy rolled to the side, pulling the carpet out of the way, scraping the rock. The Snake smashed through it. Small stones rained down over them.

Just then the swarm of crumpets flowed over the snake, they stuck together and formed a blob. It hovered onto the carpet and morphed into three swordsmen, they then called upon the power of the mighty crumpet swords and threateningly came towards Roy.

Kazooie ripped off the tape and jumped to the side of Roy, she unsheathed Clouds Heaven, a huge orange and black striped sword from Final Fantasy VII.

Encouraged, Roy unsheathed his Sword of Seals the two furiously fought the three crumpet fighters.

Marth stopped screaming when he fell into an oasis, also when his vocal cords imploded. But he realized that the oasis was bone-dry.

"Aww, I know what will cheer it up!" Marth said, ignoring the fight with the cats not too far away. Getting out, he took out an ocarina that he made out of apple pie crusts, then began to play the Song of Storms.

Suddenly dark clouds appeared overhead and rain sprinkled down.

Link was having a dream that Zero Suit Samus, Zelda and an artichoke were all giving a him a lap dance at once while he whipped Ganondorf and told him to get some cookies, when the rain awoke him "Aw crap…" he said as he saw the cats playing. Then lightening surged the power in the floating TV, down to the Game Cube, electrocuting the cats.

The warring women put two dogs in place of the cats and told them to play. Suddenly a lightening bolt shot down and zapped them. In place of the TV, Game Cube, and doggies was one big black spot.

"Poor hound-mutts!" Peach said, "well, I got to go!"

She wandered into the temple.

Suddenly the Smoo, a freaky blue heeler dog, appeared "Wooferschnoodlez!1" it said and chased Link, Zelda, and Samus.

After having a pool party with two Leevers, Marth got out and dashed into the temple.

Inside, two porcelain pots hovered in the air and shot lasers at them "AH!1" they screamed, running back and fourth. Peach dived at a small crawl space and crawled through the tiny tunnel. Marth deflected the lasers with his sword, bouncing off and shattering the pots.

Zelda turned around for a second "Humbyahamumbojumbowootishabracadabra!" a ball of hot pink energy flew from her arm and smashed into the pooch. He shattered into little Smoos the size of mice, all barking at once.

"YAY!" Link said.

Finally Roy and Kazooie had knocked the swords from their hands. They held their swords to their crumpet-throats, then knock them off balance by girlishly pushing them. The snake opened wide, swallowing the crumpets whole, it slithered impossibly faster and lunged at the carpet again.

"NOEZ!" the two screamed, it missed, but a loose thread was caught in between its teeth, as it fell backwards the carpet unraveled. The two dashed over to the end until it unraveled completely.

Kazooie grabbed Roy by the shoulders as they free fell, almost flying because of the speed they were going at across the desert. The insanely gigantic snake shot out two huge green lasers from its eyes. Royput his hands on his hips as the lasers bounced of his armor, superman music playing. It zapped the snake, the front half vaporized and the bones, also because of the high speed, flew at them.

Kazooie flapped her wings and pulled Roy out of the way. The spinal column stuck into the sand. The swordsman and bird slapped into it, flying off of it like a ramp, now at least a hundred feet above the sandy sand.

Peach crawled out of the tunnel and into a room with three doors "Ooh!" all locked, "Nerds!" she saw a bunch of bats flying around on fire, "I'll have to kill them to make the doors unlock!" but they were on fire and burned to ash, "YAY!" she entered one door.

Marth walked up to a huge black block, blocking his way of getting to this treasure. So he took out all of his bombs that we have no idea where he's getting and lit them.

Once the bombs imploded, imploding the block, he ran in screaming a prissy war cry.

ZS Samus accidentally stepped on one of the Smoos, popping all of them including her "YES I WIN HAHA!" Zelda said.

At the top of the temple, Marth and Peach met each other in a room with a single throne in the middle, "We meet again…" Marth said,

"Yeah…" Peach said, the two walked up to the throne to see a cute little frisky terrier made of stone "Aww how cute!" it came to life and tried pooping on her head, "EEEEEEH GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" rocks fell on her head and she ran across the room, smashing through a conveniently placed window.

Marth jumped into the air and so did the stone cold pooch. Marth jumped to the ground and when the dog landed, it fell to rubble.

"YAY ANIME!" he yelled to the camera and ran to the now unlocked door. Opening it, the door led to the palm of the right hand of the statue, there was a chest in the middle.

"Ooh pretty!" he said and opened it, there lied a golden Master Hand statue, suddenly Roy and Kazooie landed on the chest, smashing it.

Roy got up to find a board lodged in his forehead, "Ouch." He stated.

Kazooie ate the gold.

"NUUUUUEEEE!" the swordsmen cried,

"Uh, it was the adventure we had that was worth it…?" she asked.

Marth and Roy shoved her around like school bullies until the hand they were on broke away. It landed on Link, killing all three swordsmen and the bird.

Zelda stared.

"What, you didn't expect that?" Crazy Hand asked, next to his brother. Suddenly what was left of the flock of crumpets tried raping Crazy Hand.

Zelda transformed into sheik and started eating the crumpets while Master Hand flew off and got eaten by some Leevers.

"How scrumptious!" Peach stated while watching Sheik eating swiftly and ninja-like.

THE END

This wasn't that funny, I know, but it had really cool action...?

REVIEW PLZ LOL.