Temporal Sequence

Chapter 22:

He waited silently behind the cover of a low branch replete with leaves. There were two of them; he could hear their footsteps. He would take the first one that came into his sight. He waited patiently, however, because he knew them to have excellent instincts, as fragile creatures should. It was astonishing that humans were so ill equipped for survival, yet they thrived.

He had never been around humans when he was very young. As time passed, their numbers exploded and it was nearly impossible to avoid them completely, especially since his father was rather fond of them. As such weak creatures, their friendship wasn't valuable to a youkai and the lack of common interests between humans and demons made it undesirable to seek such companionship. Obviously something could be gained in regards to sex as he had learned only to later dismiss it as unworthy. The power gap compelled the two species to despise each other, making a hanyou a social and moral abomination. He had accepted that without question.

However, there were exceptions, like Riku. No one played go like the philosophical monk, who he met indirectly through a miko he failed to kill. Obviously, a trivial common interest had formed a tenuous friendship between them. Nevertheless, he still viewed them as overall stupid and unethical creatures. He remembered asking Kazuma why he hated humans. Kazuma corrected him, saying it was merely dislike. He asked if it was because they were weak and Kazuma said yes, but his reasoning left much to be inferred.

"Humans are easily loved and easily killed."

At the time, he thought Kazuma meant that humans would morally corrupt youkai, making them weak of mind, but years later he'd witness a repetitive exception that thoroughly disproved his theory. But Inuyasha was half human. When Rin came along he thought he'd figure it out, but she made him neither weaker nor stronger. He still didn't understand and believed that maintaining distance from her was for the best since Kazuma had a preternatural accuracy in regards to spoken words. He knew that humans could cause weakness as evidenced by his father. Using Inuyasha as evidence to the contrary, however, contributed to the conclusion that it was merely a personal flaw on his father's part. He remembered the time his father rebuked him because of them, making him want to hate them all the more.

"You have shamed me. All of these people are dead because of you!"

It was the first campaign in which he had accompanied his father. The battle was waged on a southern island where his father vowed to protect a cluster of human settlements. A menacing taiyoukai was burning a warpath through their land and it seemed logical to dispose of him. He might eventually set his eyes on their homeland.

He fought vigorously, keeping his mind focused and his sword swift. There was so much blood that he couldn't tell his own from his enemies' and by the time victory was achieved, he couldn't move his left shoulder. As one of the soldiers wrapped his arm, he heard others speaking worriedly about the surrounding damage. Many soldiers and bystanders alike had died, but that was the reality of war. He wondered why it bothered them so much. That was when his father approached him, anger burning in his eyes. His father slapped him and cursed his existence. Sesshoumaru's regiment was in charge of protecting the village and it burnt to the ground. He thought eliminating the enemy quicker was the wiser decision; only then would the people be safe. He was angry and thought his father was the foolish one; he should have evacuated the village if the threat was so great. He hated that his father gave the humans preferential treatment. The strong ones deserved it, having earned it, not the weak ones relying on protection.

"I guess Kazuma never taught you how to save a life."

It was his first real battle and he decided thereafter that protection was a burden—a foolish one at that. His father should never have made those promises to those people. He should have just dealt with the potential threat and went home. But his father never liked to go home. He remembered feeling like dirt upon returning to the citadel. His father wouldn't look at him, let alone speak to him, but Kazuma, as always, was aware of his plight.

"Your father is a fool if he is too blind to see his own son standing before him."

He wanted to cry, but warriors didn't weep. If protection was so important, then why hadn't his father taught him these things? Perhaps it wasn't really important then, despite his father's words to the contrary. It might have been easier to accept as truth had he believed that something—anything—was important to his father. His father was probably just ashamed of himself for not being able to keep his word. He hated humans with a passion and that fact wouldn't change, not until he met Rin. She was different.

A leaf groaned beneath forced weight, pulling him back into reality. He tensed, waiting, ready for it to appear. The moment he saw taupe fur he lunged, snapping the doe's neck instantly, her heart beating only once after the break. It was so easy, like dropping porcelain onto stone. Kagome would die this easily and so would Rin. This was what Kazuma meant.

He heard the grass bend softly and his attention was drawn to the second creature—a fawn. Having seen its mother die, it was terrified and frozen still. It reminded him of the time he followed a path of tears only to find a little boy, despair saturating his scent and guilt consuming his eyes. Izayoi had died from disease, leaving Inuyasha at the mercy of a cruel world. The boy blamed himself because the healers wouldn't see her. She brought an abomination into the world and the gods were enacting the penance. He was alone and he knew it, despite having a brother. Inuyasha had finally realized the truth in all its gravity. He recalled telling him to get over it and prove that a hanyou could do something useful.

"You hate me because I was born different than you, right?"

He nodded, not ashamed to affirm the truth. "Your existence is a blemish upon this earth."

The boy's guilt then morphed into anger, which prompted Sesshoumaru to leave, wondering all the while if the boy could survive into adulthood. If he held onto that rage, then Sesshoumaru thought he just might. Only then would he be fit to die by Sesshoumaru's hands. He wouldn't see Inuyasha again until he was pinned to a tree in a spell-induced sleep.

He remembered walking through a lovely clearing, a dry well at its center, whispering amongst the quiet of day with an ancient and mystical breath. Uninterested in benign magic, he bypassed the well and found the old tree where Inuyasha slept. He thought about killing the boy, but the notion passed with the moment—Inuyasha would die not knowing who had killed him. He thought the boy was a fool. He loved a human, a miko no less, and this was his reward. Human females were despicable, untrustworthy creatures. They couldn't love a youkai, much less a hanyou, yet he gave her his hard-won heart anyway. He wanted to be the one to do away with Inuyasha, yet a damn priestess foiled his plans.

He hated Inuyasha so much in that moment that he thought he might have loved him. After all, those two sentiments were divided by the thinnest of paper, making them virtually inseparable. Too bad he didn't remind himself of that emotional paradox when it came to his opinion of humans.

The fawn finally remembered itself and ran away. He didn't pity it, knowing that it'd survive if it were fit for life. He slung the doe's carcass over his shoulder and made his way back to the little campsite. Kagome was asleep when he returned. She had already started a fire and so he went ahead and cleaned the deer. He let her be, knowing she hadn't slept well the night before. The chaotic turn in their relationship was weighing heavy on her mind—and his. He wondered what she really thought about it, but knew she wouldn't tell. For a girl that loved to talk, she sure knew how to keep a secret. He despised her and admired her for it.

She turned over then, the small covering falling down her waist. The rain made the atmosphere more humid than usual and so her skin remained flushed. He thought she might be uncomfortable, but thinking of his own comfort, he decided to pull the coverlet back over her body. She squirmed when he approached, her little white top riding up her torso. Her side was practically bare due to the cut of her clothing. The curve of her hip was deep and he liked the way it shaped her stomach.

"Humans are easily loved and easily killed."

Even if she lived her life to the end, like some humans did, it would be nothing short of a fleeting moment to him. Like a crashing wave, it would break upon meeting the shore. It would be as though she had never existed, but he would know better.

"Then you're one beautiful mistake."

He shied away from water because he knew he could drown and Kagome was luring him into the deep end of the ocean. He had to get rid of her and quick. He wouldn't let the control of his own life escape him like that, not again. Not ever again.

x x x

She blinked the sleepiness from her eyes, recognizing the aroma of roasting venison. It smelt fabulous and she felt like she hadn't eaten in a week. She sat up and saw a few skewers of meat hanging over the fire. In her confusion and hurry, she had forgotten to restock her food supply. Sesshoumaru offered to hunt, glossing over his kindness by saying his health was deteriorating from her 'human' food. Even if that was true, she hadn't expected him to prepare her meal. She blushed, thanking the humidity for concealing her embarrassment.

"It should be done shortly." She then saw Sesshoumaru, sitting in his usual spot, with an open book in his lap.

"What are you reading about?"

"Art."

"Oh? Who's your favorite so far?" The thought of Sesshoumaru appreciating art tickled her. At the same time, nothing about him should surprise her anymore. She blushed again, remembering his nose at her throat. She didn't like the way it made her belly feel.

"Kiyokata Kaburagi," he said plainly.

She forgot her nervousness upon hearing his answer. Kiyokata Kaburagi was famous for painting beautiful women. That fact intrigued her. "Why do you like him best?"

"He has a good eye. I suppose I'm a bit traditional."

She smiled and the air felt thinner. She supposed things were slowly regaining their normalcy. Earlier today, they talked and Sesshoumaru told her about a demon named Maurus and a monk named Riku. Though he didn't say it, she knew that at one time they were friends of his. It wasn't an easy conversation though. After what she said last night, compelling him to speak took a lot of effort, which primarily consisted of incessantly reminding him of their bargain. She knew his sense of honor wouldn't allow him to renege and he justified his acquiescence to her demands as a harmless way to silence her. He could be such a jerk and that jerk had tried to ignore her by reading one of her books and she didn't want to be ignored—not today, especially not today. She wanted to forget that yesterday ever happened.

"You know, when I was little I wanted to be an artist. A painter in particular," she said conversationally, trying to get those doomed words out of head. She was so embarrassed just thinking about what she had said. Her mouth really had a mind of its own. He cleared his throat and she swore she could feel his breath teasing her neck. She was driving herself insane. At this rate, normalcy was impossible.

"Why didn't you?" he asked as he turned a page.

"I think I had the eye for it, but not the hand." She crawled to the fire and poked a plump cube of meat to see if it was done.

"You study the mind so now you aspire to be a psychologist, correct? Why is that?" he inquired, still scanning the colorful pages.

"I want to help people and I can't be a doctor. I don't have the stomach for it," she replied as she took a skewer. "As I've grown, I've come to realize that the most difficult problems people have are mental ones. Those are also the most difficult to cope with and many times a cure isn't foreseeable or even obtainable. I want to help them reach that cure on their own, if it's possible."

"You want to feel useful then," he replied as she took a bite.

She stared at him as she chewed. "Yeah, I guess so." She sounded pathetic, and felt it too. She reminded herself that she shouldn't care what he thought of her.

"It seems you've been quite useful to Inuyasha, but I suppose that's hard for you to see."

She stopped chewing. "What do you mean?"

He looked at her then and she rubbed her neck. "He fights like a full-blooded demon when you're with him. He doesn't question his worth anymore. I think that equates to usefulness, at least as far as he is concerned."

That almost sounded like an insult, but she decided to ignore that possibility. "Maybe," she agreed reluctantly. It didn't seem like enough. She wondered if anything would ever be enough. She figured that was the definition of satisfaction and thus it was no wonder she couldn't see it.

"There was another miko before you. Is that why you question your worth in regards to him?"

"You know about that? I never told you Kikyou was a miko."

"My brother was bound to a tree. Do you think I wouldn't find out why?"

He was beginning to revert back to full-jerk mode. She didn't feel very hungry anymore. "I don't want to talk about it. I've already closed that book."

"Very well," he said, his eyes returning to the book in his lap. "Inuyasha is very similar to our father. Don't let his inadequacies weigh you down."

She didn't know if that was meant to be a reassurance or a warning. "Sesshoumaru, I," she spoke without thinking and she wasn't even sure what she wanted to say to him. She just felt like she needed to tell him something. Maybe she wanted to thank him for saying that, but that'd be a waste of words. He never wanted gratitude. She wondered if he understood the word.

"In the morning, we leave to find Inuyasha. Certainly he will remember Rin's scent. I suggest you return home to dispose of some of your things. You carry too much and I do not wish to be slowed. You also need to obtain more foodstuffs. I will not need to hunt for some time and I am not your caretaker."

She held her breath, a sudden chill spreading through her body. His voice was so cold and his tone so indifferent that it seemed as though he was pushing her away, like she was unneeded, unwanted. She felt rigid, unable to move, knowing that she couldn't disagree with that sentiment.

"How would you know where to start looking for him?" She didn't like the way her voice sounded, like she was pleading for the opposition's case.

"Several days ago, you said he was searching for my 'friends' and if he was to do that, then I have a good idea as to where he would look first."

"Why the sudden rush?" She couldn't believe she was still talking. She swallowed, wondering why she should even care. She was the one that mentioned leaving. She was the one that said she needed to find Inuyasha.

"This way you'll be reunited with my brother in a timelier manner and I will be able to obtain information on my ward's whereabouts more quickly."

It made sense; Sesshoumaru always made sense. She just couldn't shake the feeling that he was trying to get rid of her, but she needed to remember that this was what she wanted—to distance herself from him before it all ran too deep. Maybe he was right. Maybe she had always been useful to Inuyasha in some way. But one thing remained evident; she had never once been useful to Sesshoumaru.

x x x

The next morning, after a rather rude awakening from Sesshoumaru, she went home to do as he had instructed—trim the fat from her backpack and stock up on the important stuff. She needed to remember her bow and arrows as well. Otherwise, she'd be forced to listen to a lecture and she didn't want to hear Sesshoumaru's version of scolding. He'd probably 'actively' teach her lesson, like he had with the bird carcass that day. It also didn't help that she didn't know what to think of him right now. Two days ago, he turned really freakish and now he was acting super nonchalant, like he did when he first returned to the world of consciousness, and it was really aggravating. At the same time, maybe this was a good thing. Reason number one: he hadn't worn a shirt in the last thirty-six hours. She found herself imagining running her hands up his back and that deviant thought was killing her. He was affecting her brain in all the wrong ways and his rediscovered crappy attitude might just be the cure.

For a moment, she wondered if he treated Rin like this—apathetically and abruptly. He had said the girl was abandoned, so maybe she was used to being treated like dirt and Sesshoumaru's behavior toward her was probably a step above that. Rin's future looked like a bleak prospect. Then again, wasn't hers? She had no right to pass judgement; she was just a little ticked.

She needed to get this done in a hurry, so hopefully she wouldn't run into any family members, but that seemed unlikely. The sooner she got back to Sesshoumaru, the sooner they'd find Inuyasha and the sooner she'd be rid of him. Her stomach flipped at the thought. When that happened, there'd be no more substantive conversations, no more stargazing and light-hearted jests. All of her friends were unique in their own right and Sesshoumaru was no exception. She'd miss his blatant honesty and stark realism. She'd miss his intense stares and questioning looks. She'd especially miss that roll of his jaw and the sound of his voice. She'd even miss the way he worded things, like everything was important and he was an expert on everything. His confidence was contagious and she wondered if she'd retain just a piece of it when he was gone.

She was beginning to think that he realized he was treating her like a confidant and felt ashamed of it, compelling him to push her away. Last night—hell, a few minutes ago—she was more than willing to be pushed. But the more she thought about it and the more the reality of it sunk in, the more she discovered how wrong it felt. She wondered what this meant, hoping it didn't mean what she thought it did. No, it couldn't. She thought of Miroku in a similar light and he was just a dear friend. She loved all of her friends, which meant—in a completely innocent and platonic way, of course—that she also loved Sesshoumaru.

Suddenly, she thought of the way his shoulders tensed and wished she could knead them, just once, so that he would know how it felt to be handled with care. She remembered how warm and cold he was, the contradiction making her blood rush. Somehow, she knew he could be passionate—he just had to be—or else so many conflicting sentiments could not possibly coexist within him.

"Stay with me."

His voice rolled over her, like a silk coverlet. She remembered the way she felt when he wrapped his arm around her chest. Her skin became hot, making her nervous. His proximity always made her nervous. Her heart fluttered upon remembering how he pulled her to him suddenly, his face at her throat and his hand in her hair. She grew hotter then and one little thought echoed in the back of her mind at that moment, one in which she tried to convince herself she hadn't heard—let alone thought—but even the gods knew she wasn't blessed with the power of persuasion. She wanted him to kiss her there, at the pulse of her neck. She wanted to feel alive and knew he could remind her. She knew one thing—Sesshoumaru held a power over her and she was losing to it.

She stopped then, her blood flashing hot. She was supposed to have banished these thoughts from her mind. She shouldn't be encouraging them, let alone acknowledging them! He was a friend, like Miroku…but she didn't want to slide her fingers up Miroku's back. She didn't entertain thoughts of Miroku kissing her neck. Did this mean…? No, it was simply sexual frustration and he just happened to be paying attention to her. She already knew this. Then why did she feel so uncertain?

"Kagome!"

Pulled from her inner musings, she saw her little brother running toward her with a lantern and incense in his hands. She immediately noticed that he was wearing a pair of blue hakamas.

"Souta," she said with a giggle. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Oh, this? Gramps got some weird idea in his head because of those foundation people. He says we got to hold some wacko ceremony to thank the God of…well, the God of something for it."

"Souta, this is no time to be neglecting your duties!" She looked up and saw her grandfather approaching, he, too, dressed in the traditional garbs of a priest. She pitied Souta, but at the same time she sort of wished she could be there to see this crazy ceremony. She needed a reality check, even if it involved her grandpa's delirium.

"Hi, grandpa!"

"Ah, Kagome!" he greeted brightly. "Have you come to help with the ritual?"

"Um, no, I can't. Sorry, grandpa."

"Don't worry about it. As a high priestess you have your own duties to attend to."

She blanched at the thought of being considered a high priestess. "What's this ritual all about anyway?"

"Oh, no," Souta said wearily. It made her want to laugh.

"The Great and Powerful God who protects the Higurashi name has bestowed a generous gift upon us and so we must pay our respects to him at sundown as has been preordained!"

Her eye twitched. He sounded like he belonged in a straight jacket. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember the story? I know I told it to you when you were but a little girl. It was nearly four and half centuries ago that a great fire engulfed…"

"Souta, did he take his medication today?" she asked quietly, her grandfather still droning on in the background.

"He swooped down from the sky and the flames extinguished…"

"I don't know, but it gets worse," Souta bemoaned.

"And He said that our family would live long and thrive on this land as long as…"

"How could it get any worse?" she questioned.

"On that fateful day our clan adopted the name of His giving and looked to Him for protection and…"

"He thinks the guy that stopped by the other day isn't human," Souta whispered.

"His mark has been lost, but His spirit remains and through His premonitions…"

"What?" she nearly shouted.

"Kagome," her grandfather scolded gently. "It's rude to interrupt and even ruder to disregard such a kind and giving God."

"You think the man from the foundation isn't human?"

"He looked pretty human to me," Souta added nonchalantly.

"I said he was only half-human," her grandfather corrected, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's his other half?" Kagome asked somewhat fearfully. At times like this, she worried for her grandpa's mental health.

"Oh, boy," Souta said.

"He's a demigod!"

It was no wonder she had crazy thoughts; she came from an insane family! "Grandpa, that's ridiculous!"

"Don't sass me, young lady! Had you seen him, you'd understand. He had the blackest of hair…"

"More like a mahogany color," Souta chimed in.

"And the greenest of eyes!"

"I think olive is more like it," Souta interjected.

"His appearance was flawless, otherworldly!"

"More like pale and scary," Souta interposed.

"He was young, yet he exuded such power!" Her grandfather sensed his power? It was no wonder he was being so freakish about it; his sense for the mystical was never any good.

"So…you think he's the half-human son of this God that protects the Higurashi name?" she asked skeptically.

"Exactly!"

"Yeah," she said. "You guys have fun with that."

Leaving those two behind, she walked inside and went directly to the kitchen where her mother was washing dishes. "Hi, honey! I didn't expect you today!"

"I forgot to restock my food. Did grandpa take his meds?"

Her mother laughed. "Don't mind him. He's just excited. I think it's nice when he gets so lively. Are you staying for lunch?"

"No, I can't," she replied as she pulled the excess clothes from her pack.

"That's too bad. While you're here, could you at least share your thoughts?" her mother asked as she scrubbed some plates, creating a rhythmic rustle of water.

She continued unpacking, not at all fazed. Her mother probably saw that confusion all along. "I have mixed feelings…about a boy." The water suddenly stopped swishing.

"Oh?" She knew what her mother was thinking. 'Why again?'

"I'm not necessarily talking about romantic feelings, just feelings in general. He's someone I shouldn't have feelings for and Inuyasha is hardly in the past. Does that make me a bad person?" It was strange how weird that statement sounded, like she was contradicting herself.

"Kagome, it's your life to live. Just as I refuse to interfere with your decisions, so will Inuyasha. He cares for you and wants you to be happy, so I'd imagine that he'd accept any decision you make, even if it's hard for him. Hearts move on, Kagome. So no, it does not make you a bad person."

That was all she needed to hear. "Mama, I'm not going to stay there. I think part of me was afraid that Inuyasha would be irreplaceable, but now I think I understand that I can love again." She paled at her own words, but they were soon forgotten as a dish clattered against the metal sink. Before she knew what had happened, her mother's arms were around her, soapy hands wetting her back.

"Thank you," her mother whispered desperately, her tears sliding into Kagome's hair. She thought she would cry too, but she didn't. It felt too uplifting to bring her mother good news. "Now hurry up and get out of here," her mother said as she pulled away, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her wrist. "The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll return."

"Okay, mama."

She knew a part of her would always want to remain in the Feudal Era, but when the choice was between friends she had known for four years and a mother she had loved all her life, she'd chose her mother. She needed a life where she wouldn't have such a difficult decision to make. Her friends would understand, they always did, even Inuyasha.

Upon climbing out of the well, she made a resolution. This was her life to live and she'd live it as fully as she could. It was obvious that she cared for Sesshoumaru and she would continue to care for him no matter how difficult he, or anyone else, made it because that was how she wanted things to be. She would ignore his callousness and treat him kindly, like a friend, because she wanted to retain good memories of him. He would leave soon and that was fine as long as their camaraderie remained intact. That much was important to her.

With a lighter backpack, she was out of the well in no time. As she walked back toward her recent campsite, she smiled at the thought of being a tiny bit more independent. It was amazing how that notion made her less nervous about meeting up with Sesshoumaru. This was the beginning of pressing her will down onto that spinning clay.

A frightening sensation jolted through her veins, leaving an icy remnant pulsing in its wake, compelling her to pause. She knew this feeling, having felt it countless times before. A demon was nearby and possessed jewel shards—and they were tainted. She gulped, instinctively turning her attention to a patch of trees to her right. The youkai was lurking in the shadows, watching her, waiting, like he was making certain of something.

He must have suspected she had jewel shards, which wasn't uncommon for youkai who already possessed some. She slowly reached around her back, feeling for her bow. She felt nothing but fabric. She forgot her bow again! Sesshoumaru would be so pissed at her!

She discreetly looked over her shoulder and realized the well was several meters behind her, leaving her with few choices. There was no way to outrun a youkai of this caliber, especially one with jewel shards. Her only hope was to walk away as though she didn't notice anything. Maybe he'd think she didn't have any shards then, but maybe her behavior had already been labeled as odd and telling. Maybe he knew regardless of her actions. She couldn't take that chance, which left her with one remaining option. After silently pleading for Inuyasha's forgiveness, she screamed Sesshoumaru's name.

"SESSHOUMARU!"

It was amazing how fast that youkai darted from the shadows, like he was a part of them, born from light. He hit her hard in the abdomen and she literally went flying. There was no Inuyasha to bear the impact and no Kirara to catch her mid-air. Even Sesshoumaru wouldn't make it in time to break her fall. She was screwed, but she prayed that the damage wouldn't be too severe. As she hit the tree with a sickening thud, she wished that the last times she spoke with Sesshoumaru hadn't ended the way they had. She hoped he thought well of her.

She didn't feel any pain as blackness crept into the corners of her eyes. She knew something was wrong with that, but at least she could feel a warm dampness on her neck, if only barely. Feeling something was good, right? She tried to inhale fully, thinking that more oxygen could clear the dark clouds from her sight. She ended up coughing and liquid sputtered from her mouth. At that moment, she wondered if she'd get the chance to see Sesshoumaru again. There was something she felt the need to tell him, but she couldn't remember what it was right now. Gods, she was going to miss him.

Maybe Sesshoumaru wouldn't care that she was hurt or maybe he'd be angry that she forgot her weapon. As she lost consciousness, she hoped that he'd feel anger. If he was mad, then that meant he cared.

x x x

This story is nearing the end! I'll inform you guys of the exact number of remaining chapters as soon as possible. It'll most likely be 25 or 26 chapters in total. As always, thanks for reading!