Chapter 2 – Pain, Guilt and Relenting

Hours past and still Kira lay on the floor. She had cried herself to sleep the previous night but the nightmares had returned again. She sat up, her face tear stricken, and thought harder than she had ever done before and just as it came to her she ran out of the room and headed for Quark's.

Meanwhile in his office of OPS, a man was pacing. Sisko was worried about what he had done to Kira. He had tried to contact her but she hadn't replied. He had told Dax about it, of course, but that still hadn't relieved his pain.

"Dax to Sisko," the Trill's voice sounded over the comm. line and Sisko was brought back to reality and quickly answer as though nothing had happened.

"Go ahead,"

"Someone is accessing Odo's Personal Record."

Sisko didn't reply but instead he walked out of his room and over to the Trill who's previous host had been his best friend.

"Report" he snapped a little more aggressively than he had planned but luckily Dax didn't comment on it.

"Quark is using Kira's access codes to look at Odo's Personal Record."

"Which parts is he looking at?"

"His measurements." Dax sounded surprised and wondered why Quark would want Odo's measurements and why he was using Kira's access codes. Even though she had all these questions buzzing round the mind she still heard Sisko say,

"Leave him to it. I will surprise him myself."

She decided to keep her thoughts to herself. At least for the moment.

Meanwhile Sisko had left OPS for the Promenade and Quark's. When he got there, Quark was serving Jake and Nog some of there favorite Volcano Sundaes and denied, as usual, the accusations.

I sure hope Odo gets back soon. He is much better at this type of thing than me, thought Sisko. But just as he was going to use force to make the Ferengi confess, Kira stepped out. Her face was still tear stricken but her face was firm.

"He has my authority to look at the files because he is making me a holosuite program. Is there anything wrong with that?" she said, hesitated then added in a whisper so only Sisko could hear. "murderer."

"No, carry on," he replied and didn't comment on the hurtful comment that Kira had whispered to him but he did have tears in his eyes. He hoped, as he walked back to his quarters, that Kira hadn't noticed.

Hours later, in the Sisko quarters, Benjamin was still upset. He had locked the door so that no-one could come in. He didn't want any comforting from anyone. Then a voice was heard in the room and Sisko felt a weird sensation as he heard his son, Jake, over the comm. system.

"Dad, can you open the door. I'm hungry, I've no money and I need some sleep." Jake was outside whining to come in. Sisko didn't answer but just turned away from the door and tried to block out as much sound as he could. 'Shut up Jake. Can't you see the pain I'm in. Can't you see I'm ripe with guilt. Go and see Dax, or someone else, just leave me ALONE!' Sisko thought desperately. He tried to speak it but the words couldn't come out. Jake hammered on the door for what seemed like forever. Then a new voice sounded in the room. It was Dax, she said,

"Benjamin, stop kidding around. Stop being selfish and start thinking about your son. Unlock the door and we can talk about it like old times."

Sisko listened to what she had to say then got up, turned the comm. system off and lay back down facing away from the door. Outside the door Sisko could here muttering and noises which sounded like the computer. Then the door opened.

"What is going on, Benjamin?" It was Dax who asked the question.

Sisko felt anger boil up inside him. He got up and faced Dax, who was just about to say something, when Sisko roared out at her and said in the roar,

"HOW DARE YOU OVERRIDE THE DOOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN PAIN? CAN'T YOU SEE THE GUILT?" Sisko was well into his stride as he walked toward her. He grabbed her and pinned her to the wall and shouted into her face.

"IF YOU EVER DARE TO TRY THIS AGAIN, I WILL . . . WILL. . . "Sisko paused and whispered, "let you use your imagination for that"

Behind him Jake piped up,

"She was only trying to help Dad," but that only made Sisko angrier. He threw Dax away and she crashed into the table. He charged at Jake and shouted,

"SHUT UP! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! GO AND CREATE HAVOC WITH NOG!" He slapped Jake and threw him and Dax out of his quarters. "AND STAY OUT!"

Sisko breathed heavily, closed and locked the door, then changed the access codes. 'Now try and get in.' He thought evilly but the guilt and pain then washed over him and he flopped onto his bed and started to cry. Through his tears he said 4 names.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Dax. Kira. Odo. Jake. "

Meanwhile outside his quarters, Jake Sisko was trying to bring Dax round. When it didn't work he walked to the nearest comm. unit and said,

"Jake Sisko to Bashir. Medical Emergency outside my quarters. "

"Who is it?" came the reply.

"Lt. Dax and me"

"On my way. Bashir out.

Within 10 minutes Bashir arrived. He asked Jake what had happened but wouldn't say who had hurt him and Dax. Bashir transported all 3 of them to the infirmary. Jake was fine with only a large bruise on his cheek but the same couldn't be said for Jadzia. She was unconscious but, luckily, her vital signs were stable.

Meanwhile Sisko had transported to the promenade where he knew Kira would be after asking Quark nicely if he knew where Kira was. He found her in a holosuite having dinner with a holographical Odo.

That is why Quark wanted Odo measurements - for this program. Sisko thought before he interrupted.

"Computer, end program," he said. The background vanished along with the table, chairs and Odo himself. Kira fell to the floor with a bump.

"What did you do that for?" she said very indignantly,

"I wanted to talk to you about Odo."

"Leave me alone. First you stop me from saving him then you destroy his holographic self," her voice grew higher and louder as she got more and more upset, "Just leave me ALONE!" Before Sisko could stop her, she had run out and whispered "Murderer" to him again. The pang of guilt seared though him again but he was too late to catch her as she ran to her quarters. Sisko sighed and decided to talk to Kira what ever it took. He didn't want to hurt anyone again. Another pang of guilt seared through him and he hoped that Dax and Jake were alright. But for now he needed to talk to Kira and he headed for her quarters.

In her quarters on level 6, Kira was crying and looking at the only picture she could. Odo was very important to me she thought and now Sisko has killed him by not letting save him.

The doorbell rang and it brought Kira out of her thoughts.

"Come in if your name isn't Benjamin Sisko." Kira said to the door.

Benjamin Sisko came through door.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I said to come in if your name isn't Benjamin Sisko and unless you have very recently changed your name then you shouldn't be here." Kira snarled at him with look of disgust on her face.

"My name is Captain Benjamin Sisko." Sisko replied calmly.

"That's your rank not your name," Kira said without the trace of respect.

"Fine if you want to play it that way, my name is Benjamin Lafayette Sisko." Sisko's voice was still calm. Damn foiled thought Kira but said instead,

"What do you want?"

"To talk to you about Odo but if you don't want to rescue him I'd better go." Sisko made for the door but Kira called out to him.

"Wait, does that mean I can go?"

"Yes but only when Lt. Dax is better. I wish her to go with you." Sisko didn't want her to go alone, it may not be safe.

I would rather Jadzia didn't come but this might be my only way of saving Odo, Kira thought.

"OK, I'll go with Lt. Dax."

"Good, I'm glad we got that sorted," and with those words Sisko left Kira and her quarters.