DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

The kiss was a passionate one, one that neither of them expected. Meredith looked into John's eyes, eyes that were so full of love and pain. They didn't say anything to each other. There were no words to follow what had just happened. He knew she felt something. It was the first time she had really kissed him since the affair. He grabbed her hand and they walked off of the dance floor. He kept walking to the elevator, and she followed him like a lost puppy. She was so confused, she didn't know what to make of what just happened. The elevator doors closed, he pushed her up against the elevator wall and kissed her. She let him, in the moment it felt right, it felt comfortable. The doors opened they rushed to his hotel room. He slid the card and opened the door. He had thought that this night was never going to come.

John: Oh God, I love you.

He takes off his suit jacket and throws it his shirt was next to go, then he unbuckles his belt Finally, He thinks. He begins to peel his pants off with haste. He needed her now. Like he has never before. He slide his hands down her back and unzips her gown, it drops to the floor in a pile, leaving her exposed to the world. She was feels vulnerable, like she was naked in front of the crowd. It had been so long since John had seen her, touched her. She was breathtaking. He examines her every curve. He walks over and puts his mouth on hers, he needed to taste her. He pushes her down on the bed, he kisses every inch of her body. She just lays there. He is in control, she is so confused. He unclasps her bra, exposing her breasts. He takes it all in, like this is the first time. She looks into his eyes. She sees his need, his want for her. He has a hunger that she has never seen. She loves him, but it's not enough. All she can think of is Derek. She couldn't do this, she couldn't cheat on Derek.

Meredith: John...she can feel him reacting to her body.

John: Yeah? (He is out of breath.)

Meredith: I can't do this.

John: WHAT?

Meredith: I can't. I just can't, I am not ready. It's all too much to take in.

John: How long is it going to take? (His eyes well up.) I love you so much, and you just can't see it. I screwed up so bad. I would do anything to take it back. It's been so long and yet you can't let go. If the tables were turned, I would have forgiven you. The kiss, I felt it, there is still something between us. (He is crying.) I am getting tired Meredith. I am so tired...

Meredith: (Eyes welled up.) I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I felt it, the kiss. I love you John. I miss you. I miss us. But sometimes that is not enough. I just need more time...

John: I will wait, but I can't wait forever. I don't know what is more painful, keeping you with me, and you not loving me, or letting you go. I don't know if I can go on without you, you are my lifeline. I need you... to live.

Meredith: I'm sorry. (She is now bawling. She runs into the bathroom. She has to wash herself. She has to wash off all the hurt, the pain, the sadness she has. She can hardly look at herself in the mirror. She loves John, she realized that tonight. The feelings she had, have come back. Not as strong as they once were, he was like a candle shining through a translucent window. The flame was there, just not as bright. Now everything was bound to change.) Damn you John, damn you for making me love you.

When she came out of the shower John was asleep, or at least acting like he was. She laid down next to him and just watched him sleep. He was pretending for a long time, but she could tell when he he really did fall asleep. She could not even think about sleeping. All she could think about was the past. She remembered when they had a Valentine's Day party at school when they were kids. John gave everyone Superman valentines, except Meredith. He gave her a card, and a small box. The card was beautiful, and the box contained a necklace. The necklace was simple, nothing expensive. That was when he told her he loved her. She laughed and they walked home from school holding hands. She remembered when they went on their first date at the pizza parlor, and she ate almost the whole pizza herself and he couldn't afford to buy anymore, she was so embarrassed. She remembered when he taught her to drive, he never lost his temper. She remembered when he found out about Ray. He was so sad , so upset, so angry. He disappeared for hours, he came back bloody, she knew he had fought with Ray. Then she thought of the first time that had sex. It was the first time for both of them, it wasn't sex, it was pure love. She had never felt so comfortable with someone in her life. She also remembered when he asked her to marry him. He had worked all summer to pay for the plane to carry the banner that spring afternoon. The one that said 'Meredith-Will you marry me?' He had put so much thought into it and it had meant so much. Then she thought about Derek, oh Derek. God she was in love with him. When she wasn't with him she was thinking about. She doesn't know what she is going to do. She is going to be breaking someone's heart. She and John had such a history, but she and Derek, they could have a future. A very bright future.