DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

John showed Derek out. It hurt him, that his wife loved another man. He never thought that would happen. When they were young they promised to love each other forever. They both made mistakes, but tit was supposed to always work out. He made himself a Martini and sat at his desk to unwind. He notices the date on the calendar.

John: Oh my God. It's today, today it the day we lost our child.

John headed up to Meredith's room, he needed to be with her. Meredith pretended that it didn't bother her, losing her child. She always cried in private. That day was always reserved to mourn. Neither of them worked, and they didn't speak to each other. Meredith knew that it hurt John, but she had no idea how bad. He was devastated, he wanted children so badly, and that was taken from him. When he opened the door Meredith was sleeping peacefully. After all of the alcohol, she wasn't going to be up anytime soon. He cradled her. He needed her right now, not the other way around. He just sat there and cried, for all that he had lost and all that he is losing.

In the morning he decided to go visit Lois. He knew Meredith needed him, but she wasn't awake. He made Meredith a hangover tonic and put it in the refrigerator. He left her a note on the counter. He also knew that Lois was fading fast, and his time with her was limited. As much as he wanted to see his mother, it saddened him to. As he walked through the hospital hallway, everyone was watching him. They were wondering if he was going to go crazy again. Everyone had gotten to like him, they all thought he was a nice guy. Now he and Meredith were the hospital gossip. He passed Ellis in the hallway, she slowed to talk to him, but he kept walking. He was in no mood to talk to her. He blamed her just as much as he blamed Ray.

John: Hey Mom!

Lois: Hi honey.

John: How are you feeling?

Lois: I actually feel pretty good. They said I could go home tomorrow.

John: Really? That's great. We will get your room ready.

Lois: No honey, home. I want to go home.

John: Mom! I thought we agreed you would stay here.

Lois: Jonathan, I need to be home. I need to be where I am happy, at peace.

John: (Tips his head sadly.) I understand. (He did, that was the home where he grew up, where she and his father were happy.) I will take you.

Lois: I will settle for that. Where is Meredith? I asked a nurse, her face got pale and she said she was off today.

John: She's sick. She is just not feeling well. She wishes she could be here, but she doesn't want compromise your immune system. (He had almost convinced himself.)

Lois: Oh, I understand. (She was not convinced. She had a dream that there was a fight in the hospital. The way the nurses were acting, she was wondering if it really was a dream.)

John: Are you going to be up to getting on a plane right out of the hospital?

Lois: Yes, dear! I have been up and walking around. I haven't felt this good in a while.

John: It's the Morphine.

Lois: (Smiled.) You're probably right. (They continued to talk about everything. She was trying to ensure that he was going to be OK when she was gone.)

John: Well I need to get home and schedule our flight for tomorrow. What time are they going to discharge you?

Lois: They said 9am.

John: Well, we will count on 3pm. (They laughed.) OK, well I'll be back later.

Lois: OK, honey. (He gave her a hug.)

As John was walking down the hall, he ran into Derek. Derek looked up and smiled. He worried about Meredith all night long. She was really in an emotional mess. He wanted to see her, but he didn't want to make things any worse.

Derek: Hey. How's Meredith?

John: (His eyes got dark and sad.) I don't know. She hasn't woken up yet.

Derek: That's not good. She did have a lot to drink.

John: I know. She...she's been through a lot. More than any normal person could take. I'm worried. It will just take some time.

Derek: If you need anything, let me know.

John: Thanks, Derek. It's not often that your wife's boyfriend asks if you need help! (Laughs.)

Derek: (Laughs.) I have surgery. See you later.

Derek lied, he didn't have surgery, it was just too uncomfortable talking to John. He had to get a cup of coffee, he really wanted a scotch. On his way to the coffee cart he walked by Mark's office. Addison and Mark were in there, he decided to stop and talk to them. He needed someone to make him feel better.

Addison: Derek, how is Meredith?

Derek: I just passed John, she hasn't gotten up yet. She told me some stuff last night. The sad thing is that I don't think she would have if she hadn't drank a bottle and a half of Tequila.

Mark: What the hell went on? Everyone is saying she went nuts.

Derek: She had her reason, believe me. She has been through a lot. It is unimaginable. I just want to go, go be with he, and I can't. (Addison and Mark both get sad looks on their faces.)

Addison: You will get your chance Derek, everything will work out.

Derek: (Begins to walk out.) I hope so, for Meredith's sake.

::Earlier::

Ellis is walking down the hall, and she sees John coming towards her. She is feeling a little bad about what happened. OK, really bad. She needed someone to say that it was OK, that it wasn't her fault. She knew it was it all was. She slowed down to talk to John. He just brushed past her, like she was a total stranger. She deserved that. She had to do something, she had to fix this. She was going back home tomorrow, she couldn't leave things this way. She knocks on the door.

Chief: Come in. (Ellis walks in.) Ellis, to what do I owe the pleasure? Please, sit down.

Ellis: (Puts her hands over her face.) Oh Richard. I screwed up. I screwed up bad.

Chief: (Puzzled look on his face.) What's the matter?

Ellis: Ray, he deserved it.

Chief: What? (He was confused.)

Ellis: She was only 16, I should have stopped it. I didn't. I ignored it.

Chief: Ignored what?

Ellis: Ray, he tried to rape her. He was always making comments, I heard them. I always heard them. The touches, the looks. He is bastard, good for nothing. I was a terrible mother. I am a rotten person. I actually told her she asked for it, that she was a whore. What kind of mother says that?

Chief: Oh Ellis, you did the best you could...

Ellis: That's shit and you know it.

Chief: Ray came in yesterday, he isn't pressing charges. He is, however, pushing for termination.

Ellis: You can't do that! In the OR he was trying to touch her, he was saying things to her. I could see that she was uncomfortable. I just ignored it. He deserved what he got. I should have done it myself, years ago.

Chief: What do you want me to do? I have no proof that anything happened in that OR.

Ellis: There were people in the gallery, maybe someone saw. What about the scrub nurses? She is my daughter Richard. She doesn't deserve this. Please, as a friend, I am begging you.

Chief: I will do what I can. I appreciate that you came in. You did the right thing, Ellis. I know you think you did a bad job raising her, but she grew up to be a great person.

Ellis: Well, not because of me. (It was Lois, Lois raised Meredith.) Thanks, Richard.

Chief: (Buzzed Patricia.) I need you to get me a complete list of everyone, everyone that was in the gallery or in the OR during the incident. Start calling them in. This is very important.

Patricia: Right away, Chief.

John arrived home at 3pm. He called out for Meredith, no answer. The note was still on the counter, the tonic, still in the refrigerator. Nothing was disturbed, she must not have come down yet. John is dreading talking to her. A lot happened yesterday, and he knew there was a huge mess to clean up. Seattle Grace Hospital is her dream, her passion and as of right now she wasn't employed there. The house was quiet, an eerie quiet. He had to check on her, he had to make sure she was OK. He walked up the stairs slowly, listening for sound of life coming from her room. There was nothing. He walked up and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He jiggled the handle, the door was locked. She had been up, he didn't lock the door before her left.

John: Mer, are you awake? (Nothing.) Meredith, are you OK? (This time he heard vomiting. At least he knew she was alive. He heard footsteps.) I have to go back to the hospital and see mother. She is going home tomorrow. I have to take her back to Boston. (No answer.) OK, I'm leaving. If you need anything call me.

John drove to the hospital slowly, he had no energy. He was depressed. Too much had happened at once. It was like a set of dominos, when was it going to end? He parked his car and slowly walked in the hospital. He knew Meredith was depressed, but Lois was going to be really sad if she didn't get to see her before she left. Lois was intuitive, she always knew everything just by looking at you. He was not going to be able to keep this secret very long, but he didn't want to compromise his Mom's health by telling her. When he got on the elevator Addison was standing there.

John: Hi, Addison, right?

Addison: Yeah, how are you?

John: I'm OK.

Addison: How is Meredith?

John: She hasn't come out of her room yet.

Addison: Well, we are all here if you guys need us.

John: Thanks. This is were I get off.

John walks into his mother's room. She looks amazing good. Better than she had in the morning.

John: Mom, I scheduled the flight for 6pm. It that OK?

Lois: Sounds good to me. So, when are you going to tell me what's really going on?