DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

Meredith was still in her room when John came home for the night. She had been there all day. At this moment she felt like there was nothing. No reason to pull herself up, and no reason to dust herself off. Her job, gone; her child, gone; Mom, gone; Mother-in-law, almost gone; marriage, almost gone. The only time she got up was to go to the bathroom, and they was far between. She thought if she could sleep, maybe the pain would go away. So that's what she would do. Every time she woke up, it was still there, so she went back to sleep. If there was a literal self-destruct button, she had pushed it.

John walked in the house. It was dark, there wasn't one light on. What was he supposed to do? His mother always knew just what to do. He went upstairs for the third time today. All to try and talk to her. He had no idea the amount of pain she was in. He knocked on the door, again no answer. She was drowning, and he knew it. The water was dark and he didn't know if he could find her even if he jumped in.

John: Meredith, I'm home. (No answer. He heard something in there. Maybe the slightest sign of life.) God, why can't he just leave me the hell alone? I am leaving tomorrow. Mom is going back to Boston. I have to take her. Izzie is going to stay here while I am gone, in case you need her. Oh, now I need a damn babysitter too? I just want to be alone. Why can't everyone just leave me alone? (Meredith hears her phone vibrate again. She has messages, and she is not in the mood to listen to them.)

OK, Well, I'm here if you need me.

John leans against the wall and sits down leaning his head against the wall. Maybe she would come out. He needed to be there if she did. After a while he heard her start snoring. As loud as it was, it was a relief, maybe she was happy in her sleep. Maybe she was finding peace there. She wasn't, after about an hour he heard her yelling. She was having a bad dream, he only heard bits an pieces. The words "Please, no, Bella." It stung. Bella, their daughter. The only piece of the them, the link. The link that became a wedge. It was a hurdle they never overcame. John pulled himself, he heard her crying. He couldn't do anything for her right now. He took a shower and went to bed.

Derek couldn't sleep. He was worried about Meredith. He tried calling her cellphone. No answer. He heard Izzie talking to the other interns. John asked her to stay at the house. That was probably a good thing. She needed support. Izzie was great, she was always so bright and cheery. Maybe she could get through to Meredith. Maybe he should go over there when John is gone. Maybe he could get through to her. He laid there for hours tossing and turning, the same as Meredith.

John slept amazingly well. Maybe it was the sleeping pills he took. He hated taking that stuff, but he had to sleep. He had to make it stop. The memories. The sonograms. The baby gifts. The tiny casket. When he woke up, the only thing on his mind was his mother. It was 7:30am. She was supposed to get discharged by 9am. He stopped by Meredith's room before he loaded up his luggage.

John: (Knocks on the door.) Mer- I'm leaving. (No answer.) Please, say something. I need to know that you are OK. At least physically.

Meredith: (Weakly.) Please, just leave.

John: Goodbye.

John went right to his mother's room. She was dressed, and waiting for her discharge papers.

John: I see you're ready to go?

Lois: You bet!

John: I have everything packed in the car. How long did they say it would be?

Lois: You know doctors. Who knows how long?

John: I need to find Izzie. She is going to stay at the house with Meredith.

Just as John walked out of Lois' room, Izzie walked by.

John: Izzie.

Izzie: Oh, hey. How is Mer.

John: No change. I wanted to give you the key to the house. (He hands her the key.) The alarm isn't on. You can try to talk to her, but don't force her. She just gets mad. She needs to chill for a few days. Go ahead and park you car in my spot in the garage. Eat anything you would like, and make yourself comfortable. I will call to check up on her when I have a chance. Thanks so much!

Izzie: No problem. Try not to worry.

John spent the day waiting for the doctors to release Lois. Lois had planned on convincing John to take her to the house. She thought she could talk to Meredith, make her feel better. The doctor took forever to discharge her. By the time they did, they had to go straight to the airport. The flight went well and they arrived on time. Lois was feeling very weak, so she went to bed early. John watched some t.v. and decided to call home. There was no answer, Izzie must have still been at work.

Izzie got to the house around 8pm. It was quiet. John had left a few lights on and a note leaving her further instructions. She felt strange being in someone else's house. Especially when that person is in the house. She put all her stuff in the spare room that was next to Meredith's. She knocked on Meredith's door.

Izzie: Mer-it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. If you want to talk or something.

Izzie was a little worried. Meredith didn't answer her. She hated it when she didn't know what was going on. She took a shower and went to her room. She heard crying. She felt so bad knowing that her friend was in the room next to her, hurting so badly. She didn't even know why. Why did Meredith attack Ray? What the hell was going on? Finally she fell asleep. She had to work early in the morning.

Izzie didn't bother talking to Meredith in the morning. She had to leave early and she didn't want to wake her. It was a very slow day at the hospital. There were no major surgeries and the emergency room was practically empty. Izzie ran into the Chief and he asked her how Meredith was. She explained how she hadn't seen her. He didn't tell her that Meredith could have her job back. The lunch conversation was Meredith. Everyone was asking how she was, and she was telling everyone the same thing. She didn't know. She hadn't talked to her at all. John called her cellphone and asked how Meredith was. She told him there was no change. His heart sank. She was relieved that he was coming home. She was not enjoying the visit. She was getting depressed just being there.

The Chief pulled up to Meredith's house. He never did this. It was unheard of to go to an intern's house and beg her to come back. He felt obligated. He had known her since she was a child, he was in love with her mother, and his good friend took advantage of her. Besides he needed her. She was going to be a great surgeon. One that he wanted in his hospital. He rang the doorbell several times. There was no answer. Maybe she was out. He would come back tomorrow. He would come back everyday, as long as he had to.

As Derek drove down Meredith's street he kept hoping this was a good idea. He had to talk to her. He couldn't sleep at night. He just kept wondering. He pulled into her driveway and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. He walked through the gate and into the backyard. The side doors and back doors were locked. He looked up at her room. The one with the small balcony. He could do it. He could climb it. Maybe that door was open. He shimmied up the trellis next to the house. He felt like a kid sneaking back into his room after a wild night. He had a heck of a time getting up there. He sighed a sigh of relief when he finally made it. Hopefully she wouldn't shoot him thinking he was an intruder. He looked in the door. He could see her sleeping. He walked up and turned the handle, success. It opened. The room was dark and stagnant. Meredith was lightly snoring. He walked up and kissed her on the cheek. She was sleeping soundly, she stirred slightly when he kissed her. Next to bed was a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka. Not a good combination. He poured the vodka down the drain and threw the bottle away. The sleeping pills he put in the medicine cabinet. As he walked to the bathroom, he saw her cellphone in a shattered mess on the floor, she had obviously thrown it. He sat down and listened to her steady breathing. After a few hours he realized what time it was. He had to leave before Izzie got there. He didn't want to tell Izzie her was there, he wanted it to be just them. He jotted a note on a piece of paper by her bed. He folded it in half and sat it on the table next to her bed.

Meredith: (In her sleep.) I love you Derek. (He just smiled.)

Derek: I love you too.

Meredith thought she heard her door shut. She woke up suddenly. She rolled over and noticed a note on the table. She began to lightly cry. She loved him so much.

Meredith-

You will never know how sorry I am

that you have had to feel all of this pain.

You are too special to for me to watch you suffer.

You need to fight, you need to get through this.

I am here for you, always.

Love,

Derek

The next day Izzie had off. Once again she tried to talk to Meredith. She wasn't sure what to do. John would be home today. Maybe she would be ready to talk to him. After running some errands, she came back to the house and decided to do some research on a surgery that were going to be doing in a few days. She couldn't think. All she could think about was Meredith. She decided to call her friends. She called them all, George, Alex, Cristina, and Derek. Maybe if they all tried to talk to her, they could get through to her. She was waiting around for them when the phone rang.

Izzie: Hello?

John: Hey Izzie, it's John.

Izzie: Oh hey, John.

John: I need a huge favor from you. I am on the plane on my way home. I just talked to my mom's attorney and they need some paperwork that I have. They need it within the hour. Could you possibly fax it to them? It is in a box marked 'Thompson-1991-92' in the closet in my office. The papers are in the red folder. They all have to be faxed, there are five of them.

Izzie: I can do that.

John: Oh good. This is important. Thank you so much.

Izzie went into his office and got in the closet. She saw the box. It was underneath another one that was unmarked. She didn't want to stand on the chair, it had rollers on it. She decided to pull the box she needed and hopefully the other one would just drop down in it's spot. It didn't. It fell out. She took the box she needed and faxed the papers. She wanted to get the fax done for him. When she went to put the box back she picked up the one she had dropped. She just gasped. It was a box full of baby items. She didn't want to be nosy, but she couldn't help herself. She grabbed the box and went to the family room.