Monica's thoughts were interrupted as Josh came through the door.

"Hey hunny," Josh said as he leaned closer Monica and kissed her softly.

"How are you?" she said sweetly.

"I had the worst day at work, nothing seemed to go right but now that im here with you everything's great," he said sitting down.

Monica smiled, how could she let herself picture life with someone else. Josh was one of the sweetest guys in the world, he cared about her, and loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"So, can you believe we're going to be married in 2 months!" Josh said in an excited voice. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Monica said as her mind wandered away from their conversation.

She remembered when Chandler used to say if they both weren't married by the time they were 40 they would get married. She wondered what Chandler was doing at this moment. Did he have a girlfriend, was he married with kids in Tulsa. How could she have let herself fall out of contact with him? He was her former best friend who she hadn't spoken to in years, yet she still believed that she loved him. She wished she could go back in time and do something about it. But she couldn't and she knew it. She had been thinking about it so much lately, she hadn't been able to sleep for nights. She would just lie in bed thinking about him, even though the only thing she wanted was to forget about him. Forget about how much she loved him. Forget about all the pain it caused her when he left. Forget about the fact that he didn't even know how much she had loved him all these years.

"Monica, are you ok?" Josh asked. "You seem kind of distracted today."

"I'm fine. Just tired. Do you mind if I go back to our apartment and have a rest?" Monica asked.

"Ok, ill come home a bit later. I have some stuff to do anyway," Josh said kissing Monica on the forehead as she got up from the table.

Monica lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Her head pounding harder as she heard the clock next to her tick away for what seemed to be hours. She heard someone knock on the apartment door. She struggled to lift her head from her pillow but eventually managed.

Rachel and Phoebe walked in when Monica opened the door.

"Hi guys," Monica said in an expressionless voice.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked.

"Im fine," Monica said unconvincingly.

"Are you sure?" Phoebe said.

"No, im not sure. It's Chandler," Monica said she broke down in tears.

"Sweetie, what's the matter?" Rachel asked as Phoebe put her arm around Monica's shoulder.

"I don't know. I can't explain it. I miss him so much. I don't understand why I cant just forget about him its been 4 years since I last saw him," Monica said her voice shaking.

"He was a big part of our lives for such a long time. None of us will ever forget him but we have to accept that he isn't part of our lives anymore," Phoebe said not knowing what else to say.

"You don't understand. I loved him. I can't let it go… I can't let him go," Monica explained as she felt a cold tear roll down her face.

"Monica, I think you already have let him go. I think you let him go when you met Josh. You moved on a long time ago and your getting married. Why are you so upset all of a sudden, thinking about Chandler? You're getting married, it like your starting a new life, a new life with Josh," Rachel tried to comfort her.

"I think that's why it's all coming back. I only imagined getting married to Chandler. I know it sounds stupid considering we weren't even dating or anything but I knew him for so long. I loved him for so long, then one day he was just gone and all I had left of him was a memory. I just wish I had told him before he left... before it was too late," Monica said her voice fading quieter.

"I know sweetie, but you just have to try and forget about it," Rachel said as both her and Phoebe gave her a hug.