DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

Meredith laid next to John all night long. She found no comfort in his touch, no comfort in his presence. She needed Derek. She was furious at him, not because he hurt her, not because of what he said. It was because he gave up. He was mad at her because she assumed the worst, but what about him? He just left. For someone that loved her so much, it seemed so easy for him to walk away. How was she going to face him tomorrow? She couldn't. She heard her alarm go off in her room. She didn't get up, she just laid there listening. She had a feeling, a very bad feeling.

John: Mer- it's time to get up.

Meredith: I'm not.

John: You have to go to work.

Meredith: I don't want to.

John: Meredith, get your ass out of bed and get to work. Just because you and Derek had an argument, doesn't mean that you can quit your job. You aren't a coward. Get up.

Meredith: Fine.

She knew he was right. She couldn't just not go. She had to face it head on. Besides, that was her new policy. She begrudgingly got out of John's bed and went to her bathroom. She looked around at her marble bathtub, her marble sink, the brass fittings, the imported fluffy towels. All of these things, these expensive things, they didn't mean anything. Everything looked so perfect on the surface, but underneath, what a mess. She stuck herself in a tight spot this time. Today was the day, well, it was supposed to be the day. She could have been happy with Derek, now the decision was made for her. She was with John. She didn't feel like she could be alone. She had to have someone. John wasn't unhappy with her. He was happy just to be with her, he loved her unconditionally. Now things would go back to the way they were. No more passion, no more excitement. As washed her body she thought of last nights events. What she did to John was cruel, he had to have known something was not right. She hadn't slept with him in so long. After all that time, she had to do it that way. She let the hot water run over her back. It hurt, she was getting piercing pains. She shampooed her hair and used her favorite lavender conditioner. The one that Derek loved. She wasn't using it for him, she was using it for herself. It was part of who she was. She needed to just be herself, connect with who she was. She had to quit worrying about everyone else. She went down to the kitchen, expecting breakfast, there was none. She looked at John.

John: What?

Meredith: Nothing. I was just expecting breakfast.

John: Oh. I guess I didn't feel like cooking. There is cereal in the cabinet.

Meredith: Yum. (She opened the cabinet revealing a box of Muesli, Derek's favorite. She proceeded to grab the box and throw it in the trash.)

John: Why'd you do that?

Meredith: It tastes like shit. (She grabbed out a box of chocolate cereal, her favorite. Derek always said it was bad, and that she needed to eat healthier. She decided to eat two bowls.)

John: So are we still meeting a Joe's tonight?

Meredith: Sure, why not. (She had less than enthusiasm in her voice. It was more disappointment than anything. She didn't have a decision to make.)

John: I'm leaving. I'm meeting Tony to play some tennis.

Meredith: Why aren't you playing here?

John: We are going to the club, we're going to have some breakfast first. See you later. (He kisses her sweetly.)

Meredith: Bye.

Meredith finished her cereal, and washed the bowl. She was dreading going to the hospital and was doing anything she could to delay. She really did have to leave, Bailey would be mad if she was late. The way she felt right now, she wished she was back in Boston. The drive to the hospital was faster than usual, traffic was very light. She pulled into the parking lot, she didn't see Derek's car. A wave a relief washed over her. Maybe she would be able to make it through the day. As she entered the hospital, she didn't notice Derek pulling in. Maybe the day wasn't going to be that great after all.

The ride in the elevator was quiet, nothing out of the ordinary. No one knew what had happened last night, they never would. When she opened the door to the locker room she was in shock. There were roses, thousands of roses everywhere. Red roses, pink roses, white roses. She had never seen so many in her life. The other interns were all getting ready and talking about the flowers. She was still mad at them, but she was just too exhausted to care at this point.

Meredith: What are these for?

Izzie: We thought you would know.

Meredith: Why is that?

Cristina: Your bright and shiny life. All of the men that are swooning for you. (She was oozing sarcasm.)

Meredith: Yeah, well I don't think so. That ship has sailed.

Izzie: Meredith, we know we were wrong. It was so stupid.

Cristina: I think what Blondie is trying to say, is that we're sorry.

Alex: Yeah, I am too. (He said trying to be sincere in Alex's own way.)

George: We all wish we had never done it, but we did. That's all we can say.

Meredith: I can't stay mad at you guys for long. Besides who would I complain to all of the time. (She reaches up to her locker and grabs her back.) Ow.

George: Are you OK?

Meredith: I keep getting pains in my back, but I'm OK. (As she opens she locker, she gasps. There is a giant bouquet of tulips with a card attached. She slams the door.)

Izzie: What's going on?

Meredith: It's nothing. (Cristina opens her locker.)

Cristina: Nothing! All of these flowers are for you! She goes to grab the card. (Meredith grabs her arm.)

Meredith: Don't you dare.

Cristina: Well, if you don't I will. (Meredith grabs the card and opens it.)

It lies not in our power to love or hate,

For will in us is overruled by fate.

When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,

We wish that one should love, the other win;

And one especially do we affect

Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:

The reason no man knows; let it suffice

What we behold is censured by our eyes.

Where both deliberate, the love is slight:

Who ever, that not at first sight?

-Christopher Marlowe

Meredith-

I loved you the moment I saw you.

You were like and angel, so

perfect, so delicate. Words cannot

express how sorry I am for what I said.

I will regret it everyday for the rest

of my life. I want you to know, with you

my intentions are true. I love you more than

words can say.

-Derek

Meredith didn't know what to say, or what to do. He had this pull over her. She loved him so much. She sat the card in her locker, and grabbed her scrubs.

Izzie: So who are they from? (Meredith was is a trance, she didn't even hear Izzie.)

Meredith: Maybe I should give him another chance. I love him. God, I love him. No! I can't, I can't fall into this trap again. Things were so simple before I met Derek. I wasn't happy, but at least I wasn't on a roller coaster everyday.

Cristina: These are from McDreamy? (She was holding the card.)

Meredith: Cristina! That's private.

Cristina: So what did he do?

Meredith: It's a long story.

Izzie: It's so romantic. He is so in love with you! (George and Alex roll their eyes.)

Cristina: It's sickening! (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: Who died?

Izzie: They are for Meredith.

Bailey: Someone's sorry. OK, people lets get to work. Yang, Burke needs you for a valve replacement. Karev, you are with Montgomery-Sloan (He was relieved he wasn't stuck doing bedpans.) George, you're with Shepherd, Stevens, you are with Sloan, and Thompson, you are with me. We have an abdominal hernia repair. Go, go! You aren't getting paid to stand here! Thompson, I need to to run some tests and get our surgery on the board.

Meredith: OK, Dr. Bailey.

Meredith walked into the stairwell, she liked the stairs. She needed to breath, she needed to absorb everything that has happened. She was standing there, with her back to the door, when it opened.

Derek: Meredith.

Meredith: Go away. Please, just go away?

Derek: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me last night. There is no excuse. Did you get the flowers? Did you know tulips mean undying love?

Meredith: Yes, I got them.

Derek: Meredith, please, look at me.

Meredith: I can't. I can't. If I look at you, I will forgive you, and I can't forgive you! I just can't! (Derek walked down the stairs, turned and stood in front of her. She looked at the ground.)

Derek: Mer- (He tips her chin up and looks in her eyes.) I love you. It's an all consuming love. Every minute of every day, you are all that I think about. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. The sun didn't shine before I met you. The world was shades of gray, now I am seeing colors I never knew existed. You make me smile, and laugh like I never have. Before I met you, I didn't know what love was. I want your eyes to be the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. I want to read to you when you can't see anymore. I want to sit in our rocking chairs, side by side, watching the sunset. I want your hand to be the one I hold when I take my last breath. I need you Meredith, I need you to live. I can't do it without you. I love you so much it hurts.

Meredith: Damn it! (Tears are streaming down her face.)

Derek: What?

Meredith: Damn you Derek, Damn you for making me love you. (He leans in and kisses her.) I love you. I love you so much, I can't breath. I'm sorry that I didn't ask you what happened. I always assume the worst, you're right. But that's me. That is who I am.

Derek: I can live with that.

Meredith: Crap! I have to go. I have surgery with Bailey.

Derek: See you later?

Meredith: I have something I have to do tonight, at Joe's. Something I have been putting off for a long time. (Derek knew what she was talking about.)

Derek: You are the strongest person I know. (He kisses her on the head.) Everything will be OK.

Meredith: Yeah, I think it will.

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Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was sick. I will get more up today. Something major is going to happen!