DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

Meredith woke up at 3am and could not sleep. The memorial service was today. They weren't having it until the evening. The funeral was in two days in Boston. Her flight left tomorrow. She dreaded it. She was hoping that she could be strong, and not cry. After trying to sleep for an hour, she decided to get up. She made some coffee and read the paper. That was something John always did. Working the hours that she worked, she never knew what was going on unless it happened at the hospital. Derek had stayed the night in her bed. She felt guilty about it. That was part of the reason she couldn't sleep, she felt like John was watching. She cleaned up the house a little. Time was going so slowly. Finally she went into John's office and decided to go through some papers. She remembered what John had said about the papers and account numbers. She found the law book that she had gotten him. The numbers were on page 525 just like he said. She wrote them all down on a piece of paper. She was looking at some books on the shelf and she saw John's journals. John had always kept a journal. She used to laugh about it. She grabbed them and went into the library and sat in a comfortable chair.

She poured over the journals. There were so many things she remembered. He had been writing since high school. He talked about her, and how lucky he was to have her. There was a journal entry recalling the first time that had gotten drunk at a party. She laughed so hard. Especially when he talked about how she puked all over him in the car. She missed that. She did have fun back then. If she didn't have him, who knows what would have happened. She found the entry where it talked about the first time they had sex. It was amazing. She never realized how much it had affected him that she was his first. Then she got to the entry where he talked about losing Bella. She cried so hard. She decided to get the dreaded box down, she needed to. She hadn't seen it since it was packed up. She opened the box, and touched all the items. She was OK. It was ad, but she needed to look at it, she needed to remember. She continued reading the journals, and found the time period when John thought she was having an affair. It was all there. She would have thought the same thing. She never realized how suspicious she was acting. It made her sad, to think that she was part of the reason for their downfall. Then he talked about the girl. He didn't even know her name. But he didn't sleep with her.

Meredith: WHAT? (She bellowed out loud to herself.)

John never slept with the girl. They were close, but Meredith walked in. He never told her the truth. Every time he tried, she said she didn't want to talk about it. All of the times she would get angry and yell at him about it he never said anything. She couldn't believe it. She felt so bad. That was the kind of guy he was, a peace keeper. He just wanted to not make trouble. He wrote that Meredith would never believe him anyway, so why try. If she had known, really known, and believed him, their life would have been different. They would have had a family. She would never met Derek. In her own way, she was glad it happened. Derek was the guy for her. She loved him. He was the one that gave her butterflies. He was the one that made her smile. He was the one that made her so happy that she wanted to run and jump and scream it from the rooftops. The last entry was written the day he died. It said that he knew that she loved Derek, not him. He just wanted her to be happy, truly happy and if that wasn't with him, that was OK. She found peace in his words. She no longer felt guilty about her and Derek. She quietly put the journals away. She ran upstairs, she had to tell Derek she loved him. She wasn't going to live like she did with John. She was going to tell Derek everyday how much she loved him. Derek was sleeping peacefully when Meredith ran and jumped in the bed, waking him suddenly.

Derek: What-What's going on?

Meredith: I love you. That's what's going on. I love you, I love you, I love you, Derek Shepherd.

Derek: I love you too, Meredith. (He kisses her.) What time is it?

Meredith: 5:30am.

Derek: How long have you been up?

Meredith: Since 3.

Derek: (Wraps his arm around her.) Go back to bed. We never get to sleep in. (She fell asleep quickly in her arms, not regretting anything.)

Meredith and Derek woke up at 10. They decided to go out to breakfast. He went with her to the attorney's office. She didn't feel bad about taking him, he was her friend. She felt strange, going to John's work. She had never been there. All that time, and she had never once stepped foot in the office. She talked to the partners, Sam and Chris, whom she'd met at the party a few months ago.

Sam: Meredith, we're so sorry for your loss. (They give her a small hug.) You have our guarantee that This Raymond Jenson will be punished.

Meredith: Thank you. I'd like you to meet Derek Shepherd, a good friend of mine. (They shake hands.) Before John passed her gave me information for our finances and told me to come out you.

Chris: Of course. He made it very clear that if anything ever happened, everything was to go to you. So do you have those numbers.

Meredith: Of course. (Hands them the paper.) Here they are.

Sam: We have most of the information. We need you to sign a few papers, and we already got a copy of the death certificate, so everything should be simple. Every thing will be put into your account, and the investments will be in your name, You can decide what you want to do with those. We will get this straightened around, and we will need you to come back for an appointment to speak further.

Meredith: Sounds good. I just never thought I would have to do this, you know?

Sam: I know, we're so sorry.

Meredith: Where is his office?

Chris: (Walks her over.) Right here. Here, let me get his key.

Meredith: No need. I have it right her. She unlocks the door. When to you need me to clean it out.

Sam: No hurry. This place was as much his as it is ours. Whenever you are ready.

Meredith: OK, thanks.

They leave her and Derek alone. She looks around. It is just what he always wanted. She felt so proud. He had achieved his dream. There were tons of photos of both of them. She was surprised by that. There was their wedding photo, a lot of photos when they were younger, and in love. She looked around, deciding that she was ready to go. She couldn't deal with this yet. She and Derek left together. He didn't say anything, he could tell that she was saddened by the photos. He was too, it made him see how in love they once were.

The day rolled by quickly. Before she knew it, it was time to get dressed for the memorial service. She was having a hard time deciding what to wear. She remembered the conversation that she had with John before they got married. He said that when he was 95 and finally died he wanted everyone to know that he was married to the sexiest woman alive. She laughed. She chose a nice dress, but not too hot. She wanted to be grieving, not looking like she was trolling for guys.

The memorial service was very nice. She couldn't believe how many people showed up. She was shocked. All of her friends came, and many of the doctors. She was half wondering how the hospital was running without everyone. Even her mother came. She gave her a slight hug. She wasn't going to be nasty, not there, not on that day. She could be civil once in her life. Many people had speeches and talked about John. She laughed, she cried. It was sad, but she went home feeling good, feeling like John had made a difference in the world. That night she laid there in Derek's arms while he read the latest medical journal. Tomorrow they were heading to Boston. He was coming too, she wouldn't have it any other way.

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This wasn't the most exciting chapter. I needed to tie up some more lose ends. Thanks for reading!