Chapter 4 - Who tooted?
At their entrance McGonagall shot them both sharp looks. They both hopped off of Crabbe and Goyle and made their way to two seats at the very back. "The back is better; you can get away with more." Sam yawned and leaned back into her chair.
Riley gave her a quizzical look. "What exactly are we going to do that's bad?" She asked. Sam grinned. "Oh I don't know. Whatever comes to mind I suppose." "That could be dangerous knowing us." "Pffft." The rest of the students slowly filed in and when Draco entered with Pansy clinging to his arm the girls burst into giggles.
He turned slightly red and scowled at them. Pansy sent them the meanest look she could muster, making her look like an angry pit-bull. This caused them to laugh even harder. "Alright Everyone Take Your Seats!" McGonagall snapped from the front of the room. The class scrambled to their seats.
Ron and Harry had taken seats in the chairs across from them. Sam smiled at them. Harry nodded and Ron turned bright red. "Ooo." Riley whispered in Sam's ear. "Someone's got a crush on you." Sam snorted. "I think he actually likes the bushy haired bitch...what's her name? Hermione?" Riley nodded. "Yeah I think so. I don't like her."
"Let's lock her in a broom closet" Riley suggested to Sam. "Great idea! And we can make it sound proof and unlockable from the inside if she tries to escape" Sam exclaimed in a low whisper. The girls whispered their plans over during transfiguration until Professor McGonagall came around when they were supposed to be practicing.
Sam ended up turning her tea kettle into a ferret instead of a rabbit and for some strange reason, when Draco walked by the desk, Harry, Ron and Hermoine burst into laughter. "Ten points from Slytherin for not paying attention in class" McGonagall said to both girls.
"Ten points is an awful lot of points for not being able to do a spell right" Riley said. McGonagall raised an eyebrow at her and Sam as Sam shook her head that she agreed with Riley. "Detention to both of you. Meet me in the entrance hall at eight o'clock p.m. tonight." Sam and Riley both sat down glumly.
"First day at Hogwarts and we already have a detention" Riley muttered. "Feels like home already" Sam added.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully, unless you include smashing two crystal balls in Divination and blowing up a shrinking solution in Potions eventful. The girls were very happy when supper finally rolled around.
"Arrr...Food!" Sam lunged at the table, grabbing a chicken wing. Riley sat down next to her and began shoveling food on her plate. "Ogarts foo ish ausum!" Riley declared through a mouthful of potatoes. Sam nodded her agreement.
Millicent Bulstrode, the girl that had shown them their dorms the other night, sat down across from them. She raised an eyebrow. "Chicken wing?" Sam offered waving a half eaten chicken wing in front of her face. Millicent shook her head no.
At that moment Pansy swept in with some of her friends and "accidentally" bumped into Riley, which caused her to almost choke on her mashed potatoes. She began coughing violently and Sam patted her on the back.
"Why does everyone "accidentally" bump into us!" Riley demanded. "Well Pansy doesn't really like you." Millicent said. "Why! What did we do to her?" Sam asked.
"Well, everyone would think it was because Riley was trying to steal Draco away from her, but no that's not the case" Millicent said, tearing into a chicken leg. "She was going to break up with Draco and go for Blaise, but unfortunately she can't" Millicent finished.
Riley's eyes widened in shock. "Why can't she!" She exclaimed. "Well she claims she walked in on Sam her making out with Blaise this morning and Draco declares that they're an item all of a sudden. So she has one girl trying to steal away her current boyfriend, and another girl who stole away the boy she wants to be with. She has every right to be pissed off."
Sam just stared at Millicent as if she had two heads. "But I'm not with Blaise. Ha, I wish!" she stated. "Sure, and I'm the Queen of England" Millicent said while rolling her eyes. "Really? You are?" Riley asked completely and totally interested.
Sam rolled her eyes at her sometimes too blonde friend. "No Riley, it's a little thing called sarcasm." "oh...Ohhh...OH!" Riley nodded. "I get it now. Hah...Queen of England." Millicent shook her head. "I wouldn't like to be you two. Pansy can be an extreme bitch when she wants to be."
"Like we're scared of her." Sam scoffed. Riley looked at Sam. "We're not?" "Well not a lot anyway." "I Know!" Riley exclaimed. "Milly you can be our bodyguard!" "Did you just call her Milly?" Sam asked. "Your...body guard?" Millicent frowned.
"You know, like Crabbe and Goyle do for Draco." Riley said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "But those two have the mental capacity of a pair of flubber worms." Millicent looked insulted. "So you would be a smart bodyguard. Fun to talk to and what not." Riley smiled. "Come onnn. Pleaseee?"
"Milly please?" Sam asked and dropped her bottom lip and gave Millicent the sad sort of puppy dog eyes. Millicent sighed. "Only if you cut back with the Milly thing." "Oh but Milly is much more feministic" Riley began but stopped short when she saw Millicent glaring daggers at her. "Or not" she said.
Sam sniffed in the air. "Who tooted?" she asked and moved to smell Riley. "Nope not you." She then went to Millicent and sniffed. "Not you either, but hey, what kind of shampoo do you use?" she asked taking a handful of Millicent's hair and sniffing it. "Riley, you should really smell this" she said holding the handful of hair out to Riley.
"Wow that smells like sex in a bottle!" she said. Millicent turned to Riley. "And how do you know what sex smells like?" "Just a guess." Millicent took hold of her hair and pulled it away from the two girls who looked like they were out of it from the smell. "And no more smelling my hair!"
Sam frowned. "Well this doesn't settle the 'Who tooted?' question." She went over to Goyle, sniffed, and shuddered. "I think I found the tooter."
Goyle dropped the chicken wing he was devouring and sat very still as Sam was smelling him. "Dude! Cut back on the chicken!" Sam covered her face with her sleeve. "That is rank." Riley and Millicent laughed, and even Crabbe gave a snort of laughter. Though he probably wasn't sure just what he was laughing at.
"I totally lost my appetite." Riley announced, throwing down her fork. "I'm going back to the common room." She stood from the table. And she remained standing for a few minutes until Millicent asked, "You don't remember the way do you?" Riley shook her head. "Nope not a friggin' clue." "Well if you want someone to show you the way back you're just going to have to wait until we get dessert." Sam said and began spooning large amounts of ice cream into a bowl.
Riley's eyes widened. "Is that Moonmist!" Sam nodded and handed her a spoon. "You get the blue and I get the yellow." Riley happily agreed to this, since this was the usual arrangement. "Hey! Now we have someone to eat the purple!" She smiled. "Do you want to Milly?" Millicent shrugged, "Why not. Purple isn't that bad." Riley beamed. "Sharing salavish germs isn't that bad either."
After they finished their ice cream, they headed back to the common room. Sam sighed. "I really wish our rooms weren't so drab and dreary." Riley was looking through a photo album of their friends from back home.
Sam watched her for a moment and then said "Eureka! I am obviously a genius!" Riley looked at her friend with wide eyes. "See! My psychic powers knew that you would have a very creative idea!" Millicent eyed Riley for a moment and then turned to Sam as Riley turned back to her photo album, humming something that sounded strangely like AC/DC.
"What's up with her?" Millicent mumbled. "Oh, she's always thought she has psychic powers. She says she "sees" stuff" Sam said while rolling her eyes. Millicent nodded that she understood. "You're thinking of decorating the dormitory pink, aren't you?" Riley suddenly asked Sam who raised an eyebrow and leaned back towards Millicent. "And the scary part is that she can usually tell me what I'm thinking out of nowhere."
"A pink dormitory?" Millicent looked disgusted. "That's awful." Sam and Riley were outraged. "Hey! What's wrong with pink?" They both demanded. "Nothing except that it's so ... pink." "Well live with it because we're doing it!" Sam cried and climbed onto her bed. "It shall be the pinkest dorm in history!" Riley cheered, joining Sam on the bed.
They both jumped up and down and began shooting pink sparklers out of their wands. "Hey watch where you aim!" Millicent scowled and ducked the onslaught of pink stars and hearts. The door to the dorm swung open and Pansy stood in the doorway "What is going-" but before she could finish a giant pink star zoomed straight at her.
"EuRRGhh!" She screeched and dove to the ground. The three girls froze. Pansy slowly stood up. Sam tried to hide the insane smile that was forcing its way onto her face. Riley let out a tiny giggle. They could hold it no more.
"Your face!" Sam laughed, leaning on Riley. "Look...At ... it" She wheezed in between laughs. Pansy's hands flew to her face. "What did you do!" She screamed, running to look at herself in the mirror. What she saw staring back was not a pleasant sight.
Pansy shrieked so loud that it could be heard back in the common room where many heads were turned to look up the girls' staircases. "What have you done to me!" she cried, completely and utterly horrified at the sight that she had seen in the mirror.
"And the best part is, there's no counter curse" Riley mumbled to Sam and Millicent who broke out into fits of laughter. Pansy, completely enraged, started to approach the girl. "You little twits! You don't belong here in Slytherin! You don't even belong in Hogwarts! Why don't you take a hint and leave, seeing as no one likes you one bit?"
Millicent stood in front of Sam and Riley. "If you know what's good for you Parkinson, you'll back off now before you regret it" Millicent growled to Pansy. Pansy looked from Millicent to the two girls and back again and shrieked again.
She stormed out of the room and down to the common room which immediately turned from silence into sniggering and fits of laughter. "Pansy, have you seen your face lately?" Draco asked while trying to contain himself.
Pansy shot him a murderous look, before turning to Blaise. "Do you have any idea-" Blaise grimaced at the high pitched shrill and backed away."- what your new girlfriend has done!" The whole common room turned silent. Blaise thoughtful for a moment...girlfriend?...ah yess. He gave Pansy a small smile
"Helped to improve your looks?" He asked innocently. The gathered Slytherins snickered and Pansy's already hot pink face turned, if at all possible, even brighter. She looked for a moment as if she were going to slap him "YOU-YOU! UGH!" Pansy shrieked and stormed out of the common room. As she made her way to the hospital wing she received stares and bursts of laughter at her passing.
The three girls walked down the stairs cautiously only to be greeted with a loud cheer of applause. Blaise and Draco rushed up to them. "How did you do it?" Blaise asked, his eyes wide. "Well it all started when we were going to decorate our room pink…" Riley began as they flinched at the idea of a pink and listened as Riley continued telling them all about the Pansy encounter.
"Wait a minute…" Sam said, her voice trailing off. "What time is it?" she immediately asked both of the boys, hoping that it was before eight o'clock. "Five minutes after eight. Why?" Draco asked. "Because we're late for detention!" Sam exclaimed taking hold of Riley's arm and pulling her as fast as she could to the entrance hall were a very pissed off McGonagall stood waiting for the two girls.