One year, that's all they had really. A little more than a year if you were getting technical, but who needed technicalities? They hadn't even made this a really serious relationship and then this bombshell dropped right on her head. She had been trying to think of a way to tell Chris, a way to just let him know that this was going to happen. She had not, and would not ever consider an abortion, so if Chris chose to leave her then she would raise their child alone. She steeled herself for that.
Or maybe she just shouldn't tell him. She didn't want to tie him down. She could break up with him now and then she could go away for nine months, or forever, whichever worked. Chris never had to know about this baby. He could go on living his life and not be tied down by her and their child. She didn't want to tie him down.
But that wasn't fair. She couldn't keep his child from him. If he wanted to be a part of his child's life, she couldn't deny him that chance or that right. He was this baby's father and he deserved the chance to be this baby's father. There was always the possibility though that he would run away, and it was a scary one, just because she loved Chris and she didn't want to lose him this way.
She was walking, wandering really, down the hallways of the arena. She had yet to see him since she had gotten here and she almost dreaded it. She thought crazy thoughts, like he'd be able to tell she was pregnant just by looking at her, but she wasn't showing at all. All she had to show for it was some mild morning sickness, and she had covered that up pretty well to where Chris suspected nothing. She turned the corner and saw him talking with Edge. She gasped softly and pressed herself against the wall. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet.
"So where's Stephanie?" Edge asked.
"Around I'm sure," Chris said. "We haven't met up yet. She called earlier and said she'd be around sometime, I'm not worried."
"You two are crazy," Edge chuckled. "I mean, you've been together for a year and you still sound like you're just dating her casually."
"We're having fun," Chris informed him. "Being with Stephanie is fun."
"But do you guys have a future, it'd suck if you were just leading her along man."
"I'm not leading her along, she knows what's in this relationship. We live for the present man, the future is far off," Chris told him. "I mean, who knows what's going to happen?"
"So you've been seeing this broad for over a year and you can't even see yourself marrying her or anything? Then why be with her in the first place, unless she's a really good lay."
"Well, for starters, she is," Chris winked and laughed. "Secondly, no, marriage has never come up. I don't know, I guess I don't think of the future when I'm with Stephanie."
Stephanie was stunned by this confession. He didn't think they even had a future together? That stung her right in the heart as she placed her hand over her abdomen again. She should've known this. She loved Chris, and he loved her, but they never talked future. Surely he would break up with her soon and maybe she should keep the news of the baby a secret for now. Just for a little while longer.
"So tell me…what's this rumor I keep hearing?"
Stephanie looked up at Shane and raised her eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You haven't heard the whispers?" Shane asked as he took a seat across from his sister. "What, have you been holed up in here all night? Which seems unlikely because you don't have Finn with you, and I'm pretty sure you showed up with him."
"Nah, I left him to fend for himself, I figured four years old was completely old enough to stay home alone," Stephanie said sarcastically.
"Okay, so now that that's cleared up, what about these rumors I keep hearing?"
"I don't know what rumors you're talking about!" Stephanie said, laying her hands flat on the desk. "Care to enlighten me, because you're not going to make a whole lot of sense to me if you don't tell me."
"All I keep hearing is about you and Chris breaking up, now I know that can't be true. You guys have been together for what, five or six years, no, six because Finn is four and you were together for two years when he was born. Six years, that's a long time, so come on, debunk the rumors now so I can spread that around."
"It's true," Stephanie said flatly, looking back down at her sheet of paper.
"Okay, time to stop joking now Stephanie," Shane said seriously, staring at his sister.
"It's true Shane, what more do you want me to tell you?" she snapped, not looking up at him still. "Chris and I broke up over the weekend. He moved out. He packed his things and he left, and until today I hadn't seen him for three days. He called to talk to Finny and that was it."
Shane's jaw dropped slowly. "You broke up?"
"Yes!" she said angrily. "We. Broke. Up."
"I don't get this. How could the two of you break up? You've been together for six years. Six years Stephanie, that's longer than most of the people around here have been married and you broke up. You two have been together since 2001. You guys own a house, and most importantly, you guys have a child together."
"Look Shane, I know you buy into the whole fairytale thing, but it happened, okay, that's it. It just happened and we're not together, and that's all there is to it."
"So after six years, that's all? You're just saying it happened and you're not even unhappy about it?" Shane asked. "I mean, you're breaking up your family, your son is used to having both his parents around and suddenly, you're making it difficult. Did Chris do something to you? Did he hit you or something, and I know Chris would never hit you, so it must be something fixable."
"He wants to get married, I don't, end of subject."
Shane shook his head, not understanding. "The man wants to marry you, you've been together for six years, you have a four-year old son and you've been living together for five years, and you don't want to get married?"
"It's complicated Shane."
"It's ridiculous Stephanie."
"Don't pretend to be inside my head!" Stephanie told him. "I'm not in the mood right now. Look, Chris left, that's all there is to it. I knew it would happen eventually, and it did. So drop it. He has Finny, and Finny will be fine. He's a smart kid, he understands that things happen."
"He's four Steph, he's not worldly."
"Look, I wanted time, and Chris couldn't give that to me, and I couldn't give him what he wants. So we ended it. I didn't want to, he didn't want to, but it is what it is, so drop it, okay, because I'm sick of thinking about it."
Shane studied his sister for a moment. She didn't look sad or upset, but he knew her well enough to know that she was hiding behind the wall she set up for herself. Stephanie steeled her nerves a lot of the time when she should've let herself feel. But then, maybe it was easier because she still had Finnegan's love. But then shouldn't it be harder because she was probably breaking Finnegan's heart?
"So you break up over it?"
"It's a fight that's been brewing since I found out I was pregnant," she said dully, looking up at him. "It's been five years in the making, and it all came to a head this weekend. Chris and I aren't going to see eye to eye any time soon and if we can't compromise, we're just going to let it stew and hate each other. I don't want hate Chris, he's the father of my son, and no matter happens, Chris will always be the father to my son, and I don't want Finny to have parents who hate each other."
"Yet you don't mind him having parents who are breaking up?" Shane pointed out.
"Married parents get divorced all the time Shane, look around, it's here in the business, divorce is prevalent. Chris and I just never took that route."
"Because you never let yourself, that's why you broke up."
"It would've happened eventually," Stephanie said, thinking about the words she had heard so long ago, the ones that still rang in her mind. She would never forget the feeling in the pit of her stomach when Chris had said he didn't think of a future with her, the implication being that he saw no future with her. She oftentimes wondered where she would be had she not gotten pregnant. Alone maybe, married to someone else with kids, she didn't know, but life had dealt her this hand and so she had to live with it.
"You don't know that."
"You'd be surprised at what I know," Stephanie told him, staring him straight in the eye. Then she broke the gaze and went back to her work. "Unless you want Dad to fire me, you might want to leave."
"This isn't over Stephanie."
"Nothing ever is with you," she said, though there was joking in her voice. Shane circumvented the desk and kissed his sister's head, giving it a pat before leaving her there alone. He walked down the hallway to catering, where he had seen Chris earlier, and hoped that he was still there.
He was, and looked to be playing Go Fish with Finnegan. Shane lauded his luck, and watched them for a minute as Chris got four cards and put them down, as Finnegan frowned at him. Chris just stuck his tongue out at his son and Finnegan hit him in the arm playfully, something Stephanie would do for sure. Shane sauntered over there and plopped himself down next to Finnegan.
"Hi Uncle Shane," Finnegan said as his eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. "Do you have any sevens?"
"Go Fish," Chris said, looking to Shane with a nod.
"Do you love my sister?" Shane asked bluntly.
"What?" Chris asked, shocked and momentarily forgetting that he was playing with his son. He stared at Shane, who was looking at him intently.
"You heard me, do you love my sister?"
"What does this have to do with anything?" he sighed.
"Daddy, it's your turn," Finnegan reminded him, not caring about what his uncle was talking about. He just wanted to play his game with his daddy.
"Sorry Finn, do you have any Jacks?"
"Do they have the J's on them?" Finnegan asked.
"Yeah, those are the Jacks," Chris reminded him.
"Daddy!" Finnegan said angrily as he took two cards from his hand and handed them over to Chris, who grinned and cackled, which made Finnegan frown even more.
"Your turn," Chris said smugly, which only made Finnegan angrier, which made him look more like Stephanie, which comforted Chris a little. As long as he had Finnegan, the last six years did indeed happen and they weren't a figment of his imagination. Finnegan was living proof that he and Stephanie had been together.
"Chris, loving my sister has everything to do with everything," Shane said as he interrupted again.
"What do you want me to say Shane?" Chris asked.
"I just want to know why you two are broken up, it makes no sense to me."
"Look…" Chris paused, "Hey Finn, do you want to go get a water?"
"No," Finnegan said and Chris laughed.
"Do you want to get me a water?"
"Not really," Finnegan said. "I wanna play."
"Okay, well, I need to talk to Uncle Shane for a second, and…okay, you know what, you want to listen to some of your music?" Chris asked.
"What music?" Finnegan asked and Chris reminded himself that he was dealing with a four year old, not an adult. And not just any four year old either, but Stephanie's four year old son, which meant that he could be just like his mother sometimes. Not that he didn't love that a little bit.
"The ones you have on my iPod, come here," Chris said, grabbing his iPod and flipping through it until he got to Finnegan's playlist, which consisted of kiddie songs and well, Chris's own music since Chris was vain and well, Finnegan liked it.
"Daddy, Daddy, can I listen to the hockey song!" Finnegan asked excitedly as he saw the iPod, forgetting about the game of Go Fish. But he was a four year old, really, how long are their attention spans?
"Finn, remember what I told you, that's called 'O, Canada,' it's the national anthem of Canada, which is why they play it during all the hockey games we go to with Grandpa when we go to Canada," Chris reminded him.
"I know," Finnegan said, exasperated, and not planning on changing what he called it any time soon.
Chris put the headphones on Finnegan and adjusted them to fit his smaller head. He turned the volume down lower so as not to blast his son's eardrums and then flipped through the playlist to get to "O, Canada." When Finnegan was clearly occupied and content with his music, Chris turned to Shane.
"Okay, so what's up with you Shane?" Chris said, turning his full attention to his…well, no, not brother-in-law since he never married Stephanie, but Shane might as well have been his brother-in-law, more like best friend though, given the amount of interaction they had had over the years he had been with Stephanie.
"I'm just a little confused here. Do you love my sister?"
"It doesn't matter, we're broken up," Chris answered bitterly.
"So you don't love her then?"
"I love her okay, I love her Shane, is that what you want to hear?"
"And do you mean it?"
"What do you mean, do I mean it?" Chris scoffed. "Of course I mean it. Shane, I love Stephanie okay, I love her like you wouldn't believe. But sometimes, that's just not enough and I had to get out of that house."
"I don't get it."
"I want to marry her, I've tried, and I've waited, and I can't do it. It's driving me insane man. And if I can't find what I'm looking for with Stephanie after six years, then maybe it's just time to cut my losses and move on," Chris told him.
"She gave you a son, man."
"Wow, really? I didn't know this!" Chris said sarcastically. "Look, I can't stay with her if I want more out of this relationship than she does. It's just not going to work that way. Don't get me wrong on this Shane, I love Stephanie, and I would do anything for her. I have stuck with her for six years, and you know your sister, that's not easy. But if I want to work it out with her, I need more from her, and I don't think that's ever going to happen. So I can't stick around this time."
"She loves you too, you know."
"I know that, I know she loves me," Chris replied, then took a deep sigh and ran a hand over his face. "I just don't know if she loves me the same way I love her. And having a kid together doesn't make it all equal. Finnegan is a reason I love Stephanie, sure, but Finn is his own person, not attached to Stephanie, and we both love Finn to death, but that's not loving each other."
"You guys have just been together so long, I don't get this, I can't wrap my mind around it."
"Neither can I, but if I stayed with her Shane, if I let this go again, then it'd be too much. I'd love to have her be my wife, I'd love to make her Stephanie Irvine, but she just doesn't want it. She might never want it."
"Yeah, okay, I guess you're right," Shane said, standing up and tousling Finnegan's hair a little. "I'm sorry it had to come to this."
"I'm sorry too," Chris agreed.
Shane walked away, unsatisfied by either of their opinions and explanations. It all just sounded like malarkey to him. Chris had some seriously valid points that made him think this was mostly on Stephanie's end of the spectrum. He was going to get to the bottom of this, and he was going to fix this. He wanted to do this for Finnegan, who deserved better. He was going to make things better.
Because that's just who Shane was.