Chapter 1

Thursday

October 13th, 2005

0730 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

"So what time should I come get you for lunch, honey?" Harm asked his fiancée.

"Lunch…?" Mac asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, remember I have the afternoon off?"

"Oh, right. But I can't. Do you remember, I told you last week that my old friend's coming to visit this afternoon? Anyway, I'm picking Jamie up at the airport at 1300."

"Oh yeah that's right, and you invited your friend over for dinner tonight."

"You got it, flyboy!"

"Hey, since I forgot, and since I have the afternoon off, how about I make my famous vegetarian lasagna for dinner. How does that sound?" Harm asked, turning to Mattie.

"As long as it's not your meatless meatloaf," Mattie answered, getting a giggle out of Mac.

"The abuse I take!" Harm said, pretending to have his feelings hurt. It just made Mac and Mattie laugh even harder. "Alright, alright, you two laugh it up, but I might just decide to get even and make just that for dinner."

"If that's the case, you'll be eating nothing but that for the next week because no one's going to help you eat it," Mac said.

"You tell him, Mac!" Mattie chimed in.

"Pfff! Women!"

"Well then, if you're so tired of being the only male in this house, I guess you'd better hope for a son," Mac said, giving Harm a wink.

This brought a smile out of Harm. Since arriving to San Diego, he and Mac had found out from a second and third opinion that their chances of conceiving was actually significantly greater than four percent as was previously thought.

"You're damn right I'm hoping! You've already corrupted Mattie. And anyway, with your looks and my brain… well, I'll have a formidable ally!" Harm said, proudly. But secretly he was hoping for a little girl with Mac's looks.

"Whatever you say, Harm. Anyway, I have to go. I'll be late for work. Mattie, sweetie, are you ready?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, let me just get my lunch," Mattie answered.

"I put it in your backpack already," Mac said.

Although Mattie couldn't yet walk without assistance, she has had almost full use of her arms and could do most everyday things without assistance. The local high school was designed for wheelchair accessibility which made it easy for Mattie to continue her schooling when the fall began.

"Bye you two, I love you!" Harm yelled from the kitchen. Harm couldn't believe just how much his life had changed in just half a year. He never imagined he could be so happy. He had to pinch himself some days just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

The couple of months following Harm's promotion and Mac's new billet were both exciting and difficult. After Mac won the coin toss, Harm turned down his assignment in London. However, with intervention from both General Cresswell and Admiral Chegwidden, Harm was able to keep his rank of Captain and after a few months, was given an instructor position at the U.S. Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor Course; more commonly referred to as Top Gun.

Harm had stayed behind in D.C. for almost two months before he joined Mac in San Diego. He had stayed behind to watch over Mattie and to take care of any legal matters regarding her custody. Mac flew in for almost every hearing, showing a united front for the judge, but most of all to provide Harm and Mattie with all the support she could. Mattie's father eventually gave in and agreed that Harm and Mac could provide a better home for Mattie than he could.

Those two months were the most difficult for Harm, not so much with taking care of Mattie and the custody battle, but more because he was so far away from Mac. Although he visited her three times during those two months, he still missed her terribly during the times they weren't together. But Mac had kept his spirits up through many e-mails and late-night phone calls.

Harm couldn't forget how happy he was when the doctor gave Mattie the green light to fly to San Diego. He and Mattie were on a plane the very next day. Six hours later they were greeted at the airport by Mac and Jen.

His thoughts were interrupted by his watch beeping telling him that it was 0800 and that it was time to head to work. With a big smile across his face, Harm walked out the door.

Later that evening

Harm and Mac's house

"So, what are you doing again, Harm?" Mattie asked her guardian as he fiddled with a bunch of wires and buttons on the wall in the den. "I mean, you've been working on that thing on and off the whole day. You just put one in my bedroom, and in the office, and in the kitchen."

"Well, Mattie, it's an intercom system. I'm setting it up so that if you're ever by yourself at home, you don't have to go all the way to the door when someone's knocking outside. You can use the intercom and just ask who it is, and if it's someone you know, like Jen for example, just press this button and it will unlock the door."

"Wow, like in apartment buildings and condos?"

"Exactly."

"Harm, this must've cost you a fortune!"

"Actually, no. An old friend of mine got it for me real cheap. Mac suggested getting the intercom system actually. She didn't want you getting hurt rushing to the door or something if someone was knocking. Anyway, she'll be happy to know that I've finally gotten around to it," Harm said proudly.

"Great! Can we try it out?"

"Not yet, it's not working properly. Right now, it's constantly turned on. I can't seem to turn it off. Do you hear that?" Harm asked Mattie, referring to the static. "It's on and I can hear everything that's going on in the porch."

"I don't hear anything," Mattie said.

"That's because there's no one on the porch. But wait, did you hear that?" Harm asked, referring to the barking dog.

"Yeah, I guess that's the neighbours' dog out loose again?"

"Probably. Anyway, I need to figure out how to turn it off so someone can actually buzzer from outside. But I'll have to get back to that later since Mac and her friend should be arriving any minute now, and I think the lasagna should be done in the oven."

"So you decided not to torture Mac's friend with your meatless meatloaf?"

"I figured since she's an old friend of Mac's that I should get on her good side so she'd be more inclined to spill the beans on Mac from when she was younger," Harm said, grinning mischievously.

"Oooh, I'm telling, Mac!"

"Don't you dare, young lady!" Harm said, unable to contain his laughter.

Harm and Mattie headed towards the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Mattie started on the salad and just as Harm pulled out the lasagna from the oven, he heard the front door open.

"Harm?" Mac yelled from the living room.

"In the kitchen, hon," Harm answered.

Mac entered the kitchen and right behind her was her friend. "Harm, Mattie, I'd like you to meet Jamie Scott, an old friend of mine from High School," Mac said, gesturing to her friend beside her. "Jamie, this is my fiancée, Harm and our daughter Mattie."

"Pleased to meet you, Harm, Mattie," Jamie said, shaking both their hands. "Sarah's told me a lot about you, both of you."

It took a second for Harm to accept Jamie's hand. He was a bit surprised that 'Jamie' was a man; A very tall and handsome one at that. Jamie was the exact same height as Harm, but that's pretty much where the similarities ended. Jamie was tall, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed with prominent cheek-bones. He was built well and anyone could tell that he spends time at the gym. When he smiled, Harm noticed, that Jamie had perfect, pearly white teeth. Harm wondered for a second why that fact annoyed him.

"I'm afraid you have us at a disadvantage, Jamie. My fiancée has said very little about you," Harm said, somewhat stressing the word "fiancée". "I actually thought that Mac's "friend" was a woman."

"I can only imagine your surprise," Jamie said, giving a small chuckle.

"Well, you got here just in time, Harm and I just finished making dinner, let's go eat," Mattie said enthusiastically, sensing Harm's slight discomfort.

As they headed towards the dining room, Harm couldn't help but notice Jamie's hand land on the small of Mac's back.

During dinner, Harm couldn't help but try to find out more about Mac's mystery friend. "So Jamie, how long have you and Mac been friends again?" Harm asked.

"Oh, a long time! When did we meet again, Sarah? When we were 13 or 14?" Jamie asked Mac.

"Yeah, Jamie and I went to the same high school," Mac answered.

"I'm just surprised that in all these years, I've never met you," Harm said.

"Well, except for high school, Sarah and I have pretty much kept a long distance friendship… like pen pals. We'd occasionally write to each other through letters, and then eventually when e-mail came along we were able to keep in better touch," Jamie said.

Harm wondered where this guy was during Mac's alcoholism and her subsequent marriage to Chris Ragle. As if sensing his thoughts, Mac said, "Jamie and I went through a lot together back in the day."

"Actually, Mac and I lost touch a bit after she joined the Marines, but shortly after she joined JAG, she was sent on an investigation in Portland, Oregon where I was living at the time and we bumped into each other. And we've kept in touch since," Jamie added.

"Portland? That was just a few weeks after I met you, wasn't it, Mac?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, it was around that time," Mac answered.

"So Jamie, what do you do?" Mattie asked.

"I'm a civil litigator. I work for a firm in Chicago. Have you heard of Baileys, Anderson and Associates? Of course, from reading Sarah's letters, it's nowhere near as exciting as what she and Harm did," Jamie said, winking at Mac. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Harm.

"What do you do here in San Diego, Harm?" Jamie, asked.

"He's an instructor at Top Gun," Mac answered proudly.

"So Harm, is Sarah still able to tell time down to the last second without looking at a watch?" Jamie asked, changing the subject good naturedly.

"Oh yeah, she still won't let me in on how she does it though," Harm answered.

"Well, I'll let you in on her secret, Harm. She doesn't have a secret, in fact, she herself doesn't know how she does it. She just can," Jamie said. This got him an elbow from Mac.

"Jamie! I can't believe you told him that!" Mac said laughing. "A girl's gotta have some secrets!"

"Really, Harm, Sarah kinda freaked out all our teachers with that uncanny knack of hers," Jamie said.

"So that's why you had a different answer each time I asked you how you were able to do that," Harm said to Mac.

"Ok, ok, you got me. Happy?" Mac said, smiling.

The rest of dinner went smoothly. Harm could tell that Mac was happy to catch up with an old friend. Harm felt kind of bad with the little bit of jealousy he felt at how comfortable Mac was with this guy who knew her far longer than he did. Harm had to admit that the guy was nice enough. He supposed that any guy who could make Mac laugh was alright in his book. But then again there was Dalton, Mic and Webb who made her laugh at one point or another. Harm quickly shook those thoughts away.

"Well, that was some dinner. You're an excellent cook, Harm," Jamie said.

"Yes, Harm that was wonderful," Mac said giving Harm a kiss and then whispering to his ear, "Thanks for not making your meatless meatloaf." This brought a smile out of Harm.

"Well, I should get going, it was nice to meet you all," Jamie said, referring to Harm and Mattie.

"Do you have a ride to your hotel?" Harm asked, being the graceful host.

"Actually, Sarah and I stopped by at a car rental place after she picked me up from the airport. The car's in the driveway. Thanks anyway."

"Well, I'll walk you out, Jamie," Mac said.

As Mac and Jamie headed out, Mattie went to get ready for bed and Harm went back to work on the intercom in the den.

Outside

Harm and Mac's porch

"So, what do you think of my family?" Mac asked Jamie.

"Well, Harm certainly wasn't what I expected. For years I had a certain image of him from what you've mentioned in your letters. As for Mattie, well, clearly she's doing a lot better than how you described her in your last letter."

"What image did you have of Harm?"

"I don't know… I guess I just never thought you'd end up with him. I just thought he didn't want you. That's what I gathered from your letters anyway."

"For a while there, I didn't think so either…"

"I'm not saying you're not wantable," Jamie said, afraid that he may have offended her.

"Wantable?!" Mac repeated, laughing incredulously.

"Ok, ok, perhaps my English isn't at its best right now, but you know what I mean. Just from reading your letters, I couldn't believe how Harm could break your heart. And more than once too!"

"I did my share of hurting him too, Jamie."

"Yeah, but when you hurt him, it was a reaction to what he did to you."

There was a silence between the two, Mac perhaps contemplating the degree of truth in those words. Jamie continued, "I mean, when he left you to go flying, what was that a reaction to? Nothing," Jamie said, answering his own question. "Flying was simply more important to him than you… I remember that time; it was one of the rare times that you actually called me. You tried your best to hide it, but I could tell by your voice on the phone that you had been crying. He really broke your heart that time, Sarah. And what did he gain from it?"

"That's all past now," Mac said weakly.

"Perhaps, but I've noticed a trend over the years, Sarah. You always came in a distant second to Harm in his life. There was always something more important than you."

"What are you trying to say, Jamie?"

"Look, the last thing I want to do is to bring you down tonight, but as your friend, I have to question your decision to marry a man who clearly doesn't love you as much as you love him."

"How can you say that? How do you measure something like love?"

"Think about it, Sarah. He only ever let you in when he needed you or he was about to lose you. I mean, wasn't that why he proposed, because he was about to lose you?" Jamie said gently. "Take Mattie for example, he only told you about her when he needed you to help him win custody of her. Not only was he the one needing the favour, he was the one telling you that it was too important for you to screw up!"

"You remember that?"

"Absolutely. I remember it so well because I was so surprised to get a call from you that night. I remember how hurt you were by what he said. You were so upset and I couldn't help but think…you know, why does she put up with all this?"

"He pushed me away from his life because I had told him that there was no hope for us. I had hurt him."

"And why did you tell him that, Sarah?" Jamie asked rhetorically. "You told him that because you couldn't stand to have your heart broken by him anymore. You were tired of the circles you two were going around and around in. It was a desperate act on your part to protect your already fragile heart. Not to mention that if I were him, I would have fought tooth and nail to keep you."

Mac laughed mirthlessly at that. "That's actually what I had hoped he'd do. That's also what I had hoped he'd do when I wore Mic's ring. But that's just not Harm."

"Sarah, you're the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out. You deserve a husband who'll love you so much more than you could possibly love him. You deserve a husband who will always put you first in his life and everything else a distant second."

"I had that once. Mic loved me a hell of a lot more than I loved him. He gave up his old life to be with me in D.C. But I was never happy, Jamie. My heart was always with Harm. You see, we don't choose who we love. Hell, I'm just lucky that he loves me, considering my past," Mac said sadly. "Besides, that's all I ever really wanted. It was simply to hear the words. A confirmation that he does love me. And I've heard them. It no longer matters to me what place I'm in; whether it's second, third or fourth. I'm just happy to be loved."

"You once told me never to settle for less than the best."

"I do have the best, Jamie. I have Harm."

"Well, that's not the way I see it!" Jamie raised his voice.

"Shhh, keep your voice down," Mac chastised.

"I'm sorry. But I mean… what makes you think he didn't just use you to help him gain custody of Mattie. You and I both know that the odds of him winning custody of her multiplied the moment the judge saw him as part of a couple."

"How can you even suggest such a thing?!"

"Look, Sarah if I don't suggest it, who will? You're too close to the situation, you would never see it if it were in fact the case. I'm more objective."

"You don't know Harm," Mac sounded slightly angry.

"Perhaps not as well as I would like. I'm just saying… Since he's met Mattie, she's become his priority. You told me so yourself," Jamie paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "And that's another thing, do you really want to spend the rest of your married life coming in second to his daughter?!"

"First of all, she's our daughter," Mac said, stressing "our". "Second of all, you can't possibly think I'd be so petty as to compete for Harm's affection over Mattie. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I'm just saying you deserve better."

"You have no idea what Harm has done for me. He gave up his career to rescue me in Paraguay. Surely you remember that, it's all I wrote about during that time!"

"Yeah, but he did the same for his brother didn't he? All he proved was that he cared about you. Besides, didn't you mention to me once that he had a propensity for being the hero, for saving the damsel in distress? What he did for you was hardly a ringing endorsement of his love for you considering it was Harm."

"Look, Jamie, I appreciate you trying to look out for me, really I do…"

"I warned you about Chris too all those years ago…"

"I know, and I wish I had listened to you…"

"Well then, Sarah, don't make the same mistake again!"

"I'm not! Harm is different!"

"Look, Sarah, you're not old, but you're certainly not young anymore. I'd just hate to see you find out five years down the road that you made another mistake, and by then it'll be too late."

"Jamie, you weren't entirely off base tonight. I've accepted long ago that there are certain things in Harm's life that I'll always come second to… His flying, Mattie, whatever new obsession comes around… but he loves me… and that's good enough for me."

"You know… you'd never come second to me, Sarah," Jamie said, ever so quietly. "He doesn't need you, Sarah. Why else would he have pushed you away after Mattie's accident? He's got his daughter now, he's got his planes, and he doesn't need you. But I do know that if you were mine, I'd need you like the air I breathe."

"Umm… Jamie…" Mac started to say, clearly uncomfortable with the direction their conversation had taken.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I made you uncomfortable. What I'm trying to say is that there's a man out there who loves you, more than anything else… the way you deserve to be loved."

"Whoever that man is, I'm not interested," Mac answered honestly.

"You were never loved properly by the people in your life that should have. Not your father, not your mother, not by Chris and certainly not by most of your boyfriends. I would have thought that would have been an important criterion for you in choosing your husband. I guess I was wrong. Good night, Sarah. I'll catch ya later."

Jamie left Mac standing on the porch as he headed towards his car, unbeknownst to either of them that Harm had heard their entire conversation on the intercom.

TBC in Chapter 2

Well, what do you guys think so far? I've already made an entire outline of the story and I know what's going to happen from beginning to end, but the story itself isn't complete yet. I'm going to try and post two chapters a week. There's 8 chapters altogether plus an epilogue. Feedback is very much appreciated!