Chapter 4

Saturday

October 15th, 2005

1545 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

Mac had avoided Harm the whole day. She knew that she had cut their conversation short the night before and that Harm still had more to say. And she knew him too well. He wouldn't drop it until he got his say. He was like a dog with a bone. She simply didn't feel like she had the energy for another discussion like the one they had the night before. So she took the path of least resistance; she avoided him.

So now she found herself folding clothes in the laundry room where she's been for the past hour and a half. She could have chosen to do a dozen other chores; however, the laundry room was in the most secluded area of the house, the most ideal place for her at the moment considering her mood.

Her almost-husband however, knew her too well and wouldn't let her get away with her 'escape and evade' tactics that she's tried on him one too many times.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think you were hiding from me, Marine." When Mac didn't answer, Harm pressed on, "I thought we were way past avoiding each other, Mac."

Mac could clearly make out the hurt in his voice and immediately felt bad for being the cause of it. "I'm sorry, Harm. I wasn't so much avoiding you as I was avoiding another fight."

"Wow, my Ninja-girl, avoiding a fight?! I think I've entered the Twilight Zone!" Harm said, trying to lighten the mood.

Much to Harm's delight, it brought a smile out of Mac. "I'm always up for a good argument with you, Harm… but not a fight and most especially not about… us."

"Look, Mac, I'm not looking for a fight, but you didn't play fair last night. You walked out on me before I could have my say. You… umm… have a habit of that you know, walking out on me before I can have my say."

"Our conversation was going around in an endless loop, Harm. I was tired and in my opinion there wasn't anything to fight about to begin with… except perhaps for your eavesdropping the other night."

"I told you, I was sorry about that."

"Are you really?"

"… Ok, not entirely," Harm said, sheepishly. "It just… it hurts me to think that you think that I think so little of you."

"I think that's one too many "thinks", Harm. I feel like I'm in a crossover between 'Friends' and 'Days of Our Lives'."

Harm ignored her dry attempt at a joke. "You know what hurts the most, Mac? The fact that I would never have found out you felt that way if I hadn't overheard."

"You mean 'eavesdropped'?"

"Damnit, Mac, stop trying to evade the real topic here."

"You want to talk about 'hurt', Harm? Well, I'm hurt that you're angry at me for things that are out of my control. Can I help it if Jamie's in love with me?"

"That's not the reason I'm upset and you know it, Mac!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're also upset because I didn't have it in me to break his heart and tell him to his face that I don't love him!" Mac said, sarcastically.

"I'm hurt and angry that you told Jamie things about us that you haven't even talked to me about! I'm upset that you're allowing yourself to be manipulated by some guy professing his undying love for you… again," Harm hissed.

"How dare you --"

But Harm wouldn't let her finish. "Well, it's true and you know it! The truth always hurts the most, Mac. And that's why it hurts so much for me to find out that you think you're merely a convenience to me."

"I don't think that, Harm!"

"Well, that's what Jamie kept telling you on the porch that night, and you seemed to believe every word he said."

"Not this again, Harm, please."

"How, Mac? How can you think that there's anything more important to me than you?! How can you believe the garbage that that guy's been feeding you?"

"Maybe because everything he said was true," Mac answered so softly that Harm almost didn't hear her… almost.

Harm felt like he got the wind knocked out of him. Even after all these years no one had the power to hurt him more than Mac.

She regretted the words the moment she said them. A part of her wanted to take them back. A great part of her mind knew it wasn't true. But a bigger part of her heart hadn't yet forgotten all the times the man before her had broken her heart. From the time he left her to go flying, to the time he pushed her away in Australia, to the time he told her to go to him only for her to end up in the rain watching him hold Renee, to the time he hadn't trusted her with information about Lt. Singer and his brother, to the time that he hadn't even told her about Mattie until he needed her help, and to when he pushed her away after Mattie's accident. It dawned on her that Harm wasn't the only one who had problems 'letting go' so to speak.

"What can I do, Mac? What can I do to prove to you that that's not true?" Harm practically pleaded with her. "Because I'm lost, Mac! I have no idea. If Paraguay wasn't enough to convince you, then what is?! I know I've hurt you in the past, Mac, and I've made a vow to myself to spend the rest of my life making that up to you. But you have to believe me… all that crap in my past that didn't allow me to let go is long gone now. You're my whole world, Mac… What do I have to do to convince you of that?"

Mac had no idea what to say to that. Even if she did, she wouldn't have had a chance to say anything because her cell phone interrupted them.

"Colonel MacKenzie," Mac answered her cell phone.

"Hello, Sarah, it's Jamie. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time," said the voice on the other end of the line.

He couldn't have called at a worse time Mac thought. "Actually Jamie, now's not a good time…" Mac ignored the glare she got from Harm after he heard who was on the phone.

"Sarah, I know you're upset with me, and I don't blame you, but please give me another chance."

"Jamie I…"

"I'm leaving for Chicago soon and I just can't go without patching things up with you."

"Look, Jamie I understand, really…"

"Then you wouldn't mind meeting me for a drink… just to talk… I don't want you to hold a bad opinion of me, Sarah."

"Umm… I don't think that's such a good idea, Jamie…" Mac trailed off, unsure. A part of her wanted closure with Jamie from the day before, but another part of her just wanted to put the whole thing behind her and forget it ever happened.

"Please, Sarah… I just need to know that we're still friends and I just want to see you one last time before I go. Just for some peace of mind."

"Ok, I guess I could do that," Mac said, relenting.

"Great, meet me at my hotel restaurant in a half hour?"

"Ok then, I'll be there," Mac said, then hung up.

"Be where, Mac?" Harm asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer one bit.

"Jamie's leaving for Chicago and he wants to see me before he goes."

"And you're going?" Harm asked, incredulously.

"I'm sure he just wants to apologize, Harm."

"No way, Mac! This guy's just going to take one last shot at trying to win you over. He doesn't want to apologize. He wants you!"

"It doesn't matter whether or not he wants me, Harm because I don't want him! Or do I not have a say in the matter anymore?" Mac said, exasperated.

"Don't go, Mac, please. There's something about this guy I don't like. I don't trust him."

"Of course you wouldn't, he's in love with your fiancée. But you trust me, don't you, Harm?"

"You know I do, Mac… but still…"

"I'm just going to say goodbye to him, Harm, that's all. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to lose the ones I do have. Please understand."

As Mac turned to leave, Harm realized that she hadn't answered his question because her phone interrupted them. "Hey, Mac… we umm… didn't finish our conversation."

"We'll finish it, Harm, I promise. But right now I think it's for the best that I go and give us some space before either of us says something we'll really regret. You and I know we've made saying hurtful words into an art form," Mac said, sadly. "I won't be long… and Harm…"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Jamie's hotel

30 minutes later

Jamie greeted Mac as she walked through the hotel lobby towards the restaurant. Mac noticed immediately that Jamie was dressed to impress. He was wearing what looked like a black Caraceni suit. His shoes looked like they were Edward Green, made from the finest dark oak calfskin. Mac figured the clothes he had on him was well worth around $8000. She knew that with the kind of clients Jamie worked with that he could easily afford them. Her time with Dalton Lowne had given her a crash course on designer men's wear, not that it had ever impressed her. For her, it would always be dress whites.

"Sarah, thanks again for coming, you don't know how much this means to me," Jamie said as he led her to their table.

Mac noticed the women in the restaurant eyeing Jamie and giving her envious looks. He was after all a very attractive man. He was tall, well-built, blonde-haired and blue-eyed with a killer smile. But it occurred to her that while his smile was devastatingly handsome, it was cold, where as Harm's smile always warmed her to the core.

After their drinks arrived, Jamie asked Mac, "So have you thought about what happened at the diner yesterday?"

"Yes, and Jamie I'm sorry I slapped you. What you said about my father had hurt, but it hurt as much as it did because it was mostly true," Mac said.

"It's ok, Sarah. Your fiery spirit's what I've always loved about you," Jamie said. "Did you tell Harm what happened?"

"Most of it…" Mac trailed off.

"Good," Jamie said smugly.

"What do you mean?" Mac said clearly confused.

"I want Harm to know where I stand and that I'm not backing down."

"I don't understand, Jamie, what are you talking about?" Mac said clearly confused. She came to meet him expecting an apology, not all this cryptic talk.

"I'm going to fight for you Sarah, something Harm never did," Jamie said, deadly serious. "I'm going to make sure you never doubt my love for you, like you always have with Harm."

"No! Jamie, I want you to stop this! I came here because I wanted to salvage our friendship and to not let this one incident come between us. I agreed to meet you here in the name of friendship and nothing more. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I'm with Harm and I love Harm."

"You never said you didn't love me."

"I didn't want to be mean," Mac said, flippantly.

"Here, this is for you," Jamie said, slipping an envelope to Mac.

Mac wanted to push the envelope right back at him and tell him she wasn't interested. The last thing she wanted to do was encourage his behaviour, but the curiosity in her won out and she opened the envelope. Inside was a first class plane ticket to Chicago.

"What's this?" Mac asked.

"I want you to come with me. I know that if you got to spend a little time with me you'll know that you and I belong together. All you need is to remember the good times we had. Come with me," Jamie said, clearly proud of his idea.

"You're delusional, Jamie," Mac said, realizing clearly for the first time that the problem with Jamie went way beyond that of a lingering childhood crush. "If you think that I'm going to leave my family to have an affair with you, then you really need help."

"You were willing to leave Mic for Harm," Jamie said, clearly confused.

"Yeah, for Harm."

"Look, Sarah, I can provide you with a much better life than Harm ever could. How much does a Navy pilot make anyway? I can buy you anything you want! You name it and I'll have it for you in the blink of an eye."

"Harm and I may not make nearly as much as you do, but we make a decent living."

"But with me you'll never have to work."

"But I like working!" Mac said exasperated.

"Okay then, you can do whatever you want, as long as we're together," Jamie said, reaching for Mac's hand.

Mac quickly pulled her hand back but Jamie roughly grabbed it back again knocking her drink to the floor. This caused the patrons in the restaurant to look at them. Mac saw the wild fury in his eyes and for the first time ever, she was afraid of her childhood friend.

"Is everything alright here?" the restaurant's manager approached them and asked, clearly unhappy that the other patrons in his restaurant were being disturbed.

"Yes of course, how clumsy of me," Jamie answered, quickly switching back to his charming self.

The restaurant manager being a man wasn't immediately swayed by Jamie's smile. "Ma'am, is everything ok?" He asked, wanting Mac's version.

"Umm… yes, I was just leaving," Mac said.

Mac rushed out of the restaurant with Jamie hot on her heels. "Sarah, wait! Wait! We're not finished!" Jamie yelled.

But Mac didn't stop. She went straight to her car and drove away. The whole drive home Mac couldn't believe the side of her friend that she had seen. There was something maniacal behind the rage and fury in his eyes for the split second that she saw it. It had frightened her. She was ashamed to admit it. Mac realized that she never really knew her friend at all.

TBC in Chapter 5

Thanks for sticking with me everyone! My goal for this story is two chapters a week at least and so far I've been able to do just that. Thanks so much for all the feedback you guys have given me. It's food for my soul  Anyway, this chapter's setting up the big showdown that I alluded to in the prologue. There's more to come after what happened in the prologue so stay tuned. Feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, I can also imagine how much you guys are hating Jamie right now, but I'll promise you, he'll get his comeuppance 