DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.
Derek pulled himself away from Meredith. He didn't want to wake her. He put his pillow where his body was. He felt sorry for her. She was tired. She had been working long hours at the hospital, and was on-call a lot lately. She was not getting regular sleep. It's what she wanted. She wanted to be the best. You have to work hard, if you want to be the best. He knew she didn't have to work until eleven, so he set the alarm clock for her, kissed her on the forehead and left. The crazy hours were taking their toll. He wasn't getting to spend as much time as he would like with her. He knew it would just get worse. Someday he wanted to be chief of surgery. He would never see her then. Meredith awoke at seven in the morning her her phone ringing. She rolled over with a groan.
Meredith: (Groggily.) Hello?
Ellis: Meredith, it's your mother.
Meredith: Yeah, mom.
Ellis: How would you like to meet me for breakfast?
Meredith: (She wanted to say no. She wanted to continue sleeping. She had brushed her off a lot lately. The guilt took over.) Sure.
Ellis: How about the cafe on the corner, by the hospital?
Meredith: Fine.
Ellis: I will see you around nine, then.
Meredith: Okay.
Meredith looked over at the clock. It was just after nine. She could get more sleep. She rolled over and covered her head. She was practically comatose. The phone rang and her head shot up. It was her mom. It was ten after nine. She hadn't woken up.
Meredith: Hello?
Ellis: Did you stand me up?
Meredith: No, no. Of course not. My neighbor was talking to me about her flowers.
Ellis: Oh how lame. Like we have time for flowers. We're surgeons! So you're on your way?
Meredith: I'll be there in a minute.
Meredith jumped out of bed and grabbed her favorite pair of jeans, and a clean long sleeved shirt. She want in the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She couldn't believe she had over slept. Her body wasn't ready to be awake. It was going in slow motion. She grabbed the first pair of shoes she could find and jumped in her car. She arrived at the cafe at eleven. Her mom looked at her with shock.
Ellis: Meredith. You look terrible.
Meredith: Thanks, mom.
Ellis: Did you even brush your hair?
Meredith: Crap. (She pulls a brush out and starts ripping through her hair.)
Ellis: Not at the table! I swear, you are just like your father!
Meredith: I wouldn't know.
Ellis: (She brushes off that comment.) You need to suck it up. Internship is hard. The weak don't succeed. You need to work harder.
Meredith: I am working hard.
Ellis: Okay. You will find out. (Their food comes. Meredith reaches for the salt.) So there's the ring.
Meredith: Oh, yeah. (She puts her hand out.)
Ellis: It's nice. You know what is really nice? Finding out that your daughter is getting married, by a nurse!
Meredith: Mom. I'm sorry. I've been so busy.
Ellis: Too busy to pick up the phone?
Meredith: I'm sorry.
Ellis: I'm happy for you. If you love him, that's good. I love Richard. I have loved Richard forever. He means the world to me. I'm happy. I know-
Meredith: Are you sure? That you love him? Is he okay? He left his wife for you. What if he regrets that?
Ellis: Meredith. I lived unhappily with your father for years. You don't know what it's like to stay with someone you don't love! You don't know what it's like to want something more, someone else.
Meredith: Yes, I do. I do know. You should know that better than anyone. Remember John?
Ellis: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I should have never pressured you into marrying him.
Meredith: Pressure? That would have been okay, you forced me! The only good thing that came from that was Derek. It was all worth it, because I met Derek.
Ellis: I sorry, Meredith.
Meredith: I'm tired of it. All we ever say to each other is "I'm sorry". No more I'm sorry. If this is going to work, we can't talk about the past. It's the past. Everything has to be left here at this table. We can't keep doing this!
Ellis: I'm sorry, dear. You're right. I have to get out of the past. I have to let it go.
Meredith: I do too. I'm angry. I can't lie. I am. I have problems. I will never be normal, I'm trying, but it will never happen. So, I'm letting it go. Right now.
Ellis: Your father was a- I'm sorry.
Meredith: There it is again! Damn-it, mom. Just stop. We are starting fresh.
Ellis: Okay. Starting fresh. No talk about the past.
Meredith: Good.
Ellis: Derek, he seems like a good guy.
Meredith: He is. He is amazing. He is everything to me. I'm trying to make it work. I really am.
Ellis: You aren't as damaged as you think, Meredith. You are an amazing woman.
Meredith: Thank you, Mom.
Ellis: I have surgery in a hour. I have to go. I had a good time.
Meredith: Me too.
Meredith worked an eighteen hours shift. She only saw Derek twice. They didn''t get a chance to talk. She was so tired at the end of her shift she didn't know if it was safe to drive home. She called a cab. She went outside on the bench and waited. Not long after she sat down, her head dropped. She was asleep. Luckily the cab driver yelled out to her. She jumped up and climbed in the cab. She gave the cab driver directions. The front lights were on. She had to go in the front door, she didn't have a garage door opener. It felt strange going into the house through the front. She looked at the stairs. She knew she didn't have the energy to make it up them. She walked over and collapsed on the sofa, thanking God that she had tomorrow off.
Derek woke up at seven. He had surgery scheduled for nine. He rolled over, missing Meredith. He climbed in the shower. He wished she was there. He figured she must not have come home. She had worked so many hours. He walked out of the shower, got dressed, did his hair and walked downstairs. His face dropped when he saw her. She was face down on the sofa. It was just like she walked over and passed out. He rubbed her head. She didn't move. She was breathing. He knew she would regret sleeping on the sofa. He cradled her up and carried her upstairs, removing her shoes and covering her up.
Meredith awoke at nine in the morning. The phone was ringing. She wasn't sure how she even got home. She didn't remember driving home. The phone rang again. She didn't want to answer it. She was tired, and angry. She wanted to throw it against the wall. She wanted to jump through the phone and choke the caller. Finally she decided to answer it.
Meredith: HELLO? (She was mad. She wanted the caller to know.)
Chris: Meredith? It's Chris, John's friend.
Meredith: Yes, do you need something?
Chris: I'm sorry to bother you.
Meredith: What is it that you need?
Chris: I wanted to let you know that the jury is out. I don't know what's going to happen.
Meredith: Okay.
Chris: He was a friend. I did the best I could. If you had testified, we would have had a better chance. I think we could have won. Now that rotten son-of-a-bitch may walk.
Meredith: Are you saying that if he walks, it's my fault?
Chris: You could have helped the case. You could have helped send him to prison. He may walk. You could have done it for your husband. He was my friend. I know you and Ray had a past. You could have been here. You should have done more.
Meredith: Fuck you!
She slams the phone down. She was edgy, and tired. Now she was angry. How could he say that? What she went through was hard. She didn't want to tell a courtroom of strangers about her past. She didn't want to be vulnerable. Besides, what did she have to do with him killing John? She had everything to do with it. John wasn't some random guy that Ray killed. It was her fault. Damn-it, it was her fault. She had been doing so good. She was finally happy. Maybe she wasn't meant to be happy. She started crying. So much for sleep. Her body ached. Her muscles weren't working correctly. Her brain could barely control her body. She made it down the stairs, through the kitchen and to the next set of stairs. It mocked her. She missed it. It missed her. She sat down at her bar. She placed her best friend in front of her. Tequila was her friend. She wanted it, she needed it.