DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.

It was all too much for her to take. The minute she is happy, it's ripped away from her. Her candy is always taken, the steamroller persists. Does everyone wonder why I didn't go to the trial? Am I a bad person? Maybe I really am just a selfish, adulterous whore. It fits. Yep, it's perfect. A whore. I married John, I vowed I would never do to him what he did to me. I cheated, he's dead, and even in death, I hurt him. Maybe I really am a poisoned well. She stares at the bottle of tequila. She wants to quaff it. She wants to feel the burning poison run down the back of her throat. She wants to feel the calmness before the dark that captures her body. She could never deal with things, she knew that. She didn't know how to deal. Why would you want to? It's easier to just fall into the blackness that is tequila. She stares at the bottle. For some reason she can't. I can, this is what I do. She uncaps the bottle. She stares at it. Did she think it would bite? It always bites. All of a sudden Derek flashes in her head. She saw his sad face. She remembered him worrying after their fight. She remembered telling him she didn't need tequila, just him. Maybe she didn't need tequila. Maybe is was just him that she needed. Maybe, maybe not.

::Earlier::

Derek drove to hospital quietly. He felt guilty. He wasn't exhausted. He was getting a good night's sleep every night. He knew the other interns were going through the same thing. It wasn't the same, she was an emotional wreck. She had been working hard, picking up extra shifts. Had he pushed her over the edge? He wasn't going to pressure her about the wedding. If he had to wait ten years for her to plan it, he would. As he walked into the elevator, he met up with Dr. Bailey.

Derek: Dr. Bailey. (He nods.)

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Do you know what time Meredith got off last night?

Bailey: Oh, about five or so.

Derek: She worked an eighteen hour shift?

Bailey: We do it all the time...

Derek: It's-

Bailey: She is an intern. She has to do it! I don't give her harsher treatment than the others. I'm sure as hell not going to go soft on her either. She can handle it, or she won't make it! (She walks out of the elevator. Derek heads to the board. He has three surgeries.)

Derek had Izzie scrub in on his first surgery with him. It was a fairly simple surgery. They were in the operating room. He had the skull flap open. He decided to ask her if she knew anything about Meredith. She had been throwing herself into work, and he knew it.

Derek: So, Dr. Stevens, are the long hours getting to you this week?

Izzie: Not really. I haven't been scheduled in too much. I haven't been on call in nine days.

Derek: Really? So Meredith- Okay, she's exhausted. You are her friend. Do you know what is going on?

Izzie: Mer has been working a lot of hours. She has been getting all of the good surgeries. The long ones. She seems okay. She hasn't said anything. She seems happy. Just tired.

Derek: That's good. I worry. She doesn't talk, you know?

Izzie: Yeah, that's Mer for you.

Derek: Okay, close him. Stevens, prep our next patient, I don't want to be here all night.

Izzie: Right away.

Derek was scrubbed out and was heading down the hallway. He heard his name. He was being paged to the nurses station. He wondered what was going on. She shrugged it off and headed down there.

Derek: I was paged?

Nurse: Yes. Dr. Thompson called. She sounded upset.

Derek: Did she say anything?

Nurse: She said not to bother you if you were busy.

Derek: Okay, thanks. (He immediately pulled out his cellphone. He knows Meredith. She wouldn't call for no reason.)

Meredith: Derek, I need you.

Derek: What's wrong?

Meredith: It's too much.

Derek: Are you okay? Are you hurt?

Meredith: I'm not hurt. I just, hurt.

Derek: I'm on my way. (He hangs up. He says to the nurse:) Cancel my next surgery. I have to go.

Nurse: But Dr. Shepherd...

Derek: Cancel it, or find someone else!

She did the right thing. She knew it. She wanted the tequila so bad. It wasn't worth it. Derek would be here. He would help her. She needed him. She felt like the darkness was going to swallow her whole.

Derek drove home quickly. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew she was upset. Her voice was shaky. Her voice was never shaky. Everyone seemed to be driving so slowly. He didn't even change his clothes. He was still in his scrubs, and his lab coat. He didn't care. She needed him, and he was going to be there, period. He quickly parked in the garage and called out her name. There was no answer. He ran around the house calling her name. He cursed this over-sized house. He was running frantically. Finally he made it to the basement. There she was sitting at the bar, in the dark. He didn't call her name. She was just sitting there. Staring at the bottle. It was full, she hadn't drank any. A wave of relief washed over his body. She didn't drink. She called him. She called him. This was monumental.

Derek: Meredith... (He walks over to her and wraps his arms around her.) Meredith. What's the matter, baby?

Meredith: (Her eyes well up, her lip quivers.) He...It's...oh God Derek. (She sobs. He picks her up and carries her to a chair, cradling her.)

Derek: It's okay. I'm here, everything is fine.

Meredith: Chris, the attorney called. (She begins to speak inaudibly, and she sobs. He just holds her. She needed to just know he was there. After about twenty minutes she starts again.) He said it's my fault. If Ray isn't convicted it's my fault. He's right I should have been there. I could have testified. I chose not to. (She sobs.)

Derek: No, Meredith. It is not your fault. You couldn't do it. It's not your fault. They couldn't expect you to sit on the stand and pour out you secrets. Look at me. (She does.) It is not your fault. Whatever happens is meant to be. You have no control. Do you hear me?

Meredith: Yes. (He looks at her. She looks terrible. Her eyes are red and puffy. She had huge bags under them. She is pale. His heart ached for her.) I'm so tired Derek. I feel like I can't go on. I have missed out on days. I don't even know what had happened the past few days. It scares me. I don't even know how I got home.

Derek: What time did you get up?

Meredith: Nine, I think.

Derek: He called you at nine, and woke you up?

Meredith: Yes.

Derek: Let's go to bed. (He was pissed. He was going to call Chris and give him a piece of his mind. How dare he do this to Meredith. His Meredith. No wonder she was tired.)

Meredith: You have to work...

Derek: No. I have to sleep, with you. (He carries her up to their bed. She was still in the same clothes. He helps her out of her dirty clothes. She was too tired to bathe. He laid her down in the bed, pulling her close to his body.)

Derek: Thank you.

Meredith: For what?

Derek: For calling me. (She lays her head on his chest. His eyes welled up. It made him so happy to know that she trusted him, that she needed him.) I love you.

Meredith: I love you too.

Derek laid there with Meredith in his arms. She opened up, she let him in. He couldn't get over it. He was on cloud nine. He was upset that Chris had spoken to her like that. He felt terrible that she was going through all of this turmoil. At the same time he was overjoyed. He watched her breath in and out. She was so peaceful. She was perfect. How he ever got his clumsy, messy, beautiful, perfect intern to agree to marry him was a mystery. She and her tiny, ineffectual fists, and ballsy attitude. She made him proud. He was lost in thought when he heard his pager go off. It was the chief. He knew the Chief had to be angry with him. He softly climbed out of bed. He didn't want to wake her. He called the Chief.

Chief: Hello?

Derek: Richard.

Chief: Where the hell are you?

Derek: I'm at home. It's Meredith.

Chief: You left your patient.

Derek: I know. I'm sorry. It's the trial. Ray's trial.

Chief: That is no reason-

Derek: She is everything to me. I am not going to brush her off. She is more important than the hospital.

Chief: I understand. If you had come to talk to me, it would have been different.

Derek: There was no time. She would kill me of she found out that I told you, but she's exhausted.

Chief: How many hours did she work this week?

Derek: I have no idea.

Chief: (He looks up her hours.) Wow, she should be! She worked over a hundred hours. I don't know how she ever got away with this. She needs to take tomorrow off. And you-

Derek: I-

Chief: I expect you here tomorrow morning. Take the rest of the day off.

Derek: Okay.

Chief: Oh, Derek...

Derek: Yes?

Chief: Take care of her. She's been through a lot.

Derek: I will. See you tomorrow.

Chief: Okay. (Derek hangs up the phone and grabs Meredith's cell phone. He finds Chris' number. He grabs his own phone and dials Chris' cell phone number.)

Chris: Chris Donaldson here.

Derek: This is Derek Shepherd.

Chris: Meredith Thompson's, friend? How can I help you?

Derek: You listen, and you listen good. You will never call Meredith and speak to her in that manner again, do you understand me? She is an emotional wreck over all of this, and you nearly pushed her over the edge. Your behavior was was unprofessional and inexcusable.

Chris: (In shock.) I apologize. This case-

Derek: What did you not understand about inexcusable? I trust it will not happen again. (He hangs up. He wanted to beat the shit out of him. He was going to curse at him, call him every name in the book. He was sure that what he said would affect him more than if he had done that.)

Derek makes his way back upstairs. He's not tired, but he wants to spend time with Meredith, even if she is asleep. As soon and he lays his body down, Meredith clings to him like a magnet. All he can do is smile. Derek laid there for several hours before decided to make some dinner. He wasn't sure that she would wake up, or want to eat, but if she did, he wanted it to be ready. He looked in the cabinets and refrigerator. They didn't really have much, they had both been working so much. He decided to make roast chicken. Dinner was almost done and Derek was making a salad when Meredith walked down the stairs.

Meredith: Something smells good.

Derek: Good afternoon, sleepy head. How do you feel?

Meredith: A lot better. So what are you making?

Derek: Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and salad.

Meredith: Mmm. I can't wait, I'm starving.

Derek: Good. (He started setting the table.) You sit down.

Meredith: I can help.

Derek: You need to relax.

Meredith: Fine.

The dinner was good. Meredith hadn't had a good meal in a while. She was happy that Derek could cook. If he couldn't, they were in trouble. Derek finished before her and ran upstairs. After a few minutes he came back down and started clearing the table.

Derek: Go upstairs, I started you a bath.

Meredith: You did?

Derek: Yes, I did.

Meredith: Are you going to join me.

Derek: I think you know what happens when I join you...

Meredith: And that's a bad thing why?

Derek: As much as I want to join you, you need to rest. So get up there.

Meredith: Okay, okay.

Her room what somewhat dark. When she turned into the bathroom it was nice and warm. Derek had lit candles. It looked so realizing. She slowly peeled of her dirty clothes and lowered her tired, aching body into the water. It felt so good. She laid there for an hour, just letting the warmth penetrate her body. When she got out, Derek had pulled the blankets back and he was laying in the bed, reading a book. She climbed in next to him laying her head against him.

Meredith: I am so lucky to have you.

Derek: No, I'm the lucky one.

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Tomorrow is a sad day. It's Derek's last day on my calendar. Why the hell does February have to be so short? Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I hope it still has your interest!