Chapter 7

Wednesday

October 19th, 2005

0900 local

Mercy Hospital

After the doctor examined Mac more thoroughly, he established that her memory loss was more extensive than was previously believed. He took Harm out to the corridor to speak to him in private. Bud, Harriet, Jen and Mattie were already there as well to visit Mac after hearing that she woke up, but the doctor asked to speak to them all in private before he let them see his patient.

"Harm, I have to admit to you that I'm a little bit lost as to what the cause of her memory loss is. It's natural for the victim of such an attack to forget about the incident itself, but it's rather uncommon for the victim to forget almost a year's worth of memories."

"So what does that mean?" Harm asked.

"It means that I'm not sure if her memory loss is the result of her head injury or if her mind is blocking some of her memories because what happened to her was too traumatic for her mind to cope with," Dr. Roshan answered.

"How long before she gets her memory back?" Jen asked.

"If it's due to the head injury, then it could be when her brain completely heals itself. There's still much bruising in that area of her brain that was injured. There's also the possibility that it simply may not come back. If Sarah herself is blocking those memories, then an incident, any incident could trigger her to remember what happened.

A show on television, a certain smell, a certain sound, someone who looks similar to her attacker, it could be anything. If that's the case, then it could even be years if she remembers, if ever."

"So then she can't tell us who did this to her," Harriet said.

"Unfortunately not yet," the doctor answered.

"Well what can we do to help her remember faster?" asked Bud.

"Actually, that's the main reason I wanted to talk to you all before you went to see her," Dr. Roshan said. "Do not do anything to help her remember. I repeat, do not help her or push her, the consequences could be grave. I've already spoken to Sarah and told her not to push herself in remembering because her mind is in a very fragile state right now. Of course, she will still ask a lot of questions, but she knows that she has to come to answers on her own."

"Why can't we help her? I don't understand," Harm asked, frustrated at what the doctor was telling him.

"You see, Harm, if Sarah has blocked certain memories as a result of the fact that her mind is unable to handle the traumatic events, pushing her to remember could very well leave her in a catatonic state. The shock and trauma might be too much for her if it doesn't come back naturally. If her memory loss is due to a physical brain injury, then pushing herself too hard might lead to a brain haemorrhage. This situation is uncommon, but not unheard of. I want to take every precaution with Sarah, please understand. I always live by the motto 'better safe than sorry' and seeing as how you all care so much for Sarah, I think you'll agree."

"Doctor, so much has changed for her in the past year. Last year we were still living in D.C. We weren't engaged at the time, hell, we weren't even together! Her billet was different. How are we going to keep this from her?" Harm asked.

"I've already explained to Sarah that almost a year has gone by from what she last remembered. She's a smart girl, I'm sure she'll accept that there's been changes since," the doctor said.

"But I don't understand, why can't we let her know the details of what's happened since?" Jen asked.

"The reason for that is, if you told Sarah something specific… for example that she's engaged to be married, her mind will naturally work overtime trying to remember the details. She will try to remember where her fiancée proposed, when he proposed, what kind of ring he gave her, what she had on, what her reaction was, what his reaction was, what her surroundings were…"

"Ok, ok, we get it," Harm said, interrupting the doctor.

"My point is, is that if you give her nothing specific, her brain won't overwork itself, and it'll have nothing to focus on specifically. At least that's what I'm hoping. Remember, in Sarah's case, answers will lead to more questions. At this point, we're going to go by the motto 'less is more' ok?" the doctor said. "I know it's frustrating, but it's only temporary, just until we know more about Sarah's condition. She already knows not to push for answers as I've told her that it could be detrimental to her recovery."

"I guess that means I can't let her know that we're engaged?" Harm said, more as a statement than a question.

"Just for the meantime, son," Dr. Roshan said, giving Harm a sympathetic look.

In the meantime

Inside Mac's hospital room

'Frustrated' didn't even begin to describe how Mac felt. It came as a surprise to her that she wasn't even in D.C. The doctor at least told her that much… that and the date. She hated feeling ignorant. It didn't help her feelings any, the fact that the doctor's outside the room with Harm right now probably telling him not to tell her anything. She wasn't stupid. She knew that something really horrible happened to her. She was bruised and battered all over, not to mention the gunshot wound to her shoulder. The last thing she remembered was her car accident… but clearly, that's not the reason why she was in the hospital.

She knew that she was missing almost a year's worth of memories. She knew that the doctor told her not to wrack her brain trying to remember, but by God, how could she not?! Was she on an assignment when she got shot? Why was she in San Diego? Harm was there too, were they both on an assignment, or did he fly across the country to be with her after hearing what happened? The latter thought brought a small smile to her face. Maybe she and Harm were closer now than they were last year. She felt a small surge of hope, but she quickly quelled it knowing that that was unlikely. From what she last remembered Harm had pretty much lost whatever interest he had left for her. Considering that it was now almost a year later, he's most certainly moved on.

Mac was surprised at the immense sadness that this thought brought to her. Logically she should have had a year to get used to it by now. There was even a possibility that Harm's not with anyone at the moment. And who knows, she may have someone in her life at the moment. But then again, if she did, where was he? Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Ma'am… can we come in?" Jen asked, poking her head through the door.

"Jen, of course, it's nice to see a familiar face!"

"Well, my face isn't the only one ma'am," Jen said as she walked in followed by the others.

The first thing Mac noticed was that Mattie was in a wheelchair. "Oh my God, Mattie what happened, are you alright?!"

"Oh, this… it's nothing, Mac… umm… I had an accident a while back, but I'm getting better every day. It's a long story, I'll tell you about it some other time," Mattie answered, it was obvious she hadn't anticipated how Mac would react to seeing her in a wheelchair.

"What are you guys all doing in San Diego? Did you fly all the way here just to visit me? I can't imagine all of us being on the same assignment," Mac asked, obviously forgetting what the doctor told her about asking too many questions.

"Umm… Ma'am…" Bud started.

"We're not really sure how much we're allowed to tell you," Harriet finished. "Doctor's orders and all that."

"Oh, right, I see," Mac said, dejectedly.

"But the important thing is that we're all here with you, right Mac?" Mattie said.

"You're absolutely right, Mattie," Mac said, not wanting to bring them all down. "So you guys can at least tell me about Little AJ and Jimmy, right?"

After everyone gave Mac their well-wishes, they left her to get some much needed rest. Harm though, stayed behind.

"Those are quite the eye bags you're sporting there, Flyboy," Mac said, noticing how tired Harm looked.

"Yeah, well, I'm blaming you for that," Harm said with a smile.

"Harm… what can you tell me? I'd appreciate anything…"

"Mac, the doctor was really specific…"

"Please Harm. At least tell me what I'm doing in San Diego, were we on an assignment? Is that why you're here too? Is my life in danger? I was shot after all."

"Look Mac, I really want to tell you, but I'm not going to risk making your situation worse by disobeying the doctor's orders. It'll come with time, I promise."

"Ok… Fine… But there's something I've been wondering… Am I… with someone?" Mac asked, but she quickly changed her mind, afraid of the answer. "Wait! Don't answer that, it's obvious if I were he'd be here instead of you. Stupid question."

Mac noticed Harm look away. He seemed uncomfortable. Did he feel sorry for her?

"Hey Harm it's ok. You'll do for now," Mac said, her weak attempt at a joke.

All she got was a weak smile from Harm. Mac hated being kept in the dark like this. She had a million questions. Was Harm with someone right now? Was Mattie with him, the last she remembered, she was with her dad. Would they have to go back to D.C. soon? The fact that her doctor hadn't yet allowed her to leave her bed just added to her frustrations.

"How's your headache, are you feeling better," Harm asked, changing the subject.

"It's gotten better since last night, yeah."

"Can I get you anything to eat at all?"

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks."

"My Marine, not hungry? That's a first!"

Mac couldn't help but feel touched that he referred to her as his Marine. Of course she told herself not to read anything into it. She also noticed that she was in a private room. Certainly that wasn't in the budget.

"Harm, who's paying for my hospital room?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, this is a private room. My insurance doesn't cover this, and neither would the office… Harm?"

"Mac, just… don't worry about anything other than getting better ok?"

"But Harm…"

"Really, I mean it. Everything's taken care of," Harm said, gently caressing her cheek.

The surprise on Mac's face at his intimate gesture must have shown because Harm immediately pulled his hand away. She couldn't help but feel disappointment at the loss of contact.

Trying to ease the sudden tension, Mac said, "Thanks Harm, for being here for me."

"Always, Mac."

Mac noticed that Harm took off his jacket and settled himself on the arm chair next to her bed.

"Harm, aren't you going?"

"No," he said, simply.

"Really Harm, I appreciate what you're doing for me, but really I'm ok, you need to go home, you look exhausted and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that chair is for someone your size," Mac said, not wanting Harm to stay out of pity because she obviously had no one else.

"Mac, just lie back, you're not going to win this argument. I'm not going anywhere so you're just going to have to get used to me being here."

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, someone else to be with?" Mac couldn't help but cringe at how horribly obvious she was. Subtlety wasn't her specialty.

"I'm where I'm supposed to be Mac. Now, I mean this with much affection, but shut up," Harm said with a small smile.

Mac knew that Harm saw right through her. She wanted to know if he was with someone at the moment. If he was, she really didn't want to be his pity project. She was more than disappointed that he didn't answer her either way about the 'someone else' part of her question. But knowing Harm, he probably didn't want to rub his relationship in her face if he did in fact have one at the moment. For the meantime, Mac gave up her questioning and let her exhaustion take over her.

Same time

In a cheap motel

Just outside San Diego

Jamie couldn't believe his luck as he was watching ZNN news.

"… There's still no suspect in the brutal attack of Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. Investigators are looking into some of her past clients that she defended and some past defendants she prosecuted. So far, the Colonel has not named her attacker. Sources say she has no recollection of the incident…"

Jamie turned off the television. He just couldn't believe it. Things have fallen so well into place for him. He honestly believed that that was a sign from fate. He decided that it was safe for him to visit Sarah, and that was going to be his next move.

The next day

1200 local

Mercy Hospital

Mac was walking back from the washroom which her private room was equipped with when she heard Harm and Harriet talking just outside her hospital room. Her door wasn't entirely closed which allowed their voices to carry over.

"Sir, will you be postponing your wedding?"

"I don't know, Harriet. I haven't even thought about it…" Harm said. "I guess it's still on for now. Let's just play it by ear…"

Mac felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. She didn't stay to hear the rest of Harm and Harriet's conversation. She went back to bed, not trusting her own shaking legs to keep her up much longer. She sat there, frozen for a minute or two. One part of her was completely heartbroken that Harm had settled down and moved on, another part of her hated being a burden to him. Harm should probably be helping his fiancée plan their wedding, but instead, he's here taking care of her; family-less Mac. Although Mac was at least happy that Mattie would have a family again. Harm told her the night before that he got custody of Mattie, and that's why she was here as well. Mac thought for a moment about the woman who finally got Harm to settle down. It's funny, Mac thought, because even if Harm chose to marry a saint, she'd probably still hate her. She barely noticed her tears start falling. She felt entirely pathetic.

Harm walked into the room a minute later and saw the tears in her eyes. "Mac, hey what's the matter, why the waterworks?" Harm asked putting his arm around her.

Mac pulled away abruptly. "Nothing," she replied tersely. "You'd be crying too if you were in my position."

Harm chuckled a bit, not understanding the real reason. "Yeah, I probably would be. But hey, the doctor's letting you walk around the room now."

"Yay," Mac said, sarcastically.

Mac was feeling so hurt at the moment that she wanted to just lash out at Harm. She wanted to tell him to just go to his fiancée and leave her alone. She could handle things on her own. She didn't need a hero. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. Harm probably wouldn't say much anyway, he's been following the doctor's orders to a T. Reason and logic also prevailed and told her that lashing out at Harm would be very unfair to him. She had told him "never". He had every right to move on. She really had no one to blame but herself.

"Hey, cheer up, Mac. You'll get your memory back and things will be back to normal. You just have to be patient… Now, do you want to play a game of Crazy Eights or something?"

"Not really, Harm. I'm kinda tired and I'm not really good company right now, why don't you go home, wherever that may be, and get some rest. I'm ok."

"I'm doing ok right here, Mac. I'm not going anywhere. And besides, you're the one who's hurt, it's my job to be the good company."

"Harm, I really have a lot on my mind right now, and I really would prefer to be alone."

Mac didn't miss the hurt look on Harm's face. She would have thought that he'd be thrilled to get out of the hospital, but apparently not, either that or he's a really great actor.

"Mac, I really have nowhere else to go," Harm said, taking Mac's hand.

"That's hard to believe," Mac mumbled.

"What was that?" Harm asked, not quite catching what Mac said.

"I said… never mind."

Harm was about to say something more when they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting anything…"

"Jamie? Is that you? Oh my god, Jamie, it's wonderful to see you!" Mac said enthusiastically. "I haven't seen you in like ten years!"

"I heard you were attacked and I couldn't believe it! I flew back from Chicago immediately to make sure you were alright."

"That means so much to me, thanks," Mac said, obviously touched.

Harm couldn't help but feel green with jealousy over how his fiancée responded to Jamie's presence. It was a lot better than her reaction to him. In fact, now that he's thought of it, she's been quite distant with him. Before Mac lost her memories she had told him that Jamie was in love with her. Jamie was not going to take advantage of Mac's vulnerable position if he had anything to say about it.

"Are you in a lot of pain," Jamie asked.

"I'm ok really. I'd just feel a lot better if I could actually get out of this room for a little while. Because of my head injury the doctor's not letting me walk for very long distances."

"Well, how about if I take you for a walk?" Jamie asked.

"No, absolutely not, she's in no condition to walk," Harm said, rather forcefully.

"Relax, I meant that she'd be in a wheelchair, and I'd push her around. Just so she can get some fresh air, just around the hospital grounds," Jamie said, a huge smile on his face.

"I think that's a really great idea, Jamie, I'd kill for some fresh air, it'll also give us a chance to catch up."

Harm hated to admit it, but Jamie's idea was actually a good one. He was pissed at himself for not thinking of it first. Now he'd have to watch the guy who's in love with his fiancée, take her out, just the two of them. Harm really wished he could just tell Mac everything and tell this guy to get lost. He wasn't stupid, he knew that since Mac didn't know that she was committed to him, that there was the possibility that she might be more inclined to Jamie's advances. Assuming of course that Jamie would stoop so low as to make a move on her knowing she's already engaged. But then again, he had the audacity to try to win her love when she didn't even have amnesia!

"Great, wait here and I'll ask your doctor if I can get a wheelchair for you, I'll be right back," Jamie said, heading out to find the doctor.

Harm followed Jamie out into the hallway. "What do you think you're doing?" Harm asked, barely able to contain his fury.

"What are you talking about, Harm? I'm just taking Sarah out for a walk, we're old friends."

"I know what kind of a friend you are. Mac told me before she lost her memory. You were trying to steal her from me, even after she told you that she loved me and not you."

Jamie only grinned, which pissed Harm off more. "How about we just let Sarah decide who's the better man. After all, she still has a mind of her own."

"Look Jamie, her mind is in a very delicate condition right now. Do not mess with her mind. The doctor said so himself, you could cause really serious damage to her psych. Do not fill her in on the past year, she has to remember on her own."

"Harm, I'll only show her that she's got someone who cares for her."

"She's got plenty of people who care right here. She doesn't need you."

"Oh yeah, are you going to send me away now? How will you explain that to her? Surely you don't want to end up being the bad guy in her eyes. Did you see how happy she was to see me?"

"She may not know it right now, but she's my fiancée. You on the other hand know it. Have some decency in you and do not take advantage of her."

"Or else what, Harm?"

"Or else you'll regret it. You can't make her love you. She'll get her memory back sooner or later, and when she does…"

"If she does."

"She's mine, Jamie, and don't you forget it," Harm said, standing toe to toe with the guy.

"Possessive aren't we? Well, in that case, may the best man win."

TBC in chapter 8

Ok, well, good news for all you Jamie haters, we're getting closer to the chapter where Harm gets his hands on Jamie. Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm no expert on brain injuries or amnesia or any of that. I pretty much BSed my way through all that medical mumbo jumbo. For the sake of my story, please just ignore all that and consider it all plausible. For all you H/M lovers, don't worry they'll find their way back to each other (eventually). Other than that, thanks for reading and keep those feedbacks comin'!