Title: Never let your guard down
Author: Simple Plan Rulz
Rating: T, I'm not sure, I'm not very good with the whole ratings thing.
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own ER or any of its characters. I also do not own Simple Plan.
Author's Notes: I will be able to update quickly now because, I was recently in a car crash and I got whip lash (which is so crap) but, it means I get a few days of school! (Yay!) This chapter is quite sad, and it's another chapter I don't like (its weird seeing as how I wrote it) but it's necessary. Thanks for the reviews, and 'krazy pirate gurl" there will be a fight between Ray and Jake but it's not with fists! And 'Pslam57' I hear you sing? there is a song in this one just for you!
Chapter 5: Glad You're Here
Ray slammed his apartment door. He still couldn't believe it, how could he do that, not just to Abby, but to his mum. The last thing she had said to him was "Don't forget your promise," and he had, hurting Abby, the only person he truly cares about, in the process. He walked over to the fridge and took out a large bottle of Vodka and downed half of it.
The apartment was spinning around him and all he could think about was breaking the chain. If he didn't change something, he would turn into a monster, like his Dad, and then his kid would do the same. He had to break it, but he didn't know how. He smacked his head against the wall, "I'm so stupid," he shouted.
He hit his head again.
"Stupid!"
Smack!
"Stupid!"
Smack!
"Stupid" he screamed at the top of his lungs smacking his head against the wall with all his force.
He felt his forehead, it was bleeding, that's when it came to him, it was drastic and desperate, but it would work and he would never hurt Abby or anyone again, and that was what was most important.
He moved towards his bedroom, he feel over a small table in the hallway. He picked himself back up again; he was determined to finish this. The more and more vodka he drank, the quicker he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. He would stop drinking but the vodka numbed the pain in his head. He took the pen knife out of one of his draws and sat down. Hepushed all the buttons on theCD player and when he found the right song he went and sat on his bed.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
He took off his sweat band and opened his knife, this was so stupid, he knew it and yet it was the only way. He took another swig of the vodka and took out his wrist, right first, he was left handed, so that would be his better cut, less painful, hopefully he would be drunker when it came to the right.
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistake
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
How could this happen to him? He wasn't really about to do this was he? Did he have to? Surely there was another option!
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
No one ever listens to him. Why should they, all he does is babble on about crap and himself.
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
To start it all over again! What he would give to start over!
Of course death would be a new start in some ways.
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
He could never explain, something inside him just took over. The evil inside him flowed through him and he hurt her. He had to kill himself to destroy the evil inside. That was why he had to do this, there was no other way.
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
He could never go back. He did what he did and now he has to pay.
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
The chorus played again and again, his thoughts where everywhere, there where so many different voices.
"Should he do it?"
"Shouldn't he do it?"
"He had to do it,"
"There might be another way."
"Should he right a note?"
The song began to end and Ray had made up his mind. He was going to do it, it was the only way. He leaned down and pierced his skin, pain flowed through him, he took another swig, continued down, further down, then…
The phone rang.
He ignored it at first about to make his sideways cut when…
The answer phone came on "Hi Ray, its Abby," she was crying, what had he done?
"I know you're like angry or whatever, at me now but, I didn't know who else to call, its, its Jake…"
He forgot all about what he was doing, more thoughts popping to his head about what was wrong with Jake.
"He's cheating on me, he's been doing so since he came back form his mums, that's why he got a separate shift."
"The bastard" thought Ray "How dare he do that to Abby, and yet...he was throwing stones in glass houses,"
"I…I…," she stammered "I walked in on them just now, I went for a walk, after you, you know, for a couple of hours,"
A couple of hours, had it been that long?
"When I came back, he must have forgotten I have today off because, he was...he wasthere with…with…" She couldn't say it. "In my bed Ray, my bed!"
"I know," he said in thesweet, caring, way, he sometimes talked "its okay, so what did you do?"
"I screamed and told them to get out!"
"Good, hold on, I'm coming round,"
He bandaged up his wrist and put a sweat band over it before rushing off to Abby's.
When Ray arrived at Abby's apartment she was a wreck, tears streaming down her face, her eyes all puffed up.
"Abby," Ray hugged her tightly, "I'm so, so sorry about earlier,"
"Its okay, you where worked up and angry, you didn't mean it,"
"I never meant to hurt you,"
"Its okay, I know. And anyway it didn't hurt that much,"
He knew she was lying, he been there.
"Look," she said, wiping a tear from his eye "I've got you crying too now!"
Ray was surprised he didn't even realize he was crying, he hadn't cried in…in…in a long time.
"So we're good?" She asked him
"Better than ever,"
They spent the rest of the evening discussing how much they hated Jake and all sorts other topics.
He never told her about what he had done that evening; he always kept the scar hidden. One day, he would tell his gran-children about how he had been saved by a phone call, but they never believed him, they just thought he was old and senile.
"What you thinking bout?"
"Huh," Ray snapped back to reality.
Abby smiled and hugged Ray closer, "I'm glad you're here,"
He smiled back at her "I'm glad you're here too."
That's it, it's actually quite long! The song in this in 'untitled' by Simple Plan. Its in their second album 'Still Not Getting Any' if your interested in buying it! I recommend it! In the next chapter, like before stated Ray and Jake end up in a fight/basketball match! like one tree hill! I don't know if I like the chapter and this chapter can be gotten rid of as its not important to the story, but its up to you! If you want that chapter, say so and I'll put it up!