A/N: Thanks to all those who review, I hope that you're enjoying the story, and please keep the reviews coming as this is shaping up to be one of my favorite stories ever that I've written. :)
Resolve.
It's a two-syllable word, with an infinite number of meanings to people. But for Chris, it was taking on a specific meaning. After he had spoken to Trish a couple days ago, he had been building up his resolve. He had to in order to psych himself up for what he wanted to do. When Trish had asked where the ring was, he had been a little bit taken aback by that. It wasn't an accusation per se, but it certainly wasn't something that he should take lightly. He had always figured that Stephanie could pick out her own ring and he figured that she would like that if and when she said yes.
Stephanie liked to be in control, not so much that she had to have everything perfect every moment of every day, no, that wasn't it at all. He recalled when they were dating and she loved to be spontaneous, so it wasn't an obsessive kind of control, she just liked to be able to input her own opinions into the situation and he always figured, if he could just get her to say yes, then she could also say what kind of ring she wanted. He thought it was a fair idea.
But maybe he had been wrong all this time. Maybe he had been wrong in thinking that Stephanie wanted to be in control. The thought was a little foreign to his brain, but why not. He had worked up his resolve to get Stephanie back at all costs. He didn't like the thought that she could be another man's and he didn't like the thought of being apart from her, so he was going to do it, he was going to try again because the second he stopped trying was the second that he stopped living.
He resolved himself to do it this time, to get her to say yes. He would think up the perfect proposal and he would do it all for her. He would give it another shot because without Stephanie, nothing seemed vivid anymore. His life was drab and he had no initiative to make it any better. Finnegan was the only thing that made him happy and he knew that he couldn't go out with another woman just to make Stephanie jealous. He wasn't that type of guy.
Thinking about her on a date had just lighted a fire underneath him that was still burning brightly. If his temper had risen any more that night, he would've gone through every restaurant in the greater Toronto area looking for them just so he could beat this guy she was going out with into a pulp. He wanted to pulverize the man who dared think that he could have Stephanie McMahon. She was his, and she was always going to be his. There was no other woman in the world that could be his because she was it for him. It had started when they started dating and had been cemented when they had Finnegan.
Speaking of the little boy, Chris looked to see Finnegan watching television in Chris's bedroom, the only television in this bare apartment. Chris hadn't gotten around to decorating it beyond the bare bones. The only room that was remotely decorated was Finnegan's and that was because his son came first and he wanted him to feel home when he stayed here, like he was this weekend. He got the whole weekend this time.
"Finn, what are you watching?"
"Cartoons," Finnegan answered.
"Hey kiddo, do you want to talk to me for a while?" Chris asked.
"Why Daddy?" Finnegan asked.
"Because Daddy needs your advice."
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well if you got your butt out here, then I'd be able to tell you," Chris joked. Finnegan turned off the television and bounded into the common room. He tilted his head as he looked at Chris. "Hey, long time no see."
"Daddy, I was just in the next room," Finnegan said, scrunching up his nose.
"I know, but I need to talk to you about Mommy," Chris explained. This caused Finnegan to light up a little bit, but he usually did when speaking about Stephanie. Finnegan liked to talk about her, which pleased Stephanie because she liked to be the center of attention anyways.
"Okay," he said, climbing up on the couch. "What about Mommy?"
"Well," Chris said, sitting down next to him. "You understand that Mommy and I aren't together right now, right?"
"You're broken up," he said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, we're broken up, but Daddy is going to tell you something now that you have to keep a secret from Mommy okay, it'll have to be our little secret, is that okay with you? Can you keep a secret? Because I'm trusting you with a pretty big secret."
"I can keep a secret!" he declared proudly. "I can keep lots of secrets."
"Good, because this is a very big one," Chris said, making it sound a little ominous.
"Okay Daddy," Finnegan whispered excitedly, leaning a little closer to Chris in order to hear this big secret that his daddy had to tell him.
"Well, I'm going to ask Mommy to marry me, but you can't tell her because I want it to be a surprise, and I want you to help me," Chris said. "Do you want to help me with Mommy?"
"Yeah, I want to help," Finnegan answered, feeling self-important. "I can help, Daddy!"
"Great, I love your mommy, Finn. You know, and this will probably bore you, but hear me out," Chris said, glad that he could talk to his son about this stuff. Sure, maybe an adult could listen too, but it was different with Finnegan. "Mommy and I were going out for about a year, and then we found out about you, and I'm not going to lie, I was scared."
"You were scared of me?" Finnegan asked in awe, eyes wide. "But Daddy, you're not afraid of anything…"
"I know, but I was afraid of you when I first heard about you."
"But I'm not scary," he explained with a small shrug.
"Well I know that now," Chris said, poking him in the stomach a little bit. "But when I first found out you were in Mommy's tummy, well, it was very scary. But Mommy and I were very happy when we had you, we both love you a lot."
"I love you," he echoed. "Can I go watch TV now?"
"Yeah, you can go watch TV now," Chris said, knowing that Finnegan was probably bored hearing about his problems.
He thought back to his resolve. Then he thought back to Stephanie's date. He thought briefly to his first date with Stephanie. They had gone out to dinner and then dancing, nothing special, they had just done whatever seemed fun at the moment. He loved that about Stephanie, she was very of-the-moment. She could just go out and say, "What the hell," and do anything and everything. She loved to just go with the flow and that probably made her pregnancy easier, but then he thought about that date she had had.
What if she had just gone with the flow? What if she had gone with the flow too far? What if she had fun? That was a horrible thought. There was a distinct possibility that she had a good time with this guy. She had fun with him on their first date. What if she did the same thing? What if going with the flow meant having a lot of fun? He knew she'd never sleep with the guy on the first date. He hadn't even broken into the Holy Grail that was Stephanie for at least three weeks after their first date. There was no way she'd do that, she didn't go with the flow that much.
His resolve was breaking. If she had a good time on her date, there was no telling how many more she'd go on. What if this was just the beginning? Okay, the resolve was definitely breaking now. If she was happy, who was he to curb that happiness by tying her down? Maybe she was happy being single again. He bit his lip at that and looked to a picture he had of her sitting on his end table. She had Finnegan in a piggyback ride as they turned towards the camera. If she was happy now, should he be happy for her?
His resolve was disappearing quickly.
It was about a week later when Chris was lying on his couch. He didn't have anything to do that day, and Connecticut was pretty isolated from most of his wrestling buddies. He didn't feel like doing much of anything. Over the past week, he had lost any and all resolve that he had. He had guessed and second-guessed himself more times than at any point in Stephanie's pregnancy, when he had pretty much questioned how he'd be a father each and every day. He let out his breath slowly as he continued to stare at the ceiling.
He hated this apartment, he thought to himself. He wanted to go home to his house. This apartment was small. Not what he was used to. His house, yes it was still his house, it was sprawling and large. It sat on over four acres of land and it was huge by anyone's standards. But it was his house and to be cramped in here after living there for the past five years, it was just the wrong kind of adjustment. He sighed, he just wanted to go home and work in his office while Finnegan watched a DVD, or cook dinner with Stephanie sitting on the counter, bouncing off storyline ideas at him. He just wanted to go home and be with his family.
The phone rang and he groaned. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He wanted to take a nap, or crawl under a rock and die. That's what he wanted to do. What did he have left if he lost Stephanie and their future? He only had Finnegan, but he wanted both of them. He needed both of them. It just wasn't fair that he couldn't have both of them. The phone kept ringing and he reluctantly reached back to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Hey Chris, its Steph."
"Steph?" Chris asked. "What's up?" He didn't expect her to call him…pretty much for the rest of their lives. They had been using Shane or Linda as the go-between when they wanted to trade-off Finnegan. Chris wasn't crazy about the decision to do that, but what choice did he have in it all? "Is everything okay?"
"I'm at the hospital and--"
"Oh my God, are you okay?" Chris asked, sitting up immediately. If something was wrong with Stephanie, or if she was hurt or something, or sick…he'd never live. Oh God, if she was sick, he would find the best doctors in the world to help her, he would hunt for the cure if she was sick. "Stephanie, are you okay, did something happen to you?"
"No, Chris, it's not me okay, but before I tell you, you have to let me finish before you say anything okay?"
"Are you pregnant?" he asked.
"No, I'm not pregnant," she said quickly. "It's Finny, he--"
Chris's heart seemed to skip several beats at that and his palms were instantly clammy. His breath was stunted as he struggled to take in air. If something had happened to Finnegan, then Chris would surely just keel over right there. Finnegan was his world, his best friend and everything to him. If his son was hurt…or worse, that would be the absolute end of him. That would be the end of him as he knew it. There was no way that he could go on without his son, none.
"Stephanie, what's wrong with Finn? Is he hurt? Stephanie, please, don't tell me something happened."
"Chris!" she said sharply. "I told you that you had to not say anything until I was finished. Finn seems to have broken his finger in preschool. They called me at work and I'm with him at the hospital. He just said that his hand hurts so we're here, otherwise he's okay."
"I'll be down there in ten minutes," Chris said, already hanging up the phone and grabbing his car keys.
Stephanie was sitting in the emergency room, flipping through a magazine, bored out of her mind when Chris burst through the doors. He was about to go postal when Stephanie saw him and waved him over. He sat down next to her, out of breath and with his jacket half off of his body. She chuckled a little and set her magazine down.
"Where is he?"
"Dumbasses won't let me come with them to x-ray, which is still where he's at right now," Stephanie said, glancing in frustration at the door where Finnegan had disappeared to. "I'm so pissed that they wouldn't let me go back there, but you know how Finny is, brave until the end, telling me that it's going to be okay. I think I caught the x-ray technician snickering as my four-year old had to calm me down. I almost had a tantrum."
"It's not cool that our son has less tantrums than you do, and you're twenty-six years older than he is," Chris told her. She gave him a less-than-happy look and he smiled impishly at her. "So tell me exactly what happened."
"Well, I was working and they called and said that Finny had hurt himself and that I should come pick him up. Apparently he was just running around and he tripped and he put his hands out in front of him to catch his fall and bam, hurt himself. It's such a little boy thing to do."
"Yeah, I broke my elbow when I was six years old," Chris nodded. "With how active Finn is, I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner."
"Well, he did sprain his ankle when you were teaching him to play hockey," Stephanie commented. "I'm sorry I worried you over the phone, but I didn't think that immediately saying, 'Finny's in the hospital, but he's okay,' would've been a good thing either."
"Its okay, I was just worried."
"So was I, I still am, you never want your kid to be hurt, least of all when you weren't there to see it," Stephanie said with a sigh. "He probably had his shoelaces untied, he always has his shoelaces untied and he knows how to tie them, but he's always running around and not watching where he's going and then he falls and this happens. And I have a bad feeling this is not the first time we're going to be in an emergency room with him, if he's anything like you, he's going be in here a lot."
Chris smirked. "We can't help it. The Irvine men are active men."
She shook her head, "Yeah, I just wish he was done with right now, stupid ass doctors and x-ray people making me wait here. He's four years old Chris, four, he needs his Mommy!"
"He's smart," he said. They sat there in silence for a little while. "So…uh…how was…your, you know…your date?"
Stephanie turned her head towards him. He was staring straight ahead and not looking at her. She had a good time with Craig, she was about to tell him that when she looked at him. He looked like he didn't really want to hear it, but needed to hear it. After six years, she could read Chris and his emotions. He was hurting and she felt terrible for inflicting that look on his face. He thought this might make her happy and he also did it because he wanted to know. She couldn't do that to him.
Then she started to really study Chris and came to a startling realization. She hadn't had a good time on this date. She had been going through the motions. How could she have had a good time without Chris? She was just going through the motions of having a good time because Chris wasn't there to make fun of what she ordered, or let her eat off his plate, or save all the croutons from his salad so she could have them, and she had been kidding herself because the only reason she had a good time was because it gave her a respite from the loneliness that had settled over her since Chris's departure.
"He ordered the same thing as me."
Chris didn't need to hear anything else. That was all he needed to hear. He looked at her, and she was looking down, but he knew. Stephanie always ate off his plate, and liked that she could choose between her dinner and his always superior dinner. If the other guy ordered the same thing, she was stuck. He always saved her his croutons too, and he'd always order dessert knowing that she would want a spoon to eat it. He looked at her again and just knew what she was trying to say and it warmed his heart completely.
"Let me guess, grilled chicken with mashed potatoes and spinach."
"I'm not that predictable," she said softly under her breath. He shook his head and kept staring at her.
She gave him a small smile and he gave her one back as the doctor came out to talk to them about what happened to Finnegan. The doctor explained that the x-rays had shown that Finnegan had a small fracture in his hand and they were putting a cast on it now and he would have to have it for the next three weeks. Stephanie nodded and listened.
Chris, however, was just staring at Stephanie. She hadn't had a good time. He couldn't help but smile as he thought that she had a bad time. He didn't want her to have a bad time or anything because he loved her, but he didn't want her having a good time with a guy that wasn't him. Not that she couldn't have fun with other people, but on a date, no way, he wanted her to be happy with him and him alone in that respect.
Before he got caught up in his thoughts, Finnegan was led out into the waiting room with his arm in a light blue cast. Stephanie knelt down as he came over to hug her. "Oh, my Finny is broken."
"They let me pick out a color, Mommy!" Finnegan told her excitedly. "I picked blue!"
"I can see that," she said. "I'm going to go talk to the doctor for a second, but go show that to Daddy, he'll be very impressed with how brave you were."
"Daddy, I didn't cry," Finnegan told him as he went over to Chris. "And Mommy said that was very brave."
"It is, not crying, you're such a tough guy," Chris said. "You know, you can have all your friends sign this."
"Really? Why?"
"Because it's cool and it makes you look cool, I'll even sign it when we go home. Then you can have Chris Jericho's signature," he winked. "And I'm totally jealous that you broke your hand at four, I only broke my elbow at six, you beat me."
"I did?"
"Yeah, you did."
"Oh come on you two, why don't we go for pizza Finny, since you were brave and I'm very proud that you were so brave and didn't cry or anything."
"Pizza, cool!" Finnegan said as he starting running towards the door.
"I guess he's okay," Stephanie said as she followed. "You coming?"
"Yeah, I'm coming."
Stephanie walked ahead of him, and if just for one more night he could feel like they were a family, he'd take it. He followed her out, watching her walk as they walked to the car, promising to come back for his car. She had a bad time on her date, she had told him directly. She didn't have fun with whatever his name was. There was still hope.
His resolve was back.