Title: Never Let Your Guard Down.
Author: Simple Plan Rulz
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own ER etc etc
Author Notes on the story: This is a quite crucial chapter in the story, it's kinda what the stories all about, I thought up this chapter and the last chapters, before I thought of the beginning!
Thanks for all the reviews, keep em coming!
Chapter 9: Perfect
Abby woke up slowly, her bed was cold, so she leaned over to hug Ray. He wasn't there. Abby sighed, again.
Ever since Ray had moved from the couch to the bedroom, Abby had noticed that about once a week Ray would get up, in the middle of the night,and wonder around the apartment. He even went to the shops once before. The first time he had done it Abby had confronted him about it. He looked very upset when she mentioned it and just mumbled "I couldn't sleep." She got the feeling he didn't want to talk about it, which meat that what was bothering him was very obvious, his dad.
She was beginning to get worried now, it was the third time this week that Ray hadn't been able too sleep. She knew he wouldn't want to talk about it, but it was about time he told her what was bothering him, they were supposed to be able to talk about these things. So she got up and walked into the living room.
He was sitting on the windowsill staring out at the ground below, watching the empty streets, lit by flickers of light all along the road.
"Abby," he said softly, "I'm sorry if I woke you." He never took his eyes of the road.
"No, no, you didn't, I just came to see what you were doing,"
"Watching and thinking,"
"About what?" she sat down next to him.
"Stuff,"
"What stuff?"
"Just general stuff,"
She touched his arm softly, "You can tell me about this stuff you know,"
He finally shifted his glance from the window, to looking at Abby, his eyes where blood shod and sad, aged before their time. "Sometimes I get dreams,"
She waited for him to continue.
"About stuff that I'd wish I never seen, bad memories you know, past coming back to haunt you,"
Abby nodded and cuddled up to him further.
"Before it was okay you know, I could deal with it, but lately it's been getting worse, some pretty serious shit keeps playing and playing, over and over in my mind."
Although she couldn't admit it, Abby was scared. She never knew quite what, she never thought she would completely know, but Ray had defiantly witnessed some pretty bad things in his life, which not only worried her, but freighted her. It was surprising though, how well adjusted he was, many people would suffer a life of counseling, but not Ray, he just seemed to go on day after day, looking and acting mentally stable. Which also worried Abby, not everyone was that perfect.
"Coarse worst is yet to come," he shuddered atjust mentioning it.
"You have to talk about though, you can keep it all bottled up."
He nodded, and then paused before saying, "I wrote a song," he picked up his guitar, "you wanna hear it?"
She nodded. He began to play, it was the most beautiful and yet the saddest song she had ever heard. She wished she could take all of his pain away, and it pained her to think that she couldn't, that he would have to live with this for the rest of his life.
Hey Dad,
Look at me,
Think back and talk to me,
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time,
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove,
All along.
And now I try hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud,
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
I can't pretend that I'm alright,
And you can't change me,
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect,
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect.
I try not to think,
About the pain I feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me,
Now seem so far away,
And it feels like you don't care anymore.
And now I try hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud,
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
I can't stand another fight,
And nothings alright.
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect,
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect.
Nothing's gonna change the,
things that you said,
And nothing's gonna make this,
Right again,
Please don't turn your back I,
Can't believe it's hard,
Just to talk to you,
But you don't understand.
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect,
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect.
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever,
I'm sorry I can't be Perfect,
Now it's just too late,
And we can't go back,
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect.
"It's beautiful," Abby commented.
Ray nodded.
She smiled at him, "I think you're perfect you know that?"
He nodded and sighed, "my dad doesn't." And they both knew that was what mattered most.
I know I kinda stole the simple plan song and made it Ray's but it just sounded better that way. This chapters also cool cause normally I write in Ray's POV, but this time I used Abby's just to show what she was thinking about the whole thing.