Chapter Two

When Riku woke up the next day the first thing he noticed was that Axel was not next to him in bed. That struck him as odd seeing as how this one week sleep over thing had been mostly planned in order to give the two more… chances to… explore the… regions of… adolescence. Yeah.

Or something like that.

Slowly, Riku crept out of Axel's room and peeked out into the hallway. There were people bustling around each getting ready for the day.

Either they were heading off for their day at community college or they were going to work. In any case, Riku felt young, out of place and dorky seeing that he would have to put on a high school uniform unlike the rest of them.

Then Riku spotted Axel waking up on the couch.

Why was he sleeping on the couch? Wondered Riku. Shrugging he walked back into his room. And that's when he spotted IT. IT was hanging on his wall on clothes hanger.

Riku walked up to it slowly and poked the fabric. It made a slight rustling sound. Ooh…

Then it hit him:

"Boys, we're gonna have us an eating competition between Roxas and Axel!"

Oh crap.

Riku groaned as he slowly pulled the dress off its hanger and began to stuff it in his bag. As he did this Axel stepped into the room yawning and stretching.

"Hey, Riku," he said trying not to sound as sex-deprived as he felt.

Riku grunted in response.

"Aw, now," said Axel dotingly, "no need to get all mopey! It's only for one week! And like I said I'll protect you from the rapists and stalkers that will inevitably try to do you bodily harm."

"Thank you soooooo much," muttered Riku dryly.

"No prob," said Axel, ignoring the sarcasm.

"Whatever."

"There you go taking that tone again!"

"Axel?"

"Yes love?"

"Shut up."

"Will do."

And with that Axel (fully decked out in his maid's uniform) skipped out of the room leaving Riku alone to wallow in his misery.

"This sucks," he spat.

-----

"Hey Riku!"

"Hi… Sora…"

Riku looked miserable as he met up with Sora and Kairi outside their high school's front gates. Kairi was smiling knowingly and Sora was trying not to laugh at his friend's current position.

"Why aren't you wearing your costume?" chirped Sora, "Did you chicken out?"

"Hell no," snapped Riku, "I'm supposed to put it on when school ends, nimrod."

"So I get to laugh my ass off after school? Remind me to bring a camera."

"Kairi, not you too!"

"Sorry Riku!" said the red-head cheerfully, "But no can do this time! You're on your own! Well then again… I suppose Axel will help you out!"

Not that I want his help, Riku added in his mind.

"God… Kill me now," was what he actually said out loud, "please send a bolt of lightening! Anything! Just strike me down!"

"Oh Riku, you're such a drama-queen," tutted Kairi patting him on the shoulder.

"YOU THINK I'M EXAGERRATING YOU LITTLE F-

Bring!

And with that the three friends headed off to class.

-----

Throughout the day Riku neglected to do school work, choosing instead to watch the clock on the wall. Or rather silently pray for it to stop in his mind.

Please slow down… Please just a little… Prolong the life I have left!

With that last thought Riku stopped and briefly considered what Kairi had said about him being a drama queen earlier.

"So what if I am?!" he shouted banging his fists on his desk.

The students and teacher whipped around to face him.

Face reddening, Riku slid lower in his seat until only a few tufts of silver could be seen above the desk.

Kairi leaned over to Sora and whispered, "I think the stress of this bet is having some effect on his brain."

"I know," replied said brunette, "I hope he doesn't give himself an ulcer."

"No I think this will be good for him," said Kairi insistently, "he could use an opportunity to lose some of his… inability to handle situations of extreme embarrassment."

"I guess," said Sora doubtfully. Riku was a little too proud for his own good.

-----

Ring!

The bell represented the sound of doom to Riku. Impending doom.

It didn't help that Sora was following him around singing the Doom Song. God Riku hated that song.

Finally after a while Riku spun around smacked Sora upside the head and bellowed, "Goddamit Sora! Why can't you just shut the fuck up?!"

"Well gee, sorry Riku," said Sora, putting his hands up protectively, "Are you sure you're alright though? You've been acting really stressed."

Riku decided not to respond and instead busied himself with packing his bag and of course, getting ready for the inevitable.

Slowly, playing the funeral march in his mind, he made his way to the boy's bathroom clutching his bag like it was his only life-support. Sora followed, his face was set in what appeared to be determined indifference.

Riku slid into an empty stall with all the verge of a wounded slug (God I love that phrase) and gradually pulled out the outfit.

It didn't take long for the other boys in the bathroom to notice the fact that someone in there was undoubtedly changing clothes. This normally wouldn't seem too strange seeing as plenty of students like to change out of their uniforms right away.

The only thing about this time that really sparked their attention was the fact that the unknown seemed to also be slipping into high-heeled shoes and pink tights. And was that a skirt? Oh my, how terribly kinky! That thought ran through every boys' mind in that room (minus Sora's) as the lock on the stall door clicked open.

And then all hearts stopped, for there stood the perfect image of angelic-

O-kay… Moving on…

"Don't say a word," breathed Riku, voice wavering dangerously. Sora said nothing and kept his mouth firmly shut. He didn't trust it enough to leave it open.

Riku flipped of every boy in that bathroom via his middle finger before kicking the door open and slamming it shut behind him.

Sora winced before following his best friend out… When Riku stepped out into o that hallway… He basically looked ready to kill anyone and everyone that got close.

And from the looks he was being sent it seemed like quite a few people wanted to get as close as possible.

"Hi Riku I- Whoa holy shit."

Tidus stopped mid sentence and his eyes widened considerably.

"Uh h-hi," he began again, voice cracking with the effort of keeping his voice calm. Riku sent him the mother of all glares in return.

"Don't."

Tidus nodded and followed Sora and Riku down the hall, trying his best to talk about normal things.

This was harder than you would think, mainly because his eyes couldn't stop roving over Riku's now practically edible looking legs.

"I thought you were straight," muttered Riku darkly.

"I was," whispered Tidus.

"Tidus, you're scaring poor Riku," Sora admonished.

"Sora," said Tidus impatiently, he grabbed Sora by the head thus forcing him to examine Riku's legs, "look at those legs! You can't honestly tell me you're still straight after seeing this!!!"

Sora's eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped, "I honestly can't," he admitted.

"Y-You guys!" cried Riku.

"Take it easy Riku," said Kairi as she and Selphie and Wakka came up from behind the group, "I wouldn't be surprised if there's not a single straight guy left in this school by the end of the week."

"Or homo girl," added Selphie wiping a tiny string of drool from her mouth.

"Thank you so much for those lovely sentiments," said Riku icily.

"Anyways moving on," said Kairi, "this is actually pretty serious Riku."

"YOU THINK I'M NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY?!" roared Riku all composure forgotten, "I am! I am taking this very seriously! Mortifyingly seriously!"

"Sure, sure," said Kairi airily, "but so am I. Riku, you could get raped."

"I think I've noticed thanks," said Riku casting anxious glances around at all the stares being sent his way.

"Alright," said Kairi, "just try to be careful okay- Watch it there you're skirt's lifting!" Riku hastily straightened his skirt. It was bad enough people were undressing him in their minds, it was worse with a skirt that had the annoying tendency to fly everywhere.

"So, did you guys start that science project yet in Mr. Strife's class?" asked Tidus.

"Ugh, yes, I know, it's so stupid!" moaned Selphie, "God, I can't believe him! Giving us homework on a nice day like today!"

"It does kinda suck," said Riku. Normally he would be joining them in with much snarky teacher bashing comments but… well…. I guess being forced to wear a French maid costume for a week can give you a change in perspective on what "sucks".

"Why don't we all work on it together?" asked Sora, "That way we can still hang out and get the work done!"

"Sora you sound like one of those old Disney movies or channel eleven programs: 'If we work together we can get the work done faster and have a fun time!'"

Sora was about to retort when the group was interrupted by one of the most inhumane sounds they'd ever heard.

"Yooooo hooooooo!!! Riiiiiiiiku-chaaaaaaaaaan!!!"

Riku turned to see Axel come prancing (yes prancing) down the hallway towards his silver-haired lover.

"Oh shit," he muttered.

"Riku my love! How've you been?! Has anyone tried to molest your fragile body yet?" cried the red-head as he literally threw himself on top of poor Riku's back.

"I'm fine Axel," said Riku, looking around to see just how many people were watching this display of affection in the middle of the school. Apparently quite a few.

"Hey!" shouted Axel shaking his fists at all the on lookers, "Stop staring at my Riku! Can't you see he's embarrassed enough about losing the bet?!"

"What bet?" asked one girl standing by her locker.

"Riku and I had a bet but we lost," said Axel, "now we have to dress up like this for a week… Oh and Riku's condemned me to a loveless week on the couch."

Everyone blinked, wondering if the pyro had just said… what they thought he'd said. It seemed like he did. But he was so blunt about it.

"So Riku," said one of Riku's friends named Reno, "does this mean you're not a virgin? Well, I must say I'm surprised."

"Fuck off," muttered Riku half-heartedly. It was the fiftieth time he'd said that this day and he was starting to lose steam.

"Come on Ri-chan," cooed Axel grabbing Riku by the arm and pulling him along, "Luxord wants us back on maid cleaning duty!"

-----

It was seven o'clock by the time Riku and Axel finished cleaning. And Riku, though exhausted, slowly trudged up to Axel's room in order to get some homework done.

"Tired?" asked Axel when Riku entered the room. Riku didn't reply, he was tired, battered and shaken up from the looks people had been sending him.

He collapsed into a chair and pulled out his science notebook, clicking the pen before putting it to work on the paper.

"I'll take that as a yes," chuckled Axel, walking up from behind Riku and wrapping his arms around said uke's shoulders.

"Axel no," said Riku wearily, "I'm too tired. Leave me alone."

"Fine," huffed the red head, "I can wait."

Five minutes later…

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

Five minutes later…

"What about now?"

"No."

One minute later…

"Now?"

"No Axel, stop asking."

One minute later…

"Now?"

"No Axel! Don't ask me again!"

Thirty seconds later…

"…Now…?"

"Goddamit Axel! Yes! Fine I'll stop for today!"

Axel slid off the bed with a cheer and slunk over to wear Riku was fuming.

"You know," said Axel, "you're very high-strung." He began massaging Riku's shoulders. After a few attempts at beating Axel's hands away Riku gave up and allowed the red head to proceed with the massage.

"…Axel?"

"Hm?"

"You suck at eating competitions."

"You suck at betting."

"…Fair enough."

Author's Note: Bad ending? Yeah kinda. Anyway sorry it took so long to update to all who have been waiting. I've been typing a lot lately though so be glad it didn't take longer. Hm… My fingers are tired… Do I have the strength to go off and type to next chappie of Ignorance is Bliss? Well… I'll try…

Beg for Reviews: And so He walked to the cliff where the distraught fangirl stood. And she stood at the brink of the bottomless edge, a whirl wind of misery. And when He reached the edge He stood by her. And lo! He proclaimed:

"LET THERE BE REVIEWS!!!"

bliss