Title: Never Let Your Guard Down.

Author: Simple Plan Rulz

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I do not own ER etc etc

Author's notes on the chapter: So I have a day off today cause of my exams so I thought I would update and I know it's a bit short but hey. oh and the song written in this chapter is actually something I wrote whilst pretending to revise for chemistry, I apologize for its crapness, im sure ray would write something much better, but oh well.

ER has finally started in England! Yay! So this takes place just after 'nobody's baby'.

Chapter 17:

"Where is it?" Abby searched frantically through all her draws for one of her tops. She was going to meet Ray at this posh restaurant for dinner and she had really hoped to wear this top but she couldn't find it. She ripped open one of the draws, but it was Ray's, her top wouldn't be in there, or at least she hoped it wouldn't be.

"What's this?" she picked a crumpled piece of paper and unfolded it. It was a song ray had written. It had some chords by the words and it read:

So do you know,
What its like to be like me?
Do you know,
That I wish I could be free?

And do you know,
How I feel inside?
Do you know,
How many times I've lied?

No I guess you don't know,
How I feel,
No I guess you don't know,
My love is real,
No I guess you don't know,
Don't know me.

So do you know,
That I wish you understood?
But I guess I know,
That you never could.

And do you know,
That my heart has almost died?
That I need you,
To bring me back to life.

No I guess you don't know,
How I feel,
No I guess you don't know,
My love is real,
No I guess you don't know,
Don't know me.

And I know,
That I should just turn away,
And I know,
I just can't live this way.

And you should know,
How I wish you could be near me,
And you should know,
You're the only one who can set me free.

No I guess you don't know,
How I feel,
No I guess you don't know,
My love is real,
No I guess you don't know,
You don't know me.

She couldn't believe it, how dare Ray say she didn't know him or understand him! And how dare he write that he can't live this way! What's wrong with the way they were living? Surely if he had a problem Ray would've talked to her about it?

Maybe the song wasn't about her? Maybe she was just over reacting? But if it wasn't about her, then who was it about? Who, other than her, did he love?

She needed answers. On the floor, just poking out from underneath her bed she saw the top she was looking for. "There you are," she grabbed it, put it on, stuff Ray's song into her pocket and ran off to the restaurant.

"So," Ray smiled at her, they had met outside the restaurant and had just finished ordering.

"What?" Abby smiled back.

"How was your day?"

"Okay mostly, how bout you?"

"Yer fine, I guess, part from, you know,"

"Know what?" Abby pressed; perhaps this had something to do with the song.

"You know the baby, the one I was telling you about earlier,"

"Oh yer," Abby was disappointed, she had hoped Ray would explain what was bothering him, why he wrote the song, "it's a shame, what happened."

"If only she'd just had a c-section!" Ray shook his head and looked away.

Abby nodded, "Well, have you heard about Luka and Sam?"

"Yer, I can't believe it, things seemed to be going well for them."

"Ray they've been going to couple therapy, or whatever it's called, for a while now."

"Really?"

"God," she shook her head "Men don't notice anything!"

"What?" Ray shrugged.

Abby just shook her head. "But your okay, you know about us?"

Ray smiled, "Never happier,"

Abby pressed harder, "Really Ray, if you have any problems we can talk about it."

"No I'm serious, I love you Abby and you make me so happy,"

Abby was beginning to get frantic, why wouldn't he tell her? "Do you think I don't love you back, because you know I do, I love you Ray."

Ray gave her a weird look, "Why wouldn't I think you love me?"

"Well its just," Abby produced the paper form her pocket, "I found this."

Ray opened it and read it, "Oh, I was wondering where I put this."

"So you know if you wanna talk bout it..."

Ray cut her of, "I wrote this, before we got together, before we where even friends, back when you thought I hated you."

"Oh," Abby felt bad, she had made him feel like this? She began to explain, really quickly, "look, I'm really sorry I never really gave you a chance, I mean you're a really good guy and I guess I just didn't see that and then there was all the stuff about your dad, I didn't know, not that that changed my opinion of you, well it did but, I don't love you just because I feel bad about your dad and..."

Ray took her hand, "its okay, calm down." He smiled at her, "I mean, we got together in the end."

She nodded. "Was that really how you felt,"

He nodded, "I went through some pretty bad times, I liked you so bad, and the fact that you didn't like me, it was breaking me inside, I was dieing, not physically, but you know, mentally."

She nodded, "Its okay,"

She smiled at him, "I love you,"

He smiled back, "I love you to."

So that's it, Im not sure what I will do next, I presume it will be the valentines day chapter!