Bleach Fan Fiction

Broken Dreams

By Kraven Ergeist

She found him at the graveyard. Which was odd, because he never went there. In all the years since his mother had died, she knew he'd only ever went there with his father or his sisters. Never by himself. Never this late.

Never crying like this.

Why did he have to keep himself so distant from others? Why did he have to keep pretending he was so strong? Always knitting his brows together like that, one would never think that Kurosaki Ichigo had a sensitive side. But Tatsuki had known him for years. They had been friends ever since they were little kids. She knew the Ichigo who kept his feelings tucked away in a chest locked so tight, not even he knew it was there sometimes.

Ichigo, the only boy she'd ever considered her friend. The only boy who'd ever managed to beat her in a fair fight. The only boy she'd ever say could truly and honestly understand her, listen to her, give her the time of day, without trying to take advantage of her or push her aside because they had to prove their masculinity or whatever.

They were buddies. Pals. They shared everything with each other. They hung out after school, ate lunch with each other. They trusted each other. They depended on each other. That being said, she couldn't, in good conscience, leave Ichigo as she saw him in the dark, mourning over his mother's tomb.

But something stopped her. Something that had been bothering her for a while now. Ichigo had changed over the year. Before, he would randomly get into fights and mouth off to anyone who tried to boss him around. But lately, he'd become more tempered, less aggressive. Still blunt as a sledgehammer, but on much less of a short fuse. Now, he was more pensive, more contemplative, like his brain was making up for lost time.

And what bothered her even more was the way he'd grouped together with Chad, Inoue and Ishida. It wasn't that they sort of formed this clique together – that she understood, and was perfectly fine with. But she kept getting the feeling that they were hiding something from the rest of them, something that they had a secret that they kept to themselves.

Tatsuki trusted Inoue with her heart and soul, and Chad was a decent guy, although she didn't know enough about Ishida to form an opinion. But when confronted, even they couldn't say what had Ichigo so bummed out lately. They're excuses were that he'd just been under a lot of stress at home, that school work was piling up, inane stuff that never used to bother him.

Tatsuki wasn't stupid. She knew all that was a load of crap. Ichigo never got fed up over the little things. If he ever got pissed about something, it was usually important, and Tatsuki was determined to get a straight answer out of him.

But that was the other part of the problem that their little clique presented – they were always together! It was like they'd formed a dead poet's society or something! If they weren't out doing something together, they were each at their respective homes. And although she'd been there many times as a little kid, coming to Ichigo's house at her age might not have given him the right idea.

Of course, she'd thought about asking him out before. She had many times. But he was just such a mystery now that she just wasn't sure anymore. Until she learned what was going on with him, she didn't know what to think.

Even supposing she were to ask him about it, chances were he'd just shrug her off, keeping it to himself. Just like he always did. But his tears - tears that she had never witnessed but in the nights of her forbidden dreams - those could not be overlooked.

"Ichigo…"

He didn't react to her at first. As wrapped up in his thoughts as he was, he might not have even heard her.

"Ichigo…"

She approached him, seeing his eyes squeezed shut. Gingerly, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

It was shaking.

"Ichigo…"

Finally he opened his eyes, and fixed her with a hard stare.

"What is it?"

Tatsuki flinched at his voice. His eyes were so intense, and his voice echoed through her arm, sending chills up and down her spine. She pulled her arm away. Suddenly, she had lost all her previous conviction.

"What…what are you doing here?" she managed.

Ichigo shrugged, glancing down at the gravestone. "Just paying my respects. It's been a while."

Tatsuki cringed, knowing the reaction her comment would bring about.

"I saw you crying…"

Ichigo shook his head, trying to laugh. "You were probably just imagining things, Tatsuki…"

"Ichigo…" she sighed, reaching up to touch his face. "Your cheeks are still wet…"

He reached up and pushed her hands away. "You don't have to worry about it, Tatsuki."

She groaned. She knew he meant well, but saying things like that made it seem like he just didn't take her seriously.

"Ichigo…"

Both of them suddenly noticed that he'd left his hands on her wrists when he'd pushed them away.

"Um…" Ichigo released her, looking away. "What are you doing out this late anyway?"

Tatsuki squeezed her wrists where he'd touched her. "Just…coming home from practice…"

For some reason, her cheeks felt warm.

"Oh…" Ichigo murmured. "Well, maybe I should…you know…walk you home? It's kinda late."

Tatsuki shook her head, laughing. He knew she hated it when he offered to do things like that. "Idiot…"

She flinched suddenly as a raindrop struck her cheek.

Ichigo looked up at the rainy sky. "Would you look at that…" he shrugged off his coat and offered it to Tatsuki. "Last chance."

Tatsuki's hair was starting to get wet, and her bare shoulders under her tank top began shivering.

"Well, if you insist," she said, teeth chattering. She grabbed Ichigo's jacket and threw it over her head, and the two of them darted off down the street.

They reached Tatsuki's house and took shelter under the alcove just outside the door.

"You're soaking wet," Tatsuki observed.

"Kinda happens when it rains," Ichigo shrugged, shaking the water from his hair.

Tatsuki handed him back his jacket, her wet bangs dangling. "You know how much I hate being taken care of, Ichigo."

"I didn't hear you complaining," Ichigo grinned, retrieving his coat. "Besides, you know how much I hate troubling my friends. Just accept it and say thanks already."

Tatsuki wanted to rebuke him, but could find neither the words nor the logic to do so.

So she punched him.

"Thanks a lot."

Ichigo rubbed his shoulder sorely. "Ow! That hurt!"

"It was supposed to," she laughed, reaching up to tussle his soggy orange hair.

"See if I ever offer to do anything nice for you again."

"Don't hold your breath," Tatsuki jeered. "I hate it when you do nice things for me. It's not like you."

Ichigo shouldered his jacket. "Whatever. I just don't get why you can't just smile and be happy for once. You were never one for hugging or kissing or any of that emotional stuff."

Tatsuki just pouted. "And what does that have to do with anything?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Just that you're always so harsh all the time. Would it kill you to just pretend to be sensitive? "

Tatsuki threw him a defiant look. "I can be sensitive when I feel like it! Or should I be more like you, Mister Crybaby?"

Ichigo's mouth hung open "I…no, I…"

He stopped stuttering when he saw Tatsuki giggling.

"Oh, Ichigo…" she sighed, wrapping her arms around him possessively. "What am I gonna do with you?"

He let his arms slide around her waist as she grinned up at him. It had never been so obvious to either of them how much taller Ichigo was compared to Tatsuki. Somehow, this didn't seem to bother either of them.

"You're not gonna tell anyone about that, are you?" Ichigo asked sheepishly, deciding it was a lost cause to try to hide the fact.

Tatsuki patted his back, cocking her head smartly. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Thanks…" he grinned, rustling her hair.

She playfully batted his hand away. "Don't thank me yet. I still want an explanation!"

Ichigo just smiled, innocently. "About what?"

Tatsuki tapped his chest with both hands. "About what really went on over summer break. I know something went on!"

Suddenly, Ichigo's expression fell. "You…wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I'm willing to go on a little faith," Tatsuki winked. "Try me."

Ichigo tried to gulp discreetly, but it was hard to do with Tatsuki leaning against him.

"Um…well…have you ever had the feeling you could see…ghosts?"

One long-winded explanation later, they had migrated indoors, with Tatsuki sitting immobile at the table.

"Holy shit…"

She hadn't believed him until he'd stepped out of his body, and showed her his Shinigami form, which she could just barely see.

"Yeah, that about covers it…" Ichigo sighed. "See why I kept this a secret?"

Tatsuki was just staring blankly at the wall. "This is unreal…I mean…a whole society…filled with the dead…"

"Listen to me, Tatsuki…" Ichigo said, taking her by the shoulders to get her attention. "I wasn't supposed to let this get out, but I'm telling you because you asked and I trust you. I need you to understand, if you started telling everyone, people would think you're crazy."

Tatsuki just shook her head. "All this time, seeing all those spirits walking around…I wasn't imagining it. It was all real."

"Tatsuki!" Ichigo shook her. "Do you hear me?"

She blinked, shaking her head. "I…Ichigo, I…this is all too much to take in…"

"Here, sit down…" Ichigo offered her a chair.

Tatsuki sat and stared at the floor, leaving Ichigo to wonder what he'd gotten himself into.

"So…you and your friends all went to this Soul Society…to save Rukia, right?"

Ichigo nodded. "That's right."

"I see…" Tatsuki frowned. The pieces fell together in her head, and for some reason, she felt sad. She truly didn't understand Ichigo the way she thought she did. And somehow, she'd been clinging to the conception that once he spilled the beans, they might be able to pick things up where they'd left off.

Just as suddenly, that reality had shattered.

"So…Rukia must be really important to you, right?"

Ichigo frowned. "Don't get me wrong - I didn't do it cause I had some stupid crush on her or something. I did it because I was responsible for her getting into trouble. It was my fault. And you know me…I never welch out on my responsibilities."

Tatsuki shook her head. "You idiot…"

Ichigo blinked, confused. "What…?"

Ichigo recoiled suddenly as Tatsuki leapt out of her seat and slammed into him, pounding him with her fists.

"Idiot! You can't keep toying with me like this!"

Ichigo caught her by the wrists. "Whoa! Whoa! Tatsuki, what's the matter?"

Tatsuki was glaring through tears. "Damn it, Ichigo… You're the only guy I've ever been close to! I can never understand you! I can't even understand myself when I'm around you! Do you realize how scary that is!? Do you have any idea what it's like to have everyone expect you to be strong and brave all the time!?"

She was sobbing now, leaning her head against his chest, her whole body quaking. Ichigo let go of her wrists and let his hands come around to her back, holding her warmly.

"Of course I do, Tatsuki…" he breathed. "Why do you think I was crying before? I can't stand how I always feel responsible for everyone, and even when it kills me, I still feel like I have to be strong for them! And it kills me even more every time I let everyone down…"

Tatsuki just shook her head. "God damn it…I never know what to expect with you…"

Ichigo sighed. "Easy there…just take a breath…I know all this is touch to take in…"

"No, not that!" Tatsuki yelped. "This isn't about Soul Society or whatever it is! It's you, Ichigo! I can never get a clear picture of you! Every time I think I've got you figured out, you go and something crazy like this! And it's driving me insane, trying to keep up with you!"

Ichigo frowned. "Then stop trying to keep up. That's why I didn't tell you before, Tatsuki."

She looked up at him with a pained look. "But…but…I want to! I'm not just going to sit back and let you run off and do whatever! I want to go along with you! We always used to do everything together, and now the only people you ever spend time with is Orihime and Chad and Ishida…"

Ichigo had to stop himself from laughing. "It sounds to me like you're jealous."

Tatsuki shoved him hard, and he stumbled against the far wall.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, balancing himself. "I deserved that."

Tatsuki wiped her eyes. "Idiot…"

Ichigo stepped back up to her and patted her back. "Hey, if you wanna hang out more, I'm cool with that. No need to get violent."

Tatsuki flinched. "Is that all you see me as? Some angry, violent girl?"

Ichigo grabbed her by the shoulders. "Tatsuki, you're the angriest, most violent girl I've ever known. It's what I like about you. You've never let anyone push you around. Not even me."

Tatsuki looked away, ashamed. "I wouldn't have to be like that, Ichigo…if you'd just push harder…"

Ichigo smiled. "Alright, then…how's this for pushing harder…?"

All of the sudden, Ichigo had pinned her to the wall, kissing her roughly. Tatsuki responded by seizing him by the shoulders, clinging to him as she devoured his lips, matching him for ferocity.

"I was wondering how long it'd take you to take a hint," Tatsuki growled, clawing at him. "You must be slower than I thought."

"Oh, shut up," Ichigo rebuked, ending the discussion by occupying her lips with his. Her hands came to his hair, grabbing hold as Ichigo's hands pinned her to the wall. For the first time in her life, she felt trapped, helpless, completely overpowered.

And she was loving it!

"Ichigo…" she hissed as they parted for breath.

Ichigo was really the only boy she'd ever really hung out with, ever really trusted, or ever really needed. Mostly because he was the only boy who could ever manage to do this to her, to set her on fire like this, to make her feel so alive!

"Hard enough?"

Tatsuki glowered. In a single night, everything she'd ever known had been blown out of proportion. Her every conception had been proven indisputably false. And she had gone from friend to lover with her only guy friend to date.

And she was just getting warmed up.

She grinned. "Harder."