Title: Never Let Your Guard Down.

Author: Simple Plan Rulz

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I do not own ER etc etc

Yer soz it took so long to update, I have like all these uber silly GCSE, at the mo which just get in the way of everythin, but here is my next chapter. Its something I've been thinking bout doin for a while now. I must thank Unconscious regret loads and loads cause she helped me so much with this chapter!

Chapter 20: Brothers

Ray leaned back in his favourite chair and sighed. Today had not been his day, Abby was in a mood with him and Neela was getting all the best cases, whilst he was stuck with cold and headaches, and then that kid had been screaming in his ear, so he screamed back and then Sam had a go at him for 'terrorising' the children. Yes, today had not been a good day, so rather than get all worked up about it Ray decided to sit back in his favourite chair, perhaps sleep a little, and just generally relax.

"Trauma three, we need a doctor in trauma three."

"Where's Ray?"

Ray woke to the distant sound of Jerry's voice.

"Have you seen Ray? He's needed in trauma three!"

Ray, finally realising what was going on, sprang into action and raced through the corridor to trauma three.

"What going on?" He asked.

"Where we're you? Abby and Neela were need up in the OR, Morris and Pratt are stuck in another trauma, so you're the only doctor left.

"Right, so what's the problem?"

"Mother beaten by her husband, bp's 180 over 50," As soon as she had said it Sam realised it was the wrong thing to say.

Ray felt his head spin, like he was about to faint. He propped himself up on the crash cart. "Ray" Sam called to him, "Ray are you okay? Abby told me bout your dad…"

Ray just about managed to nod.

"I mean," Sam continued, "you don't mind do you? Its just well you're not normally like this, when we get a domestic violence case…"

Ray stumbled over the cables on the floor, "She looks like, she looks just like…my mum."

Sam nodded like she understood.

Ray took s deep breath, "I can do this, I can do this." He made his way slowly over to the table and took a look at her wounds, "I'm not weak, I'm not weak."

At that moment, Weaver strolled in, "I came as soon as could."

She looked at Ray, "What are you muttering about Dr Barnett? And why haven't you at least tried to intubate on her yet! She dieing!"

"I know, I know," Ray muttered, its just…"

"It's just what?" Weaver asked, frantically trying to save the women on the table, "This women is dieing, so stop being such a weakling and get over here!"

Suddenly something in Ray snapped, "I'M NOT WEAK," he screamed and slammed his fist down on the crash cart, and stormed out.

Behind him he heard Sam muttering to Weaver, explaining. He prayed a silent prayer that the women would be okay, if she died he knew it would be all his fault.

He looked around to see a young boy of about 13 sitting on the chairs outside the trauma room. He looked straight at the boy who was clutching an ice pack to his one eye, and clenching his fist around a cut in his other hand, which was dripping blood on the floor. The boy looked straight back at him, and in that second they both felt it, the terrible bond that binded them together.

"Erm, is she gonna be okay?" the boy spoke, almost not wanting to know the answer.

Ray sat down next to him and looked him in the eyes, "I honestly don't know."

The boy nodded, "I heard you know, what that lady said to you and how you like, shouted at her. I know how you feel, I hate it when people call me weak." He flicked back his dirty blonde hair, which clearly needed to be cut as it kept drooping down, covering his one eye. Although the boy was clearly at the awkward age of 13 he still retained a youthful face, but his slightly angular jaw gave him that air of maturity, and, unlike most 13 year olds, his face was relatively clear of spots. His eyes were a deep shade of green that bore into Ray, showing his inner sadness.

"I'm Sam, by the way."

Ray nodded, "I'm Ray."

Ray was felling better already, his nausea from inside the trauma room had almost gone and he found it comforting to be sitting with Sam, someone who understood how he felt.

"Hey, you should probably bandage that up. May I take a look?" Ray pointed to the cut in Sam's right hand.

"Yer sure," he slowly unravelled his hand to reveal a short, but deep cut.

Ray sighed, "I think your probably gonna have to get stitches on that, its pretty deep."

"Ah man," the boy sighed, "how long until I can play my guitar again?"

"You play guitar?"

"Yer, but my old man thinks it's a waste of my time."

Ray laughed, "yer my dad thought that too."

"You play guitar?"

"Yer," Ray nodded, and added casually "I'm in band,"

"Wicked!" Sam laughed, enjoying Ray's company.

Ray had almost finished stitching up the boy's hand, when Sam walked in, she looked serious, "Ray, can I see you outside please."

"Okay, in a sec," he motioned to the boy, "Sam, this is Sam,"

Sam and Sam laughed over the confusion of their names.

"I'll be back in a sec okay," he told the boy and walked out of the room.

"What's up?" Ray asked.

"It's the women," Sam touched him lightly on his arm, "I know you're gonna think this is all your fault but there was nothing you could do, her wounds where too extensive."

Ray nodded, "She died didn't she?"

"Yer" Sam looked through the window and the young boy sitting on the bed, "Do you want me to tell him?"

"Nah, its okay, I should do it."

She held his hand, "you sure you gonna be okay?"

Ray nodded and went back into the room. Somewhere further down the corridor, Abby Lockhart had just returned from the OR looking tired and stressed only to watch Ray, apparently, flirting with Sam. It seemed extremely odd, because it had always been apparent to her that Sam had thought very little of Ray, but then, this…

"Abby are you okay?" Abby looked up, Sam was talking to her.

"Oh yer, I'm fine,"

Sam nodded and walked on.

"So," Ray said, as he sat down next to Sam, and went back to stitching his hand, "I have some bad news,"

Sam turned away, "She's dead, isn't she?"

Ray nodded.

Sam straight at Ray, his deep green eyes staring right through him, "You're dad beat you too, didn't he."

Ray nodded, "yer,"

"What's it like to be free?"

Ray shook his head, "Honestly, you're never free,"

"What you mean he still comes after you?"

"No, no, I mean you'll never forget it."

Sam nodded.

"You know, one day, when I was bout your age, my dad came home, stinking drunk, and started beaten on my mum, I thought I was big enough and old enough to take him so I told him to leave her alone," Ray shook his head, "bad idea, he was like twice my size and as mad as anything," he paused the horrible memory replaying in his head, "so, anyway, end result is, he ends up chucking me down the stairs and I get off lightly cause I only break my arm." Sam winced, he clearly knew what this was like, " so me dad took me to hospital, saying I fell down the stairs, but my doctor, he knew different, he knew what had really happened before I'd even told him, cause it had happened to him too. Course he didn't have enough evidence to get my dad locked up."

Sam shook his head, "I don't understand how this is gonna cheer me up."

"Hang on," Ray laughed, "nothing I say is gonna cheer you up, I just thought you'd appreciate the story." Ray continued, "So then cause my arm was badly hurt I had to have surgery, and this doctor, he was totally cool, cause not only was he a doctor, but he was in a band too, and he has this way cool chain round his neck, which he'd let me wear for the day. Now, just before the surgery, he came up to me asking me how I felt, and I admitted to him that I was scared, and he told me, that I just had to be brave, I just had to get through it, cause no one could take my pain away, it was just a matter of learning to let go. And I knew, he didn't just mean bout the surgery, but about my dad to." Ray sighed and fiddled with the chain hanging from his neck, "after that, he let me keep the chain and from that day forward I knew that one day, I was gonna be just like that guy, I was gonna be a doctor and play guitar in a band, and I knew, one day I would get a kid, just like myself, and I'd pass on the knowledge," Ray laughed, "so to speak."

Sam nodded, "that's a cool story,"

They sat in silence for a while.

"Listen," Ray spoke, "a child services lady is gonna be here soon, talking bout adoption and children's homes…"

"I'm not going to a children's home," Sam said plainly.

Ray nodded, and took Sam's good hand, placing the chain into it, "I know, but you are gonna have to be brave."

They smiled at each other, glad to have someone who understood them so well.

Ray was sitting at reception area, his head slumped over the desk, when suddenly someone grabbed him from behind and yanked his head backwards.

"Ray," its was Abby, this was the first time Ray had ever noticed how weird she look upside down, because the way she was frowning, made it look like she was smiling, which was something Abby rarely did, "is there anything you want to tell me?"

"There was this women, badly beaten by her husband, I panicked, she died, her kid is sad, its all my fault, not much to say really." Ray explained, all in one breath.

Abby sat down next to him and placed her hand on his arm, "I'm sure its not your fault," he nodded, "you sound like Sam,"

Abby, relieved that Sam was obviously just comforting him, pushed harder, "Ray, its not your fault, you just have to accept it."

Ray nodded. "You know I've been thinking about it though, and there something I can do, to make it better."

"You know, you don't have to make everything better."

"Yer, well I've grown really attached to this kid, and he deserves better, that why I think he should come live with us."

"LIVE WITH US!" Abby looked completely shocked, she hadn't expected he would suggest that, "What?"

"He's a real good guy," Ray explained, "and he doesn't deserve to go to a children's home, besides it would only be until we found some real good permanent parents for him."

"And what if we don't."

Ray shrugged, "then he'll just stay with us."

"Ray we live in an apartment, we're not even married and neither of us are, in any way, prepared for raising a 13 year old kid!"

"Well really he not 13 cause he's very mature, and I don't think he'd appreciate you calling him a kid, cause technically at thirteen he's actually a teenager…"

"Ray, I'm not talking to you like this, you clearly aren't thinking this through," she turned to leave, when Ray grabbed her on the arm.

"Please, just meet him."

Abby only had to be in a room with Ray and the boy, Sam, a few minutes before she knew exactly why Ray wanted to adopt Sam, the two of them they just clicked, where it not for the fact that they looked very different, Abby almost could have sworn that they were like brothers.

"I told the lady," Sam explained, "how cool my doctor was, how he understood so well. She was real nice bout it, said you sounded like a good person."

Ray smiled, "I'm glad she liked me."

"I told her I didn't want to go into a care home, but she said it was the only way, unless they found someone who would foster me until I got adopted, if I ever did," Sam looked at the floor.

Ray put his hand on Sam shoulder, "I'll see what I can do,"

He turned to Abby, who he had already introduced to Sam as his girlfriend.

"Abs can I talk to you outside for a sec," Ray smiled at Sam, "back soon," and left the room with Abby.

"So what do you think," Ray asked.

"I know why you have to do this."

Ray nodded.

"And your sure you can handle this?"

Ray nodded.

"Well then," Abby sighed, "If the child care lady says yes, I say yes."

"Thank you!" Ray hugged Abby, I knew you'd come around!"