Chapter Whatever

Riku stared at the scene unfolding before his eyes. He sighed and shut them. Then he took a deep, calming breath in order to prepare himself to open them again.

Yup, that image was still there.

Damn…

Finally Riku shook his head and said, "Uh… Would someone like to er… explain what's going on here?"

Axel stopped his yelling match with Xemnas and looked at Riku. Riku blinked, Axel looked pretty beat and his pink skirt was all ruffled and messed up…

"Hey Riku, sorry but this isn't the best time, we've got a small problem," said the red head gesturing to the mess that was the Organization's living room.

"I noticed the mess, yes," said Riku rolling his eyes, "but I was a little more curious to know where the animals came from…?"

"Animals?"

Riku gestured to the pig that was chewing on Marluxia's hair, "And I think I heard someone shout something about an ostrich…" commented the silver haired one idly. At that point they were all distracted by Larxene's yelling coming from upstairs.

"Damn it! You fucking ostrich stop! Ack! No!!!"
Marluxia sighed and slumped, "I guess I'd better go help her…" He gave the pig that was chewing on him a violent kick causing it to topple over with a grunt.

"Oh right, those animals," said Axel as if there had been no interruption, "Well… there is an explanation…"

Riku rolled his eyes, "Am I going to believe this explanation?"
"Probably not."
"Should I sit down?"

"Probably."

"Oh dear…"

"Yeah."

------

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Now d- dear… C-calm down! It's not as bad as you think all we've gotta do is-

"YOU FUCKING KLEPTOMANIAC!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!"

As Riku continued to rave Roxas sidled up to Luxord and muttered, "Wow, Riku seems pretty high-strung huh?"
"I know," murmured Luxord, watching as Axel attempted to calm Riku down, "It's a wonder how he can put up with Axel all the time…"

"I- You-Stupid-Bastard-Can't believe this-going out with-you-animals?!-Of all the- irresponsible- lazy-fucking-damn- asshole-son of a- Ignorant- idiot!"
As Riku's list of profanities went on they got worse and worse until at long last he let out a few choice words that caused Axel to topple over.

"What the…? I didn't even know you knew that one Riku!" he hollered, holding his hands over his burning ears. Everyone else had gone particularly pale in the room.

Riku stood there in the center of attention breathing heavily, fists clenched at his side. Axel blinked to clear his eyes of shock (because even his eyes felt like they'd been scourged too).

"Riku where'd you learn those words?" he asked.

"Larxene. Duh. Where else?"

Axel couldn't claim to be surprised by Riku's explanation but all the same…

"Larxene forget about the stupid ostrich and get down here!" he hollered. After a few moments Larxene and Marluxia trudged down the stairs, they seemed particularly shiny. As they got closer Riku saw that they were in fact covered in some sort of slimy substance. As Larxene murmured obscenities under her breath Marluxia squeezed some of the accusing liquid goop out of his brown pink locks.

"What happened to you guys?" asked Roxas shakily. Larxene glowered at him but answered nonetheless.

"That ostrich…"
"What about the ostrich?"
"It squirted- You know what! All over me and Marluxia AND the bathroom!" she cried, as she spoke she flung her arms out for emphasis and they sent globs of- well y'know… All over the living room.

"Wait," said Vexen, "why did the ostrich-… Yeah."
"He saw Xigbar's stash of porn he hides under the toilet," replied Marluxia, not even batting an eye.

"How'd you know about that?" asked Xigbar, though his queries went unheard. Everyone else continued to talk.

"So the ostrich saw Xigbar's pornography magazines and got so horny he creamed the entire bathroom?" Only Saix could say all that with a straight face.

"Yes!" cried Larxene, clearly disgusted by it all. And rightfully so too.

"Well at least we know it's a boy ostrich," offered Demyx weakly, "a gay boy ostrich. Huh… Who would've guessed?"

"Okay," said Xemnas, taking charge. After all this was HIS house damn it! And he would not allow these kids to make such a mess and not follow his orders, "Demyx and Riku will stay here and clean the bathroom while the rest of us go and return all the animals."

"WHAT?!" Riku and Demyx looked horrified.

"Hey," said Xemnas holding up a hand commandingly, "this is MY house," he growled, "and if all of you want to continue staying here you'd better do whatever the shit I say."
"Don't you mean whatever the hell?" asked Axel curiously.

Xemnas gave him a look and Axel took it as a sign to shut up fast.

"Now c'mon, let's try and get the animals in some sort of cage," continued Xemnas as if he hadn't been giving Axel a look that clearly said "I want you to die a slow and painful death".

After about thirty minutes of messy, sweaty labor all of them managed to get every stray animal into a cage of some sort that Xaldin managed to find somewhere in the huge household.

"Have fun with your cleaning!" called Axel kissing Riku on the cheek and thumping Demyx on the back.

"Good luck," muttered Zexion dryly. Lexaeus guffawed stupidly and Vexen snickered behind his hand.

"Vindictive little shits," hissed Riku as the last three members of the Organization left he and Demyx alone in the large house. Demyx sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He turned to Riku a determined glimmer in his eyes Riku had never seen in there before.

"Well, are you ready?" Riku nodded solemnly and steeled him self for what was to come.

It appeared his efforts were in vain though because nothing could have prepared him for the mess that was the bathroom.

When he and Demyx stepped into the bathroom their first thoughts were:
"I'm going to kill Xemnas!"

They couldn't mull over thoughts of murder for long though because pretty soon Riku was gagging on the smell and the sheer grossness of it all. And Demyx was so nauseous he was threatening to pass out cold.

Riku gasped and spluttered, barely managing to get out the words, "Maybe we should… wear face masks or something?"

"Yeah, I think we keep them in the pantry," panted Demyx, leaning against the door to the bathroom for support.

"I'll get them," muttered Riku, voice filled with finality and grim determination.

"I'll get some galoshes," said Demyx heading down the stairs all too cheerful to be leaving the bathroom if only for a moment.

"Yeah…" murmured Riku as he eyed the goopy floor that was once clean tiles, "We're definetly going to need those galoshes."

Slowly, treading carefully, he stepped delicately into the bathroom. Riku nearly tripped several times but eventually managed to get the face masks out of the pantry and make it back to the hallway outside the bathroom. Demyx soon came up the stairs holding two pairs of galoshes in his hands.

"Here," he said tossing one of them to Riku, "put these on."

"Thanks," muttered Riku, "where'd you get these anyways?"

"Zexion's room, he doesn't like to get his shoes wet whenever it rains."

"But why does he have two pairs? Doesn't he only need one?"

"Oh no, of course not," Demyx snorted and rolled his eyes, "after he gets one pair all muddy he throws it away cause it's all dirty."

"So… He's a little bit of a germaphobe?"

"You could say that, I guess," said Demyx absently. Once they had the galoshes on they both put three face masks on their faces, because one wasn't enough and two wasn't much better. Once they were properly decked out in protection and armed with cleaning utensils Riku looked at Demyx, girding himself for battle.

"You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"So that's a no?"

"Shut up, let's just do this and get it over with."

"Right."

And so they set to work, Demyx working on getting it off the walls and Riku scooping it up in a bucket they had prepared. After a while Riku sighed and straightened up, Demyx put down his scrubber and looked at him curiously.

"This is really sad," said Riku, shaking his head disbelievingly, "I'd actually rather be in school then here."

"That does suck," agreed the blonde.

It was messy and totally unsatisfying work but eventually after hours of scrubbing and sterilizing the tiles and scrapping the little clumps out of the grout they found they were pretty much done. Except for one minor detail…

"Do you think they'll mind the smell?" Riku tilted his head at Demyx questioningly. The blonde shrugged and grinned at Riku through his layers of face masks.

"Yes, but that's their problem," he said, "and besides we've done all we can. I even sprayed perfume all over and it stills reeks," he chuckled, "ah well… What can you do?"

"I guess," said Riku slowly. They admired their work for a few minutes before Demyx declared he was hungry. Riku gawked at him.

"But it's…" he glanced at the clock, "it's so late… I haven't gotten a chance to rest since I got home from school."

"Riku you exaggerate way too much," Demyx laughed off the other's worried tone, "it's only…" his voice trailed off, "okay so it's twelve at night. So what? You can't honestly tell me you're not hungry. Not after all that work."

"Point taken, what is there to eat?" asked Riku.

"Ice cream."

"But it's way too late for-… Whatever."

------

Riku and Demyx were sitting on the couch in the Organization's living room. Both of them were shaking. Partly out of fear (they were having a scary movie marathon) and partly because they'd each consumed about two containers of ice cream.

Demyx claimed he regularly ate such large quantities of the ice cream, but judging from the way he was twitching, Riku assumed he'd been lying. That is, Riku would've assumed he'd been lying if he could see how much Demyx was shaking. However at the moment Riku was shaking just as badly as Demyx so it was impossible for him to even recognize Demyx's less than still form.

At about two in the morning Axel and the rest of the Organization came home to find Demyx and Riku watching horror movies, scared out of their wits and jerking uncontrollably in their seats.

"What's up with you guys?" asked Zexion, bending down to inspect their faces closer. Demyx's left eye was twitching spastically.

"I think these might answer your question," said Larxene, she came into the living room holding several empty ice cream containers.

"So…" said Roxas slowly, "not only does Demyx steal circus animals… But he's also an ice cream addict and passed his mental disorder onto Riku as well?"

"Idiot," scoffed Axel, whacking Demyx upside the head, "and you," he growled, pointing a finger accusingly at Riku, "I expected better of you."

Either Riku couldn't hear Axel or he was vibrating too much to get his mouth to form the right words but either way he didn't answer. Axel sighed and picked him up in order to carry him off to the bedroom.

Demyx was left on the couch to detox on his own.

------

Riku and Demyx spent the rest of the week in pretty bad shape. Both of them had clearly consumed more ice cream than was healthy (never mind LEGAL) and were now spending a good few days at home sleeping it off.

Because of his current issues Luxord had decided to call the bet off and so it was that Axel and Riku were able to burn their maid uniforms in the fire and move on with life.

"Hey Riku?" asked Axel eyeing his silver haired lover who was currently slumped over the couch. Said lover groaned.

"Quit whining," preached Axel, "it's your own fault for eating so much ice cream with Demyx." Riku mumbled incoherently into the pillow his face was stuffed in, Axel managed to make out the words: "You… sex… me…"

"Oh c'mon, we already came to the conclusion that I do not think only about sex," muttered Axel defensively, Riku grunted, "Alright fine then, I'll just drag you up the stairs and into bed."

Axel pulled Riku all the way up the stairs, grunting the entire way, "Why are you looking after me so much?" mumbled Riku groggily.

"Because I love you very much," cooed Axel dotingly. But he couldn't help but think to himself:
And the sex is bound to be interesting what with him vibrating so much…

Author's Note: This just might be the most shitty, half-assed piece of writing I've ever done. Yikes. And that is saying something. Obviously saying this would be seven chapters long was a mistake. My best friend CraziiJaney was the one who said:

"You should make it SEVEN chapters! That's one chapter for each day of the bet!"

And like an idiot I agreed. So one day I was complaining to her about it and she said:

"Well… Why don't you just make it so that Axel and Riku don't last through the bet? End the story early."

And for once I'm GLAD I took her advice (just kidding Janey I LOVE YOU!!!).

So yeah, I half-assed it and rushed and cut it off bluntly. But in the end I'm kind of glad I did because there are just so many other multi-chapter stories I need to write other than this. Anyways, I'm sorry to those of you who are upset and I don't ask any of you to review because in all honesty I'm not sure I want to be told about how evil I am.