Thieves of Honor and Love Chapter 8: Got any sevens?, a sly cooper fanfic

Okay, this little number is a brand new breed of genre- angst/humor. I know it may not seem possible, but I have (somehow) made it work…kinda.

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"Jus' tell us where yeh little friends are, yeh damned foo'!" The dingo guard shouted at the imprisoned raccoon thief, who was currently leaning his back cockily against the wall opposite the cell bars, a smug grin plastered on his face.

"Why should I, jackass?" Sly snapped back from the shadows of his confinement cell. This pointless argument had started about an hour ago, and at this point, the dingo was a snarling ball of rage, much to the raccoon's amusement.

"'Cause I said so, yeh blabbering idiot, now TELL ME!"

"Oh, so I'm the blabbering idiot? You can't get the location of a pack of thieves from one of its own kind, but I'm the blabbering idiot?" Sly retorted, brushing his knuckles up against his chest a moment before inspecting them carefully.

"Why yeh little-"

"Call me names all you want, buddy. Unless you'll kindly unlock this stupid door and try to knock me senseless, you'll never get it out of me." The dingo laughed maniacally.

"Yeh think I'm tha' stoo-pid?"

"That's debatable, if you ask me."

"STOP IT YEH RETARDED FOOL!"

"It takes one to know one, so I'll take your word for it." The second guard had about all his little pea brain could handle of this juvenile argument, so he simply pulled out his sleep dart gun and fired a green shell into the raccoon's shoulder. Sly's eyes widened in shock at the acute pain that entered unwelcome inside his body.

"OW THAT HURT YOU REJECTED DUMBASS!" Sly shouted as he pulled the dart gingerly out of its puncture wound.

"Heh, heh, heh, jus' wait 'till tha' tranquilizer kicks in. Yeh'll be lef' talkin' to the stars in a minute."

"Hey, meathead number two- I think you forgot to put any tranquilizer in this dart, 'cause I ain't feeling any sleepier or nothing." A quick inspection of his dart gun verified that the dumbass had indeed failed to fill any of the makeshift green shells with any of the stuff that makes you go nighty night time.

"Aww, shit."

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Penelope was the first to arrive at the safehouse. Her biplane had performed splendidly in the air, allowing her to meet up with the gang in no more than twenty minutes, just like she had hypothesized. Her biplane landed on the roof of the safehouse with unusual grace and ease for a plane. Carmelita had volunteered to greet her since Bentley was so enthralled in looking over the blueprints and such of "The Darkness's" hangout.

"Oh! Hey, Carmelita! Glad to see ya again!" Penelope cheered once she'd killed the engine and the propellers stopped rotating. Carmelita smiled welcomingly at her friend.

"Ditto, if only it were under better circumstances, though. Like we usually are…" The vixen's ears drooped at the though she left hanging in the air. Penelope reflected the feelings in the same manner, though she couldn't fully comprehend the situation until she knew more details.

"How bad is the situation?"

"Ask someone stronger willed than me."

"That'll be the day." Carmelita couldn't help but grin at Penelope's compliment. She silently motioned with a wave of her hand for Penelope to follow her inside. Her friend agreed with her request, and trailed behind her into the safehouse without another word. Nick was there to greet them in the living room.

"Why hello there!" He exclaimed with his ghetto-ass impression of Jar Jar Binks. Penelope waved her hello before sweeping her gaze around the room.

"Just hang out for a while- the others aren't even here yet." Nick said, as if to read her thoughts. The mouse nodded her reply and flopped onto the couch lazily. It was good to be home.

Suzuna and Nina showed up simultaneously about twenty minutes later from the same flight, hopping out of the taxi they had taken to get here. Artemis greeted her long distance friends, and almost sisters whole heartedly.

"Suz, Nina, nice to see someone else my age besides ditz over there!" Artemis said jokingly whilst jabbing a thumb in Nick's direction. He was oblivious to it all. Suzuna and Nina laughed at the joke, but then sobered.

"Nice of you to keep the mood light, but how bad is it?" Nina asked in a serious tone. Any evidence of joy or laughter was washed off of Artemis's face faster than soap in the shower.

"It's real bad…we're in some deep shit right about now. Everyone's so tense…" Artemis rubbed her arms in an attempt to stave off the uneasiness swelling up inside her.

"…it's like, no matter how much we try to smile, we can all see through the masks. We're not fooling anybody; we can't even fool ourselves." Suzuna's muscles tensed. For someone as hyper and bouncy as Artemis to say something in such a grave tone…it had to be serious. Nothing was ever taken with such a mature note as this with Artemis unless it was of the utmost serious business.

"We just need to wait for the Guru to show up, and then-" no sooner had she spoken, a glowing purple orb about the size of a beach ball hovered toward Murray as he walked out of the front door to see who had shown up. The orb burst open, and the aged koala bear known only as Guru toppled out with unusual grace, landing on his feet with the support of his walking staff, the purple glowing Moon Stone dangling at its top.

"Hello, Master!" Murray exclaimed excitedly, bowing his head in respect to his teacher. Guru said hello as well, turning to wave at the three girls a few feet away from them.

"Well, scratch that- everyone's here!" Nick finished Artemis's thought, practically pushing the three friends of his toward the door. Once everyone was situated inside the living room, Bentley walked out with all the original blueprints in his arms while adjusting his heavily prescribed spectacles to better view his peers.

"Now, in your guys' absence, things have taken a drastic turn for the worst, which is why we had to call you guys back a little early." He began, laying his papers and such across the table in the middle of the group. Everyone leaned in to see the blueprints and papers he had laid out a little better. Curiosity got the better of Suzuna, so she lifted her gaze from the table to Bentley.

"What happened while we were gone? And how come we haven't seen…" She put the puzzle pieces together in her mind, and her eyes widened in horror.

"…God help us…and him." It didn't take long for the rest of the gang to figure out what and who she was talking about. Bentley then told the entire story of their latest heist without getting into explicit detail, so that Carmelita wouldn't start feeling bad.

Without another word, Penelope and Bentley left to their computer room to start building a game plan while Murray went with Guru to better enhance his Dreamtime abilities, as well as lift some weights. Carmelita, Artemis, Nick, Suzuna, and Nina all went into the basement to practice their Akito and Muay Tai skills a bit more.

When Bentley and Penelope were certain that Carmelita was out of earshot, she turned to him and asked in a grave tone,

"How long do you think he'll hold up?"

"It's difficult to say…"The Darkness" is a ruthless gang that isn't exactly known to hold their own sanity…but whatever the case, it's likely that they will want to torture Sly until he reveals who else was after their loot- "The Darkness" is known mainly for their deep rage and want for revenge over the slightest of attempted or successful heists against them."

"Yeh got any sev'ns?"

Clank.

"Naw, so go fish.

Clank.

Click.

Clunk.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" The dingo shouted at Sly, who had a cup in one hand, rattling it across the bars loudly.

"I didn't do it." He said innocently.

"I KNOW YEH'RE THE ONE DOIN' IT OVER THERE! STOP IT!"

"Oh yeah? What if I decide I don't wanna?" He challenged smugly. By this time, the dingo was absolutely furious.

"So help me, if yeh do it one more time, jus' one, I will personally go in there an' kick yer ass!"

Silence.

"See, Brute? Yeh just have t' be firm with prisoners, or they'll-"

Click. Click. Clink. Clank. Clunk.

"Oh, yeh're righ' there, Mac- very overpowerin'."