This Chapter is kind of weird… it's a little bit like… I don't know… ushy gooshy romance towards the end… I couldn't do action right now… but I have had the end scene in my head for weeks and needed something to lead up. So, it doesn't really do anything, and is just filling space. But it's still kind of sweet.
Chapter 17: Meeting
We drove to Wisconsin, Sam and I had stayed in the back on the computers during most of the ride, well, when we didn't have to drive that is…
Sara was pissed at me. We barely talked and the guys noticed. They questioned it some, but we just blew them off and pretended that everything was okay. It was a girl fight, they happened all the time… Unfortunately this time the girls in question were driving around the country together which just made things more tense…
But she wasn't who I was worried about. It wasn't Sam or Dean either. It was John. He knew me to. He knew my past. And to my dismay, he might be able to tell, depending on how observant he decided to be.
Why did John Winchester know so much about me you may ask? Well, he met me right after my parents died, which was when the second crashing began… in fact if it wasn't for him, I may be dead right now. He noticed my mourning, and my dealing with their death. He was the one who called the ambulance when I fainted during a bow-hunting lesson. And he was the one who told me that life didn't have any answers and we just had to take it as it comes.
But, he also dug into my past with his 'skills' I guess you could say. Everything from birth certificates, medical forms, school records, family history… John Winchester knew it all.
Unlike his son, whom I loved very much… but there were some things that I didn't want to tell him. They were the things I wished weren't even in my life.
We were almost to Wisconsin, and I had followed up on the trail with so much detail that finding this thing was going to be a piece of cake.
Fighting it was another thing, and even though I knew it, I wasn't willing to admit that what I was doing to myself was wrong.
"How much longer?" I heard Sara ask Sam, who was driving at the moment.
"About an hour, give or take." He said, looking over and smiling at her. I smirked inwardly and turned my head to look out the window.
Dean was in the back with me, sleeping. I turned to look at him and sighed a little. I wished I could tell him everything… I wished that it would all just spill out and he would hold me and make all those bad memories go away and the only thing I would have to remember was that moment.
But unfortunately, there was reality. And in reality, I knew that wouldn't happen. Number one because Dean wasn't the world's most sensitive guy, and number two, I couldn't bring myself to tell him all my secrets. He knew about my parents, he knew about my sister. But I was starting to question whether or not he really knew me.
"I must look pretty good when I'm asleep if you're staring that hard…" I heard him say. I hadn't even noticed he was awake.
"Oh, sorry I was just thinking…" I replied, snapping myself out of my thoughts.
He was expecting some sarcastic and snarky remark. When he didn't get it, he looked a little suspicious.
"You seem to be doing a lot of that lately, care to fill me in on any of the thoughts that are invading that head of yours?" He asked. I sighed and half-smiled.
"I'm fine… just ready for this fight." I told him. He was tired of that reply and I knew it.
But that didn't stop him from moving closer to me, placing one hand on my knee and holding one of my hands with the other.
"I don't know how many times I am going to have to tell you this, but it's all going to be fine. We are going to kill this thing…" He told me, staring me dead in the eye. We kind of forgot Sam and Sara were there.
'No…' I thought. 'I am going to kill this thing...'
--------
An hour later we were in Wisconsin at a motel with John. I can't say I wasn't glad to see him. It had been a while.
He greeted the guys, and then met Sara; a smile was on his face the whole time, until he got to me that is. I put on a smile, and his turned fake. We hugged briefly, and during that he decided to give me an order.
"We have to talk, alone." His voice almost scared me and made me want to say 'Yes sir' but I couldn't, not in front of everyone.
Dean saw the look on my face when I pulled away and came over to me. He put an arm around my waist and I leaned into him. John looked at Dean, then me, then back at Dean again.
"Last time I talked to you two, you hated each other." He said.
"Things change…" I said blankly. This time I felt Deans stare upon me.
It was all a lot of weight to carry, and it would make me stronger, that way when the fight came, I would be ready.
Night came, and Sam, Dean and Sara went out for food. How John managed to corner me was a mystery but he did it.
"So I assume this means we have to talk?" I asked once everyone was gone.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He had no problem cutting to the chase.
"I'm fine." I said sharply.
"No you aren't…. and if you think I am letting you fight like this…" I cut him off…
"What the hell are you going to do about it? You aren't my father, you never were! You came into my life and trained me how to kill things, and I do I damn good job of it most of the time. You can't tell me when I can't fight… you can't keep me out of this." I yelled.
"You aren't good to anyone dead. And if I remember correctly, last time something like this happened, you almost did die." He stated.
"Loosen up it wasn't that big of a deal…" This time I was cut off.
"Not that big of a deal? You had a cross bow in your hand and passed out right before shooting it… then once you got in the hospital they couldn't even give you medication for twenty-four hours because your body wouldn't take it. I know how you deal with stress Charly, but you are an adult now and I can't do anything about it, you are right about that. But what about Dean?" Oh, now he did it.
"Don't you dare bring him into this." I snarled.
"That boy has lost more then he needed to in life, and I saw how he looks at you. I haven't ever seen that look in his eyes… so if you love him back, you will stop doing this to yourself." We were both very angry, and I may be small, but my anger was rising higher then the roof on this place right now.
"How dare you question whether or not I love him. I do, more then anything, and if you think he has lost a lot, think about me. My entire family is gone… and I won't lose him, or you, or Sam or Sara or anyone else to this thing! I need to do this John… I need.." my head started to fuzz from the yelling which was making me dizzy. "I need this power, otherwise I'll get lazy and I won't be able to…"
I brought my head to my hands and my breath turned short…
"Charly…" I heard vaguely.
"Dean…" I whispered. "I want Dean…" And that's when it all went black.
---------
"Charly?" Is what I woke up to. It was Sara. And I was still in a motel room. I groaned and finished opening my eyes.
I looked around the room for Dean and found him in a chair with the laptop with him.
Sara looked over at him. "Dean…" I heard her say. He looked over, saw me awake and sighed. I couldn't tell if it was relief or annoyance.
"Sara, could you give us a minute…" I said, sleep still in my voice. She nodded and went somewhere… probably in the room next door with Sam and John. Once she left Dean went back to staring at his computer.
"So your dad probably told you some stuff…" But I got cut off.
"Oh so now you want to talk." He said with sarcasm. "You know I knew something was wrong with you, but just thought 'hey, she isn't sleeping, that's normal on this job' or 'eh, she keeps saying she's fine so I just need to believe it.' But I guess I shouldn't have believed all of that…should I?"
"No…" I said quietly. "Dean it's just…" I couldn't even finish it.
"I wanted this so bad, this hunt… I just wanted to kill it, I still do. And I was willing to sacrifice anything that took up the time of getting to it… I know its bad but I want revenge… I want to see it die, suffer even… And I wanted to do it on my own." I explained, looking down at my hands the whole time. I heard him get up, and then felt him sit next to me. The next thing I knew his hands were on my shoulders, forcing me to look into his eyes.
"No one ever expected you to do this on your own." He said. The anger was still in his voice. But most of it had turned into some strange compassion that I hadn't ever heard from him.
"But I expected it. I need it Dean… I need to do this." I tried to explain… but saying this out loud wasn't as easy as it was in my head.
"But Charly, you can't ok? None of us can do this on our own. That's why we have each other. Because this isn't something that just one person can handle." His point of view was much more realistic then mine.
There was nothing more I could think to say. My body and mind were tired. And the extremity of what I had been doing was starting to hit me.
"I thought I grew out of this…" I whispered. My head started spinning again.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"About my past or my yearning desire to kick this son of a bitch's ass?" I replied.
"Well… both, but mostly about your past." He specified.
"Because Dean… there are just some things that I would prefer nobody knew about. This is one of them. Everyone has their secrets…. And mine hurt. I don't want them to be there, so I prefer not to talk about them." I said. My head was pounding.
"I guess I can understand that…" He said after a few minutes. I hadn't really expected that answer, but I would definitely take it.
"Thanks…" My vision was blurry again. "Hey Dean, are we ok now?"
"Yeah, we are fine… but just know that all of us are going to be watching your every move for the next couple weeks." He said. The anger was gone. But he was serious. I just nodded.
"Then, can I get something to eat… and then sleep more?" I asked him. He brought me into his arms and kissed my forehead. I assumed that was a yes.
Later that night, after things quieted down, Dean and I were laying awake in our room, he refused to go to sleep until I did, and since I had gotten food and took another nap, I was feeling much better and didn't want to sleep.
"Does this whole thing make me power hungry?" I asked randomly in the quietness. He laughed some.
"Yep." Was his only reply.
"Just wondering." I said. Man I was really restless. I rolled over… still nothing. So I sighed and stood up.
"Charly?" Dean asked.
"Shh, I can't sleep… I'm not tired." I said. I had on a pair of shorts and a tank top, which wasn't going to do for right now. So I grabbed one of his button up shirts and pulled it on.
"What are you doing?" He asked as he started to get up. I grabbed my iPod and headed for the door.
"Star gazing…" I said. He looked at me kind of oddly before grabbing a shirt and a jacket and heading outside with me. By the time I found the spot I wanted, he was on my heels and I had my calming music playing in my ears.
There was a tree by the pool area, so I sat under that and looked up at the sky while being consumed by music. I felt Dean sat down next to me and put his arm around my waist.
"You didn't have to come out here with me." I said. I didn't actually hear his reply, I just felt him kiss my neck and suddenly became very glad that he was out there with me.
Then a song came on. It was my last solo. I had a sudden urge to move under the stars… it was some strange some sensation but I needed it. I looked down at Dean, smiled and kissed him lightly.
"I want to dance…" I whispered. He looked at me a little oddly. But I just giggled and stood up, not caring who saw. The song started over, and I moved.
I
will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To
soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have
thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare
hands
You could hurt me
With with the sharp end
Of what you
say
But I'm lost to you now
I hadn't done anything like this in so long. And with every turn and every step I felt more exhilarated and more alive. More like myself. The music consumed me and my motions coincided with sounds, words… and everything inside me just seemed to work again.
And
there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me
So break
me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll
let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again
I knew people probably saw. I knew one of them was Dean. And I knew he probably thought I was insane. But I didn't care. I had missed this feeling. The feeling of absolute serenity, and beauty. My whole body meant something. From my finger tips, to my toes… I was alive.
Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let
go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills
my soul
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your
arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your love
again
The song was almost over. And it all built up. The tears started in my eyes, my stomach burned with passion… and every muscle was calling for more. It was like sex, or a drug… and I didn't know how bad I needed it until it was gone.
Kiss
me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break
me
Take me
Let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make
me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Just let me
Feel your
love again
I stopped completely out of breath with tears running down my face. I put my hands on my knees. But I hadn't felt this alive in weeks.
----------
(Dean's POV)
Four hours ago she couldn't move at all… and I had no clue what song she was listening to… but as I watched her I could hear it. It was some weird feeling that I hadn't ever had… but every move she made some how made her that much more beautiful. There was passion written on her face, along with strength and determination. I hadn't known her long enough in her career as a dancer to realize how much she loved it, and what a huge part of her it was, in some strange way I felt a little bit jealous of the passion I saw in her face as she moved. But in those short three minutes, it was like I learned about a completely new person. And I loved her as well.
I knew when the song was over because she stopped. She was out of breath and there were tears streaking her face. I stood up, still captivated by her, and walked over to her. She sensed it and looked up at me.
There was that single moment when we looked into each other eyes and we knew what was going to happen. So I lifted her off of the ground and kissed her, trying to meet the passion that I saw in her at that moment.