The Daddy
A foot kicking the side of his face punched him awake, but for several suspended moments of surreal hope that he dreamed it, Tony refused to open his eyes.
No, the tiny but insistent foot kicked again, evidently determined to bloody his lip, and he groaned and rolled to his side, hoping to protect himself from permanent harm.
Just as quickly he rolled back the opposite way, lifting his upper body off of the mattress at the same time. He cracked open his eyes to narrowed slits.
What unexpected and unwelcome obstacle blocked his path to additional slumber?
Forcing his eyes to widen while his pupils adjusted to the light allowed him to focus, and he pulled himself up against the wooden headboard and recoiled in shock. Evidently Vivienne's diaper had not proved tight enough, because while she lay with her head by his knees, tiny fingers dangling from her lips, saturated places in the cover outlined each of her baby hips.
Tony shook his head roughly, raising up a bit so as not to sit on her tiny foot.
The baby had awakened at nearly two in the morning, and once she yanked him from dreamland, he had worked hard- and pretty efficiently, if he did say so himself- to keep her from waking the other children. After changing her, and obviously badly since the tabs must have loosened, she launched into copious tears with each of his attempts to settle her back into the crib. Deciding his priority at that hour rested in all the children sleeping until morning, he settled her beside him in the bed beside Levi, leaving Ava closest to the wall.
Sucking greedily at her fingers, she slept within a couple of minutes, and jubilantly he drifted off right afterwards.
He blew out a breath and checked the bedside clock. A little after six, and here he sat, awake, surrounded by a hotel room full of children, and sleeping in a bed with two puddles of urine.
Police work simply could not and would not hold a candle to this. He could handle law enforcement, fighting to protect the world from scumbags, but this? This parenthood was whipping his butt!
Sliding off of the mattress he peeped at Ethan and Elijah in the other bed. Both slept soundly, backs together and facing in opposite directions, and he hoped to keep it that way.
He grabbed two towels in the bathroom and slid them under Vivienne, who barely moved even when he removed the sodden diaper and replaced it with a clean one. This time he tightened the Velcro tabs and tested the fit by checking if he could put the first knuckle of his forefinger between her skin and the diaper. Finding that he could not, he smirked at his own clever testing method, congratulating himself on thinking outside of the box.
No disposable diaper would one up him!
It occurred to him that with him out of the bed Vivienne might roll off without his body as a boundary. In his place he lined a couple of pillows where he had slept, confident that she wouldn't get past them, before taking advantage of one of the room's amenities and powering on the tiny coffee pot.
Later, witnessing the sun rise through the gap he had opened in the room's heavy curtains, he sipped coffee and contemplated the day ahead and the day already departed. Things had gone well the past twenty four hours and he recognized that this phase of his life would not continue without mishap. Undertaking the responsibility of a ready made family would bring with it everyday mishaps. Still, he had committed to the project because he genuinely felt he could act as a competent surrogate parent for all five of the children.
At twenty eight, however, he knew his inner core of immaturity dominated his normal life, and that juvenile approach to his existence had worked fine for him. Unattached and possessing a healthy appreciation of enjoying la vida buena, the good life, he had no incentive to finally throw in the towel and transform his perspective to that of a mature adult.
His world altered though, spiraled a mind boggling one hundred and eighty degrees, the day Forbes, Fornell, and his Captain handed him those three file case folders.
No way could he pretend the stories inside the manila bindings had failed to touch him.
Tony sighed deeply. What if he damaged the kids, though?
No one could deny he had no real experience dealing with the younger set. How could they recover if he missed a medical symptom, or failed to pick up on a bullying incident, or even proved shoddy at keeping them fed and clothed? What if he inadvertently warped their little psyches?
Could he deal with the mission assigned him without scarring those little souls?
To add to his insecurity, for some inexplicable reason, both Jethro, his dad, and Maria, his abuela, announced that he could not phone for help or advice until he and the kids had gotten to Georgia and settled in Athens three whole days.
The only one available at the moment to bail him out and keep him afloat was himself.
Tony squinted at the horizon. The sun's entrance ushered streaks of vibrant color, highlighting a family of cardinals perched on the lowest branch of an oak tree across the yard.
His abuela always insisted that cardinals, those beautiful red birds, brought good luck.
Did he really find his dad and abuela inexplicable?
No, blatant truth underscored their reasoning.
Both his dad and grandmother assured him he had their full support and access to all
of their combined child rearing knowledge, but they wanted him to establish his priorities and rely upon his own inner resources first.
Trust his instincts, they insisted eloquently and passionately, refusing to respond to his panicked what ifs.
Just reminiscing he reminded himself how blessed his own childhood and upbringing had been. In whatever way he could, he needed to try to create that for his tiny dependents. Though he had no power over what the children had experienced thus far, or what and how it would shape their lives afterwards, for the weeks they belonged on his watch, he could award them his one hundred percent best.
A soft breeze brushed against him and unexpectedly bony knees and small legs climbed their way into his lap. Sliding his hot coffee onto the window's ledge for safety he tilted back Elijah's little face and brushed the coppery hair back before kissing the tip of his chin. Rubbing sleep from his eyes the three year old yawned widely, and smiling sympathetically, Tony stood up and carried him into the bathroom. Nodding approvingly, he waited while the toddler used the restroom and then washed his hands.
Elijah raised his arms expectantly and Tony picked him up and retraced his steps, resuming his seat by the window.
Burrowing into him a bit, Elijah finally settled with his face against Tony's broad chest, following the cardinal family, too.
Ava woke mere minutes later, and watching her crawl over Vivienne and Levi, he smiled and pointed her towards the bathroom when she met his gaze. Already seasoned to sounds, he relaxed when he heard the flush and then the sounds of hand washing at the sink.
She padded to him and like Elijah, headed for his lap, vaulting onto his thigh. Tony murmured softly to her, watching as she swung her legs and steepled her fingers, playing some type of imaginary game.
He pulled her head against him and kissed the soft blond hair, and the feeling of love just slammed into him. There he sat balancing two kids, one five and one three, and they depended upon him- upon him!- to protect and care for them.
With one arm around Elijah and one around Ava he closed his eyes and savored the moment.
Maybe he had been wrong about being single and untethered all of these years, because this felt pretty good.
A small peripheral noise activated his spidey sense, and he opened his eyes.
Levi's head popped up from under the bed's covers and he shook it wildly, taking stock of his surroundings before scurrying out by crawling backwards on his arms and legs. He slid to the floor and popped up again, rushing to stand by Tony and present him with a grin.
Tony laughed at the blatant showmanship, then directed him to use the restroom. Levi staged his return by marching, thin arms and legs swinging in rhythm, and Tony slid his hand away from Elijah to put his finger to his lips to signal silence.
Levi ignored him instead and hurled himself into Tony's side, nearly knocking Ava off of her perch.
She pushed at him but he demanded, "Get off, now. I'm with the daddy!"
Time stopped moving in Tony's world, and the magnitude of what had just transpired paralyzed him. The entire scene grew fuzzy as emotions and intellect interacted over the blasting of Tony's concept of himself, and what Levi had labeled him activated every bit of his prior knowledge about fathers all in one moment.
Levi brought him back to reality, impatiently shoving Ava nearly off onto the floor before Tony blocked him and pushed him back to own side, then grabbed the child to lean down and whisper firmly, "Straighten up right this minute and I had better never see you push her again!"
Jerking his body to face the opposite direction, Levi stood straight and unmoving, trapped by Tony's hold.
Waiting for Ava to resettle, Tony watched Levi from the back, and detected the little shoulders unexpectedly begin to shake.
His heart ripped, and he hastily pulled the slight boy around. "Hey, look at me, please, Levi."
The child obeyed the command, and his face just crumbled while his hands flew up to swipe at tears. He valiantly tried to make eye contact as Tony asked.
Leaning over the chair's arm, Tony kissed him softly on the cheek and asked gently. "Did you know I sat here all morning hoping my boy would hurry and wake up and keep me company?"
Levi listened to him, but his tears fell faster and harder until seconds later, he rushed to take shuddery breaths. Not turning loose of him, Tony turned to the other two and announced, "Ok Cutie Pie and Handsome Boy, you both had nice long turns on my lap. Now I want you to go climb into that other chair at the window and see how many different birds you can find outside."
Interested in the new activity, they abandoned Tony at once, hurrying to position themselves as closely to the pane as they could.
Reaching down, Tony swung Levi onto his lap, facing him, the little fellow's legs dangling over his hips, and wrapped his arms around him. He rested his forehead against Tony's shoulder and just sobbed and sobbed. Tony didn't speak, but kept one arm firmly around him and then with the other rubbed the child's back and hair, waiting for the torrent to finish.
Finally it did, and Levi dropped exhausted against Tony's soaked shirt.
Tony continued to massage the little boy's hair and back and waited as the after effects finally calmed and he breathed normally again.
Kissing the top of his white blond head, Tony whispered into his hair, "I understand what happened this morning, Big Boy. You woke up happy and you intended to make me happy by scooting out of bed just like a little puppy dog. Then you made a detour and went to the bathroom because you knew I wanted you to do that first. So you thought you would come to me and see if I wanted you, because you saw that Ava and Elijah were here and I held them."
Tony felt a couple of new tears fall and he started rubbing Levi's back soothingly again as he continued to speak. "But I just put my arm around you, not the same as I did with them. And what you wanted in your heart was to matter as much to me as they did."
He felt the little body respond and the relief that arises from correctly assessing a situation washed over him. At least he now understood the crux of the fear that drove the child's actions. Silently he waited until Levi rubbed his face on the front of Tony's shirt once more and shifted so that he was facing the wall. He pulled Tony's arm more firmly around him, and Tony intertwined his fingers with the child's.