Shattered Mind - Part 18– (Month 6 / week 2)

Month 6 / week 2

The lab was filled with the sounds of laughter from the television that played an old rerun of a sitcom that April seen a thousand times.

She was bored and mostly lonely, as she buried her face deeper into the couch's pillow for some sort of comfort.

The past weeks were nothing but short then hell itself, being cut off to everyone for her control of her own hormones wasn't there anymore, although she did have control towards Leo and Mikey, but Leo had to make certain rules, so she didn't come into contact to either Raph or Donnie.

Raph as Leo told April, understood and felt a bit ashamed over his actions, as for Donnie that was a different case on its own.

He didn't understand why he couldn't be around her, in her time of her heat cycle, for he believed if she needed him, he would give her whatever she wanted.

Leo in many attempts, tried to explain to him that things don't work that way, yes April was in heat, but that doesn't mean she really wanted to mate with him, or the fact they did the first day doesn't necessarily mean Donnie was her mate either.

Finally giving up for his words only fell on deaf ears, Leo put his foot down and made new rules until April was back to normal.

No one was allowed near her, only Leo, he made sure it was clear that the reason was not, for he was claiming her, but he was the head of the house, he was the only one that was to care for her while she stayed in the lab.

For that no one was allowed in, this commend hit Donnie hard, but he obeyed.

In many ways it was harsh, for Mikey didn't have to worry about being seduced by April, but Leo feared the way Donnie was acting, if he found out that Raph too mated with April, it might start something that Leo wanted to avoid.

April sighed stretching out, leaning her head over the couch's arm, staring at the lab door, waiting for it to magically open.

(When will this nightmare end? I can't stand it anymore, if the lust doesn't make me go insane the loneliness and being caged in, will!)

Frustrated April flung herself into the cushions of the couch as they devoured her, completely covered by pillows, cushions and blankets, she sulked.

This whole situation was getting to her badly, she could feel it, tearing her apart piece by piece.

The worst of all of this was the fact on the other side of the door was the guys, living their life while she was imprisoned there.

"Comfy?" Leo voice came from the edge of the couch, his grey blue eyes looked upon her as he attempted to keep a smile, yet deep down, he hated treating April in such a manner, having her lock up like she had done something wrong.

With a quick thrust, April kicked a pillow at his head, with his hand, he reflected it, sighing shaking his head, Leo sat down on the mess, hoping he wasn't sitting on top of her.

Uncovering her head, April looked over towards Leo, who in turn was trying his hardest to keep the smile on his face, "Leo when do you think I can get out of here? I am going stir crazy. I even noticed a nice coconut on a shelf over there that might make a good friend."

A small snicker came from Leo as a real smile took over his fake one, smiling back, that silly joke even made her feel a bit better.

"Believe me when I say I know how you feel, I haven't left the lair for two weeks now, and it's been getting to me too," Leo sighed longing to go outside even for a quick roof jumping, hell he didn't care if the reason was to drag Raph ass home, any excuse would do.

"Wow, two weeks, try around two months… The last time I was out it was winter, it's spring now, and the sounds of it, the weather been on the warm side too," burying her head once more, the thought of fresh spring air, just tested her mood more.

(I really want to go outside…)

"Yeah, it has been, what Raph has been boasting," Leo sat back, he too was becoming depressed, as thought of fresh air rained on him hard.

Suddenly a flash of thought hit April, as an idea screamed in her mind, overly excited she sprung up almost throwing Leo off the couch, as pillows and cushions flew into the air.

"Hey! April what's wrong?!" Leo yelped catching his balance as he almost face planted the coffee table.

She couldn't hold herself back as she grabbed Leo's hand tightly with a big grin, Leo could only look at her wary of the sudden mood change.

"I have a great idea, when we know I am in the clear, why don't we all go to my farm for a week or two?" April proposed.

"Farm?" forgetting that April owned a farm outside the city that no one knows about, Leo wished he thought of it earlier, "Oh right, that farm, that is the one I have never seen, the one that only Raph been at? You have mentioned it was on a private property and hidden from prying eyes, right?"

"Yes and it has a couple acres, including trails and a nice pond in the back. The place is all private not even hunters are allowed, it would be a perfect place that is safe to bring Donnie for he too needs to get out of the lair," the mere thought of this vacation was overwhelming that April wanted to go at that very moment.

"Ok," Leo chuckled over her new energetic mood, "Let me talk to my brothers to see what they think. To me this would be a good change of scenery, but first we need to make sure you're not in heat. As well you have to talk to Donnie about you and him, so he understands. I will go get Mikey to determine if he can still smell you, since I can't smell your other scent anymore. If Mikey can't either, I was wondering if it is ok with you that I send in Raph to see?" Leo asked while he got off the couch.

"I will be fine with that, I prefer Raph then Donnie since I don't know how he is going to act towards me," April said a bit sadly, she did worry about Donnie, she knew what she has done probably confused him, she hope she could make omens for her actions.

Leaving the lab, April cleaned up her fort she had made in her so called boredom, neat and tidy the door opened, there stood Mikey smiling ear to ear.

In a flash the orange ninja came up to her, pinning her down on the couch hugging her, "April I miss you!"

(Well, he is acting like he hasn't seen me for ages.)

Laughing April pushed Mikey off of her, still smiling Mikey look really excited, "So Mikey do I pass?"

Nodding his head quickly, Mikey didn't stop smiling, like he was going to burst, he rambled quickly, "Leo said we are going to your farm, is that true, is it nice, I heard there was a pond. Is there a lot of trees, what…."

Placing her hand on Mikey's face to make him focus on her, she smiled, "Yes and the rest you will have to see, now no more questions ok."

"But but but…"

Narrowing her eyes April gave Mikey the look which made him lower his head quickly, "Ok April, but it is nice right?"

"Yes Mikey, I know you will have a lot of fun. That said, if I am ok, can you go get Raph, the real test needs to be done," quivering on the last part, April feared what if she was still in heat and the two brothers just can't tell, but Raph would.

Reading her Mikey, could see what was on her mind, "If you want, do you want to wait, there is no rush…"

Thinking it over, it had to happen and she really didn't want to stay in the lab anymore either way, "It's ok Mikey, please go get Raph, thanks."

With that the cheerful turtle left fetching Raph, moments later Raph came in, shutting the door behind him, he had a worrisome expression on his face.

With a big breath, he slowly came up to April, watching him she stayed where she was, she was at a loss of words, regardless that Leo said Raph didn't blame her she needed to hear it from him.

"So I was told you got the ok from both Leo and Mikey and I am here to determine if you're back to normal…" Raph didn't make eye contact to April.

"Yeah, so do you feel, you know? I am not sure it is as noticeable when you're so far away, last time… rrr… last time we were closer…" April fiddle her fingers looking away from Raph fearing her eyes making contact with his.

With a sigh Raph plopped on the couch beside her staring at the ground, neither moved, nor said a peep, looking away from each other.

The silence and awkwardness in the room was so thick, not even Leo's katanas couldn't cut through it.

(Now what? I don't feel like ravaging him that is a good thing, but what do I say to him. Oh, sorry for having sex with you was a bit hormonal at the time…)

"April… I'm sorry…" Raph broke the silence.

Upset that he would dare to say that, when it was clearly not his fault she scolded, looking at him, "Raph what the hell, sorry? It wasn't your fault you don't have to be sorry about anything," spitting that out more forcefully than she attended, it even made Raph jump.

Raph became nervous, biting his lower lip, "I know that I am not at fault, but also know that you are not either. What I mean by sorry is that I noticed your smell was becoming different. To the point I thought you might be going into something like heat but, I didn't say anything for I thought it was in my head. So sorry, I should have said something…"

"Oh… It's still not your fault…" April relaxed slumping into the couch, why blame him for that, like Leo said this was even new to them, how could Raph known better, even if he mentioned it, what happened probably would have happen anyways, and second what's the point in living in the past with what ifs, they will just drive you insane.

"Raph, now what? I mean we did… you know, because it's obvious we like each other…"

"You also like Donnie," Raph pointed out, he put two and two together, it wasn't hard to see, that she also had a moment with Donnie too.

"Yeah… I must really look like a slut," April lowered her head in shame; she never thought she would do such a thing.

Putting his arm around April, Raph pulled her towards him, to comfort her, "No, your no slut, human rules don't apply ok. As well at least you like one of my brothers then some dumb ass human."

April looked at him in disbelief, "Yeah… that wasn't what I was suspecting you to say."

Raph chuckle, "I had to face the facts, you like me and Donnie so in the end one of us will hopefully win you over, down the road sometime. Until then I will not get jealous since I am relieved its Donnie not Mikey, for that will be just plain wrong!"

Raph burst out laughing on the thought and how disturbing it was, shaking her head, she watched Raph, he was taking all this very well, but he did have at least two weeks to think it over.

(So in the end I would choose one of them… I really don't know and really does it matter at this moment? Seems like Raph is acting the same as he always was, still open to me and he is smiling too which is nice. I was so afraid we would be awkward towards each other, and I never will see that smile of his.)

Leaning against him with her head on his shoulder, April closed her eyes taking this as her one moment to get close to Raph, reading her Raph held her in return.

"I guess we shouldn't act like this towards each other not until you decide and Donnie feels better?" Raph sighed; to think he wished this would last longer or it wasn't so complicated.

"By the looks of it that is how it is going to go… The hardest part is talking to Donnie, making him understand. I want nothing to change between him and me… I want him to get better…"

Letting April go, Raph got to his feet, "Yeah Donnie comes first I agree, so do you want help?"

Shaking her head, April too got to her feet heading towards the lab doors, "No, I think I have to do it alone, I really don't want him to get suspicious towards you Raph. We can't afford your relationship with him to be spoiled over this."

Leaving the room Leo waited outside the door with a smile of relief, "So I take it, he ok you then?"

"Yep, no more hormonal crap, so where is Donnie? I really should talk to him right away," April explained as she looked around the living room to see if he was there.

"He is in his room, I will accompany…" Leo started to say, then was cut off by April.

"No, Leo I need to do this alone. I know this concerns you, but this is a private thing and I have a feeling you there will make things more complicated than it should be."

Leo didn't like this, crossing his arms, he wondered if it was wise to let her go in alone, but April face assured him she would be fine.

Giving in, Leo sighed, "Fine, leave the door open and I will be in earshot, if anything happens please yell for me."

(I don't think we have to go that far… but if it makes him feel better, then I can't say no.)

"I will Leo, thanks."

Running up the stairs April knocked onto Donnie's door that was shut at the moment, slowly opening it, April went in announcing herself, "Donnie it me April, its ok I come in?"

Door fully opened, she looked inside, there on the other side of the room was Donnie, who was on his bed cross legged drawing on a piece of paper, he flashed his head up as he heard her voice and smelled her scent.

His eyes were filled with joy in seeing her, as he practically threw his drawing on his bed, jumping off it to go towards her.

(I have to set the boundaries.)

Placing her hand out she stopped Donnie in his tracks, looking at her hand, then her, Donnie was confused, he thought she was happy to see him.

"Donnie before this goes any further, we need to talk first please," April started with a stern face, not too much to look like she was upset with him, but enough that she came across that she was serious and this talk had to happen now.

Tilting his head Donnie sighed and he slumped down onto his bed; he didn't say a word, waiting for her to say whatever it was on her mind.

(Well, that was easy… now the hard part.)

"Donnie what happened between us, it shouldn't have happened," not sure if that was too harsh, April didn't know any other way to say it, that wouldn't make it sound like she was kicking around the bushes on the subject, she needed him to understand fully.

Donnie looked at her sadly, as he played with his fingers, "Donnie wasn't good enough for April?"

Shocked April couldn't believe Donnie actually said a full sentence so clearly; third person still, but he did it so well.

Recovering from her shock, she focus back to the conversation, "It… that is not the reason…"

More confused than before Donnie got to his feet, "Then why? Why does April think it shouldn't have happened! If Donnie pleased you right and satisfied your needs, then why?"

(When did he start talking so fluently, he is beyond where he was two weeks ago, Leo never mentioned this before… Has he been hiding it!?)

"Donnie, please tell me why all the sudden you are talking so perfectly? Only a couple weeks ago you couldn't string more than four words, and now you're talking in paragraphs?" April had to know this seemed impossible, this is the same Donnie she knew two weeks ago, right?

"Don't change the topic April, why do you insist that you and Donnie should never mated, when it was clear that you like Donnie and picked Donnie when you were in heat!" Donnie shouted angrily with tears streaming from his eyes.

(He knew why I was acting the way I was… He understands that much, and he is talking so well too… What is going on?)

April didn't know what to say, overwhelmed by the situation, then out of the frustration of the conversation she lost her temper, "Because you're still not well Donnie, that is why! I want you to like me because you do, not because you think you like me, for I cared for you and I am the only girl in your life! That is why…"

The room started to feel it was getting smaller, as the air became thin.

Over emotional April turned around to run, she couldn't take it, this conversation didn't make sense, the way Donnie was acting seemed impossible…

She wished Donnie was only talking like he was before, for he was harder to face now more than ever, she wasn't prepared for this, she didn't know how to handle him or what to suspect from him.

Before she made it to the door, his hand grabbed her arm gently pulling her back, wrapping her into his arms, she could feel his tears hit her shoulders.

"Donnie sorry, Donnie didn't mean to upset April. Donnie is still sick, Donnie knows that… April, Donnie is sorry, please don't hate Donnie. Donnie wants you to still help Donnie, only you can help Donnie. Please April don't leave, Donnie promise not to upset April again, Donnie promise to get better," Donnie sulked, crying heavily into her red locks, his fear was genuine for April could smell it off of him.

Holding her own tears away, she closed her eyes, slowly stroking Donnie's head, "Ok, Donnie then answer me this, have you been hiding your development from me and your brothers?"

"Yes…"

(So he has been keeping it from us, why?)

Making Donnie to let her go, April turned around to face him, to see him eye to eye, "Why would you do that Donnie, we make your schedule base on your current state, to help you. How are we to continue in helping you, if you hide this from us?"

Looking ashamed Donnie put his head down, "Donnie thought April would leave if Donnie got better…"

Shaking her head, she sighed, she should have known he would start this again sometime, only if she explained to him this could have been avoided, "Donnie I am not going to leave if you get better. You and your brothers are my family; I wouldn't leave just like that. Don't you understand?"

"Family…" Donnie played with the word looking up towards her, his eyes once again filled with tears as he went over to her, hugging her, laying his head onto her shoulder, "Family… April is family, part of our family. Donnie sorry April, Donnie was foolish, Donnie should have known, Donnie was afraid, to lose you. The one person Donnie cares more than anything."

Stroking his head, April smiled, "Silly turtle, you don't have to be afraid. We are all here for you. Just promise me Donnie no more hiding things, its time to get you back onto track, but first if you haven't heard Leo was thinking of all of us to go on a vacation, if everyone agrees that is. That also includes you."

Lifting his head Donnie smiled, "Ok Donnie wants to go and Donnie will tell Leo… April Donnie still likes you, but Donnie will wait, Donnie promise to be good," with that Donnie kissed April on the cheek then left the room to find Leo to tell him his opinion on the vacation idea.

(So the accident on the roof actually did correct some issues he had… But his own fear of losing me, made him hide it? So Donnie is getting better then…)

Standing there April stared, then sighed, her feelings waving and finding out Donnie has progressed much, she let everything slide by, for the thought of a vacation became number one on her list, as she felt more relieved to know Donnie was better.

As she saw it, for the moment, she needed this getaway, to relax a bit, then she will rethink things after that, Donnie too need this before things were reorganized to help him get better, all that was on her mind was that she wanted the brothers to enjoy themselves without worries or stress, including Donnie.