Shattered Mind - Part 19– (Month 6 / week 4)

Month 6 / week 4

The sun was high in the sky, beating down its warm glow over her shell, April relished in the feeling closing her eyes as she took in the spring air, it was fresh and she could feel the serenity taking her away.

"Mikey, you invalid get back here and help!" Raph barked angrily at his brother that was goofing around.

(Oh right… they are here, I should have known, it wasn't going to be a quiet day…)

Leo shaking his head, continued unpacking the car, as Raph ran after Mikey which seemed more of an excuse for the both of them to avoid work, as for Donnie, he watched his brothers curiously, tugging on his purple bandana that was really the first time he has worn it.

Sure, many times they tried to get him to wear it, but he kept taking it off, this time it was the longest time frame that he didn't rip it off.

"Donnie stopped tugging on your bandana," Leo told him carrying a box from the car with a sigh.

"But… why do Donnie have to wear it?" a bit annoyed at how it felt he tugged at it again.

With a sigh, Leo rolled his eyes, he didn't know how many times he had to explain it, "Because when we are out of the lair, we have to wear it, it's part of who we are and we are ninjas.

Not bothering to get into details, Leo left his explanation as is, for anything more complicated tends to go over Donnie's head, he was still having issues understanding things, he was like a curious child that kept asking questions, and even asking the same ones over and over again.

"Ninjas?" Donnie looked at his bandana again.

"Yeah, Ninjas we are ninjas, see," Mikey showed off, but lost his footing wiping out onto the ground.

"Jeez, you ass, what the hell was that? Donnie don't ever take Mikey as an example of a ninja, he sucks," Raph rubbed his head in disbelief.

Quickly Mikey jumped to his feet, brushing the dirt off of himself looking at Raph with a questionable smile.

"If I suck… Then tell me, who beat you at the battle nexus huh, or was the winner of the tournament? Drum roll please... me Michelangelo the great!" Mikey praised himself.

Narrowing his eyes Raph huffed, "That was dumb luck, Mikey, you couldn't fight out of a paper bag. If it wasn't your horse shoes up your ass, you would have been creamed. Besides, I felt sorry for you and let you beat me."

Getting close to Raph, Mikey smiled devilishly, "Oh really, that's not what I remember, you were fighting your all and you never would let me win, not in front of thousands of fans. You lost because I am better than you Raphie!"

As the word rolled off Mikey's tongue, the trickster hit his mark as Raph eyes narrowed; fired up, clenching his fists tightly, Raph, growled in anger, "What did you say! Don't you dare call me that Mikey, you're DEAD you hear me!"

Running away Mikey patted his butt mocking Raph more, then ran for his life, for it was in danger, taking the direction towards the barn, they disappeared behind it, heading for the tree line.

(Well, now…)

Speechless, unsure what to say to the little drama that played out, April and Donnie watched them, putting her head in her hand April could only sigh deeply, taking an obvious note that it was going to be a long two weeks.

At least she still was in the company with two brothers that were sensible, although she did wonder how long it would take Raph and Leo to go at it, then again she never really have to worry about Donnie at least, she hoped…

Remembering about the purple clad turtle, she wondered what he thought of this display, tilting her head towards Donnie, he seemed unfazed like this was nothing new, which wasn't and was a relief he wasn't bothered by it, yet he was still fidgeting with his bandana.

"Donnie please stop, it looks good on you," April gently placed her hands on top of his, to stop him from tugging on it more, as he had managed to get it around his neck.

Donnie giving up, he let it go, looking at her, he wasn't so certain, "Why doesn't April were one?"

With a sweet smile April fixed his bandana making sure it wasn't too tight but tight enough to stay on right, "Because I am no ninja, that is why. There, is that better?"

Donnie looked at it in the mirror on the car, "Yeah… April why purple? Mikey wears Orange, Leo blue and Raph red, why?"

April shrugged, "I don't know really, I never asked, maybe you should ask Leo, he should know."

"Donnie thinks he said why… Can't remember… April why do you think we do?" Donnie looked at her leaning against the car with wondering eyes.

"You want my opinion then?"

With a nod, Donnie looked eager to hear her explanation, smiling sweetly she gave it some thought before she answered him.

"Well, I think each color suit each one of your personalities. See Orange is a playful, bright color so it suits Mikey since he is so playful and happy. Red is a strong and passionate and sometime a wild color, Raph is quite strong and very passionate in what he does, more than he lets on. Also other times he can be wild by getting angry or the way he fights. Blue to me is calm, stable and sometime a lonely color. Leo is very calm and he keeps things steady and stable, a born leader, yet sometimes he thinks he is on his own, which makes him lonely."

"Huh April what does purple mean for you?" Donnie leaned forward very interested in what April was telling him.

"Well purple to me is kind, caring and sacrificial."

"Sacrificial?" Tilting his head, Donnie didn't understand what she meant, playing with the word.

"Oh, sorry, I mean by that is, to me purple being between blue and red the primary colors, it tends to put itself in between things. Sure orange is also a between color, but it's a lighter color. Purple is a dark color, so it takes upon itself more responsibility, compare to Orange which because it is a lighter takes the easy, simple road. So to me when someone is like purple they would give anything up just to see others happy and safe, even if it means giving their lives away…" realizing what she was saying April froze, turning white.

(Damn it, why did I say that to him in that manner… That's all I need, to plant such an idea in his head. I really meant that statement more as a metaphor, for the past, Donnie used to do everything for his brothers, long nights inventing, not actually sacrificing himself in a matter of letting himself die… Shit I really should clarify that statement before he gets the wrong idea…)

Before April could explain what she was talking about, Donnie smiled, hugging April, pleased with her explanation, "Donnie likes April color idea, Donnie would do anything for April, even back then letting the bad men hurt Donnie to save you."

(!)

Shaken, April heart felt heavy, did she hear him right, what he said, was that a metaphor to show how much he cares about her or was what he said held truth?

Looking at him April tried to find the words to ask him, before she could, Leo came by to grab another box, annoyed that his other brothers have bailed.

Quickly Donnie grabbed a box, then headed towards the house.

"Donnie put it in the living room, please don't drop it or hurt yourself," Leo yelled not believing the only one helping him was the ill brother, who is showing more responsibility than the other two.

Picking up a box, Leo gave April a curious look, "Is everything ok April, you look kind of pale."

Gulping April didn't look at Leo as she try to figure out what just happened, what Donnie said, "Leo I have a question and please be truthful… before the day I found Donnie, did he ever mention about me or at least a girl he knew?"

Not sure why she was asking, he figured he should mention it to her, "Well, sort off, he did mentioned you in some manner, but didn't say much though. The only thing he kept bringing up was that he saved you that's it… but some time later after you came to the lair, just after you were mutated I found a file Donnie had, he was researching you, for what reason I don't know. To be frank, it wasn't like he was stalking you it was… I don't know actually…"

April held her sides looking over towards the house; he was researching her for what reason? Did she have something to do with why Donnie was treated so badly? Ideas flashed in her head, making her stomach turn, as guilt started to swallow her, she started to wonder was it even coincidence that she was thrown into his cage. Was she meant to find him, was her escape really of her own doing… What was going on…

Shaking her head, she couldn't let this hinder her, she couldn't start jumping into conclusions, she needed to find out… but how, how far should she dare to ask? Did she really want to know and what if she did find out, she was responsible for Donnie being sick…

Feeling a bit light headed April placed her hand on the car for support as Leo eyes never stop watching her trying to read her.

Noticing Leo's eyes where on her, she had to at least tell him what just happened, "Donnie and I were talking and he said something odd… He told me that he would do anything for me, even back then letting the bad men hurt him to save me…."

"What? … Wait, you don't think he was referring the bad men, to the ones that took him and made him like this do you?" Leo drop the box he was holding, the shock was overwhelming and he lost all feeling in his body.

Shaking her head, she shrugged, "I… I don't know, but the way he said it, Leo, it was sincere like it really happened, he might remember what happened to him… Or it could be in pieces, I don't really know," tears filled her eyes as memories of Donnie in that condition, chained up with confused clouded eyes sitting in his own feces, was that somehow her fault?

(No, I can't let that image come back to me. I can't bear the thoughts of what they did to him… To think he said I was part of the reason he was treated that way…)

Realizing how this looked, Leo picked up his box, "April for now let's drop it. I know it's not easy, but we have too. Let's take this slowly; I don't want Donnie to retreat if we start asking too many questions or ones he doesn't want to think of. Please April promise me you won't start blaming yourself for what happen to him, you have nothing to do with it, do you hear me."

April understood what Leo was getting at, but she still felt awful, but she nodded to Leo, she will get to the bottom of this, but for now she had to let Donnie tell them when he was ready and the time was right as well.

Taking a breath, she closed her eyes, clearing her mind of all the thoughts that try to weigh her down, including that horrifying day, that moment when Donnie was broken shattered in thousands of pieces that seem no way he could ever be put together.

A cheerful chirp came to her right as she could feel a set of arms go around her, she didn't need to open her eyes to recognize Donnie's chirps and she could also smell that aroma he gives off, that lets her know it's him, she even noticed Raph has his own too.

(Funny how I shut my eyes, I recognize such things, as silly as a scent.)

Giving into his hold, she let go of the car, letting him to keep her from falling, she wanted the bad memories to wash away and him being there helped, he smelled clean and healthy, that battled the old images of a sick turtle that cried for help in his eyes.

Upon opening her eyes, Donnie was smiling with his head laying comfortably onto her shoulder; he was enjoying being allowed to be so close to her like this.

"April feel better? Why April sad, Donnie could smell April, you were even scared, why?" Donnie asked not letting her go rubbing his head against her neck giving a couple chirps to help her to calm her nerves.

With a sweet smile she gave him a kiss on the cheek, he did make her feel better with those chirps, "I am fine now. thank you Donnie"

Receiving a kiss from her and then a thanks, perked Donnie up, as he gave a cheerful chirp smiling ear to ear, it almost made April laugh to see him so happy like that over a kiss on the cheek.

"Ok, ok, break it up you two don't we have work to do, jeez your both useless," Raph huffed walking between Donnie and April as they moved away from each other.

"Oh, this is coming from the guy that ran around like a raving five year old… wait where is Mikey?" April looked around not seeing him at all.

Taking a box out of the car Raph wore a devilish smile, "Oh, don't worry about him he is around."

(Around? Ah… What is that suppose to mean…)

April raised an eyebrow, "Do I need to call a search party?"

Passing by carrying his boxes, Raph hummed to himself in satisfaction, "Nope, they wouldn't find him, so it's really pointless even bothering."

Raph made his way to the house as April and Donnie watched him, "Donnie he was joking… I think… why don't we go find Mikey. Let the lazy ass help Leo, well, I can't call him that I haven't done a thing yet either."

With a smile Donnie shook his head, "April supervised."

Starting to walk towards the direction that she saw Raph and Mikey head too, April flashed a smile at him, "Donnie I like the way you think," she chuckled.