"Didn't I tell you not to sell to the children in high school? I mean it's a simple thing, right?"

She wasn't sure how she ended where she was, seated on a haphazard throne and surrounded by her friends and loyal allies and looking down on her minions who knelt before. Those minions had disappointed her with disobedience. The more obedient minions, capes and otherwise, stood in a circle around the disobedient ones in the otherwise empty warehouse.

She could follow the trail of events that had led her to where she was now easily and simply even... it had seemed reasonable at the time, she just wasn't sure how it worked the way it did.

It had started when Emma had gone crazy and started to bully her after she got a new friend. Clear and simple enough to see, sure the reasons might not be known, but the results made sense. She had heard that something bad had happened from mister Barnes while she was at the summer camp.

She had tried to help, but was rebuffed. And when school started again. She was bullied, the methods were different, and it slowly increased in intensity.

But she had endured. Suffered silently... hoping for a return of the old Emma. It never happened.

Then there was the locker, the flute... and somewhere along the line, she found herself not caring and never wanting that old friend of hers.

She had new friends, new allies, new companions who made sense.

More than that, she had a fluffy tail that she made very sure to never show anyone outside of her friends. It was the fluffiest of tails, immaculate and soft.

Also, she had parahuman powers, but that wasn't the important part.

The important part had been that she had friends who needed her help one cold January weekend. They had been captured by the Merchants and stuffed into cages, for the simple fact that they had been hunting for drinks in Merchant territory.

If she hadn't found them when she did, she was fairly certain that they would have ended up being killed and cooked. Naturally, she had fought for their sake against the Merchant capes and their junkie minions, because tanuki were not for eating.

Fought and won.

Which was how she had ended up gaining control of the Merchants.

On one hand, she was horrified.

On the other hand, she could make them stop dealing drugs or something to that effect. Which was when the reality of Brockton Bay came knocking on her front door.

There were always drug dealers, because there was a market for their products.

There were always pimps and prostitutes, because there was a market for them.

Supply and demand, the very basic tenant for how things worked. And if the Merchants no longer provided such, the Empire, the Asian Bad Boyz, and the independents would be happy to fill that market.

She didn't like it, but Skidmark had been very convincing as he explained how things worked. Very convincing and desperate... but he hadn't lied.

Which mean she had to changed how the Merchants worked.

Which meant she had to deal with the dealers who thought they could work behind her back.

"Boss... I. I didn't mean it." The fear and terror in the dealer's voice was impossible to miss.

She shook her head. "Slick, I gave clear and simple instructions to you and the other boys and girls."

She looked about at the minions. "Didn't I?"

The yeahs and nods from the others were rather damning as he looked about in desperation. "Please."

The quiet auuuuuu and wagging of tail from one of her companions had her blinking. Certainly, she understood her friends even if no one else did.

"No, Mister Fluffy, you really shouldn't ask for his liver. It's full of toxins and isn't healthy to eat." She paused in thought. "Still, I still need to punish you... it's how things are. If I don't, well, no one will obey me. I will have to grant that you do have big brass balls in defying me."

"On that note, they won't be an issue any more. Mister Fluffy, gelding knife please."

There was a loud auuuu and a softer snikt as a long razor blade snapped out with the tanuki holding a barber's razor as a human would a sword.

There was a wagging of tail as it walked on its rear legs to where Slick was held down by the other Merchants.

"Auuuuuuuuu."

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Tanuki In Name Only
Worm Oneshot

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Writer's Note : Auuuuu... because people wanted a tanuki Taylor. :3

Jerkface on SV said: Narrator: "Thish ish the shtory hic shtory of a hard woman making hic hard choishesh hic. Yesh. Hard women makin' hard shider and harderer choishesh."