A/N: Sorry for the long absence
Pollex : lol…what are you laughing about?
awesomeness : Yeaaaah…and the last chapter is one of my worse…I am gonna try to avoid it.
Guest : I'm sorry if this story is disappointing you. Writing a story, even a fanfic, is not a piece of cake. And I am not going to drop Annabeth out. NEVER. Copy that?
Melissa : you'll see. :)
The Red Reader of Doom : Um…do you know how close I was to getting shish-kebab'ed by Percabeth shippers?
AchillesSaber : Dude, it's a Catching Fire fanfic! 'Course it's gonna follow the CF events. Second question : You'll see. Third question : same answer as first. Fourth Question : what? Fifth question : what? Sixth question : not sure. seventh question : um… Eight question : I suppose you'll see… and you have just gotten your wish!
Oh, and I think I'm going to keep the thanking thingy short for this chapter. But after this, it's a long ceremony again.
Disclaimer : I'm not even American.
(Since there is a little bit of an uproar at the Everdeens' residence, why don't we visit the other Everdeen who is currently on a train heading to District 11?)
Katniss' POV
A few hours before the Everdeens' residence fiasco when a certain boy appeared…
" Attention everyone!" Effie Trinket calls out, clapping her hands. " We're about to do the outdoor shot right now at the cemetery."
" Cemetery?" I blurt out. " Why the cemetery?"
" To visit Percy, Katniss," Effie says, looking horrified that I forgot about him.
" Visit. Percy?"
" Come on, sweetheart," Haymitch says, grabbing me by the arm. " Percy is waiting for you." When we're a bit further away from the team, he leans in and murmurs, " Act as if you are still terribly mourning over his death, okay? Convince everyone how still broken you are."
" There's no point of acting, Haymitch," I say. " I still am broken."
How can I not be? He promised to get out of the arena with me. He promised.
But then…
There's the some sort of apparition I encounter yesterday.
An apparition of him and the girl from Six, Annabeth.
Oh, you're asking who's him? Him is said Percy Jackson. My fellow tribute.
I know.
I sound crazy.
Maybe I am.
I mean, I'm seeing the dead now. I'm having dreams of them every single night.
Maybe I should be on medication.
Or alcohol.
But then I'd turn out like Haymitch.
" Katniss!" I jerk out of my reverie and glare at Haymitch (yeah..speak of the devil and now he's calling you). " We're here. I thought there was something you wanted to say?"
" Something to..say?" My eyes follow his and land on the weathered, white gravestone with his name on it in cursive writing." Oh."
Oh, indeed.
Because then I started bawling my eyes out. Silently, thankfully. I know, I know. Sounds pretty un-Katniss of me but..I'm not sure why. I mean, it's not the first time someone I care and have come to love had died. My dad died when I was eleven in the mines. I watched Rue die in..in his arms. But I'm not sure why his death affected me the most. When I voiced this to Cinna, he said that maybe I loved him way more than I actually thought.
Hush fell over the camera crew as all of them watch as I fell on to my knees. " I'm sorry," I whisper to the grave. " I'm so, so sorry for not defending you in the arena. If I had, you wouldn't be in there."
Silence (as if I wanted any response from him).
" I miss you," I say. " I miss you so, so much that it actually hurts like someone stabbed me right in the heart." I chuckle a bit. " Well…I suppose I shouldn't make a reference about being stabbed right in the heart, huh? Considering the circumstances."
Some shuffling from behind me.
" I think I've got to go now." I stare at the writing on the gravestone for a minute before I felt a hand on my shoulder. " See you later." I get to my feet and see Effie's face streaked with tears and Olivia is still weeping into her scarf. " We'd better get going," I say, my voice a little bit croaky.
" Yeah. Let's," Haymitch nods.
The rest of the day is a blur of getting to the station, bidding everyone good-bye, the train pulling out, the old team (well, half of the old team) – me, Effie, Haymitch and Cinna dining on an indescribably delicious dinner that I couldn't even remember. And then I'm swathed in pyjamas and a voluminous robe, sitting in my plush compartment, waiting for the others to go to sleep. Except for Haymitch. He's going to be up all night. He doesn't think too much of sleeping in the dark.
When the train seems quiet, I put on my slippers and pad out to his door. I have to knock several times before he answers, scowling, as if certain I've brought bad news.
" What do you want?" he says, nearly knocking me out with a cloud of wine fumes.
" I have to talk to you," I whisper.
" Now?" he asks. I nod. " This better be good." He waits, but I felt a wee bit of paranoid that the conversation could be heard. " Well?" he barks.
The train brakes and for a second, panic seized me because I think that President Snow is watching over me and doesn't approve of me confiding in Haymitch and has decided to just go ahead and finish me off. But nope, we're just stopping for refuel. Go figure.
" The train's so stuffy," I say.
An understanding crosses his face for a moment before it disappears. " I know what you need." He pushes past me and lurches down the hall to the door. When he wrestles it open, a blast of snow hit us. He trips and fell to the ground.
A Capitol attendant rushes to help, but Haymitch waves her away good-naturedly as he staggers off. " Just want some fresh air. Only be a minute."
" Sorry. He's drunk," I tell the attendant apologetically. " I'll get him." I hop off the train and stumble along the track behind him, soaking my slippers with snow as he leads me beyond the end of the train so that we won't get overheard. Then he turns to me.
" What?"
And I start telling him everything.
(FLASHBACK)
" I think we'll make this situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other," he says. " What do you think?"
I think my tongue is frozen and speech will be impossible. " Yes, I think that would save time," I say in a surprisingly steady voice.
His lips stretch out into a smile – terribly gruesome one – and it caught me by surprise. I was expecting to get a glimpse of a snake's lips – which is none – but his are overly full, the skin stretched too tight. I wonder if he had his mouth altered to make him more appealing. If so, it was a waste of time and money because he is a downright – forgive me – disgusting snake.
" My advisors were concerned that you would be difficult, but you're not planning on being difficult, are you?" he asks.
" No."
" That's what I told them. I said, any girl who goes to such lengths to preserve her life isn't going to be interested to throw it away with both hands. Her mother, her sister, and all those….cousins." Well….the way he emphasized on the word 'cousins' convinced me that he knows that Gale and I don't share the same family tree.
Well.
" Let's sit," President Snow says, taking a seat at the large desk of polished wood where Prim does her homework and my mother her budgets. Like our home, this is a place that he has no right – but ultimately every right – to occupy. I take a seat in the carved, straight-backed and much-too-high chair in front of the desk with only my toes on the ground.
" I have a problem, Miss Everdeen," says President Snow. " A problem that began the moment you lost your head and refused to be crowned as victor when we pulled you out of the arena. You even threatened to stick an arrow in me, my dear."
Oh. I threatened President Snow? Oh, well. I guess I really wasn't right in the head at that time considering I had just lost someone I had worked my butt off to keep alive at that time, so yeah.
" Had I were given the post of Head Gamemaker instead of dear old Seneca Crane, I would have blasted you to bits and pieces for making a threat like that," he says in this extremely calm tones that is scaring me. " Instead, you had the good fortune to get Seneca Crane, who possess an admirable amount of sentimental streak. So here you are." He leans in the chair, his fingers laced together. " And can you guess where he is?"
In a grave somewhere, if not cremated or blasted to bits. The smell of roses and blood grows stronger now that only a desk separates us. There's a rose in President Snow's lapel , which at least suggests a source of the flower perfume, but it must be genetically enhanced, because no real rose reeks like that. As for the blood….
" After that, there was nothing to be done except to watch you play your little scenario. And you were pretty good too, playing the grieve-stricken school girl who just can't seem to accept the death of her…boyfriend." Um… " The people in the Capitol were quite convinced. Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for your act," he says.
I suppose the look on my face is extremely incredulous that he smiles, amused. " This, of course, you don't know. You have no access to information about the mood in other districts. In several of them, however, people admired your courage to actually threaten to kill me."
" But I didn't."
" Yes, you did, Miss Everdeen. I told you before that you threatened to stick an arrow in me, did I not?" I didn't say anything. " I suppose you don't remember this because at that time the paramedics had administered the first dose of Valyrel*."
" The..first dose?"
" Oh, yes. You were being quite…difficult at that time. They were forced to give a second dose to knock you out just to get on to the helicopter," he explains, the smile still on his pretentious appealing face. " That was why my advisors were concerned about you being difficult. I told them, if she is going to be difficult, another dose of Valyrel would definitely do the trick."
When he said 'another dose of Valyrel', I'm not actually thinking just another dose to knock me out for awhile.
" And everyone in the districts now admire your courage. If you, a schoolgirl from District Twelve, the underdog, could get away with defying and simultaneously threatening me unharmed, what is to stop them from doing the same?" He leans in closer to me. " What is to stop, say, an uprising?"
It took me a moment to let his last sentence sink in. Then, the full weight of it hits me. " There have been uprisings?" I ask, both chilled and somewhat elated at the possibility.
" Not yet. But they'll follow if the course of things doesn't change. And uprisings have been known to lead to revolution." President Snow rubs a spot over his left eyebrow, the very spot where I myself get headaches. " Do you have any idea what that would mean? How many people would die? What conditions those left would have to face? Whatever problems anyone may have with the Capitol, believe me when I say that if it released its grip on the districts for even a short time, the entire system would collapse."
I don't actually believe my ears. Did I hear wrong? Did he actually say that? Oh, wow! I am really surprised at his directness and the sincerity of his speech (albeit questionable). As if the welfare of the citizens of Panem is his primary concern, when nothing could even be further from the truth. I don't know how I dare to say the next sentence, but I do. " It must be very fragile, if a simple, foolish schoolgirl like me could bring it down."
There's a long pause as he examines me. Then he simply says, " It is fragile, yes but not in the way you imagine."
Oh, I don't have a doubt about that.
There's a knock at the door and the Capitol man sticks his head in. " Her mother wants to know if you want tea."
" I would. I would like tea," says the president. The door opens wider, and there stands my mother, holding a tray with a china tea set she brought to the Seam when she married my father. " Set it here, please." He places his book on the corner of the desk and pats the center.
My mother sets the tray on the desk. It holds a china teapot and two cups, cream and sugar, and a plate of cookies. They are beautifully iced with softly colored flowers. It took me a moment to figure it out but of course, no one could do such beautiful icings except for Peeta Mellark.
He sent many iced cupcakes and decorated cookies to my house in the Victors' Village. Every. Single. Day. It's as if he thought that by sending me these expensive treats I'd forget that he had been the reason to Percy's death.
" What a welcoming sight!" he says. " You know, some people tend to forget that presidents need to eat too," he adds, smiling at her charmingly. Well, it seems to relax my mother a bit, anyway.
" Can I get you anything else? I can cook something more substantial if you are hungry," she offers.
" No, this could not be more perfect. Thank you," he says, clearly dismissing her. My mother nods, shoots me a glance, and goes. Leaving me with a very, very dangerous snake. President Snow pours tea for both of us and fills his with cream and sugar, then takes a long time stirring. I sense he had his say and is waiting for my response.
" It wasn't in my agenda to start an uprising," I tell him.
" I believe you. It doesn't matter. Your stylist turned out to be prophetic in his choice of wardrobe. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, you have provided a spark that, if left unattended, may grow into an inferno that destroys Panem," he says.
" Why don't you just kill me now?" I blurt out.
" Publicly?" he asks as he sips his tea. " Goodness, no. That would only add more fuel to the flames."
" Arrange an accident, then! Give me extra Valyrel and tell them I overdosed on it. Or just fire some sort of syringe filled with venom or poison when no one is looking. Getting rid of me or anyone else shouldn't be a problem when you have extremely advanced technology and weapons."
He laughs. I'm serious. He actually laughed. " Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen," he says, his smile even wider than before. " Who would buy it? Not you, if you were watching."
" Then just tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it."
" If only that were simple." He picks up one of the flowered cookies and examines it. " Lovely. Did your mother made these?"
" Um..no. The local baker's son made it. As a gift for my family," I say.
" Is that so?" he asks, as he dips the cookie into his tea. " And his name is?" I look at him questioningly. " Oh, I'm just wondering. For someone to send such beautiful and delicious, if not expensive treats like this, they must have be very close to you."
" Oh, yeah. Peeta is a good friend of ours," I say, reaching for my cup of tea.
" Ours?"
" Percy and I. Peeta was closer to Percy than he was to me. And Percy volunteered for him in the last Games."
" I see." He nibbles the cookie a bit before setting it back down on his plate. " Do you visit him often?"
Him? Oh. " Yes."
" You miss him."
It wasn't a question. " Terribly."
" And how does the death of your…boyfriend affect your life?"
Trap question. " My life feels..pretty empty right now. I mean, his voice would wake us up every single morning. Singing, yelling in my ears." I could feel a smile appearing on my face. " Our house is pretty quiet now with no him stomping around and his endless talking."
" Percy is talkative?"
" Oh, yes. Extremely talkative. At times he would drive us crazy."
" So you love him."
" Yes."
He adjusts himself, leaning in against the chair. " How's the handsome cousin?"
Handsome…cousin.
" I'm not sure what Gale has to do with this."
" Oh, but Miss Everdeen. He has but everything to do with this conversation," he says, sipping his tea calmly. " Him, my dear. Him I can easily kill off if we don't come to a happy resolution." I stare at him. " You aren't doing him any favour by disappearing off into the woods each Sunday."
I didn't say anything. He couldn't know, right? I mean, the woods are our safe haven. How could he possibly know? Unless…unless we were followed. At least by one person. If not, cameras. That certainly never crossed my mind before. And besides, we never did anything in the woods. Except for saying extremely treasonous things against the Capitol, which should earn us one way ticket out of this world. But not two people in love, which seems to be President Snow's implication. We are pretty much safe on that charge. Unless…unless…
There is that one time that we made a stupid mistake. It was several weeks after I won the Games. The parties, the celebrations, the camera crews and reporters had kept me busy. So, when they finally packed up and went back to the Capitol, I finally resumed my quite life as usual. My family settled into our house here, in Victors' Village. The everyday life of District 12 – workers to the mine, kids to the school – resumed its usual pace.
One day, I woke up hours before dawn and snuck out without telling anyone else. I packed some food along – bakery bread, goat cheese, cold chicken , oranges. Before I went into the woods, I stopped at a my old house and changed into my hunting boots. As usual, the fence was not charge so it was easy to slip into the woods and retrieve my bow and arrows. I went to our usual place, the place where Percy, Gale and I shared breakfast the morning of the reaping that got Percy and I into the arena.
I waited for at least two hours and when he didn't show up, I felt sure that he had given up on me in the weeks that had passed. That he no longer cared about me. Hated me even. And the idea of losing my other best friend whom I had shared so many secrets was so painful that I couldn't stand it. Especially not on top of everything that had happened.
Then I looked up and there he was, standing ten feet away from me, just watching me. Without even thinking, I jumped up and threw my arms around him, making some weird noises that combined laughing, crying and choking. He was holding me so tightly that I couldn't see his face, but it was a long time before he finally let go, and that was because I developed a serious case of the hiccups and had to get some drink.
We did what we always did : we ate breakfast, hunted and gathered and fished. Talked about people . But not about us, not about his new life in the mines, my time in the arena. Not about Percy. Especially not about him since I would probably break down. So we talked about...just about other things. By the time we were at the hole that's nearest to the Hob, I think I really believed that things could be the same . That we could go on as we always had. I'd given all of the game to Gale to trade since we have so much food now. I told him I'd skip the Hob, even though I long to go there, because my mother and sister didn't even know I'd gone hunting and that they'd be wondering where I was. Then, suddenly, as I was suggesting that I'd take over the daily snare run, he took my face in his hands and kissed me.
I was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with Gale – watching him talk, laugh, frown – that I would know all there is about his lips. But I hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed against mine. Or how those hands, which could set the most intricate of snares, could easily ensnare me. It felt pretty good. But it felt so wrong. But I didn't push him away until he let go. He said, " I had to do that. At least once." And then he was gone.
Oh, no. How stupid I've been to think that the Capitol would ignore me once I'm home. Maybe I didn't know about the potential uprisings. But I knew they were angry with me. Instead of acting with full caution, what have I done? From the president's point of view, I seem to have gotten over Percy and now flaunted my newfound preference for Gale before the whole district. Well, I'm not worried about that much since most of everyone in the district bought the whole Gale-and-Katniss-are-cousins thing. But now I've put everyone in danger. Especially Gale and his family and my family.
" Please don't hurt Gale," I whisper. " He's just my friend. He's been my friend for years. That's all that's between us. Besides, everyone thinks we're cousins now."
" I'm only interested in how this will affect your dynamic with Percy, thereby affecting the moods in the districts."
" It'll be the same on tour. I'll show how I still can't get over Percy. Like I always am. I've never gotten over him," I say.
" Excellent choice, Miss Everdeen," President Snow says, grabbing his book. " Only you will have to do better if the uprisings are to be averted," he says. " This tour will be your only chance to turn things around."
" I know. I will. I'll convince everyone in the districts that everything that I said was out of grief. That I wasn't defying the Capitol. That I was too wrapped up in grief to notice what I was saying," I say.
President Snow rises and dabs his puffy lips with a napkin. " Aim higher in case you fall short," he advises me.
" What do you mean? How can I aim higher?" I ask.
" Convince me."
(END OF FLASHBACK)
Haymitch's face sobers, grows older in the glow of the red tail-lights. " Then you can't fail."
" If you could just help me get through this trip – " I began.
" No, Katniss!" he cuts me across, a weird, manic light in his eyes. " It's not just about this trip."
" What do you mean?"
" Even if you pull it off, they'll be back in a few months to take us all to the Games. You will be mentors now, every year from here on out. And every year they'll revisit the romance and broadcast the details of your private life, and you'll never, ever be able to do anything but life miserably ever after, mourning over that boy!"
I stare at him as his words sink in. I will never have a life with Gale, even if I want to. I will never be allowed to marry someone else. I will have to be forever in love with Percy, not that I am complaining but it tends to get lonely. Especially once I am no longer living with my mother and Prim. But the Capitol will insist on it.
" Do you understand me?" Haymitch presses on.
I nod. He means there's only one future , if I want to keep those I love alive and stay alive myself. I'll have to live the rest of my life alone, insisting that I am still mourning the death of my love even though I'll probably have moved on at that time.
This is going to be complicated.
*Valyrel - a type of drug designed to calm you down first before knocking you out flat. If administered in small doses, you'd be unconscious for a few minutes, an hour max. If administered in large doses...well..
A/N : SO…crappy chapter, I know. Sorry again for the long absence. Just had so much to do. And now and full out, I am officially announcing it : KATNISS EVERDEEN IS OOC. I know, I know. It's just…the book-Katniss and my-Katniss just doesn't seem to click together you know. I'm trying to make the story less depressing than the books by making Katniss more funnier, more sarcastic. So yeah, I apologize in advance to you guys who are going to point out that she is OOC because yeah.
Cheerio.