Sorry for the long wait in between updates, but hopefully this somewhat of a long chapter makes up for it. A lot happens. This chapter is kind of my little ode to New Moon and that spot he left her in.

As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and livieliv79 for reading over a few chapters and reassuring me about a few things.

Enjoy!

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I clutched her phone to my chest and closed my eyes, wishing with all my might that her call log would change and show she had called me. Maybe then I wouldn't feel as if I was losing my mind, my grip on reality. I opened my eyes, exhaled slowly, and looked at her phone again. Nothing had changed. It still showed only my incoming call.

I stood up and began to walk as I tucked her phone into my pocket, my hands running over it to make sure it was there. I had no plans of where I was going. The leaves crunched under my feet as I kept walking, not paying attention to where I was going. The deeper I got into the forest, the more I felt like the world was placing all its weight on my shoulders, bearing down and suffocating me with all my worries, doubts and fears.

And still I walked until I reached that spot.

The spot that had changed everything. That broke everything.

I lay down in the last spot I saw Bella. The last spot I ever spoke to her, and allowed the memories to engulf me, torture me.

Everything I said to her that day came rushing back. The brokenhearted look on her face flashed in my mind, staying there, reminding me that I pushed something so incredibly precious away.

You don't want me anymore? Her voice broke as she looked up at me, her hand clutched to her chest.

A choked sob escaped me. Oh, baby girl, I will always want you, love you, need you. I clutched my chest as I resolved to bring her back to this place, to make a memory that doesn't break us both.

As I lay there staring at the sky, I watched the sun slowly dip further down into the sky as dusk descended and the stars began to shine and fill up the night sky.

Guilt filled me as I lay there, counting stars. Guilt for not getting up and doing something, looking for her. But I honestly didn't know where to start. I had nothing to go on, no clues where to start. Helplessness began to take over the guilt. I was stuck. I couldn't do anything, while God only knows what was happening to her.

Son? Carlisle's voice invaded my mind and I bolted upright as fast as I could. I watched him walk up the same path as I had to get here. His steps were cautious as he moved closer. I hadn't seen him since the day I made everyone leave.

"It's nice to see you, son, it's been too long." I nodded at Carlisle, my eyes focusing on the ground as I continued to pick at the leaves that surrounded me.

"I know," I whispered, knowing he could he hear me. "You'll never know how sorry I am. How much I regret everything." I sighed. "I broke it all, Dad. Her, me, our family." I grabbed a fistful of leaves, crushing them to fine powder.

"Son, you can't shoulder everything. Even if it was your choice, your reaction, that brought on most of this. I still chose to side with you. We all did. I left my daughter, knowing in the back of my mind it was a mistake, that we shouldn't leave her. But I trusted you. I love you. You do so much for us, Edward, I couldn't go against you. But, I won't lie, it hurt leaving her behind," Carlisle said, sitting down beside me, his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

"For so long, Edward, I sat back and watched you be alone. Then Bella came along and took away all of your gray clouds. She brightened everything with her sun. She brightened everything for all of us, and we all took that for granted. Edward, it was so hard for me and Esme to walk away from her. I can't imagine the heartbreak it was for you," he said as a sob escaped me.

I couldn't say anything in return. It hurt too much.

"I know you regret it, Edward. I can see it in your eyes, the way you carry yourself. We will find her. We have to. And once we do find her, she is never leaving our sight ever again. She's stuck with us forever, Edward. And I do mean forever. If I have to be the one to change her, then so be it!"

His anger startled me, and took me by surprise. I snarled at the mention of her change, then let out a quiet whimper, hoping that she hadn't been changed already. It was selfish of me, but I wanted it to be my venom in her veins if she was ever changed. I never wanted to let myself admit it, until now.

Carlisle slapped me on the shoulder. "Look, right now, let's focus on bringing her back home, instead of regrets and the past. Let's focus on this. Everyone else is back at the house waiting for us. We can go from there."

"Before we head back, there is just one more thing I want you to know. If we don't find her," I said. "If we don't find her, I plan to go to Volterra and ask them to end my existence. I know it's selfish of me, Dad, but I simply can't exist in a world where she ceases to exist. I belong with her."

"Don't talk like that! I won't allow it! And we will find her! I will never let you go there!" Carlisle grabbed a hold of me, holding me tightly as he whispered over and over that he would never allow it.

We stood up, brushing the leaves from our clothes before we both took off in a fast run back to the house. I didn't even make it past our property line before I was tackled by Esme, which caused us to slide along the ground.

"You! I love you, but you made me leave my daughter! I don't want to be mad, I want to hold you and tell you everything is okay. I am thankful you are back, but I hate the repercussions of us leaving. So, when we find my daughter, Edward, you better make everything perfect again," She yelled, slamming me back down on to the ground as dry sobs escaped her. "I hurt, Edward. I miss her, I miss you," she whispered, standing up to walk towards Carlisle.

I was shocked, never have I seen Esme so mad, and at me no less. It was usually Emmett that earned her wrath.

We made our way into the house. I noticed Alice first, she looked so weary, so lost. I walked up to her slowly, cautiously, before wrapping my arms around her and grabbing my dear sister into a hug. Dry sobs wracked her body.

"I can't see anything, and being here now, I feel even more lost. I'm useless, Edward!" She whispered against my chest as I continued to hold her.

Emmett came into my view, standing behind Alice. "You should never have left her, Edward! She's small, she can't protect herself! And now this?! As her big brother, I'm supposed to make sure she never gets hurt! Now, who knows where she is!" Emmett stared me down, before punching a wall and walking out of the house, the door slamming after him. A few minutes later we heard a loud cracking sound as a tree fell as Emmett screamed expletives into the night air.

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I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I look forward to your thoughts.

I can't thank you guys enough for reading and enjoying this little story of mine.