Hello! Sorry for the long wait, guys. My beta has been under the weather, but she is feeling better and was able to get this back to me. I can't thank her enough.

As always thank you to Darcys mom, angelyCdevil for encouragement in this chapter and upcoming chapters.

I do hope you enjoy!

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I wanted to still have hope. I needed something to cling to when everything I had hope for was beginning to unravel, falling apart piece by piece with no end in sight. And no Bella.

Nothing. Empty. Cold.

As I looked at Carlisle and the rest of the family, the harder it was to hang on to that last thread of hope. They were a reminder of what I willingly pushed away and walked away from. They were a reminder of my regrets and broken promises, and sacrifices that I had forced them to make. And yet they were here, still standing by my side, when so many times I had left them when it all got to be too tough.

I sank to the ground, the earth cracked apart, lines like the fissures in my heart began to show the harder I pounded. I took out my aggression, fears and pain on the surrounding ground while hurt and soft tendrils of hope clung tightly to me.

"Edward, son, you know she's out there. She has to be. Your soul knows, deep down, it knows." I wanted to scoff at Carlisle's mention of souls. I didn't consider myself to have a soul. Not yet, not until I found her. She was my soul. She was home.

I curled up on the cold ground, ignoring my family as I sunk my hands into my pockets, thumbing the hair tie, the note and her phone. The only connections I had left of her. I brought the tie up to my face, sniffing it to get any trace of her scent that lingered, as I closed my eyes, trying not to let the memories of her sweet face, voice and kisses engulf me again.

I brought the note up, my finger tracing over every word that she had written. My fingers slowly moved over the grain of the paper and the ink as I read her words over and over until it was snatched out of my hand and I jumped up in alarm. I was too lost in my own thoughts to even consider Jasper and his thoughts and movements.

"What is this? Why have you not shown us this yet, Edward?" Jasper said, his voice rising.

"I didn't think it was important, it's just a note, and I wanted to keep it to myself. It is the one true thing left from her. It said pretty much the same as the phone call had. Well, the phone call that I guess never really happened." I rambled as I tugged at my hair, my other hand rubbed my chest.

"Edward, what do you think this note says?

"That they came, and to find her." I said, before I snatched the note back and held it close to my chest.

"No, Edward, no." Jasper grasped my shoulders, turning me to face him. "It isn't her hand writing, doesn't even look feminine at all, and very rushed. It does say find her, but this wasn't written by her, at all." The hurt and heartbreak I feel coming from him. The blackness. I want to make this all better. But It's becoming too much. "I'm sorry, Edward. I am so sorry."

I shook my head, not at all wanting to allow that bit of information to sink in. I brought the note back up to my face, my fingers caressed the paper just as I had before Jasper snatched it from me. I could have sworn it was her handwriting. I knew her handwriting, the way she wrote her e's, and l's. The way she slanted her writing just a tad, and how hard she pushed down on the paper as she wrote. Jasper was right, though. It wasn't her writing. I don't even know whose it is. And yet another let down.

I went over everything that I found, and that has happened over the last few days. My chest felt like a big hole had taken over. I couldn't focus. It hurt to be told that yet another thing that I believed to be true, simply wasn't. I'm losing it.

A sob ripped from me as I balled the piece of paper in my hand and rocked back and forth on my feet. Why can't they see what I see? I could have sworn it was her handwriting. Why? Oh, Bella...

"Edward, come on, let's go inside. Surely, we can talk about this, work through this. I am sure there is an explanation for it." Carlisle urged, grasping my arm, pulling me up to stand.

I wanted to run away, smash every tree, every boulder in my sight. I wanted to break everything, just like everything was breaking me. The thoughts of possibly never finding her again were taking over. All of my worries and doubts poured out. I wanted to push them away. Ignore them. Run.

I stood up and flung the hair tie at Jasper, and sneered, "Are you going to tell me that this isn't real, either? That it isn't hers? That I don't smell her scent?"

Jasper tried to send waves of calm my way, but I wouldn't allow it through. "Well, Jasper? Any more theories? Can you take away more of what little hope I had? If you want to ruin me, can you please just hit me with the finishing blow?" I said, desperation coated my voice as I fell to the ground again as more sobs came from deep within my chest.

Even as my family looked on, I felt lonely, like I didn't deserve to be there with them, not without her. I looked up to the sky and noticed it had begun to rain. I closed my eyes, letting the droplets slowly fall upon my face as I whispered more so to myself than anyone else, "It's not fair. It's not fair that I am here, and she is nowhere. It's not fair that I feel empty. It's not fair that I can't have her in my arms right now, and have her tell me that it is all okay. It's just not fair."

I felt Carlisle's arms wrap tightly around me, holding me in place as he whispered over and over that it was okay. That Bella had to be okay. He continued to hold me as he told me of the first time I brought Bella home to meet them, how proud he was of me. How he could see the love I had for her even then.

As Carlisle's words sunk in, seeds of hope had begun to plant themselves inside me. They were small, but there deep down slowly spreading roots throughout me. I knew somehow, someway, I'd get my resolution.

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As always I look forward to your thoughts.

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I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!