Chapter 7: Deep within My Dreams
A/N: Well, three things. First, if anyone actually reads this story, sorry for not posting for so long. It took me a lot to finish this stuff, along writers block, and just hating this chapter as well. If you enjoy it, well, great you do. And, if you don´t, chill, I didn´t enjoy writing this chapter (Except the beggining and ending). Second, if you got any criticism (Good or Bad) please write it, I would love to read any opinions or advice, or just plain people saying "I hate your fucking story!". That must help in a way, does it? Third, I did some change to this chapter ending, as I felt it didn´t quite "end", so this is a half-assed revise version. P.D: I´ll modify every chapter until this one to make it more logical, and correct any typos. Well, enjoy! (Long ass A/N)
I gazed into the abyss, not knowing what I could find, and I realized, after the darkness had already filled my vision, the emptiness and hollowness became everything, cold air filled my lungs taking away life´s heat, which the abyss was gazing back.
The gap was right in front of me, taunting me to jump, to embrace it. To become part of the emptiness. The snow kept falling, little white dots I could gaze over the white landscape. A blue, flat sky, with very few, grey clouds laid over my head. A snowflake fell on the tip of my nose, causing me to shiver. The red scarf began to move with the flowing wind, going against me. White dots began to follow the current's will, without asking or questioning. They began to cover my face, taking the warmth with them.
I tried to resist, and to use my arms and hands as a shield, yet there was so much snow flowing, that the gloves and the sweaters sleeves could only absorb the cold of the flow. Unforgiving, it tumbled me down to the floor, where I opened my eyes, only to see how the wind violently caressed my black hair. Hopelessly, it was only a matter of time for the wind to change its course, and mine, by pushing me into the void.
The lack of energy, my small height, dreamy eyes and shivering legs could not stand the will of nature anymore. Wind became stronger, lifting more white flakes off the ground, which looked like a country side full of little bumps and hills, covered in a white, sweet sugar powder. My skin, grey as always, was losing even more colour. My blood was losing temperature, and my dry throat wasn´t helping.
Next task was to rise once more, and fight to the coming winds. The abyss, swallowing anything that was on top or beside it, gazed me with a crueller vision as minutes passed by. Fear made me tremble, and the wind made me shiver. My breathing was faster as the time passed by. Adrenaline and fear, the mixture of a creature that only wants to run away. I closed my eyes, hoping for the best.
Suddenly, it all stopped.
It wasn´t hitting my face anymore, it didn´t caress my hair violently, it wasn´t hurting my eyes anymore. I could see the place once more, and wonder how big it was, as the white did not stop. Few leave less trees stood in some spots, but stood alone, as no animal, or any other type of plant rose over the white blanket. I touched my hair, feeling the warmth of it. Then, I patted my crimson gloves, and cream coloured sweater, realizing that there was no snow sticking on top of it.
At the moment, my legs were failing me, and my eyes could appreciate that after the shut down, I had fell to my knees. Warmth began to come down, and coldness started to rise. I crossed my arms, and quickly rose off the ground.
No animals, no people, no sun and no sound coated the simple, yet magnificent paint I stood on top. No life, too.
But, the void was still there and I´m still here. In front of it, watching how it watches me. Questions clouded my mind, asking me what I should do now. Just questions, as answers became inexistent. The power of will, of wanting to keep living, was withering away; as if the wind had sucked on my last dream, my last of hope, of keep living.
Life, it was just pain. I could not stand being alone, not anymore. Not ever again. The pressure of the void was making my chest feel heavy. Words fought against the nerves to come out. Screams of help, cries of sadness and fear, curses of rage and a last kind word. Nothing. No one, anybody, was going to hear them. Ergo, they never left my inwards.
I looked up to the sky, fighting against the natural, primal fear, to not cry of sorrow. A lonely cloud moved slowly across the blue sky, an inverted sea, looking for it´s others. It´s loneliness, proved how alone I was.
Why did I have to be born?
Tears slowly crawled out of my eyes and slipped slowly over my cheeks. I felt their warmth, as my whole body was starting to freeze due to the time spent of the outside. Nobody could know where I was, if there anybody in the first place. The void, glanced at me. Steps forward, were getting me closer to the edge. I, finally after so many thoughts, fear and doubts, could stand in the edge. Of the void, of the end, of my life.
Yet, I wasn't afraid, as this place could be called home. I´ve lived here all my life, in the edge of the void. Waiting, patiently, to jump into the darkness. I lowered my head, and looked to my feet. Half was in the snow, half was in the nothing.
"Paradoxical" I whispered
Cold became an enemy once more, but this time fought angrier than ever, as the violent Boreas blew with the might of his lungs, proving his titanic strength, that nature was unforgiving. I cried over death enough times in my life. Once, I was lucky enough to cry over my own. The thought of an abandoned, ignorant child, whose world didn´t extend further beyond the bars of the crib, or the door of the house. A big, lonely house.
He spoke to me through his action, remembering me the cruel, yet beautiful truth of the world. Of life. She gives, she takes. The currents punished my back angrier, stronger as the time went by. It was beautiful, thought. A small piano lullaby began to play inside my head, while memories of my life remembered me the pain, anguish, stress, sorrow and how ironically beautiful life was.
I saw my hair go with the flow of nature, with the will of that which is over me. That which we cannot control. Snowflakes accompanied the currents, while some stayed between the locks of hair which he was dragging. I smiled, remembering my life. How dad taught me to ice skate when I was four, how he cried in my six birthday. I remember tasting mother´s sweet, strawberry cake. Cream all over my and dad´s face, while she laughed, dropping tears of happiness.
She grabbed a camera, and took a picture from us. Little me, six years old, with dad. I remember, when we walked through the forest, how she told me that she loved me before going to sleep, how he taught me to land a punch. I remember, how he taught me to be detached, when he left me at seven. But, what I remember the most, while I look through my hair into the void, eating all the snowflakes, is him. He. The one who saved me, who took me under his wing, and besides his heart. He, who doesn´t remembers me anymore, but I do remember him.
The piano becomes slower, yet more peaceful. My mind is swarmed by the notes composing that beautiful masterpiece, closing my eyes, eliminating any distraction between me, and the darkness, from which the music comes from.
"La..La, la…la…" I hear something. Someone, I hear…her.
Darkness fills the north, yet I feel warmth behind me. I open my eyes, fearing what I could. Fearing who I could see. And, I see her. The one and only, the first, and, sadly, the last, I´ve ever truly feel love. Not family, but passionate love. A light, coming from the infinite beyond over my head, illuminates a piano, whose player is sitting in front of me. The figure was exposed to me, yet I wasn´t exposed to her.
I give a muted gasp, and hold onto my scarf. I see how the light, a yellow, yet clear light, bounces off her light, pink skin. Her white dress, delineating her hourglass figure, remember me what I could had taken as my mine. She continues with her lovely song, her lullaby, her medley, while I froze off in fear, appreciating her beauty, and my cowardice.
One step further, I was getting closer to her. I was tired. Answers had been in my head for a long time, but it was my duty to take them, to transform them into actions. I realized, that people had always given up on me, and, because of that, I would always give up on people.
My heart was beating faster, pounding my chest. Screaming with every beat, asking me to release, so it could be with her heart. The union of two beings, as one. Darkness and light. As she pressed every key, I gave two steps while running. The melody stayed peaceful, slow, but I could not. I had to be with her, as my chances were stopping to exist. A matter of time, which gave me limited time every moment I tried to turn things the other way.
"Just like an hourglass" She spoke softly, and giggled at the end.
Her words caused me to stop suddenly. I was home once more, at the edge between light and darkness. A place I felt comfortable, but alone. She stepped up, leaving the piano behind. Fear rumbled my body, and shivers caused my body to feel cold. I breathed hard, which allowed me to see my breath. A little cloud, looking for another one. Then, the could found her partner.
She stood right in front of me, with most of her face covered by the mask shaped like a swan. Her dressed, looked as if it was made of fur of a white tiger, and feathers of a white phoenix. It shined perfectly with the light, which could only light a circle surrounding her and the magnificent instrument.
The clouds mashed together, and, with eyes of a child, I saw how their union allowed them to rise up. To leave the void. She glanced at me, with a look of loneliness, of sadness. She extender her hand, and landed it over the edge of light, as if a glass was between the two of us. The piano, alongside other instrument's, began to play. I saw how the keys were being pushed down, and how she was waiting for me, to accompany her. My hand moved, looking for hers, and when I finally arrived, I could not grab her.
As if a barrier was between us. A shock went through my body, navigating all the way up to my bones. She looked disappointed. Her hand, slowly, has leaving mine. They never touched. She walked back to the piano, while I raged and screamed in pain. I punched the light, the crystal barrier between us. She walked slowly, and I was hitting faster.
With disappointment, I accepted my fate that I wasn´t going to be with her. Not ever again. Enough chances she gave me once and all I did was causing her pain, inconveniences. Make her feel as if she was not wanted. But if I could tell her now, that she´s the only thing I wasn't right now.
"I…love you…" I whispered while tears left my eyes.
She sat down, and played the piano once more. For me. And, once more, I felt the cold. I woke up from that dream, inside the void, to appreciate the white landscape once more. Visions of a lost past, and a negated future. At the edge, once more. I stood up, and balanced myself front, waiting for the inevitable.
And, after that, I gave a step front, and the darkness started to surround me. Alongside peace, the fall was calmed, and I wasn´t afraid of what could be inside it, as the piano medley became louder as seconds pass by. I knew what I could find at the end of the fall. But I didn´t.
I closed my eyes, and woke up once more. Now, my knees were on top of a frozen little lake, whose borders were surrounded by infinite pines, and the frontiers with mountains. All being coated by the snow. But, I could still see the green of the pines, while a herd of wild clouds flew over my head. Little animals walked these prairies, this infinite forest.
Now, it was time for exploration. It would´ve been a bad idea to stay there, as the ice started to crack due to its thin layer property. A sound of a dying animal came from my right side, causing me to instantly glance at it. Between the trees, it laid a giant sabre tooth tiger, withering away while the arrow stuck out from one side to another. It cried, and cried, begging for the sweet release of death.
I sprinted towards the creature, while wondering why. A shadow moved with incredible speed towards the beast, making me stop to wonder and evaluate what that shadow was, or is. Nothing but a caped hunter, wearing a large black tunic with red stripes which stich a cross at the back. The hunter moved its hand, making me wonder if he would take a knife or a gun from his holsters, but with a rapid movement a blade came down from a sort of wristbands made of metal and leather. The beast was roaring, or at least it was trying. It´s breath was heavy and slow, while its eyes were fighting to stay open.
In a moment of honesty, and pure beauty of life, the hunter gave the beast what it most desire. The sweet release of death. With a quick stab to the heart, the beast withered away while it roared to the twilight, in a matter of gratefulness. The hunter knew what he had done, and closed the beast eyes. Proving my hypothesis, the hunter retrieved it´s arrows. I was watching behind some bushes, yet he glanced at me, while he was skinning the magnificent, white feline beast.
I froze at the moment that it, or he, decided to take his hood off. He started walking towards me, while his hands took his hood, and slowly took it off. It revealed the face of a young man, no more than a couple years of what I look of age, with a scar on his right cheek, and one small one on his left eyebrow. His eyes were blue, contrasting with the red of mine. His hair also contrasted, while I wore the red, dark night, he had the blue sky and shining sun. A hair, flowing with the cold wind, blonde as the sun, yet beginning with dark roots.
Even though his whole appearance startled me, I could not negate that he was a healthy, handsome man.
What the hell am I thinking? He just killed a Sabre Tooth tiger!
"Come with me" I felt his voice and breath behind me, warming a bit my back.
"Aaaah!" I got scared and jump towards him, in an attempt to knock him out.
"What are you doing?" He grabbed my arm, proving how futile my efforts were.
I could only look up to him, as he towered me for almost thirty centimeters. His grip was tight, strong. I wasn´t surprised, as his skinning a beast of three meters of length requires lots of power.
Then, everything went silent.
"Marcy" He said
I was surprised, as I couldn´t think of someone calling me that way anymore, or at least him, a total unknown to me.
"Marceline" And then, he just…hugged me.
His warmth, as he was covered in pelts, made me feel at home. Safe. And I just gave up in that moment.
"Finn…Finn…Finn..." I called instinctively Finn´s name as tears left my eye sockets.
But he couldn´t be Finn, he disappeared long ago, to never return.
"Where are we?" I asked, as when I opened my eyes we were in a shack.
I was resting on top of a wood and pelts bed, in this wooden cabin. I glanced everywhere, seeing that it was only made of logs of wood, but it was cozy and warm. A light was sitting on top of a nightstand to my right, which used oil as its source. Between the light and shadows, I saw the hunter strip off his clothing's. I could only see his back, but when he took off his robes, I was surprised by the pirate and privateer tattoos running from his neck, to his back, to his arms and lower back.
"Who are you?" I asked astounded.
He turned to me, and I realized who he was.
"An old friend" He spoke.
I heard birds coming, and the heart was unbearable. He approached me, but his image was getting drowsy, while the cabin was starting to rumble. The lamp fell off, leaving light escape.
"It´s nice to see you again" He said for the last time.
Then, I woke up. It was Finn´s bed in the old tree house where I was sleeping. I was covered in pelts, letting me know why it was so hot.
"When the hell did I…?" I wondered, as I cloudy remembered when or why I stepped this tree in the first place, but not sleeping in his bed.
A shiver came down my spine, as I remembered the place I decide to sleep. A rainy, cold night in this lonely, abandoned tree. I tried to heat myself, but as I did, I realized something was off. Skin that felt like leather.
But leather is a type of skin, isn´t it?
I looked at my arms, forearms, and chest. A black, hooded leather jacket was covering me. Not knowing who it belonged to, made me see, or smell, if I could recognize any essence. A deep breath went through the cloth and leather of this jacket. It was something I had smell before, even tasted, but I could not remember when or who I smelled. A new essence, belonging to the rain mixed with the sea, and some well water, coated the already dried jacket.
Some bits of burned coal and wood stuck in the essence, giving it a weird water and fire essence. A magnificent and rare essence, belonging to an unknown. I took a second breath, with as much air require to totally analyze this odor. There was a smell of blood, of war, I could never forget. Instantly, I opened my eyes in fear. An essence that belonged to a warrior. I stepped out of the bed, just so I could stretch myself, and walk myself out of that thought. Also, I was really thirsty.
I walked, slowly, down the stairs, as I felt dizzy because of a small sickness remain from couple days ago. Cracks and sounds came as I took every step, showing how soaked and wet this old roble is. I remember when it was just a single sprout, and then, it became a strong tower. Just like an old friend of mine, who I don´t know if it towers anyone.
With my fingers, I took once more the jacket and sniffed it´s smell. Finally, I could recognize it´s odor, it´s essence. It wasn´t as unknown as I thought, and memories of it came back to me. The stairway was ending, and I could see the light coming from the kitchen. The essence remembered me of my old, well, young, friend. Finn the Human.
Finn, where did you go?
I could only sigh, while smiling a bit, knowing that, due to his strength, he was, or is safe right now, wherever he is. It´s almost, as if I could feel him. As I approached the last stair, I questioned how did this jacket could have Finn´s essence. Well, a similar one. This one is more strong in pheromones, meaning he would need to be older. But also, who put it on me in the beginning.
I scratched my eyes when I arrived the kitchen finally, as light blinded me. I opened and there was a form, a shadow, moving while the light entered my eyes and created a picture. Seconds passed, and my eyes showed me what was there. My nose could smell fresh pancakes, with bread and wine, while my ears listened to the birds sing and the wind move the grass. But nothing mattered, as my vision clouded me with questions.
He sat in the little table close to the window, while sipped wine, closing his eyes. Wind caressed his blonde, dark rooted hair, while his eyebrows fell. I could smell the same scent, but cleaner this time. He wore fancy clothes, than looked nothing like those ragged shorts, and weird bear cap he once wore. I realized who he was, or is. A man.
"Finn, is that you?" I asked instinctively.
He opened his eyes slowly, while his eyelashes moved up, and his blue, diamond eyes move towards my figure, glancing at me, while finishing his sip of red wine. He stirred the glass, and drew a grin in his face.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty. May you join me for breakfast?" He said with a suave tone, while smiling to me.
His hand moved slowly, pointing to the seat in front of him. He never stopped looking at me, while smiling to me in a way I hadn´t felt in a long time.
Beauty…?