A/N: Pretty quick, huh? I know you all are surprised … it's the numerous reviews and story alert-addings that made me do it. And this chapter is a full 1400 words longer than the previous one!
Disclaimer: Oh, but I'm not that amazing :o)
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CHAPTER 4: Of Gut-Wrenching Decisions and Four-Eyed Donkeys
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At 7:49 pm, I decided it's time for me to head down to Potter's office. You know, for my detention.
But I really, really, badly wanted to be late. At least an hour late. Or avoid going at all to detention and relieve myself from seeing Potter's face more than once in a day. But he'd probably give me twenty more days of detention for being late. To detention.
OH MY GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND SAYING THAT WORD ONE MORE TIME. How am I supposed to go there and sit through ten days of the fricking thing??
I hesitantly put my book bag away in my dormitory and started walking towards the exit. I had a sudden longing to see Alice. Julie's always the funny, manipulative one, but Alice is the sentimental one who always prepares me before I do something emotionally taxing … like going to detention.
Aaaaaauuurgh. I could definitely use one of Alice's comforting hugs now.
I started walking towards Potter's office on the third-floor corridor at snail's pace. I got thinking: what would he ask me to do? It's the first day back from summer, so it's not as if he'd have tests or quiz papers for me to correct. There's no essays or other assignments collected either. And he can't make me write any tests either … he didn't teach anything yet. So what would Potter want me to do in detention? And mind you, this isn't just a one-day thing; I have to provide my services to Professor Potter for ten days.
Immersed in such unpleasant thoughts, I got onto the moving staircase that normally dropped off its patrons on the third-floor corridor. And guess who greeted me on the darned stairs?
"Evv-aaaaaaans!" drawled the last person I'd wanted to see. Wait, I guess Potter's the last person I want to see, so this is the second to last person I'd wanted to see. You might have forgotten him. My co-Head: Avery.
That's right, the idiotic, Dark Arts-loving, sufficient-enough-in-Dumbledore's-eyes-to-be-made-Head-Boy Marcus Avery. (A/N: I'm indifferent as to whether that's really his first name or not … sorry!)
I pretended not to hear him, and continued to walk up the stairs on my side. (He was descending the stairs on the other side). I held my head up and willed myself not to look at him. I know, I need to work with this kid all year. But let's only do that when I absolutely have to, alright? The first Prefects-Heads meeting of the year is tomorrow.
Wait, that means I will be unable to attend Potter's detention tomorrow! And since my excuse is actually authentic, I don't have to fear his wrath!
YES!!
Oh wait, then I'll have to deal with Avery. That puts a damper on things.
"HEY Evans!" Avery called again, the smirk evident in his voice. And apparently he didn't care that I wasn't responding (or he knew that I could hear; I didn't have anything blocking my ears, duh), so he continued talking. "Looking good, Evans! If you weren't a Mudblood, I'd definitely do you."
Obviously that made me whip around a hundred and eighty degrees, my face scrunched up with anger, wand in my hand, and ready to combat. What right does this monkey think he have, insulting me like that?
"Keep your mouth shut, Avery. No one wants to hear your tainted mouth or smell your foul breath," I said, putting as much contempt as humanly possibly in my voice.
"Yeah?" Avery countered, completely unaffected by my attack. He tilted his head and responded, "Wanna close my mouth with yours, Evans?"
My face reddened with anger as my temper rose. I'm not sure if the stereotype that red-heads have incredible tempers is always true … but it's definitely true for me. I raised my wand, ready to blast the idiot out of this world.
But thankfully, the moving stairs finished its travel and stopped. I quickly got off the stairs and lowered my wand. "Watch yourself," I spat at Avery, my eyes still scrunched together in anger.
With one last scornful glance, I walked away from the scene. Boy, I need to control my anger really badly. How lovely would it be for the Head Boy and Head Girl to duel on the first day of school? And who raised their wand first? The Head Girl, of course. And where was this Head Girl heading off to at this time? To detention.
GODDAMMIT, WHY IS MY LIFE SO DEPRESSING ALL OF A SUDDEN!!??
I know why: Potter. That's why. I'll get you, Potter.
I'll get you.
And suddenly, I made a gut-wrenching, mind-sickening decision: I will follow Julie's plan, and get him sacked. I don't care if my name becomes soiled along the way as the student James Potter had an affair with as a teacher. But watch out, that is exactly what's going to happen.
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I didn't stop in the middle to change my appearance, or take a detour to the girls' bathroom to make sure I look presentable before I went to Potter's office. I didn't care how I looked at that point. Julie said Potter liked me since fifth year. I never wore make-up or showed that much skin all during that time. So it is completely unnecessary for me to change my appearance now.
When I reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom (the office is next to the room), I stopped to think about the subject. We had a different teacher every year for Defense. People say the job post is jinxed, which I think is ridiculous. If the post is really jinxed, then why would people apply for the job so enthusiastically, and how would Professor Dumbledore always be able to find a suitable wizard?
Yes, we always had a good teacher. Even though the teacher changed each year, we always had the confidence that whoever Dumbledore appointed to be our next teacher would be just as good as or even better than the previous one. Apparently this streak is about to end. James Potter might be very good at Defense, but he just graduated from Hogwarts this past May! He cannot be that good at being a teacher. Sure, he sounded pretty prepared and confident in class today. But that's just Beginner's luck! Just look, by the end of next week, he will be clueless as to what to do next.
I walked up to the door of Potter's office, and lightly knocked. I could hear music; someone was singing, and Potter is humming along. I think. And there was also a slight waft of tea …
"Door's open!" called out Potter in response to my knocking.
I delicately opened the door, and received quite a shock. First of all, I've never been in the Defense teacher's office. I've been to McGonagall's and Flitwick's but never here. Second of all, the room was FULL of boxes. Boxes in every inch of the place. Some were open, with their contents half-in, half-out. Some seemed completely untouched. Third of all, Potter was resting his butt on a box. There was another smaller box in front of him on top of which was a tray with a tea kettle, a sugar container, and two tea cups. There was yet another box in front of this coffee-table-box, on top of which there was a radio. There was music coming out of the radio.
I guess my face gave it away that I was surprised at the state of the room. Potter caught sight of my face, and stood up.
"Don't be so surprised now. I haven't unpacked yet, that's all," he said, not at all seeming to be embarrassed that his room was currently worse than a pigsty between cleanings.
I closed my mouth (I hadn't realized it was open), and immediately gave Potter a sweet smile. If I'm going through with the plan, I might as well start now. I guess I should say something right about now. "Er … good evening, Professor," I said in a saccharine way (with extreme difficulty).
Potter smiled amusedly. "Good evening, Miss Evans." He turned away from me and gestured towards the mess in the room. "I think you can guess what work I have for you today. I told the house-elves not to unpack my belongings. I told them there's a special someone who very badly wants to do it for me." He turned back to me and gave me a pleased expression. "That would be you, Miss Evans."
I kept smiling in the same, nauseatingly-sweet way. But on the inside, I was burning.
Potter decided to ignore my smiles. "Ready to get started, Lily?" I was startled at the mention of my first name. In a very strange way, him calling by my first name put things in perspective... I'm really going to do this, aren't I? Without thinking of the ramifications of my decision, I finalized it. But I'm not one to go back on my decisions.
When Potter called me Lily, I grimaced and nodded slowly. My actions apparently made Potter smile even widely. He's really enjoying this, isn't he?
"Er, professor?" I called out to James, who was clearing up the tea scene. "Am I allowed to use my wand?" I asked when he looked up at me.
He gave me a weird look. "Of course! I did not expect you to finish it today without magic!" Did I just hear an insult in there somewhere? I wanted to yell out, "For your information, Potter, I can too finish all this without magic tonight." But obviously I didn't. What can I say, I'm stuck. He can give me more detention or do something worse quicker than I can say "Oops!"
"I will also obviously be helping you out," he continued, completely ignorant of the internal battle I was currently fighting: to lash out or to not lash out. "This is my room, after all. I need to arrange it. And I don't think you have the instinct of a house-elf to pack the room according to my tastes without my help." … did I hear another insult in there??? What is this nuisance? If he wants me to respect him as a professor, he needs to respect me as a student.
Doesn't he?
Sniff. I don't know. I'm so confused and feeling defeated at this point, that I decided to let it go. Lily Evans, letting go TWO insults. That's a first. You saw how angry I got at Avery for that one insult.
So I got to work. I opened up the closest box to me, which contained some chinaware. I looked around in the room, and noticed a wooden cabinet. There were already a few cups in the cabinet, so that must mean that the rest of the china could go there as well. As I was removing a porcelain plate from the box, Potter called me over.
"Lily! Come help me with this stuff here!"
I scowled. I'm doing something here, aren't I? And I'm not five; I can figure out where things go alright.
But what can I do? I'm practically Potter's slave. I have to listen to whatever he says. And maybe being closer to him will make him realize he can't resist my attractiveness?
I trudged through the boxes to where he was standing. He seemed to be unpacking a box full of books. There were two more boxes next to Potter that contained books as well. I was surprised … Potter actually read books? This many books?
"Hand me the books, and I'll quickly stack them in here," he directed, pointing to a small bookcase.
The first box of books was labeled: "Hogwarts Books". I bent down and took out two books: The Art of Teaching and Proper Teaching Methods: How to Make Your Students Listen. I guess Potter actually did come prepared to teach …
The next few books I removed from the box were also similar, related to teaching or to Defense against the Dark Arts. A few of the books I recognized, for they were NEWT-level textbooks of Charms, Transfiguration, and such. The last book in the box was a very battered copy of Hogwarts, A History.
I felt the need to smile. This book was one of the very first Wizarding books I read. When my parents and I went to Diagon Alley for the first time before my first year, I bought this book along with my textbooks. The book is a main reason why the Hogwarts castle holds so much magic for me.
Apparently Potter felt the same way. "I got that book when I was nine," he said nostalgically. "My older brother had just come back home from his first year at Hogwarts, and he wanted me to experience the magic of Hogwarts. Even though he had only been here for one year, he fell completely in love with the castle," he said, surprising me.
I looked up at him to see a very nostalgic look on his face. His eyes were unfocused, as if he was staring at the memory. As for me, I was dumbstruck. The way he talked … he sounds at least five years more mature than me. I'd never believe happy-go-lucky-prank-till-you-drop James Potter could talk about something this seriously. It definitely made me forget the two most important things: that he is my professor, and that I am supposed to be working on seducing him.
"I didn't know you had an older brother … " I asked faintly.
Potter nodded. "He is three years older than me, and we were very close."
I think there are tears in his eyes … did they split up later on or something? 'We were very close,' he said. "Where is he now?" I asked.
Potter looked at me finally, with a sad smile on his face. "That is quite unnecessary for you to do your job, isn't it?"
Okay, mister. Be that way. I was just asking, no need to take it so personally … I mutely nodded and pushed aside the now empty box.
I opened the second box, which was labeled "James' Books". Haha, whoever labeled this box does not know his grammar ...
"Hey!" I blurted before I could stop myself. Wow, what a dork I am, wanting to correct this grammatical error.
"Yes?" Potter said, looking at me expectantly.
"Er, nothing. Just that, technically, there should be another s after the apostrophe on this label, because you are singular …" God, I'm such a retard. I'm sure Potter cares about the fact that there's an s missing after the apostrophe.
Potter blinked. "Thank you … for the correction?" He said uncertainly. "I'll be sure to mention that to Sirius the next time I see him …"
That made me angry randomly. Nincompoop. Way to make me look nerdy. I must have pouted subconsciously, because Potter suddenly laughed out loud, his eyes full of mirth. And he laughed and laughed straight for at least three minutes.
I thought he was laughing at my dorkiness. So I pouted more, and said, "Had your bout of laughter? Shut it already, idiot." (When I said I had forgotten those two things, I was serious. Those two pieces of truth were about 600 miles away from my mind).
"Oh Merlin, I forgot …" he said, still trying to control his laughter. "I completely forgot …" Gosh, he didn't even have the decency to tell me what exactly he had forgotten so completely. "Totally forgot how easily you could make me laugh," he finished, giving me a funky smile. I describe it as funky not because it's weird, but it's strange seeing the smile coming from Potter to me … that's the smile my father gives my mother and vice-versa. That's the smile Rick gives Ilsa in Casablanca.
But his uncontrollable laughter made me smile a little. Since he seemed to be a good-enough mood, let's ask him something that's been bugging me. "Professor?" I called out, tentatively.
Potter continued to try to control his laughter, but nodded to let me talk. "Er … can I ask you something?"
He nodded again.
"Can I not call you Professor when there's nobody around?"
This is what came on Potter's face at the end of my question: SHOCK!
Then came: SILENCE …
I didn't dare say anything. I put my hands inside the folds of my robes and crossed my fingers. I also crossed the toes inside my socks, hoping against hope that Potter would give in.
It's just … it's so hard to call him Professor. Potter and I had a very strange relationship last year. Sometimes, we'd be friends. People would find us having a pleasant conversation in the common room or in the grounds. But more often, we'd have yelling matches. Potter would ask me out as a prank, and that obviously would incense me. And then I'd yell at him, calling him a few choice names such as "BRAINLESS RETARD!!" or "ARROGANT PRAT!" or my absolute favorite, "FOUR-EYED DONKEY!"
And then, the next day, we'd be having breakfast together as nothing had ever happened. Don't worry, I'm not that ignorant or insensitive. I could tell that I had touched Potter's feelings somewhere in that yelling match. He always hated it that I called him Potter. He always called me Lily, sometimes Evans. But I'd never called him anything but Potter.
So you see, by him going and becoming my Defense professor, he complicated our relationship even more. Now I'm required to call him Professor.
Finally, Potter broke the silence. "Lily …" he started. I looked up into his face, still all my fingers and toes crossed. (By the way, I've never mentioned it, but James Potter is a full head taller than me. That is why I always look up at him.)
"Fine, you don't have to call me Professor when there's no one around."
I actually full-out smiled when he said this. Oh, but I should have expected the but …
"BU-UT ... you have to call me James. Not Potter," he said, smiling at me in that funky way I described earlier.
OH, ANYTHING TO STOP CALLING YOU PROFESSOR! "Done." I said, smiling back at him. We shook on it.
So that is how I started calling him James. Mark this as an important development in our story. (Also note that it will be easier to "seduce" him when I'm calling him James …)
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Out of habit, I randomly glanced at my watch. The time was almost 9:10. I suddenly yelped.
"What? What is it?" James asked agitatedly.
"It's past nine ... students shouldn't be in the hallways after 9 pm," I replied, giving James a worried look. "Not that it matters to you, Mister, you never cared for curfew or other rules, did you?" I asked him, with a smile on my face.
James laughed out loud. "Rules are for wimps," he said, causing me to roll my eyes. "I – "
" – have the guts to break them. That's great, James, I know. But we've barely done anything! And I have to leave! I should have left ten minutes ago." I scowled at him. "If I get into trouble – "
"Lily, you're Head Girl. If you're in here, who's going to be out there checking for people breaking curfew?"
Hmm … good point. Haven't thought of that. James went into another room that was connected to the main room, and returned in a few seconds. "Peeves is in the seventh floor, Filch is in his office, the cat is with him. There's no one out there now. So go!"
I was happy to hear that the coast was clear. "But how do you know this stuff?" I asked with conviction.
"Marauder secret," he said. This has got to be the seven-millionth time I've heard him say that infuriating phrase. I ask him anything, and he says, "Marauder secret".
"Fine. Can I ask you something else?"
"You just did," he gave the most annoying response to that question.
I gave him a glare and continued. "What happened between your brother and you?"
His face noticeably hardened, but not completely so. "He died. The summer after he graduated from Hogwarts, he was killed by an enemy."
"How come you never mentioned your brother to me?"
"You didn't know me before fifth year."
"Then why didn't you tell me about this after we got acquainted?"
"I didn't want to waste away my life grieving about his death. He wouldn't have liked that."
Even now, I noticed that James was being pretty light-hearted about the whole incident. "What was his name?"
"Christian." James had that teary look in his eyes again.
"Can I ask you something else?"
James gave me an irritated look. "That is the tenth time tonight you have asked me that question."
I ignored that. "I have … a Heads' meeting tomorrow night. I won't be able to make it to detention." Oh darn, I'd forgotten that this is actually detention and not just a cozy reunion.
"Then come on Saturday," he replied, unfazed. (today is Thursday, by the way).
"WHAT?!? I deserve a weekend off. I have plans on Saturday night." No I don't, but it had to be said!
He laughed again at the pout that was currently on my face. I guess he thinks my pouts are funny … ? "Not in the evening. Come around 10 in the morning. I have work for you."
I gave him a bored look. "You're going to make to do work on Saturday? You of all people should know better!" James Potter and working on Saturday don't go together.
Or that's what I thought.
"As your professor, Miss Evans, I think I have more authority to determine when your detentions will be than yourself." His sudden change in tone made me even madder.
"Fine. See you later." I huffed and turned around to leave.
"See you later what?" he repeated.
I turned around to face him again and glared at him strongly. "See you later, sir."
When I was almost out of the room, James called my name again.
"Lily!"
I turned around again, with my eyebrows raised. What now?
"Thanks for coming in tonight and helping me out. I really did enjoy your company," he said with a good-natured smile.
Smiling back at him, I walked into the room again towards James. When I reached him, I got onto my tippy-toes and kissed him on the cheek. My face still close to his, I breathed out, "You're welcome."
And with that kiss, I felt I had finished my job for tonight. Julie would be proud of me. I walked towards the exit again. Just as I was about to walk out the door, I turned around to give a finishing touch: I winked at him.
And with that, I left.
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Out of Lily's mind, and into James' (with the correct punctuation, of course!)
As she left, I couldn't help but smile like a maniac. The lover-boy part of my mind was on Cloud Nine ... I touched the place on my cheek where she kissed me, hardly believing she actually did that! And on top of that, she winked at me ...
Lily, who refused to show any amount of affection towards me, actually kissed me on the cheek and winked at me on the first day! The signs may be subtle, but they're recognizable ...
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, JAMES POTTER?!? came the voice of the well-reasoned, logical part of my mind, which came as a mental kick to myself. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING CLOSE TO LILY!
But it was her who started it ... she kissed me, she winked at me ...
AND YOU ARE THE PROFESSOR, YOU ARE THE OLDER ONE, YOU KNOW MORE THAN THAT! THINK OF YOUR POSITION, THINK OF THE WAR!
AAH, I'm so idiotic!!
I hung my head in shame, accepting defeat and embracing reality. When Dumbledore suggested I come to teach Defense this year, I had suspected this issue would come up. I had loved Lily for so long, how can I control myself this year? It won't be hard, I reassured myself then. After all, Lily feels nothing towards me. We'll barely talk; it cannot be that hard to control my emotions. Think of why you're going there, James. Think of the repercussions ... You have to leave Lily alone. If you love her, you do ...
But things got complicated on the first day. Especially with that wink ... but I must stay away. If this goes any farther, Lily will surely be in danger. There is more in jeopardy here than my job. Remain stolid, James. Don't get yourself ruffled.
And I had to tell her to come here on Saturday, didn't I? Oh Merlin, what am I getting myself into? Stupid James, stupid James, stupid James, stupid James, stupid James...
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A/N: This may not have been up to your expectations (I apologize if this is true) ... I know, they're both weird and almost uncharacteristic in this chapter … It's almost like I don't know what to make of the relationship between James and Lily … haha. Don't worry, there's a plot to all this madness. Tell me your favorite part of Book Seven in a review! (I'm really curious!)