Author's Notes: I am still relatively new to the world of L&O:SVU. This story was written before I knew of Olivia's relationship with her mother and I've since found it to be contradictory to the SVU version. As this is the world of fiction I have to ask you to go along with it and enjoy the ride.

Monday

Sunday had been a difficult day for Olivia as a string of visitors dropped by to pay their respects. Elliot called in briefly in the early afternoon but due to his son's sporting endeavours he couldn't stay; still she was grateful just to see him.

Monday afternoon, when she had a chance to sit and think, she replayed the events of Friday night. She had told Elliot she had no one but she had known for years she always had him. Maybe not the way she wanted, after all, he had spent their partnership a married man, albeit separated in recent years, but she had always been able to trust him and depend on him.

She looked at the bottle of vodka in the cabinet and, deciding she needed a drink, headed to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. On the way, the doorbell rang and when she opened it, Elliot stood there with an overnight bag and black suit bag.

"Hi Liv, I think it's best I stay here tonight." He moved past her.

"Okay."

"I'll just put these in here." He said heading to the bedroom. "Then they're out of the way."

"Okay."

"And I'm taking you out to dinner. A night sitting in thinking about tomorrow is not a good idea."

"Okay."

"Okay!"

Dinner was a quiet affair, Elliot filling Olivia in on the happenings in the precinct that day – all inconsequential in the face of having to bury her mother but a taste of normality nonetheless. As they were waiting for the check, Olivia reached over and took Elliot's hand.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you but I'm so glad I did it. I thought I had no one left…" Her voice trailed off.

"But…you'll always have me."

"I know that now – it's just at the time…"

"It's a difficult time."

"And I'm sure I said horrible things to you."

"Aren't you lucky I'm so understanding?" He squeezed her hand. Olivia nodded.

When they returned to Olivia's apartment, she retired to her bedroom and Elliot went to sleep on the sofa but when he awoke in the early hours she was dozing in the armchair. He sat on the coffee table and gently shook her.

"Liv, why aren't you in bed?"
"I was."

"Why aren't you there now?"

"I just wanted to … to be near …you."

Elliot stood and led her back to her bed. "It'll be more comfortable if we're both in here."

And it was.

TUESDAY

The weather forecast was for a warm spring morning but the gathering grey clouds reflected Olivia's mood as they neared the cemetery. She shifted several times in her seat. Elliot smiled and took her hand as the driver turned the mourning car in through the gates.

The minister greeted them as they stepped out of the car.

"Ms Benson, Mr Stabler, my deepest sympathies on your loss." He shook their hands.

"Thank you," replied Olivia, looking towards her mother's coffin, poised to be lowered into the ground. She looked at the thirty or so people standing around.

"Who are they?" she asked turning to Elliot. "I wasn't expecting so many."

"I made a few other phone calls on Saturday. Your mother had some dear friends."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"We're ready when you are, Ms Benson," said the minister.

"I'm ready."

Elliot took her arm and followed the minister to the grave. She smiled when she caught sight of her boss and colleagues standing at the back of the group.

The service was short and simple, as per her mother's request. It was devoid of music or sentimentality, it could barely be called a funeral and, as it was, it was about all Olivia could cope with. However, as the coffin was lowered into the ground, Olivia heard the sounds of bagpipes coming from nearby. The tune was Amazing Grace. Elliot squeezed her hand.

"I hope you don't mind, it was just something she mentioned to Mrs Graham."

When the service concluded, most of the mourners moved to the small reception room for the wake, Elliot stood with Captain Cragen, Fin, Munch and Casey on the road, next to the mourning car.

"Elliot, we won't be able to stay for the reception," Cragen said. "Things to do."

"That's okay, I'm sure Olivia understands."

"We would just like to speak to her though, before we go," said Fin, nodding towards Olivia as she stood alone by the grave with light rain beginning to fall.

As they stood for a few more minutes making general chat, the rain became heavier. The driver approached the group with some large umbrellas and Elliot put his up and walked over to Olivia. He stood beside her, sheltering her from the rain.

"Do I need to go?" she asked quietly.

"No, you take all the time you need."

They stood awhile longer.

"I don't know how to do it, Elliot," she whispered.

"Do what?"

"Say goodbye. I don't know how to say goodbye to her." She began to sob.

"Hey, hey." He held her close. "You don't need to say goodbye right now, Liv. You just take your time."

"But what if I can't? What if I can't leave her behind?"

"You don't have to leave her behind. There'll always be a piece of her with you." He kissed her head. "You'll always be able to come here and talk to her, be with her."

"So, this doesn't have to be it?"

"Of course not."

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "Then I guess I'm ready to go."

They stopped by the car and Olivia kissed, hugged and thanked her colleagues for being there. She listened to and accepted their condolences and sympathies but later couldn't remember what they'd said. Still, them being there was comfort enough.

As the group disbursed, the funeral director came out and led Olivia into the reception room. Captain Cragen caught Elliot's arm.

"Listen, Elliot, do you have anything urgent on tomorrow?"

"No, nothing I can think of. Why?"

"Take the day and be with Olivia. She doesn't have much in the way of family."

"Okay, I will thanks."

"Sorry, I can't reschedule that conference on Thursday and Friday, if I could send someone else…"

"Yeah, thanks…appreciate the thought."

Friday

Olivia lay stretched out on the sofa, half watching the Friday night movie, Twister, and half day dreaming. She missed Elliot, and her thoughts had drifted to him more than once in the last two days. Having him by her side during the difficult few days meant more to her than he would ever know. During their working partnership, she had thought about him romantically a few times but it was nothing compared to her thoughts of recent times.

Her eyes danced across the screen in time to see the tornado damage in Wikita, she sighed, it was how her life felt, shattered to pieces but with hope of life. A knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"Liv, it's me," Elliot called through the door.

"Hi me, come on in."

The sat and chatted awhile about the conference before Elliot produced a business card.

"Remember Simon Clifford?"

"Um, no."

"Yeah you do – Simon Clifford, the psychiatrist we worked with on the Griffen case in '99."

"Oh yeah, sort of."

"Well, he remembered you. Asked me to give you his regards and his card – wants you to call him."

"Really? Why?"

"I think he fancies you. Are you going to call him?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Anyway, let me get you a drink. Coffee, tea?"

"Coffee would be great." Elliot followed Olivia to the kitchen and stood beside her.

"How have you been doing?" Elliot asked as he retrieved the mugs.

"I've been okay."

"Did you do anything?"

"No, stayed in and watched TV."

"Sounds good to me."

"Wanna join me?"

"Sure."

Twister was followed by Sweet Home Alabama and, as it began, Olivia moved nearer to Elliot. Instinctively he put his arm around her and held her close, it felt so natural he didn't think anything of it until he felt Olivia's hand on his thigh. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the screen and tried to ignore it. As the movie progressed, he felt her hand move higher in gentle circular movements. He felt a mix of emotions; firstly, he wanted her to stop, not because he didn't like it but because he did. He didn't feel now was the right time to change their relationship. Olivia was in a very vulnerable state and he felt perhaps this was just her way of feeling close to someone. Secondly, he was still a married man. He had been estranged from his wife for nearly two years and whilst he'd had the divorce papers on his kitchen bench for the best part of eighteen months, he couldn't bring himself to sign them. In his mind he was still a married man and he could not break his vows. Elliot didn't know how to handle the situation; he figured he couldn't win either way.

When the movie finished, Elliot extracted himself from Olivia and headed towards the door.

"Can't you stay a little longer?" Olivia asked.

"Sorry Liv, I've got things to do. I didn't plan on staying here so long."

"Do you have plans for the weekend?"

"Some."

"Will I see you?"

"I'm not sure. I can ring you tomorrow afternoon, if you'd like."

"I'd like." Olivia reached over to kiss his cheek but he backed away. "Something wrong, Elliot?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"You just backed away from me."

"No, I didn't."

"You did. I went to kiss you and you stepped back."

"Oh, I didn't mean to, sorry," Elliot lied. "Want to try again?"

Olivia placed a kiss on his cheek and realised he was flinching.

"Elliot, you flinched."

"No, I didn't."

"Do I repulse you?"

"No!"

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

"Tired of me, right?" She closed the door on him and went to bed, crying herself to sleep.