Author's Ramblings: I'm considering a strike… I need reviews. They're like water to me. I need them to live. Do I sound pathetic enough? Cause if I don't I can make myself more pathetic…
Chapter News: Blah. The beginning of this chapter I scribbled down on note-paper, expecting it to be a sentence or two. But I didn't want to forget the important parts I wanted in it (a common thing I do), so I ended up having many twists and turns in my writing. Funny, really.
Apologies: I'm sorry for such a short chapter. But the next one will be nice and long to make up for it. I promise.
Chapter Four: Drunken Madness
James and Sirius made their way into the Gryffindor common room at 3am with many difficulties. They stumbled through the portrait hole, James promptly tripping over a rug.
"Hahaha, shats a shug! Pads! Haha, look, I shipped oshur a shug!" James slurred, pointing to the rug.
Sirius joined James in the maniacal laughter. They stopped abruptly. "Shats not shunny," James slurred.
The pair headed towards the boys' staircase and main a vain attempt to head up the stairs at the same time, resulting in being squished shoulder-to-shoulder between the brick. They struggled against each other, each trying vainly to move forward. Ten minutes later, with little success, James finally broke through and tripped up the stairs, smashing his face into the wall multiple times, laughing like mad each time he did so.
They made their way up to the dorm, giggling the whole way, and leaned against the dormitory door, pushing on it to open.
"Open, shoor!" James pouted at it, slamming his shoulder against the door, making quite a racket. "Open!"
"Haha, Prongs, shook!" Sirius pointed to the doorknob. "Shook! It's all round shand smooth." He giggled.
James joined in on the giggling and continued to attempt to open the door.
"What the hell?" said a voice from the other side of the door.
Just as James was trying to break the door open, it swung open to admit them, Remus standing in front of them in his pajamas, his finger bookmarking a page in a book.
James crashed to the floor, Sirius stumbling in after him.
"Haha, shook, Pads!" James giggled, clinging to the fabric of Remus's pajama bottoms. "It's Moony!"
"Right shoo are, Prongs," Sirius said, swaying from side to side.
"James, are you drunk?" Remus asked, bending down to check James's eyes. He sighed. "Yes, of course you are. Come on, get out of the doorway," he said, standing up and pulling James by the wrist out of doorway. He closed the door behind him.
"Haha, Prongs, shush what?" Sirius slurred, pointing his finger at the bedpost.
"Haha, Pads, shut?" James asked.
"Haha, Evans is sherty," he said, glancing at the picture of Lily that James had stolen in third year and kept on his night stand. Sirius began to giggle before promptly passing out on his bed.
"Evans…" James repeated, seeming sober for a moment.
"James, c'mon, get up," Remus encouraged, helping him up.
"Lily…" James murmured.
"What about Lily?" Remus asked, sitting James down on his bed.
"She shikes you…" James choked.
"No she doesn't, James."
"She wanted to shalk with shoo…"
"We both wanted to leave, that's all, James."
"Shno its shnot."
"James, quit thinking about Lily. Lets just get you into bed, okay?" Remus made to move to get James's pajamas but James stood up and got close to him.
"Just shake her, Moony," he growled (slurred in a growl).
"I don't want her, James – you do," Remus said calmly, once again moving to get James ready for bed.
"Shesh you shoo! I show you shoo!" he cried.
"No, I don't," Remus repeated calmly.
"Just shake her!" James screamed, his face turning red.
"James, listen to me," Remus said, attempting to sit him down.
"Shno!" James screamed, pushing Remus back. "Shoo listen stoo me!"
Remus stumbled but caught himself on the bedpost.
The door opened as a disgruntled Lily Evans appeared at the door, her hair slightly mussed, dressed in loose black pajama pants and a tight white tank top.
"What's all the racket about?" she asked. She observed the situation but before she could get a word in edge wise – or be noticed – James went into a rage.
"It shoesn't matter, Moony! Shoo don't care shat I love her! Go ashead and shirt with her! I don't scare! She shoesnt love me – she loves shoo! Sho take sher!" James screamed, in hysterics, with tears threatening to erupt from his eyes.
"James!" Lily exclaimed, rushing up to him. "Are you drunk?" she asked. She turned to Remus. "Is he drunk?"
"Apparently so," he said with a nod.
"Lily!" James exclaimed. "Shere's your lover!" he declared to Remus, pointing to her. "Just shake her!" he yelled again.
"James – no!" Remus exclaimed. "You are out of your mind! Just calm down and lets get you to sleep!" he said, trying to sit James down again.
"Shno!" he yelled, pushing Remus back once again.
"James!" Lily screamed, slightly frightened.
"Sit doesn't shatter, Moony! She doesn't love sme! So shake her!"
"James, please," Lily said, tearing up at the sight. "Please calm down, James."
James studied her but quieted all the same.
"Remus, help me," she begged.
Remus stood up and helped her take James's robes off and get him into his bed. She flicked her wand and a goblet of potion appeared.
"Drink this, James," she said, handing him the goblet.
He drank obediently and was out like a light within minutes.
Lily sighed. "Care to explain all that?" she asked.
"I don't really even know what it was about. He was drunk and upset."
Remus looked at James before drawing the curtains around his bed.
"About me?" she whispered.
"I think it'd be safe to say yes," Remus said, walking over to take Sirius's trainers off. He tugged on Sirius's robes until they came off and pushed him all the way on his bed before covering him with a blanket and closing the bed curtains.
"Oh," Lily said softly.
The two looked at each other in silence for a minute.
"You know," Lily said, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger, "I shouldn't really be here – I'm just causing trouble…" she trailed off.
"No you're not, Lily," Remus said defiantly.
"Yes I am!" she protested. "Look at James!" She indicated the now snoring James.
"James was just like that because he is completely obsessed with you and so much in love with you. And he was drunk! He doesn't normally act like this! He wouldn't even if it was for a prank!"
"But Remus…" Lily gasped, a tear leaking from her eye. "Bugger," she mumbled, wiping the tear away with the back of her sleeve. "Damn, I don't even know why I'm crying," she sniffed with a laugh.
"Lily, its okay," Remus said, walking up to her and hugging her. "It's not your fault that James was the way he was tonight. He's just had it a bit rough with you, is all."
She liked the way it felt being hugged by Remus. It was cozy and warm and he seemed to really care. He wasn't just hugging her to feel her boobs against his chest like most guys did. He really cared about her.
Lily sniffed. "Yeah, I suppose so."
She wasn't even hugging him back. Her arms were folded up in front of her chest, being pressed against Remus's. He just had her wrapped up in a little… wrap-like thing.
"You okay?" he asked, pulling away.
"Yeah… thanks," she said, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. She laughed. "Oh, this is so silly." She stomped her foot in aggravation.
"You're just stressed… you've never seen James act this way before."
"That's probably it…" she said, glancing woefully at the door.
"Go to bed, Lily. It's late. We'll see you in the morning." He walked to the door and held it open for her and watched as she walked out.
"G'night, Remus," she said. Then she glanced at the two occupied beds. "G'night, boys."
-
James sighed. "Pads, did you wet the bed again?"
Sirius yawned and stretched, rubbed his bleary eyes, made a couple yap/tasting sounds then looked at James with a wavering gaze. "Pardon?"
"Did you wet the bed?" James repeated.
Sirius looked down at his bed; a large wet puddle was in the center of his bed.
"Oh."
"Yes, 'oh,'" James said, rolling his eyes. "But did you wet the bed?"
"I think I might've gotten a wee bit excited last night a-"
James cut him off. "I don't need to know the details of you shagging yourself, Pads."
"That wasn't it," Sirius growled. "As I was saying, I got a bit excited with the alcohol and probably transformed… then, y'know… I drooled. A lot," he said, grimacing at the drool on his bed.
"Oh, that's just nasty," James said, backing away. "I pity any woman that sleeps with you…"
"The blonde from Hufflepuff or the brunette from Ravenclaw?" Sirius asked, confused.
"Oh God!" James exclaimed. "Do you take them in here?" He examined his bed and poked the sheet with disgust.
"No… we use the trophy room."
"Oh… that's unwanted information, Pads! Now I can't go in there ever again!"
"Like you go in there any more! Ever since you decided to try to prove that you can be good to Evans, you've stopped doing everything! You don't even go to the snog shelf anymore!" By now Sirius had gotten off the bed and was using many hand gestures to prove his point to James, who was a foot away from him.
James was quiet for a moment while he looked down at the ground.
"I don't snog you, Pads," James snarled. "So I don't see why you should care."
"Why I should care?" Sirius asked, his voice growing in octaves. "Because I'm losing my best mate because of a girl!"
His words echoed in the silent room. James took a deep breath and swallowed.
"I'm sorry, Pads. I'm sorry."
With that James turned on his heel and walked out of the room, still dressed in his wrinkled clothes from the day before.
"What happened?" Remus asked, rolling over and finally waking up.
"A marauder walked out," Sirius said, not looking at Remus.
Remus took his words without speaking. He nodded even though he knew Sirius couldn't see him; he knew what'd happened; he knew they'd had a fight.
"And what makes you so special?" he asked Sirius. "How are you so bright and cheerful this morning? Aren't you supposed to have a hang-over?"
Sirius grinned and looked at him. "Hang-over potion… James got some too."
Once again Remus nodded. If only they'd both had a calming potion.
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Lily had gotten up early. She didn't know why, exactly, but she had just jerked awake in bed, thinking many thoughts that were bordering on the label of 'explicit.' But James Potter played her dreams that evening…and that was more than disturbing for her.
What bothered her even more than a near-explicit Potter dream was the Remus Lupin that stood beside her with his hand in the back pocket of her jeans. And how she didn't mind at all. How it felt… normal.
She sat up in bed, breathing heavily and after an hour of attempted tries, gave up on the fact that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. So she wrote a letter to Alice and decided to send it to her before the three marauders woke up.
Alice,
Guess who's sharing Gryffindor common room? THE MARAUDERS! With the exception of Peter. I guess he wasn't able to spend the summer. But yes… I ran into them in a passageway the other day. I can't believe Dumbledore didn't tell me they'd be staying! So now I suppose I have three boys for company. Bugger – now I can't girlify their dorm. It kind of depresses me, actually. I hope your summer is better than mine. Love,
Lily
She already had the note rolled up and sealed, ready to be owled for over an hour and she hadn't even heard the slightest sound coming from the marauders' room. She sighed, picked up her letter and walked up towards the Owlery.
And that was how she'd managed to get herself standing at the window, looking out at the Hogwarts grounds, completely lost in thought.
That was also how she was rammed into by none other than James Potter.
"Ouch!" Lily exclaimed, stumbling back, being ripped from her daydream.
"Oh…" James looked up, noticing he'd ran into someone. "Sorry, Evans," he said. He turned his head down and continued walking.
"James?" Lily asked, turning around to watch him walk. He didn't turn around.
"James?" she repeated, walking up to him. He continued walking as if he wasn't there.
"James!" Lily exclaimed, placing her hand on his shoulder and twisting him around to face her.
James was depressed, that was for sure, but he couldn't help but feel his skin tingle and his heart pound at the feel of Lily's hand on his arm. It felt so right.
To him, at least.
"What is wrong with you today?" Lily asked, looking deep in his eyes, concerned.
James liked her eyes. They were pretty green and when she was really focused on something (like now, for instance) they went really round and seemed to shine brighter. He wanted to lock eyes with her for the rest of the day and whisper his devotion into her ear… but he couldn't. Not after the row with Sirius. Not after what he said. Not after… not after being told what he'd been told.
He averted his eyes and looked down at the ground.
"It's nothing, Evans," he mumbled. "I'm fine."
"If its nothing, Potter," Lily said, reaching for James's hand, "then you can tell me."
"No, I can't," James said sadly. "But you already saw most of it, so you shouldn't need to know."
He spun on his heel and stalked away before Lily could register what he'd said.
-
The astronomy tower seemed like a good place to run to. The view, the distance, the really long fall down… it seemed good enough.
James pushed through the door and breathed in the fresh air, calming himself immediately. He needed a break. He needed to get away. He needed something new.
Seconds later James collapsed on the cement into a small heap, tears falling from his eyes, shaking silently with many gasps. This wasn't working. Lily was supposed to love him not Remus. She was supposed to want him. Sirius was supposed to be his best mate and not be the one to tell him he'd lost his best mate to a girl. Sirius was supposed to be there no matter what – that's what best friends did. They were there for each other.
The wind was blowing, dark clouds loomed above him, threatening summer rain… everything was peaceful, for the first time in his life. Everything was peaceful when he was feeling like death was close.
James gulped and looked up at the sky and saw the clouds swirling. Rain was coming. Rain was coming soon, he knew it. Maybe everything old and bad would be washed away and he could start anew. Maybe he could just dream, just reach a little farther and it'd all be better.
He sat, lost in thought for a while, not noticing when I shadow fell over him and another figure sat next to him.
"Many people think rain is a form of purification; that it only rains when someone needs their sins washed away. Sometimes, when people suffer, they walk out into the rain and let it soak through their clothes and wash everything away. I like to think that. It's a great way to just… calm… you," she said quietly, looking up at the sky.
James knew it was her. He knew she was sitting next to him, talking to him. He knew she was being a friend and getting his mind off of everything. He knew she was there for him, if he wanted to talk.
He nodded in agreement but kept quiet. She wouldn't understand. Even if she did, he couldn't tell her because it'd be wrong. She was the thing that was bugging him. He couldn't confess to her all the things about her that was driving him mad. In a good way, of course. But he just couldn't do it.
"I'm always here, James," she said, looking at him. But he didn't meet her eyes. Instead he continued to gaze up at the darkening clouds. It was only 2 o'clock yet the wind seemed to blow like 7 o'clock.
"I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, James," she said. "I never really knew that it was all so important to you. I don't think I ever knew how you felt."
He gulped but kept his eyes away from hers. Her eyes could unleash everything he restrained. Her eyes were like a secret key to everything of his.
"I can't like you, James," she said. "I cant – you're too different from me."
"No you're not," he said, speaking his words for the first time in the conversation.
"James, you need to understand – I'm trying to reach out to you and tell you everything for some sodding reason that I just don't know…. Maybe Remus's gotten to me or something but I know that I definitely cannot have a relationship with you. I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Why not, Lily?" he asked pitifully.
"It'd hurt too much."
"I would never hurt you, Lily!" James exclaimed.
"Not like that, James," she whispered.
"Then how?" he asked.
"If it didn't work out between us I'd be heartbroken…"
"No you wouldn't be… you'd be happy."
"That's not true, James!" she cried.
"Why?" he asked loudly over the wind, unable to understand her meaning.
"Because I love you, James!" she choked out tearfully.
James stared at her for a moment.
The clouds had broken and rain was beginning to fall rapidly on the ground. A yellow flash of lightning lit up the sky and James could study Lily's tear-filled eyes watching him in agony.
He uncrossed his legs and leaned over, his hands on either side of Lily's waist, and pushed her down, ready to kiss her until the drain soaked through their skin. She let him guide her down and she allowed him to take comfort on her chest. He was in heaven.
As his mouth made contact with her petal soft lips their eyes snapped open.
And with a pounding heart James opened his eyes to see rain pouring down from the sky onto him and the astronomy tower with rain splattered on his glasses and drops leaking from his eyes. He sighed and rolled over on his side to a fresh spot of wet concrete to remember that it was just a dream.
Author's Notes: Shame on me, I know. I'm sorry I had to do this to you. The typical dream scene. But I had to! It's im-port-ahnt-ay! Well, it might be. I don't have the ENTIRE story mapped out… I just have many sub-plots, as I've said before.
Now no more from me cause I hafta go write Chapter 15 of Stuck to Fate.
Also, if you love me, will you read Second Chances (it's a one-shot)? It has no reviews and is uber lonely. If you really think it's bad, PLEASE let me know so I can delete it. Thanks.
Please review!