Foreword: I had kind of a problem naming this thing…dunno why…ANYWAY second chapter, read, laugh, enjoy…
Disclaimer: I don't own…well, you know what I don't own.
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"What is your name?" Johnny asked the tan colored collie sitting ceremoniously in the passenger seat of his Audi R8.
What? The dog put the question into his head, conveying that it had just been lost in its own thoughts.
"You hijacked my car with your bodily functions. I just wanted to know a name that I can curse later." Johnny growled.
They…didn't really give me a name…it said, sadness in its thoughts.
"Who were they?" Johnny asked.
The scientists…at...Glitter The collie visibly shuddered at the mention of the name.
"Is that where you're from? Glitter?" Johnny asked, his eyes on the road disappearing under the tires of his sports supercar.
Yes, that's where this brainwave technology you're able to hear me with was created. It was part of the SMARTmutt program. They implanted a chip inside my brain in order to generate an influx of brain cell development. My IQ became so great that I developed telepathic abilities.
"What would a cosmetics firm want with a smart dog?" Johnny wandered aloud.
Its actually a really stupid reason. They wanted animal test subjects that could tell them any burning or discomfort their products caused. Apparently it's hard to tell from the whining and yelping. Idiots…
"You mean…they put makeup on dogs?" Johnny said, barely able to contain the smile that threatened to spill onto his handsome features.
Shut up
"No, no. I'm sure you would look dazzling in tickle me pink lipstick." Johnny said, laughter escaping from his throat.
You remember when I mentioned fecal matter? And besides, those are big words coming from a guy that runs around in a blue leotard.
"Hey! I've saved the world. Like, twice. What have you done besides learn how to go in the litter box?" Johnny retorted
That's cats, Dumbass The dog growled for effect.
"Whatever, I'm just wondering why Glitter would spend so much money to educate a dog when the thing it's gonna be used for is so stupid." Johnny said.
I was coming to that when you decided to use the withered funny-guy part of your brain. The idea would have been trashed in the development stages, but Uncle Sam received intelligence on the SMARTmutt program and saw the military applications. Long story short, there were enough government grants to shake a stick at.
"What military applications are there?" Johnny asked, glancing at the fuzzy occupant of his passenger seat.
Would you suspect a dog of spying? The collie said, cocking one eyebrow at Johnny.
"Good point." Johnny conceded.
Anyway, the process began with four dogs, and two cats, but only two dogs were left standing after the process was complete.
"What happened to the others?" Johnny asked, taking a right turn into busier city traffic, even at this hour, which was inching toward four in the morning.
Well, the process is a very painful one, the brain cell influx crowded their skulls so much that their heads exploded. I remember the incubation stages, the headaches were almost unbearable. The dog looked over at Johnny. They didn't give us anesthesia
"That's horrible" Johnny said, wincing in sympathy for his passenger and his fellow test subjects.
Yes, yes it was. The dog's head dipped for a moment and Johnny could have sworn he saw a tear leak down the dog's snout. Anyway, it said, composing itself again, there was a leak during the development stages and the other dog was stolen. This technology could do acres of damage if it was put into the wrong hands.
"How?" Johnny asked, "What would a smartass dog do in the wrong hands?"
Nothing! He knows which side we're on. Despite the pain we both were put through, we know which country to work for. We're both very patriotic. We love this country and we would never do anything to harm it.
"Well, what's the problem, then?" Johnny pulled to a stop behind a yellow cab at a stop light.
Well, people get scared easy. They catch wind of a dog that may or may not be working for terrorists, things could get very bad for the domesticated animals such as myself in this country.
"How bad?" Johnny looked at the dog in his passenger seat.
Think The Salem Witch Hunts.
"That's bad." Johnny said.
Exactly, no one will feel safe owning a pet ever again.
"So we need to somehow find this dog. Wait, if you're so valuable, how were you out where you could have easily been made my hood ornament?" Johnny said, glancing in the rearview mirror.
I escaped. Only I have the information I have. The other mutt was taken two days ago, and the people at neither Glitter nor the government listened to me, even though I was created for that precise reason, so I escaped. That and it was a horrible place. Animal's heads exploded. What are you, an idiot?
"Easy! I'm talking to a dog right now! That's pretty new experience for me." Johnny glanced in his rearview mirror. "We might have to hold off going to the Baxter building for awhile. We got a tail. No pun intended."
Oh, God. They must be people from Glitter. I can't go back there. I won't go back there. The Dog wined and paced agitatedly in its seat.
"Just settle down, we'll lose them. And if we don't, I got a plan B." Johnny said, his eyes starting to turn the color of flames.
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Holy crap, that is a lot of dialogue. Sorry, but I'm a talker. I hope you enjoy anyway.
-Gold
P.S.
I love the comment! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story. Now more please. lol