Chapter Seven: Connect Two

They drove faster than he would have been comfortable with under normal conditions.

But these were far from normal conditions and he couldn't get there fast enough. Somewhere behind them was vehicle with Nick and Greg. Maybe Ecklie, probably not. Didn't matter, anyway. The medevac was on its way, hopefully there already. The crane, too.

Grissom didn't know what to expect.

She would be out of there soon enough and they would take a vacation. Somewhere green, somewhere far from the orange and red, dusty desert.

Together. They would go together and if she insisted on going alone, he would push and push and push.

She shouldn't be alone. She was alone right now, so alone. And though he would never admit it to her and he could barely admit it to himself, he couldn't stop the thinking about what life without her would be like.

He'd be alone again.

Again. But worse.

God, How alone he had been. And how that dull lonesomeness had dissipated because of one person.

Sara.

He was glad he had told her that.

- - -

"The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
The First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love"

"Make This Go On Forever" (Snow Patrol)

- - -

Grissom turned his head to the brunette sitting in the passenger's seat beside him in the SUV. She was gulping water from a 20 oz. bottle of Deer Park. The sweat glimmered on her reddened skin. Her face, her neck, her forehead. He watched as she drank the water, licking his lips involuntarily, as her throat moved up and down. His thoughts turned rather lewd for a moment and he shook his head, turning the key in the ignition and driving off.

He chuckled when she had yet to set the water aside. "Come up for air, Sara."

He glanced back over at her as she finished the bottle and sat back in the seat dramatically, sighing relief. The air conditioner was full blast, blowing the short strands of hair around her face. The loose ponytail gave him an absolute view of her elegant neck, still glistening with sweat.

He shook his head again and focused on the road. He was surprised by how quickly his thoughts seemed to turn sexual in nature. Quite a lot of time had passed since he had been intimate with a woman, true, but he was usually unnaturally skilled at avoiding sexual thoughts. Mostly because they did nothing but frustrate him further.

But he and Sara had been… dating… for almost three weeks. Spending a lot of time together. Kissing, hugging, touching, laughing, smiling. He had to admit that it was getting more and more difficult to focus around her.

As if that would be fixed with sex, he thought.

He knew it was more than physical with Sara. He was serious about wanting to be in a relationship with her.

But he wanted her. That was just that.

He heard her sigh and he glanced over at her. She looked at him and smiled. "You never look hot. Why is that? I'm burning up. You don't even look like you've broken a sweat."

"I'm special."

She gave a short laugh. "Yes, you are," she said casually. They were silent for a moment and Sara added, "And you certainly made Greg feel special today."

"What do you mean?"

She chuckled. "That attaboy you sent his way earlier at the scene." She looked over at him with a slightly amused, slightly earnest look. "You know how he lives for those moments. Compliments from you are like gold."

"Well I wish he would get over that."

Sara was silent for a moment, then said in a thoughtful tone. "He really has changed, hasn't he? He's not the same Greg he was even a year ago."

Grissom grunted and nodded in agreement.

"I mean, he used to be so…" she trailed off for a moment, then added, "Carefree, maybe? Now he's… serious."

"He's maturing," Grissom responded in a light tone, though he understood what Sara was saying.

"Yeah, but does that necessarily mean he has to become humdrum and… gloomy?" She paused. "Like us."

Grissom gripped the steering wheel while he thought over what Sara said. He didn't think he was all that gloomy. Not really anymore. Maybe a little bit humdrum sometimes, but not always. He certainly didn't consider her either of these things. Not really anymore.

Sara reached her hand over towards the gear shift where Grissom's hand rested. She laid her hand on top of his and he turned his hand palm-up, lacing their fingers together.

"That came out different than I meant it to," she said lightly. "I simply meant that we've changed, all of us, and sometimes I wonder if it's for the best."

Grissom just nodded, his eyes still fixed on the straight road ahead.

"I know I've changed," she continued, "And you can't say you haven't changed either."

He thought about this for a moment. Of course he had changed. He had certainly changed since the first time he and Sara had met.

Is that what she means? he thought as he looked over to her. She was looking at him curiously, her lips a straight line forming a strange smile.

"How have I changed?" Grissom asked, turning to her briefly.

Sara opened her mouth to speak, but no words came, as if she hadn't really expected the question. Her eyes diverted, her head cocked to the side in thought.

"You've become more…" she paused tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Well… serious, I guess. Not unlike everyone else at this job."

"I've always been serious."

"True." She paused and Grissom thought maybe she would leave it at that and they could stop talking. He almost turned the radio on when she continued, "You aren't the same guy I met in San Francisco, that's all."

Grissom, once again, had no clue how to take this. Did she want that guy back? Was he too serious now? He was certainly never carefree, not the way Greg had been.

Sara gave his hand a squeeze. "Not that you shouldn't have changed. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that these last few years you've seemed a little…"

He turned to her, eyebrows raised in question. But she didn't look at him.

"A little more…"

"A little more, what?" Grissom asked, urging her to continue. He chuckled at her hesitancy and she smiled sheepishly.

"More… unhappy than you used to… seem."

He grunted in response—unsure of what to say, really. He had been unhappy for quite a while. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to get into that and surely that was where the conversation was headed.

Sara continued talking after a brief silence, "I'm one to talk, right?" She gave a short, forced laugh. "I was miserable there for a while… but you know all about that…"

Grissom nodded, still trying to find an acceptable response. A heavy silence followed and Sara turned her body around to him as much as he could.

"I didn't… hurt your feelings or anything, did I?" she asked, her eyes squinting from the sun and her top row of teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"No, no, you didn't hurt my feelings," he said with a lighthearted chuckle to reassure her. "You're right actually. I had been rather… down… these past few years."

"Do you know why?" she asked quickly in a gentle, curious tone.

Grissom took a breath, then exhaled slowly. He was getting slightly uncomfortable with the personal direction this conversation had taken. He couldn't help it. It was who he was.

He opened his mouth to speak, but realized he didn't actually have a response.

He must have waiting too long, because Sara removed her hand from his and said, "Too personal right now. It's okay." It wasn't bitter or angry. It was calm and accepting. Maddeningly so.

It made him feel guilty.

"No, it isn't that. I just don't… I don't really…" he fumbled with words, unsure of how to put it, but not wanting Sara to think he was unwilling to try.

"It's okay Griss, really…"

"I was lonely!" he blurted out in frustration. Partly with himself, partly with her. It sounded strange falling from his lips, but it felt oddly liberating. He glanced over at Sara who was clearly a bit shocked at how plainly he had put it. It just wasn't like him. He added slowly and in a much softer tone, "I felt disconnected."

"Oh," she replied and smiled at him understandingly.

"Yeah," he breathed out more than spoke and shrugged.

A long silence followed, leaving Grissom feeling a little exposed. He had only uttered a mere six words, but they had meant a lot to him. He never thought he would have said it out loud something that bothered him even when he admitted it to himself.

He had never wanted his happiness to depend on another person, but here it was. It just was.

And he really wanted to know what the hell Sara was thinking but all she was doing was watching the buildings as they zoomed past the window, her face strangely impassive.

And he also wanted to know how the hell this conversation had turned towards him, how it had become so stressful and heavy. But he also knew this was all part of getting closer to Sara and he didn't regret revealing himself, however hard it had been.

The sound of Sara softly clearing her throat bounced off of the interior of the vehicle. She turned to him and he glanced at her, noticing hesitancy around her eyes and mouth.

"What's wrong?" he asked, almost involuntarily.

"I…" she paused for a moment, closing then opening her mouth. "I don't want this to come out wrong, but…" she stopped. Her hesitancy was beginning to amuse and annoy him. Her eyes darted to the side and she licked her lips.

Grissom parked the car in a secluded corner of the Las Vegas Crime Lab parking deck and turned to her, ducking his head in silent encouragement.

"Not that I haven't really enjoyed seeing this side of you," she continued, "but if these past few weeks have been about you… being lonely…" she trailed off and grimaced.

Grissom wrinkled his brow and took a slow breath, trying desperately to understand what she was trying, very ineloquently, to say. He gave a laborious swallow. The inside of his mouth suddenly felt like it was coated in the very same red dust that the vehicle was covered with. He looked down, rubbed his hands together slowly, then looked back up at her.

"I just…" she continued, "I think this is probably a good time to make sure we're on the same page here."

Grissom's eyes widened of their own accord, his eyebrows shot up, and he had a sudden revelation. There weren't many times he could say that he without a doubt understood Sara Sidle, or any woman for that matter, but this was one of those rare times when he just got it.

She wanted to make sure that it was deeper than that. She wanted to make sure he had intentions that didn't just involve having someone to keep him warm at night.

And it was. So much deeper. And well, he had no qualms about reassuring her of that.

"Sara—" he started, but she interrupted him nervously as if she hadn't even heard him.

She wasn't looking at him, but instead the dashboard. "We haven't really talked about" she waved a hand between them suggestively "this, you know? And I guess what I want… what I need to know is—"

"Sara!" he said loudly with a good-natured chuckle.

Her head turned quickly to look at him.

"You're over talking," he said with a warm smile.

She gave him a sheepish grin. "Yes, I am." She sucked in a long breath and let it out almost unnoticeably. She added slowly and softly, "Just tell me you're serious about this. That it isn't just…" she trailed off and shrugged, unwilling to finish her own sentence.

He gave her a comforting smile and unbuckled his seat belt. Instinctively, he glanced around to make sure no one was around them. When he saw they were alone, he reached a hand out and tucked a rogue wisp of hair behind her ear.

"I've spent time with other women, Sara," he said in a subtle, intimate tone. "I still felt lonely."

Her face relaxed as his words sunk in and she smiled a gratifying and charming smile that made his insides melt and his fingertips, which were still slightly touching her ear, tingle.

She dipped her head and looked almost bashful as she pursed her lips. After a moment of quietness, she asked him faintly, "And how do you feel now?"

He took a sizeable breath and waited for the strong wave of desire to pass over him. He was completely consumed by the moment. The stillness of the air inside the car was a startling contrast to the beautiful, oxygen-less turmoil in his mind and body.

Suddenly his hand felt too heavy to hold up and he dropped it onto Sara's thigh. Her eyes glanced down at his hand briefly then back up at to meet his eyes. Her eyebrows rose in question.

Grissom cleared his throat, feeling the huskiness there, and said, "I feel…" his hand slid down to cup her knee and he leaned in to place a short, delicate kiss on her lips. He pulled back, still mere centimeters from her face and finished saying, "I feel connected, Sara."

A pleased grin spread across her face and the lock of hair fell from behind her ear. He grinned back and tucked the tendril back in its place, his thumb grazing her nose lovingly.

She leaned in to kiss him and said, almost inaudibly, before her lips touched his, "That makes two of us."

- - -

Grissom chewed the inside of his mouth nervously as a helicopter came into view. They had been driving, seemingly aimlessly through the lifeless dust of the desert. The dirt floor was still slightly damp from the rain it had gratefully received only hours before, but the landscape still looked desperate and discouraging.

The blue and red lights from the squad car in front of him and the blaring of the siren were a painful reminder of the urgency of the situation.

Grissom squeezed his eyes shut and prayed, the most sincere prayer he had every uttered in his entire life.

To Be Continued…

A/N: I just want to thank everyone for sticking with the story. I know reading a work in progress is a risky undertaking for your sanity. I promise I won't ever leave you handing for more than a week or so. Besides, the story, as you might imagine, is almost over. The next chapter is already written. I just have to type it. It should be up in the next three days or so.